I heart Prudie

megk8oz · August 2010

Hahaha, Emily, I love you!

Off to get that into my siggy ...

bablingbrooke · August 2010

You know, Meg, it says a lot about her that she honest-to-goodness did not see how she was treating other people (unless she did and was one of those girls who thinks it's okay to be a bridezilla, people will just understand after the wedding's over). It was like when DH and I were watching Hoarders last night--both people featured had people living with them and were completely oblivious to the fact that they were causing their families misery with all their crap. All they cared about was their own feelings and insecurities about their possessions. But they have a mental illness to blame. What's a bridezilla's excuse?

I bet she has no idea to this day why her friends and family no longer speak to her. I hope she thinks it was worth it.

Our wedding was far from perfect (in the "perfect wedding" sense) and had lots of little disasters, but I pride myself on still being on speaking terms with all family and friends, and to be on even better terms with my sister! I mean the wedding is just a memory now and I'm so glad that I didn't do anything before or during the wedding that I now regret. I guess some people don't see that it's just a day, just a party?

megk8oz · August 2010

She was the first one of her circle to get married (Which probably explains why most of the girls thought they couldn't speak up about being treated like crap). For a long time I know she kept blaming everybody not talking to her on "They're jealous" or "Well, they never got married, so they just don't understand". Last I heard from her, she really didn't think she wronged anybody.

I actually think I did learn from her, just not the way she wanted to. I realized that the majority of WR decisions really were not worth alienating people over. My sisters still talk to me, and they aren't all bitter about it either. DH's sister loves me and says ours was one of the easiest weddings she's ever been in (She's been a BM like 7 other times). Hair-dos and matching shoes-things you never even notice in the pictures, just didn't seem worth being a mega-bitch over.

banana468 · August 2010

I definitely learned what NOT to do after listening to my MOH's horror stories about weddings she'd been in.

I don't think I ever thought of doing the things that were done to her, but her reaction to the crappy things done to her was enough to put even the idea of some things out of my mind.

megk8oz · August 2010

It's really sad because I know I've complained about her and her behavior as a bride a lot on here. But the truth is, if she was always such a jerk, I probably wouldn't have been phased by her behavior (Nor would I have been friends with her in the first place).

I've known her since we were 12, and seriously, she was always this fun, down-to-earth person. I know it sounds kind of "impossible", but she literally transformed into this complete nightmare within a few days of getting engaged. The other BMs and I kept saying to each other "This isn't her ... maybe this is what weddings really do to people" (None of us had been married before) and while we were all hurt by her behavior, we figured post-wedding she'd go back to normal (And possibly apologize for pulling a total Jeckyll & Hyde on us all). We really were all stunned by the demands and the insults, and we just never expected her to be "that bride".

But the wedding came and went, and she just never changed back-she only got worse. She just became down-right insulting to everybody about everything. Example: over a year after her wedding (This was around the time she was trying to become one of my BMs), she would constantly bring up how lucky DH was to find somebody who "was so secure about being a size 10" (Who the hell even says something like that?), she said it like 6 times in one night, finally DH and her husband both kind of said "Look, that was over a year ago ... and wasn't the dress way too big on her anyway? Let's talk about something else". She proceeded to ignore DH and bit her husband's head off "How dare you ask me to change the subject! It's not like I'm saying something that isn't true! Meg knows what her dress size is! I was saying she's 'secure with herself', that's a compliment!". We suddenly noticed "how terribly late it was, and don't you have work real early in the morning?" after that.

I know she pulled similar stunts with the other girls, too. Like the girl with the "big" e-ring, she constantly brought up "Oh, it must be so nice to marry for money. I personally prefer being poor and in love, but to each his own". Now, prior to her wedding, BSC friend knew the FI and thought he was a really great guy and was all excited when they got engaged and all that. So where the "marrying for money" thing came in, I have no idea. One by one, we all had enough, got tired of waiting for her to "change back" and just stopped talking to her.

The whole thing just makes me sad, because 3 years ago, I never would have suspected her of being capable of being so mean and psychotic. She really, truly was "normal". I lost a really good friend for a stupid reason and I still don't know why it had to go down that way.

ETA: My apologies for the several novels I've published in this thread, lol. This really is something that just bothers me a lot.

CTGirl30 · August 2010

Good Lord, Meg. After reading your last post, though, it sounds as though that girl is terribly insecure (the comments exaggerating and overly emphasizing the - incorrect - dress size; the "I'd rather be poor and marry for love than marry for money" comment...) Wow. She's one of those people, it would appear, that needs to try to lift herself up by stepping on everyone else.

