Etiquette

My adult son as a plus one

One of my closest friends’ daughters Is getting married.  I am divorced, not dating anyone and my invitation stated that I could bring a plus one. I decided to bring my 22 yr old son, who is also close to my friend’s family. When I casually told my friend this, she responded that “no kids were allowed “ at the wedding and that he was welcome later for “dessert”. I tried to explain to my friend how difficult it would be for me to go alone to a black tie wedding  with almost no other singles invited. She still declined to have my son there. I helped host the shower and decided not to attend the wedding . My friend is now bad- mouthing to all that will listen to her and has chosen not to be friends anymore. What is the proper etiquette for plus ones?  What if I hadn’t told her who I was bringing?  Of note, my son is a mature, well-mannered young man who was thrilled to escort his mother to this wedding. I have attempted to reach out to my friend several times, with no response from her. Thoughts????

Re: My adult son as a plus one

  • Your "friend" is rude and completely out of line here. Your 22 your old son is not a child, he's an adult. And as you were given a plus one, that means you can bring any adult of your choosing. 
    This.  Your friend may be running her mouth but I'd be hard pressed to find reasonable people who side with her.
    MobKazILoveBeachMusicJen4948
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    One of my closest friends’ daughters Is getting married.  I am divorced, not dating anyone and my invitation stated that I could bring a plus one. I decided to bring my 22 yr old son, who is also close to my friend’s family. When I casually told my friend this, she responded that “no kids were allowed “ at the wedding and that he was welcome later for “dessert”. I tried to explain to my friend how difficult it would be for me to go alone to a black tie wedding  with almost no other singles invited. She still declined to have my son there. I helped host the shower and decided not to attend the wedding . My friend is now bad- mouthing to all that will listen to her and has chosen not to be friends anymore. What is the proper etiquette for plus ones?  What if I hadn’t told her who I was bringing?  Of note, my son is a mature, well-mannered young man who was thrilled to escort his mother to this wedding. I have attempted to reach out to my friend several times, with no response from her. Thoughts????

    Your friend was absolutely wrong.  I would love to know how she would have felt/reacted had you brought a non-related "plus one" of the same age!  I am also hard pressed to determine what, exactly, she could possibly be sharing to "friends" that attempts to bad mouth you.  "Can you believe Knottie dared to bring her adult son as her plus one'?  "Can you believe that Knottie refused to come to the wedding because I refused to let her bring her adult son as her plus one?"  "Can you believe Knottie found it insulting that I considered her 22 year old adult son a kid"?
    short+sassy
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Anything vote for the friend being the asshole here. When you offer a plus one, you are inviting your single friend to bring along any adult guest of their choosing. A 22 year old is not a child by any stretch of the imagination. 

    If she has decided to end your friendship and bad-mouth, she was never much of a friend to begin with. I agree with PP that it would be hard to find any reasonable adult to take her side here, so don't pay much mind to what she says to anyone else. 
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • Your so-called friend is being ridiculous. Being given a "plus one" means you can bring any adult of your choosing, and your son is an adult. I find it downright bizarre that this woman considers him to be a child, and the suggestion that he can come later for dessert was very insulting. 

    Stop reaching out to her. She's made it clear how little she values your friendship. I'm sure anybody she's badmouthed you to also think she's ridiculous, so don't lose any more sleep over that. Keep to your plan to skip the wedding, and maybe do something fun with your son that day instead.
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    charlotte989875MairePoppyshort+sassy
  • If she didn't want offspring at her wedding, she should have specified "No offspring." Because there is no place on earth where a 22 year old isn't an adult.

    And the proper etiquette for plus ones is any adult companion. It does not have to be a partner. A major point of plus ones is to make it comfortable for single people to attend your wedding. Your friend missed this little detail.
    short+sassy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Just playing devil's advocate for a second. Your friend is probably worried that her other friends will wonder why their adult children weren't invited. But her behavior is inexcusable. I hope the momzilla attitude is temporary. 
                       
    short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What a friend. 


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  • My analogy for this is when another driver does something rude/breaks traffic laws...but then honks at me.

    Your friend's behavior is outrageous.  Like other PPs have pointed out, your invitation had a "plus one", which means you can bring any adult you choose to.  It was already a faux pas to veto whom you chose to bring.  But it's terrible she threw such a close friendship away, because you declined the invitation.  There is nothing rude about a person politely declining an invitation, for any reason. 
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    charlotte989875MairePoppy
  • Your "friend" is rude AF here since it's a clear "plus one" and sounds like the type of personality that majors in gaslighting.  A "plus one" is anyone of your choosing.  



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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Your "friend" is rude in giving you a plus-one of your choice but then not accepting your choice of your adult son as your plus-one, dropping you as a friend and then badmouthing you to others because of her decisions. You're better off without her as a friend.
    MesmrEweMairePoppy
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