did your parents pay for your wedding?

peyton.ballew · March 2010

OKay im am really kinda ticked off! im 19 almost 20. still in college and getting married in october. My dad/stepmom and my real mother dont get along. My mom hasnt always been there for me but tries her hardest now. She has never been very wealthy and lives paycheck to the next day. On the other hand, my dad and step mom are very wealthy and are refusing to pay for anything in the wedding. Ex: i found my dress and had to put it on layaway cause it was a discontinued dress. She let me charge the $75 to her CC but i had to pay her back $100!!!!! wtf!!
they are always saying to me well who rasied you, who loves you more, who cares for you. and then they CHARGE ME for putting my dress on layaway. IM LIKE OBVIOUSLY YOU DONT REALLY CARE. and i have a little brother who has a room full of electronics and new gaming systems and new bikes, atvs in the garage. and they cant even help with my wedding??!?! i am there only daughter! and they have beat me out of the house already. what do they want to do...push me away for good?? i know it sounds shitty but im really at the point where i want to say if they dont help pay for something there not invited! its such BS. now FI mother is more of a mom to me than any of my mothers and father are. And she if offering to help pay but i dont think she should have to pay for as much as shes offering. ONE thats my parents job, and TWO she is paying on Brandons knee surgery. ( see PP) Idk. im so mad and stuff im about to say screw the wedding lets go see the JP. that way no one will be there. Im going very cheap and very casual. Nothing fancy. its not like im asking them to pay for this PLANTINUM WEDDING. GRRRRR!

Is there anything i can do or say to them to make them realize that i need help with this or there will be NO WEDDING???

SaraAndrew2010 · March 2010

My parents and my FI's parents are paying for most of our wedding. I feel very fortunate and grateful that they are doing this. However, ultimately it is a gift from them and I recognize that they are not required to help us pay for the wedding at all.

Ultimately, your parents don't owe you anything for the wedding. I'm sorry you don't have a good relationship with your dad and stepmom, but they are not obliged to throw you a wedding.

If your FI's parents are offering to help pay for your wedding, I say there is nothing wrong with taking them up on the offer. They are adults and can make their own decisions about what they can afford.

Alternatively, you could wait longer and save up money to pay for the wedding yourselves. If you're 19, what's the big rush?

jagore08 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:57f8aa95-3e9c-4b4b-a44b-a52a63c39462">did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]OKay im am really kinda ticked off! <strong>im 19</strong> almost 20. still in college and getting married in october. My dad/stepmom and my real mother dont get along. My mom hasnt always been there for me but tries her hardest now. She has never been very wealthy and lives paycheck to the next day. On the other hand, <strong>my dad and step mom are very wealthy and are refusing to pay for anything in the wedding.</strong> Ex: i found my dress and had to put it on layaway cause it was a discontinued dress. <strong>She let me charge the $75 to her CC but i had to pay her back $100!!!!! </strong>wtf!! they are always saying to me well who rasied you, who loves you more, who cares for you. and then they CHARGE ME for putting my dress on layaway. IM LIKE OBVIOUSLY YOU DONT REALLY CARE. and i have a little brother who has a room full of electronics and new gaming systems and new bikes, atvs in the garage. and they cant even help with my wedding??!?! i am there only daughter! and they have beat me out of the house already. what do they want to do...push me away for good?? i know it sounds shitty but<strong> im really at the point where i want to say if they dont help pay for something there not invited!</strong> its such BS. now FI mother is more of a mom to me than any of my mothers and father are. And she if offering to help pay but i dont think she should have to pay for as much as shes offering. <strong>ONE thats my parents job</strong>, and TWO she is paying on Brandons knee surgery. ( see PP) Idk. im so mad and stuff im about to say screw the wedding lets go see the JP. that way no one will be there. Im going very cheap and very casual. Nothing fancy. its not like im asking them to pay for this PLANTINUM WEDDING. GRRRRR! Is there anything i can do or say to them to make them realize that i need help with this or there will be NO WEDDING???
Posted by peyton.ballew[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Are you kidding me? *Deep breath*</div><div>
</div><div>1. Your parents are not responsible to pay for your wedding or anything for that matter.</div><div>
</div><div>2. It was nice of them to let you put your dress on their cc. Did you know about having to pay them more money than what you put on it before you charged your dress? I admit that's a little odd but if you knew before then you have nothing to complain about.</div><div>
</div><div>3. You should be paying for your own wedding. Period. If your parents offer to help then that is really nice of them but you should expect it. You're being rude. </div><div>
</div><div>4. As far as your dad and step mom being wealthy, it's really none of your business how they choose to spend their money.</div><div>
</div><div>5. You're 19. You're very young. Are you supporting yourself? If so then you should be paying for your own wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>6. "<span style="font-weight:bold;" class="Apple-style-span">im really at the point where i want to say if they dont help pay for something there not invited!" </span></div><div>This makes you sound like you're a spoiled child. I say "child" because no grown adult talks like this. </div><div>
</div><div>7. Did I mention that you should pay for your own wedding?</div><div>
</div>

