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Spontaneous marriage!?!?

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Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?

  • OP, I'm a bit disturbed your overall tone in this thread. You are taking no responsibility for what is happening with your life and marriage. Your husband wanted to do something spontaneous so you let him take you to the court house and marry you. Then he didn't want you to tell your family so you didn't tell them. Now your family wants to throw you a party so you're letting them. It's like all these things just keep happening to you, but you're not involved at all. Just the passivity of it all makes me wonder how much you care about the decision you've made to be married, and what this all means to you.



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    Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?

    "cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:a4519501-28a7-40d1-975a-1f7059b75f9b">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Church blessing is important. I just said it because everyone is making it not seem that way. I'm sorry if I'm coming off offensive I'm not trying to I'm just trying to explain. I said my husband was embarassed. I wanted to tell everyone from day one, every girl who gets engaged tells everyone right? It was really really really hard for me to keep that I was married because I was so happy. <strong><u>My husband just didn't want his family to say anything negative. </u></strong>That's why I asked that question about family and budget, because to his family money IS important. His family would be "why did you even get together if you don't have money" =( I couldn't tell my family because word would have spread fast and then his family would've been angry. That's why we took them all out to eat to share the news. I was just trying to share my story.
    Posted by Sayuri1[/QUOTE]

    Sorry but uber family oriented people don't just get married on a whim and keep it a secret for 4 months.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:e6e71d76-910a-4bcc-a105-923d40ce95d8">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had a spontaneous baby one time. It took 9 months for it to come out, but wow! It was spontaneous!
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    You too? Damn!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:20fe9079-6428-4b9f-8d4f-dbbcfb2c9f40">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!? : Let me cut through the BS really quickly.  Y<strong>OU. CAN'T. GET. MARRIED. IN. A. CHURCH. IF. YOU'RE. ALREADY. MARRIED. </strong> Know why? BECAUSE YOU"RE ALREADY MARRIED. If you wanted to get married in a church now, you'd have to divorce and have the marriage annulled.  Renew your vows in front of your families and friends and have a party if you want to, but quit calling it a wedding.  You had one already, at city hall.  You give up things like the fancy dress and the bridesmaids and bridal shower and all the other fancy wedding stuff when you go to city hall or to Las Vegas.  There's nothing wrong with eloping but you cannot have another wedding.
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

    Strange situation in my family:  My Uncle (Italian and Roman Catholic) married a woman who is Hindu from India.  They had the Indian wedding <strong>first</strong>, then, the next week, had a Roman Catholic wedding in a church. Both weddings were full-fledged traditional for both sides. I'm not sure how that worked - maybe the Hindu wedding wasn't "on the books"? 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:87fd6f06-021b-492d-9936-4d047cd482fb">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!? : I beg to differ. You don't have to give up the "fancy wedding stuff" when you go either place. There are many examples of both on here (Kiki, Julezlee, me, the Las Vegas board, etc). You just have to plan, and not wake up one morning and decide "hey, let's get married today."
    Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

    I wasn't saying that you can't have those things with a non-church/place of worhip wedding, I was saying the OP gave them up when she just went to city hall one day.  Sorry if I offended you! 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:0d358085-a15f-48c4-ba00-cde700fd1356">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!? : Strange situation in my family:  My Uncle (Italian and Roman Catholic) married a woman who is Hindu from India.  They had the Indian wedding first , then, the next week, had a Roman Catholic wedding in a church. Both weddings were full-fledged traditional for both sides. I'm not sure how that worked - maybe the Hindu wedding wasn't "on the books"? 
    Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

    M&R - I'm not picking up on your tone so I don't know if you're upset by what I said or not.  Let me say this:  when you sign the piece of paper that you file with the state, you're married.  You can have different ceremonies every single day for a year if you wanted to, but the date on the piece of paper is what counts.  I know that people regard the end of the ceremony overseen by a religious figure as the first moments of their marriage, but if they don't have the license to sign, they aren't married yet.  It's wonderful that your uncle and his wife both got their ceremonies but that situation is very different from what the OP is suggesting.
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  • edited June 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:a863cb07-65fa-439c-8ed6-4686d9285451">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!? : M&R - I'm not picking up on your tone so I don't know if you're upset by what I said or not.  Let me say this:  when you sign the piece of paper that you file with the state, you're married.  You can have different ceremonies every single day for a year if you wanted to, but the date on the piece of paper is what counts.  I know that people regard the end of the ceremony overseen by a religious figure as the first moments of their marriage, but if they don't have the license to sign, they aren't married yet.  It's wonderful that your uncle and his wife both got their ceremonies but that situation is very different from what the OP is suggesting.
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

