I sucessfully boycotted this Thanksgiving. It's the first year of my parents being divorced, and they are both living with someone new---so I checked out of that disaster as quick as possible. I also told my boss I'd watch his cat (again) while he is out of town, which made it easy for me to decline going tn NY with FI for his families Thanksgiving.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-boycotted-holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a01cf6b-dad1-45c1-bd38-ac25449e68e2Post:3e0e2dae-7663-4835-a0c8-75a4a1d481bd">Re: has anyone boycotted the holidays?</a>: [QUOTE]Grinch :P Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
i prefer sayer of bah humbug.
salt - that's just it. a fuucking hassle. and there's no way out of the vortex. please someone show me the way.
This is the first time in 3 years that I haven't had to work on Thanksgiving/Christmas Day so we're living it up. It's also easier since all of Dh's family went to Michigan to see bil's family, so we're going to my parents without any fussing from his side. Christmas on the hand...is going to be drama...which I'm hoping to avoid by moving into a new house *hint hint come on world*
no brookelyn, you misunderstand. this isn't about il's vs. my family. i like my family, i like his family. but i want nothing to do with the holidays, period.
I made sure that I lived four states away from each side of the family. When I cuoldn't afford to fly up, I told them if they wanted to see me they could buy the plane ticket. Going home for the holidays just kind of dwindled away.
Then I moved to the other hemisphere, so sorry Rach, it's aMRs FTW ;-)
This Christmas will be in France, totally different continent from either family (again FTW) and once we are back in OZ, we'll be on the opposite sided of the country from ILs
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really though Jill, I think you just have to stand your ground with people. Tell them honestly that it isn't them, it's that you just don't feel like participating due to your circumstances.
No one likes it, but they damn well better respect it- especially your husband. I remember you talking abou thtis before, and I'm sorry that you have such a difficult time around the holidays. Put your husband out the door, and celebrate the way that you feel is best- even if that means not celebrating at all.
I debated between Scrooge and Grinch... I love the Holidays then again I have no house to worry about hosting in and now BSC family to contend with (except T's sister, but thats year round)
Ah, sorry. I didn't read responses. Can you just say that you and your husband are spending the holiday together? People don't have to know that you're not intending to do anything. I'm sorry - I don't know anything about the circumstances or why the holidays are difficult, but if I wanted nothing to do with the holidays, I would just make it clear to everyone that I was spending a quiet holiday with DH and leave it at that.
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
Also, I think if it's necessary, you should just take yourself for a vacation at a cabin in the mountains for those days. Shut your phone off except for certain times of the day when you call your H and let him know you are okay.
If anyone tries to give you grief, just cut them off and say that you're sorry they're upset, but you need to deal with this in a way that is best for you. End of story.
I know it's not really that easy, but I think just presenting a strong front on this is going to work better for you than crying or throwing fits (not that you would, but I'm using examples). I'd say that family would put more pressure on you to be with them if they felt you were "unstable" just so they could try to help.
For this year, I think a pipe might need to "burst" in that new home of yours. Or at least something that isn't permanent but can't be fixed in less than 6 hours.
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in this particular case, we agreed to it months ago. to drive 5 hours each way (without traffic) to see my family. or, what's left of it. i haven't seen my dad since our wedding, and all he has left is me and my brother and sister. he's so looking forward to this. at this point i just can't justify blowing it off. but i want to more than anything.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-boycotted-holidays?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a01cf6b-dad1-45c1-bd38-ac25449e68e2Post:baf74a54-19f1-4018-a005-17468e4f0b74">Re: has anyone boycotted the holidays?</a>: [QUOTE]MO! I'm cleaning for my inlaws. As I'm not the best housekeeper and they are coming tomorrow, I have my work cut out for me. ;) Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
Haven't you been cleaning for like, 5 hours??
Hm, well, in that situation Jill, I'd say you're kind of stuck. I know you want to back out now, but I can't see that's the best thing to do. :(
we've been married since may 08. i know my sister will be there, because she lives in the same area as my dad. i don't think my brother will, they're going to see him at xmas i think.
We live 1400 miles from all of our families (we're from the same general area) so it's been pretty easy to do. We just refuse to come home during holidays and don't let anyone come here. Going home is a pain in the @ss because we just have to go from house to house to house and everyone whines about not getting enough time with us. Thanks, but we're not paying hundreds for airfare for that kind of fun. And letting people come here during them would just open up the floodgates so we resist.