cmkuno · March 2010

I definitely agree with PP, they are not obligated to give you any money at all towards your wedding. We are paying for our wedding 100% ourselves, I'm not getting a penny from my parents and I'm perfectly okay with that. FI's dad has offered to help with the rehearsal dinner since that's tradition, but I have yet to see any money from him so I'm definitely not counting on it. MANY couples pay for their own wedding these days.

Have the wedding you can afford to pay for yourselves. There are plenty of ways to have a very nice wedding for not much money. Keep the guest list small, just serve dessert or heavy HD's, no alcohol, etc. Or put your wedding off for another year or two so you can save up more money. But don't expect your parents to pay for it.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Wow, almost 20 and you know everything (rolls eyes).

My parents and ILs paid for our wedding, but they offered to do it. We didn't ask them. We started planning a wedding we could afford and then our parents said they'd have none of that and paid for our wedding. We were and still are very grateful for them. We did not ask for anything.

If my son were marrying some teenager (yes, dear, you are a teenager) who was bitching and moaning about how I wasn't paying for it and threatening not to invite me unless I did, I'd question her maturity to marry my child. I also wouldn't be in a hurry to write her a check.

golden1215 · March 2010

To answer the question in your subject title, neither of our parents are paying a single dime towards our wedding.

Grow up.

saxy414 · March 2010

My parents are paying for most of our wedding (because they OFFERED), and I am SO thankful for that. I realize that is a big deal, and my FI and I are going to help out as much as we can as we get closer to the date, with final payments and paying for the smaller details. Your parents are not obligated at all to help you, and you should be grateful for any thing they do offer to help with. If they can't (or won't) help, put the wedding off. If you're FI's parents are offering, that's great--be thankful.

Also, you'll be 20. I'm sure you feel like you're ready, and maybe you are, but it will not hurt anything to wait a couple years. Maybe this isn't the case for you, but if I had married the guy I was with when I was 19-almost 20, I'd be screwed now...just something to think about.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:3734d742-30e8-4090-891e-5a4d33f5e1fb">Re: did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE] Maybe this isn't the case for you, but if I had married the guy I was with when I was 19-almost 20, I'd be screwed now...just something to think about.
Posted by saxy414[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh saxy, I "knew" the guy I was with at 19 was the only one for me. I "knew" we'd be together forever and married by now. But then I grew up, became a bit more worldly, traveled and finished college, and met DH when I was 22, married him at 25. To think what I would have missed...</div>

lizstill13 · March 2010

I second saxy and brooke, if I married the guy I was with when I was 20 (and self-centered and obnoxious) I'd be a VERY unhappy divorcee right now.

My parents also OFFERED to pay for our entire wedding and basically said there was no budget (!), but we've kept all their expenses under $7,000 for an evening 150-person wedding. We've paid for so many things that they don't even know about and we would never tell them because we are so grateful that they are so generous.

jagore08 · March 2010

I would just like to say that I married the guy that I was with when I was 20 (we were together since we were 16) but we waited until we were 27 to finally tie the knot. We did a lot of growing up in our early 20s and it was for the best that we waited. We were also able to pay for our own wedding by waiting and not have to ask for a single cent from anyone.

doubleH2010 · March 2010

We are paying for our own wedding. Neither set of parents are putting in a dime. I don't want them to. We are adults and this is our decision to get married, not theirs. Your parents don't owe you a wedding, sorry.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

You sound like a self entitled spoiled brat, and it sounds like you dad is trying to teach you a lesson about being an adult.

