When to have a date set by.

harneyrp · November 2009

My boyfriend of a little over 2 years and I have been talking seriously about engagement, but the only thing holding us back is that we don't know when we would want to get married. We are seniors in college and will graduate Dec. 2010. We want to have jobs and be somewhat stable financially before we have a wedding. Should we wait to get engaged or does it not matter? We know that we want to get married within the next couple of years, but just sure when.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

You don't have to have a date set in order to get engaged. I sure didn't. We set our date a month or so after, but I've known people who waited for quite some time before they made a definite plan.

Anon I. Mouse · November 2009

You don't have to set a date before you get engaged....but I don't see the point personally of getting engaged unless you are ready to set a date (I also don't see idea of long engagements though either - for me more than a year just seems a bit odd but each to their own).

FI and I set a date within a couple days after our engagement, and our engagement period will have lasted just over 10 weeks by time we get married. Neither of us wanted a long engagement or saw point in waiting several months. I realize that is short for many people, but just a comparison as to why I think a year is long!

mwhitson14 · November 2009

Set your date for whenever you want to, and of course you can move it up or down based on how you feel financially.

We got engaged and planned on a year for the engagement (to save money and put me out of college) but then things changed and we've pushed back, and now we're just shy of a two year engagement. But it's been nice being engaged, I've had lots of time to plan snd save, and we'll be financially stable when we do tie the knot.

I <3 Seabass · November 2009

You don't need to set a date before you get engaged. We didn't set a date until we found our reception hall and picked a date based upon their availability.

I think as long as you are working towards a goal of getting married in X years/months then get engaged. I personally don't get when people are "engaged" and not working towards anything, it's just like an extension of their dating life.

ToNiZiLLa · November 2009

An engagement can last as long as you want it to... just because you become engaged, doesn't obligate you to marry within a certain amount of time. My fiance and I will have a pretty long engagement, just about 3 years because I too would like to finish up with my degrees, but because our engagement is so long, it allows us to have an actual engagement party... You don't see it too often these days.. but its perfect for couples who have an engagement thats 18 months+. It'd be good for your situation as well,-its a fun way to celebrate with everyone and any gifts you may receive will be a big help in starting your lives together. [hope that doesn't sound greedy? ]

blondeintgeragrl · November 2009

We set our date a few months after the engagement but the date will be a year and a half away. You can set your date for when you think you iwll be read. I know lots of people with 2 yr engagements or more because of school, medical school, saving money, and all that stuff.

mel66 · November 2009

Like everyone else is saying, you don't need to have a date set to get engaged. We have friends that got engaged 6 months ago or so, and they have not set a date and probably won't for another year or so.

My FI and I just got engaged on Nov 7th, and have already set a date. Mind you it is about 1.5 years away. Just so that we can save money, plus I really love the date.

If you two really want to get engaged, just do it. You can always change your dates around if things don't work out. Or just book the date for when you are done school and stuff. It can be 2-3 years down the line.

kdqueen16 · November 2009

First of all I am glad to see that you are aware of your finances. Many couples rush into engagement without thinking things through. I think that is one of the most stressful parts of a new marriage.

You can get engaged whenever you feel it is best. Don't worry about having a date set! Being engaged is a time of planning and growing closer together. You don't have to have all your ducks in a row before you wear a ring. However, I know from experience that the minute you get a ring everyone wants to know a date and they will drive you crazy about it. I suggest, if you get engaged, to at least know the year you want to get married. It will save a lot of hassle when it comes to family and friends. However, don't let anyone get in your way. You will know when the time is right!

Good luck!

september's bride · November 2009

DH and I were engaged nearly 3 years when we got married. We both wanted to accomplish things academically and professionally, and nobody questioned that. The engagement really didn't change anything, except that it was a formal statement of our intentions. Then, we got on with our lives until we were ready to plan a wedding.

Do what feels right!

[Deleted User] · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_date-set?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:6b33d939-a239-4c5d-aedb-0b7c9487dc65Post:e712f97f-322a-47a3-be9f-959d65a3ec8d">Re: When to have a date set by.</a>:
[QUOTE] I personally don't get when people are "engaged" and not working towards anything, it's just like an extension of their dating life.
Posted by I <3 Seabass[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't get that either. My cousin was engaged 10 years then got married after 6 weeks of planning, it was very weird. </div><div>
</div><div>I have a long engagement, way too long, however I lost my job and we had to push the date back a year. </div><div>You're young I would wait until I could have the wedding I wanted and have money to start off your life together. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

dmbdbk · November 2009

I don't think you have to have a date set, but maybe think about when you'd want to get married (month/ year) since people will ask. I didn't set a date until about 8 months after I got engaged but we were really busy with work and then bought a condo. Our engagement is going to be a couple months shy of 2 years. Good luck!

JessyNChris · December 2009

I'm engaged, and we don't have a date set. I rather wait until I graduate anyway.
Jessy

liz745 · December 2009

My FI and I are having a 4 or 5 year engagement, its what we wanted and it what worked for us. If you want to get engaged now then go ahead and do that.

For us being engaged meant making a promise to each other that we will get married and it also tells everyone else that we are ready to make this commitment. Just because we are not finacially able to do this right now doesnt mean that emotionally we arent ready to make the commitment to each other. We love each other so much and wish we could get married tomorrow but since its better for us to wait we like being engaged.

Its all about what you and your FI want.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

You certainly don't need a date or even a season to get married, but like others have said, there's really no point in getting engaged if you aren't ready to start planning a wedding.

Why not get engaged shortly after graduation and then start planning and picking a date then?

When to have a date set by.

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