Last Christmas Day, we openined presents then went hiking all morning and afternoon. We then came home and made dinner for just the two of us then killed a bottle of wine watching Oceans Eleven. Hassle free and fun. This Thanksgiving, Mr Eastunder and I are taking a drive up into the mountians during the day then having dinner at a fancy French resturaunt in town.
We enjoy the holidays to ourselves then go "home" other times of the year instead that arent rife with expectation and demands. Its seriously one of the best things we're ever done for ourselves. No fights, no stress, no family tug of war. WIN.
"Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
Did you commit to both holidays or just Thanksgiving? If it is just T'Day can you try to look at it as not so much a holiday and more of just a dinner. Maybe it would help to change up all of the traditions and start doing all brand new stuff?
I'm really no help on this one since I consider T'Day to just be a day off of work.
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I moved a plane ride away from family and we both have jobs that require us to work holidays.
I do admit I get sad every now and then not seeing everyone.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
about 5 years ago, my sister looked and I went to New York City, drove there about 3 days before Christmas. We didn't have a plan, just a map and money since she had a huge bonus from getting back from Iraq. It was a blast!
Re: has anyone boycotted the holidays?
Not that I want to boycott the holidays, I love the food and booze and socializing.
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Rach FTW!
[QUOTE]Grinch :P
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
i prefer sayer of bah humbug.
salt - that's just it. a fuucking hassle. and there's no way out of the vortex. please someone show me the way.
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
It's also easier since all of Dh's family went to Michigan to see bil's family, so we're going to my parents without any fussing from his side.
Christmas on the hand...is going to be drama...which I'm hoping to avoid by moving into a new house *hint hint come on world*
House / Baby blog
my veins hurt.
Then I moved to the other hemisphere, so sorry Rach, it's aMRs FTW ;-)
This Christmas will be in France, totally different continent from either family (again FTW) and once we are back in OZ, we'll be on the opposite sided of the country from ILs
No one likes it, but they damn well better respect it- especially your husband. I remember you talking abou thtis before, and I'm sorry that you have such a difficult time around the holidays. Put your husband out the door, and celebrate the way that you feel is best- even if that means not celebrating at all.
I love the Holidays then again I have no house to worry about hosting in and now BSC family to contend with (except T's sister, but thats year round)
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
If anyone tries to give you grief, just cut them off and say that you're sorry they're upset, but you need to deal with this in a way that is best for you. End of story.
I know it's not really that easy, but I think just presenting a strong front on this is going to work better for you than crying or throwing fits (not that you would, but I'm using examples). I'd say that family would put more pressure on you to be with them if they felt you were "unstable" just so they could try to help.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
Daff how long have you been married? Are your siblings also going to your dads? Are they married?
Just checking to see if the house will still be full regardless ofyour attendance, or if dad will be all alone.
[QUOTE]MO! I'm cleaning for my inlaws. As I'm not the best housekeeper and they are coming tomorrow, I have my work cut out for me. ;)
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
Haven't you been cleaning for like, 5 hours??
Hm, well, in that situation Jill, I'd say you're kind of stuck. I know you want to back out now, but I can't see that's the best thing to do. :(
we've been married since may 08. i know my sister will be there, because she lives in the same area as my dad. i don't think my brother will, they're going to see him at xmas i think.
We live 1400 miles from all of our families (we're from the same general area) so it's been pretty easy to do. We just refuse to come home during holidays and don't let anyone come here. Going home is a pain in the @ss because we just have to go from house to house to house and everyone whines about not getting enough time with us. Thanks, but we're not paying hundreds for airfare for that kind of fun. And letting people come here during them would just open up the floodgates so we resist.
Last Christmas Day, we openined presents then went hiking all morning and afternoon. We then came home and made dinner for just the two of us then killed a bottle of wine watching Oceans Eleven. Hassle free and fun. This Thanksgiving, Mr Eastunder and I are taking a drive up into the mountians during the day then having dinner at a fancy French resturaunt in town.
We enjoy the holidays to ourselves then go "home" other times of the year instead that arent rife with expectation and demands. Its seriously one of the best things we're ever done for ourselves. No fights, no stress, no family tug of war. WIN.
"Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
"Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
I'm really no help on this one since I consider T'Day to just be a day off of work.
I am not a big holiday person either jill.
So here are my two real life solutions:
Marry a Jehovah Witness
rent porn all day alone on xmas (did this in college)
But..if you had a good relationship with dad...go to him. It sucks when you want to be alone, but it will help you both. I
I do admit I get sad every now and then not seeing everyone.