If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for your own wedding.

suz62984 · March 2010

YOU'RE 20!!! Grow the f' up. If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to stop be a snobby spoiled brat. Pay for the wedding yourself. They don't have to do anything for you!

jenn.daniel · March 2010

Yes, my parents are paying for the wedding and reception; FI's parents are paying for the RD and honeymoon.

If your FI's parents are offering, go ahead and take them up on it. Please don't complain that you're being offered money but it's not from the right people.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

You sound like a very young 19 (excuse me, "almost 20") yr old. What makes you think you're entitled to have anyone pay for your wedding? It is not your parents' "job" to pay for your wedding. It was their job to raise you and you are over 18 now, so legally they are done having to provide for you. (Not that a wedding falls under the category of providing for a child...but you see the point, I hope). Now, with that said, obviously many parents DO like to help their adult children pay for their weddingsand some lukcy brides have parents who can pay for the entire cost. But let's face it, even modest weddings can be expensive and we've just gone through a year+ of recession and horrendous economy shifting, if you haven't noticed (and you probably haven't - given that you're still in college and probably haven't yet seen a 401k lose value). Your parents' finances are not your business. They can spend their money how they like.

The mature thing to do in this situation is to either accept what FI's mother is graciously offering, or pay for the wedding yourself. Be grateful for anything (or anyone else) they DO choose to gift you with, and realize that the marriage that follows the wedding is far more important than the party that precludes it. Because a wedding that includes a reception is just that - a big party. if you're serious about marrying your FI and that being what's important without a big budget either pay for it yourself or go down to City Hall and do it JoP style. But by stomping your feet and expecting other people to pay for your wedding, you paint a very childish picture of yourself here. And saying "Maybe they just won't be invited!" doesn't help your case, either.

Also, to answer your question - my parents have contributed what they were comfortable contributing. It was generous but by no means going to cover the entire amount. Fi and I both have jobs and support ourselves so we are making up the difference to have the wedding we wanted to have. We never expected anyone to pay for our wedding anyway. The gift from my parents was a happy suprise for us - not something we felt entitled to.

stacelace22 · March 2010

Although, you are in the wrong for expecting someone else to pay for your wedding...I don't think you deserved the harsh response everyone gave you. This is a place to help and give advice....

You came on here for support, I say there is no harm is waiting a couple years...but it is your decision. I have been dating my high school sweetheart for 6.5 years and we are finally getting married this June! So...sometimes you just know if he's the one. I know I did. But...if you know he is the one now he will still be the one in a few more years.

Lots of places let you reserve/rent a venue for free...or maybe your parents won't help pay for it but they would allow you to use their yard for a ceremony/reception. You can check out the Budget wedding board and get ideas for a cheap wedding...and the DIY board for ideas aswell.

I would suggest not giving up on your dream wedding and possibly the most special day of your life....just because you have a small budget or have to pay for it on your own.

Good luck...it is a cruel world out there. I would be careful before ranting again...unless you like this kinda attack....and possibly you needed it to put things into perspective.

zitiqueen · March 2010

<p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:acb2a328-8040-42be-ae12-c69ce3d1de98">Re: did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Although, you are in the wrong for expecting someone else to pay for your wedding...I don't think you deserved the harsh response everyone gave you. <strong>This is a place to help and give advice.... You came on here for support,</strong> I say there is no harm is waiting a couple years...but it is your decision. I have been dating my high school sweetheart for 6.5 years and we are finally getting married this June! So...sometimes you just know if he's the one. I know I did. But...if you know he is the one then he will still be the one in a few more years. Lots of places let you reserve/rent a venue for free...or maybe your parents won't help pay for it but they would allow you to use their yard for a ceremony/reception. You can check out the Budget wedding board and get ideas for a cheap wedding...and the DIY board for ideas aswell. I would suggest not giving up on your dream wedding and possibly the most special day of your life....just because you have a small budget or have to pay for it on your own. Good luck...it is a cruel world out there. I would be careful before ranting again...unless you like this kinda attack....and possibly you needed it to put things into perspective.
Posted by stacelace22[/QUOTE]

Make up your mind, pumpkin -- does she want support or advice? Support is being told what you want to hear; advice is being told what you <em>need</em> to hear.</p><p>See the difference?</p>

tannymcgee · March 2010

no my parents aren't paying for my wedding. my suggestion to you is to save up for the wedding that you want, or just go to the JOP.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

My parents offered a modest amount. It's not quite enough to cover what we want for the wedding and honeymoon, so we're making up the difference ourselves. You know, like grown-ups.

Your parents don't owe you a dime, and neither do your FI's. If you're not old enough to support yourself and create a budget that allows for optional expenses like a wedding (and everything except the license is optional), then you're not old enough to be getting married, end of story.

stacelace22 · March 2010

zitiqueen...

Frankly, there is a thing called tact. Get some. It is awfully condescending of you to call me pumpkin. You must place yourself on a very high pedestal...as I would never say that to anyone beyond my nieces. So...possibly you need to hit up the etiquette board.

Support can be defined as: giving aid and courage. Aid means help last time I checked, which can include advice/feedback..both positive and negative are fine.
I was just stating my opinion...which is what these boards are for. I didn't put anyone down in the process.

emilykathleen511 · March 2010

No, my parents are not paying for my wedding. We had originally been planning to get married this May, but due to our finances and my FI working in a very tough industry to find jobs in now, we had to move our wedding back to September 2011 until we could afford the wedding we want. It really sucks to have to move your wedding back, but sometimes it is necessary.

Also, my FI and I have been together since I was 16 and he was 17. I cannot recommend waiting for like 5 years before getting married enough. It seems like a long time, but if you two are truly meant to be together it won't matter if you wait until you have lived some more life, gained some independence, and grown up a little. Seriously, both FI and me are completely different people than we were when we were 19/20. Please consider waiting at least a few years.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Weddings are not a requirement. A marriage license at the couthouse costs $90 in my state. HTH!

I am having a wedding, though, and I'm paying all $20,000 of it by myself, with help from my fiance. Because WE are the ones getting married. My parents don't give a crap if I have a nice cake or centerpieces or anything, really. They paid for things that matter, like giving me a good education. Not an expensive party.

Oh, yeah, and my parents make decent money, but it isn't any of my damn business what they do with it.

And frankly, if my 19 year old daughter told me she was getting married, I would NOT be in a rush to help her.

zitiqueen · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:c8fbd427-0a8f-4c0e-83ae-201988bc54b4">Re: did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]zitiqueen... Frankly, there is a thing called tact. Get some. It is awfully condescending of you to call me pumpkin. You must place yourself on a very high pedestal...as I would never say that to anyone beyond my nieces. So...possibly you need to hit up the etiquette board. Support can be defined as: giving aid and courage. Aid means help last time I checked, which can include advice/feedback..both positive and negative are fine. I was just stating my opinion...which is what these boards are for. I didn't put anyone down in the process.
Posted by stacelace22[/QUOTE]

Have you ever even been to the etiquette board, pumpkin?

bablingbrooke · March 2010

A teenager who's whining that no one will pay for her speshul day is not someone who needs support. She needs sense slapped into her.

peyton.ballew · March 2010

okay granted it does sound stingy or whatever. isnt it tradition that the brides parents pay for like the place of the wedding and reception and then grooms family pays for rehersal. Im a pretty traditional girl.. and i thought thats how its done. I am a full time college student working on my BSM in Medical Science. how am i supposed to pay for the wedding my parents have already invited the whole family to? and its not liek they shun the engagement. THey like my FI more than me

idk. geez yall are harsh! aparantly yall had no traditional values when yall got married. i bet very few of you were virgins too??! well me and FI are. i am not niave and yes i am very polite. I am very involved in my church and mine and his faith with god is the foundation of our relationship. So sorry for being tradittional. and yes i did rant and rave. (not very christian like i know) but you have all done the same. So he who is without sin shall cast the first stone?? yea.

CA2MT4EveR · March 2010

Maybe you should take some money and spend it on college, where you should be, and take a class on the differences between there, their, and they're. While you're at it, ask the professor to explain to, two and too, along with your, and you're.