Very unfortunate indeed....and a fast way to end up friendless. You say her husband is a nice guy, though - how and why does he put UP with that behavior??? Is he totally oblivious? Afraid to speak up? Maybe she married a doormat. Yikes.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

Wow. That's all I can really say. That and good on your DHs for standing up to her on that remark.

I had a down to earth friend that went a little bridezilla but did turn back to normal after the wedding. We weren't that close after her wedding, though I suspect that would have happened anyway since she started med school right after and I started law school the year after that and between the two of us we rarely have an hour we can just talk on the phone. Especially now that she has a baby and we live in different time zones. I don't know how she gets any sleep!

megk8oz · August 2010

DH is pretty good about going to bat for me when needed. He's actually the one that kind of put his foot down and said "Listen, I know you guys used to be close, but she's a toxic person now you can't keep hanging around just because of who she used to be". And he was right, it's sad it had to end like that, but being her friend wasn't doing anybody any favors.

It does seem like she has some major insecurity issues. Like I said earlier, I kept her on my FB, and she is one of those people that do nothing but update their status every 10 minutes about how awesome being a wife and mother is ... or bitching about how "hard" being a good wife and mother can be. And if anybody tries to "relate", she gets very "Oh, you don't really know what it's like".

As for her H, when they were dating, she was that fun, down-to-earth person I was friends with. That's why he wanted to marry her ... and during the planning process, he stood back with the rest of us and kind of said "It's got to be the wedding making her crazy, she really isn't like this", so he kind of let her go crazy, figuring she'd eventually stabalize. Now, I think he sees that it's not changing, but really has no idea what to do about it, because he didn't say anything for so long ... and when he tries to speak up, she jumps down his throat, like "This is how and you expect me to change?!?!?! Why did you marry me if you don't like how I am?!?!?!?!". It's really, really, really bizarre behavior. It seriously is like she got a ring on her finger and suddenly developed a personality disorder.

I know he feels stuck (Back when we were all still talking, he apparently made mention of it to DH), but she has a kid that he's been raising, there's another child on the way, so he feels like he needs to do the right thing for everybody else ... and I really think if he knew she was going to stay like this, he wouldn't have gone through with the wedding.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

I feel sorry for her DH. I hate to pull that card but I do. What a shame that he's so far in he can't back out. He ought to get a vasectomy without telling her. I don't doubt she got knocked up to trap him. I sadly know someone who did that right after she got married (lied and said she was on the pill when she really wasn't) so the guy wouldn't be able to leave her.

It's like that other Dear Prudence article I posted a few months ago about how the groom needs to take this as a warning. Even if it's only temporary--nothing excuses bad behaviour like that.

And your DH is awesome for standing up to your own friend to do that. A lot of guys might hesitate to get between two friends like that.

megk8oz · August 2010

DH usually doesn't step in when it comes to my friends and whatnot ... but when it was a year after her wedding and hanging out with her still ended with me on the car ride home saying "God, she's such a b!tch, what happened to my friend?", he pretty much told me that since "Good Friend" still wasn't making an appearance, I needed to accept that she probably wasn't coming back. Nobody was holding a gun to my head and making me be her friend, so if I didn't want to deal with the insults anymore, past be damned, I had the right to move on. DH is very good at giving me the advice I would normally give other people

And I really wouldn't be shocked if she got knocked up the second time as a "marriage saver". Knowing the person she's become, I really wouldn't put something so under-handed past her. I know that a while back she had announced they weren't using BC, because "Oh, it's so expensive" (And you know, they were "poor ... but in love") ... you know, because having a baby is waaaaaaaay cheaper than a box of condoms. I think it was literally 3 months later she announced they were pregnant.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

It sounds like she's very insecure and needs to be the center of attention.

"We're poor but in love": "Feel sorry for me but also be jealous of me."

"BC is so expensive": "Pity me for not being able to afford the basics" (never mind that Planned Parenthood will give out low-or-no-cost BC, you can get free condoms at any college campus health center, and health insurance plans almost always cover it--my IUD was free and I had cheap student healthcare when I got it).

Getting knocked up right away ensured that she'd still be the "first": First married, first to have a baby, so everyone would have their eyes on her.

She's jealous of your friend's ring and your looks so she's making cutting remarks, including those about your size over a year later. Maybe she had some pre-or-post-baby weight and needed a pick-me-up and sees you, no kids and planning a wedding yourself, and wanted to put you down. Her DH is miserable, I bet she is too.

megk8oz · August 2010

Yeah, there's definitely some major insecurity things going on. Considering who she used to be, it's kind of hard to fathom, but all the classic signs (As you've pointed out) are there.

I can't remember when or why this happened, but I actually recall having a conversation with her where she was talking about another friend, and she pretty much said "It just makes me feel better knowing that I'm happy and she's miserable!". Nobody that's actually happy with themselves needs to even think, let alone say something like that.

banana468 · August 2010

Wow Meg! Ugh - forget the husband. I feel sorry for those kids.

If she thinks she gets to be the center of attention with a child she's so mistaken. People then look at the kid - not the mommy.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

Meg--"Mona Lisa Smile" was on last night and I had never seen it before. I didn't really like it, but I swear Kirsten Dunst's character is based on your friend. She gets married very young to a guy who doesn't really love her and within a couple weeks of the marriage starts cheating on her (though the movie hints he was doing this already). She knows that her marriage is a sham but copes with it by insulting her friends, convincing one friend that her BF is really engaged to someone else (leading her to break off the relationship only to find out that the guy had broken up with his ex-FI a year earlier) and that he was hiding her from the world, calling her friends fat and whores, etc. Then she breaks down and admits that her marriage isn't working and she ends it and becomes really nice now! (one of the many reasons I hated the movie--Kirsten Dunst is so not convincing as the movie's bitch) but anyway it reminded me of your situation.

megk8oz · August 2010

I've never seen that movie before (Though, now I think I'm going to NetFlix it) and wow, that's kind of creepy how "accurate" that sounds actually.

It's sad, because I really think my friend is one of those people who got married just to say she got married. She was pregnant when she met him (The baby-daddy was a one night stand that pretty much said "Go to hell" when she tried to tell him), and he stood by her through the pregnancy. Looking back, there probably was more crazy behavior that we all turned a blind eye to, because pre-engagement, I do kind of remember her making comments in front of everybody (With husband-then-boyfriend present) "how tired she was" of being judged by society for being an unwed mother. So who knows what she was saying to him behind closed doors?

But to get married and have kids before everybody else you know... let's face it, that most totally makes everybody else's life suck in comparison to yours.

And, you're right, I really don't see Kirsten Dunst being able to play a convincing bitch ... she's too good at playing a sweetheart.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

Man that groom is a sucker. That explains an awful lot--she's been trying to convince herself that she has everything she ever wanted (marriage, children) even though *this* marriage and children isn't really what she wanted. It sounds like she just plain has issues.

I really didn't like the movie but to see the eerie comparisons to this girl it's probably worth it. I just was disappointed because it had the potential to be really good and it just really didn't work (though I loved all the period clothing). Let me know what you think of it. Sorry to spoil half of it for you!

mbcdefg · August 2010

The bicycle scene at the end of Mona Lisa Smile always makes me tear up. Without fail.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

But WHY? They're all so sad to see her go but she didn't touch their lives in any meaningful way outside the art class! She tells Julia Stiles to go to law school, that's about it. She doesn't bond with any of them. She's cold and judgmental--tears Julia Stiles a new one for choosing marriage over law school, even though it was a conscious decision on her part and she made it after considering everything. I dunno, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

Sonita12 · August 2010

Wow, that was super entertaining. Thanks for posting. I don't know where brides get this entitled idea in their heads. It is a special day, but it should be a happy day for everyone. The more your push people and the more selfish you get, the more likely you'll receive the opposite outcome.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

Hmm, maybe I should watch Mona Lisa Smile again. I saw it in theaters, but the only thing I really remember about it was thinking it was trying WAAAAAY too hard to be Dead Poets Society for chicks.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_heart-prudie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:770041c3-a0bb-45c3-b711-ece2c09285e4Post:ca61fa37-f2cd-49ec-9098-60f155ed77bb">Re: I heart Prudie</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm, maybe I should watch Mona Lisa Smile again. I saw it in theaters, but the only thing I really remember about it was thinking it was trying WAAAAAY too hard to be Dead Poets Society for chicks.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
And it failed :(

wegsmom · August 2010

I've heard so many horror stories... (and to be honest, I'm all about etiquette and manners everyday of the year) that I've specifically asked my groom and all of my family and friends to throw me in the pool if I start to get out of control. If they can't tell me I'm crazy...who will?

I heart Prudie

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