    I don't have a tone - I'm not trying to prove a side.  I just thought it was interesting and thought I would share a story.  It was more of a "oh, yeah, this is kind of along what you guys were saying and I'm wondering how it worked for my Uncle to have two religious ceremonies. "

    I think I may have also offended you by my previous post about my FI's friend since you quoted it(?) 
    I was just sharing that I know someone doing a similar thing and I find it crazy and a bit absurd.    I agree with everyone's opinion of OP's situation.

    So, again, no tone here, just sharing similar stories.  Sorry to mislead. 
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  • no biggie, all I was trying to say is that your uncle and his wife planned the two ceremonies for religious purposes and I'm assuming that there were the same guests at both services and everyone knew about both of them?  either way, only one of them counted but that's semantics :)
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  • Sharing similar stories is not allowed.
  • An sharing that you had a spontaneous baby is?
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  • Oh my god. Get over yourself. I was kidding.
  • Humor isn't really M&R's strong point. 
  • I know. It's makes me sad.
  • I have to go with Trix.  As a mom, I would have done anything...anything...to be there for your ceremony.  My daughter knows that.  She also knows that I wouldn't give a fig whether he has a ring or not as long as he has a good heart, a kind spirit and the desire to care for her.  I was there for every important day she has ever had...I would be crushed to not be there.  I won't EVEN go into how I would feel if she kept that kind of secret for 4 months.  Hurt doesn't begin to describe it. 
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • There aren't enough paper towels in the world to clean up this hot mess. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:634a1b24-7eb3-41bb-8888-407ae06cd0f0">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI's friend from out of state with a "similar" situation.  He married his wife quickly at the court house (green card/timing issues, she's not American) but only close family and friends know.  Actually, they didn't know it happened but just found out now, about a six months later!  Everyone else assumes they are "engaged" and they are going to have a "real wedding" with everyone and the white dress and the reception sometime next summer.  I don't know how they are going to pull that off. I think this is a strange way to go about things.  Why not just say they are married, <strong><u>and renew vowels later</u></strong> - call it like it is!! 
    Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

    Can you also renew consonants, or is it only vowels that are permitted to be renewed?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Ha!  Nice catch.  I hate it when I forget to renew, then I have to buy a vowel. 
  • Oh, man, vowels get expensive, too.  Vanna's got quite the racket going.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:12d5f62d-013b-40b3-8a65-1d6b620f893c">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!? : Can you also renew consonants, or is it only vowels that are permitted to be renewed?
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! I was about to quote this same thing. I hope that poster doesn't really think they're called wedding "vowels".
  • I had a friend from high school that did something like this, only she had her family with her in Vegas. And then she had a "real"/fake wedding back home for everyone else. You know ... real enough that, as her MOH I bought her stuff for her wedding (because she was my best friend) and bought a $200 dress ... and paid for my own hair and makeup ... but NOT quite real. Because they were already MARRIED.

    Please call this a vow renewal and don't do the big "real"/fake wedding. I'm begging you.

    Also - apologize to your family. Every single day for the rest of your life. My family would be heartbroken if I ever did that to them.
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  • Have I just gotten married out of the blue without really thinking about it? No.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_spontaneous-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:af188497-edc0-49bf-bf65-3e99e630aab6Post:27361dbd-eac4-40d6-a7f9-a7547d391fc0">Re: Spontaneous marriage!?!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, I'm a bit disturbed your overall tone in this thread. You are taking no responsibility for what is happening with your life and marriage. Your husband wanted to do something spontaneous so you let him take you to the court house and marry you. Then he didn't want you to tell your family so you didn't tell them. Now your family wants to throw you a party so you're letting them. It's like all these things just keep happening to you, but you're not involved at all. Just the passivity of it all makes me wonder how much you care about the decision you've made to be married, and what this all means to you.
    Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

    Seriously. OP, stand up and own your decisions. "Well, mom and dad, we just wanted to do something really simply and low-key. We're really sorry we didn't tell you or invite you to witness it. We understand that was hurtful and that we can't make that up to you. But otherwise we're happy with our decision to elope."
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