You are TOO YOUNG to be married. Just because you are 18 and an adult in the eyes of society, does not mean you are a mature adult who can make rational decisions about the future. Hold off, wait to experience the world some, and then maybe your parents will want to help you. But, it is not their "job' to pay for your pretty princess party.

peyton.ballew · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:94c59ace-a791-447f-ae14-13f0d49e78ed">Re: did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Weddings are not a requirement. A marriage license at the couthouse costs $90 in my state. HTH! I am having a wedding, though, and I'm paying all $20,000 of it by myself, with help from my fiance. Because WE are the ones getting married. My parents don't give a crap if I have a nice cake or centerpieces or anything, really. They paid for things that matter, like giving me a good education. Not an expensive party. Oh, yeah, and my parents make decent money, but it isn't any of my damn business what they do with it. And frankly, if my 19 year old daughter told me she was getting married, I would NOT be in a rush to help her.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

my parents did not pay for my education.. i worked my ass off all 13 years of school to get the scholarship i did. and my fi and i have been together since middle school. we know were meant for each other there has never been any doubt.

and ALL PP are right. i dotn need my parents to pay for anything. they never have done anything for me. it was all for my little brother. AND ITS FUNNY HOW ALL OF YALL SAY IM SPOILED?? WELL ITS A GOOD THING CPS CAME IN WHEN THEY DID OR ID BE EITHER IN ICU AGAIN OR WORSE DEAD. so before all of you start judging me why dont you learn my story.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:61b9ea07-5edc-42a2-91fc-fd9b5e580cc1">Re: did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]okay granted it does sound stingy or whatever. isnt it tradition that the brides parents pay for like the place of the wedding and reception and then grooms family pays for rehersal. Im a pretty traditional girl.. and i thought thats how its done. I am a full time college student working on my BSM in Medical Science. how am i supposed to pay for the wedding my parents have already invited the whole family to? and its not liek they shun the engagement. THey like my FI more than me :) idk. geez yall are harsh! aparantly yall had no traditional values when yall got married. i bet very few of you were virgins too??! well me and FI are. i am not niave and yes i am very polite. I am very involved in my church and mine and his faith with god is the foundation of our relationship. So sorry for being tradittional. and yes i did rant and rave. (not very christian like i know) but you have all done the same. So he who is without sin shall cast the first stone?? yea.
Posted by peyton.ballew[/QUOTE]

<div>I would recommend you take a few remedial English courses because you write like a 10 year old.</div><div>
</div><div>It is not traditional to demand money from your parents for your wedding. It is not required that they pay. And given how friggin' immature you sound, I can see why they don't want to spend money on a marriage between two kids. Statistics back them up on why.</div><div>
</div><div>Traditionally, it's super-tacky, rude, and just plain bratty to demand that people fulfill their "traditional" roles. If they can't afford it, they can't afford it. If my daughter wanted to get married at 19, you bet she'd be paying for it herself because she'd be way too young. </div><div>
</div><div>If you're so focused on tradition (real tradition, not bridal magazine tradition, and this is where you might want to throw in that history class) you would have your parents marry you off to the person who would provide them the best deal on land. </div><div>I'm glad you waited to have sex if that's what's important to you, but if 12 years of Catholic school taught me anything, it's that it's also not very Christian to make negative comments about others' sexual behaviour. </div>

bablingbrooke · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:15b02cc6-ea3f-4735-8bd7-39735b84ee7f">Re: did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: did your parents pay for your wedding? : my parents did not pay for my education.. i worked my ass off all 13 years of school to get the scholarship i did. and my fi and i have been together since middle school. we know were meant for each other there has never been any doubt. and ALL PP are right. i dotn need my parents to pay for anything. they never have done anything for me. it was all for my little brother. AND ITS FUNNY HOW ALL OF YALL SAY IM SPOILED?? WELL ITS A GOOD THING CPS CAME IN WHEN THEY DID OR ID BE EITHER IN ICU AGAIN OR WORSE DEAD. so before all of you start judging me why dont you learn my story.
Posted by peyton.ballew[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, you're totally mature enough to get married. </div>

elspeth1 · March 2010

Wow, for some weird reason I always thought that being a future bride made you happy. I think there are a few people who shouldn't leave posts. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it."

goheels05 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_did-parents-pay-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c951bcee-e660-4559-b8f8-7561d9007315Post:ea85b1ab-19c5-45eb-b037-04433adc31b2">Re: did your parents pay for your wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you want to be really traditional, the groom should be the one paying your dad. I hear virgins have a pretty good going rate.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

snort

did your parents pay for your wedding?

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