bridesmaid - bring a date/guest?
This is my best friend of 15+ years, who lives in San Diego and I live in South Dakota.
I
have been helping plan her DESTINATION bachelorette party, of which will cost upwards of $1,000.
I will be purchasing my plane ticket for the wedding ($400), hotel accomodations for the wedding weekend ($400), and my dress for the wedding ($300) plus she wants to do hair, makeup and spa day for her wedding ($300)...not to mention misc food & drinks for the weekend ($200). The wedding weekend $1,600.
In addition, I flew out to attend her engagement party and also contributed to the cost of the party. $700
Total I will have spent to be in her wedding: $3,300.
Now, when I took on the role to be her bridesmaid, I was FULLY aware that it would be a lavish affair. I know she is high-maintenance and will want nothing but the best. SO, I have been saving for this every month since she asked me to be in her wedding. "Technically" the money is not a problem. Do I have a mound of credit card debt that I COULD be putting that money towards, absolutely!! But this is her day and I want to be there for her. No qualms.
She sent out an email to all of the bridesmaids and among other details and questions, asked to let her know if we would be bringing our honey's to rehersal dinner. Also went on to say that while we do our girly thing, the guys would be playing golf, etc.
So, I responded to the email to let her know I would be bringing Keith, my boyfriend, and that he would be flying in Friday so he would not be at rehersal.
Fast forward one week, and I received a text from her saying she did not plan on me bringing a guest (I recently got divorced, however, she is fully aware that I'm dating). She continued to say that the reception costs $200 a plate and only planned on so many tables.
Am I in the wrong for "assuming" that because it's 1) an out of town weddng and 2) I am in the wedding and 3) I am one of 3 bridesmaids (out of 8) that are actually going to have attended and contributed to her engagement party, bachelorette party AND wedding, that I could bring a guest?
Re: bridesmaid - bring a date/guest?
Hawaii with my best friend
I like the PP's comments though... you should send her this way!
It definitely is rude what she's doing. I guess at this point, you have so much money invested in this, your option is really to either go without him or pay for his plate (is she at least OK with that?) He could always come along for the "vacation" and not go to the wedding (which is crappy, I know). Destination wedding or not, WP members SHOULD be allowed a +1. Sorry you're dealing with this.
I'd just tell her, "Oh, if he's not welcome, I may not be able to do X,Y, and Z."
After all, if she expects you to treat the wedding like a vacation then she needs to understand that couples vacation together.
BMs should be invited with a date, just like other guests. And it has nothing to do with how much money you are spending to be a BM- although since you are doing so much you would expect her to be considerate of her friends.
Maybe there is a reason the other BMs are not so involved?
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
My Planning Bio
My Married Bio updated March 4
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone for your input on the matter. I do value our friendship SO much, now it's just a matter of HOW to approach her on the matter. In the last message she sent me, she said "I'm not arguing with you about this, it's my decision." Soooo.... (sigh) I hate this feeling I have right now, I shouldn't be scared to talk to my "best friend" about something like this, but I am petrified.
Posted by melissa2ca[/QUOTE]
Yowza. What a piece of work. Just do what banana told you--"If that's the case, then I cannot attend X, Y, or Z. I'll see you at the wedding." If she wants to be intransigent, that's her business, but you also don't have to act like a doormat. This is no longer about a date, this is about her not respecting you as a friend, and that's a much deeper issue.<div>
</div><div>ETA: I also like MyName's wording. I would copy and paste it into your reply email word for word.</div>
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
Or, make the trip with BF and only go to the Ceremony and part of the reception. Since she doesn't feel the need to include your SO, you shouldn't feel the need to spend your entire vacation fawning all over here and her "lavish" wedding.
She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. I'd follow PP's advice and tell her that you'll only be able to do the bare minimum then. I think MNIN put it best.
"If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert