One of my closest friends’ daughters Is getting married. I am divorced, not dating anyone and my invitation stated that I could bring a plus one. I decided to bring my 22 yr old son, who is also close to my friend’s family. When I casually told my friend this, she responded that “no kids were allowed “ at the wedding and that he was welcome later for “dessert”. I tried to explain to my friend how difficult it would be for me to go alone to a black tie wedding with almost no other singles invited. She still declined to have my son there. I helped host the shower and decided not to attend the wedding . My friend is now bad- mouthing to all that will listen to her and has chosen not to be friends anymore. What is the proper etiquette for plus ones? What if I hadn’t told her who I was bringing? Of note, my son is a mature, well-mannered young man who was thrilled to escort his mother to this wedding. I have attempted to reach out to my friend several times, with no response from her. Thoughts????
Re: My adult son as a plus one
Your friend was absolutely wrong. I would love to know how she would have felt/reacted had you brought a non-related "plus one" of the same age! I am also hard pressed to determine what, exactly, she could possibly be sharing to "friends" that attempts to bad mouth you. "Can you believe Knottie dared to bring her adult son as her plus one'? "Can you believe that Knottie refused to come to the wedding because I refused to let her bring her adult son as her plus one?" "Can you believe Knottie found it insulting that I considered her 22 year old adult son a kid"?
If she has decided to end your friendship and bad-mouth, she was never much of a friend to begin with. I agree with PP that it would be hard to find any reasonable adult to take her side here, so don't pay much mind to what she says to anyone else.
Stop reaching out to her. She's made it clear how little she values your friendship. I'm sure anybody she's badmouthed you to also think she's ridiculous, so don't lose any more sleep over that. Keep to your plan to skip the wedding, and maybe do something fun with your son that day instead.
And the proper etiquette for plus ones is any adult companion. It does not have to be a partner. A major point of plus ones is to make it comfortable for single people to attend your wedding. Your friend missed this little detail.
Your friend's behavior is outrageous. Like other PPs have pointed out, your invitation had a "plus one", which means you can bring any adult you choose to. It was already a faux pas to veto whom you chose to bring. But it's terrible she threw such a close friendship away, because you declined the invitation. There is nothing rude about a person politely declining an invitation, for any reason.