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Wedding Woes

Ok. What is passion?

What does it mean for you?

I think passion is :

you both laughing at something stupid

 loving that face he makes when she eats anything green

 you step wrong on the sidewalk and he always grabs you to make sure you don't fall

he's made you mad but gives you that smile and you're not quite as mad as you were before

him saying he loves you before he gets off the phone

he prays for you and your marriage to stay strong

and that his kisses are still good after years together

Of course great sex would be in there too, but it's not always going to be great.


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Re: Ok. What is passion?

  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think it's the face and the smile thing, plus this undefinable intense feeling that isn't exactly the same as desire, but has that and more.
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I like those Nola


    Being able to laugh together

    Every morning when he kisses me so sweetly

    When I tell him how much I love his freckles and he adamantly denies having freckles, I think simply because he knows it makes me laugh

    He's as committed to us as I am

    Knowing without a doubt he'll be there for me (and that I'll be there for him)

    Sometimes agreeing with each other about the dumbest things simply because we're hurt or angry and need to vent (this one I love)

    Complete trust.

    And NOLA you would be surprised to know that I pray for H's safety every day.

    Really though I don't know how to define passion. I guess it's the fact that I look forward to seeing him, and I look forward to our future together, and all the possibilities. I think about him when I consider future plans like vacations and huge lifestyle changes, not just myself any more. For H he might have a different answer.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    When DH touches me (it doesn't have to be sexual), it just feels 'right'. 

    The fact that we're on the same page with regard to the future without having to discuss it much at all.  I

    When he or I brings up something (an issue, idea, whatever) and the other says, "I was thinking about the same thing."

    Even when I'm annoyed, he can make a goofy, off-hand remark and it diffuses the situation even though I truly want to hold on to my 'mad'.

    Us being annoyed for each other over situations with work/family/friends etc.

    That he's just so over the moon about this child we've made together that he can hardly contain his excitement and anticipation over his arrival
  • MizBiscuitMizBiscuit member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it would be different for everyone. For me its that I still get butterflies when I see him after a day of work, even after 10 years of being together. Its the light in his eyes as he talks about something that interests him. Its the fact that we can fight with the best of them and also give romantic comedies a run for their money. Its the undefinable underlying feeling in everything that is us, that grounds us and lifts us up at the same time.
    "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." ~C.S. Lewis
  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Every night when he comes home our dog goes running to the door, tail wagging so violently that we're afraid she'll break it. I know exactly how she feels, but I don't have a tail.
  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ok-passion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4d16fb7b-b6e7-49f9-88aa-6b0e47f50f10Post:2a5e6977-0bba-4e01-8e1e-c58ef8529c3c">Re: Ok. What is passion?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Every night when he comes home our dog goes running to the door, tail wagging so violently that we're afraid she'll break it. I know exactly how she feels, but I don't have a tail.
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

    This is a really good way to put it.  Yeah, that's how it feels for me, too, and how he says it feels for him.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ok-passion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4d16fb7b-b6e7-49f9-88aa-6b0e47f50f10Post:2a5e6977-0bba-4e01-8e1e-c58ef8529c3c">Re: Ok. What is passion?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Every night when he comes home our dog goes running to the door, tail wagging so violently that we're afraid she'll break it. I know exactly how she feels, but I don't have a tail.
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

    Yes!  The feeling of coming home to him (and him to me) and belonging has never waned for me.
  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    he is my favorite thing in all the world.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I call that feeling "squinchy".
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ok-passion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4d16fb7b-b6e7-49f9-88aa-6b0e47f50f10Post:aa2aa0c0-a5da-408e-864f-5696be6064dc">Re: Ok. What is passion?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I call that feeling "squinchy".
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]


    I make a ridiculous (huge smile, squinty eyes) face that H calls my squinchy face. We describe the feeling as tummy wobbles. God we're dorks.
  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    Interesting.  I like all of these answers, but few apply to us at the moment. We're sortof in a drudgery stage right now. I *don't* always look forward to seeing him at the end of a long day. In fact, I am practically counting down the minutes until I get time ALONE. ALL BY MYSELF. 

    But we still have fleeting moments of tingly feelings, try to make each other laugh, share in our enjoyment of our gorgeous, hysterical, incredibly happy children.

    Last night, we shared a big passionate kiss in the kitchen. It was awesome.  2 hours later, I fake-yelled at him "COULD YOU PLEASE GO DRINK THAT WATER IN ANOTHER ROOM?!" (because I really was annoyed, but I knew it was a ridiculous thing to be annoyed about, and it's OK if he knows I know that and am just teasing him)

    There's always *some* level of physical attraction, I guess. We're long past the days of staying in bed naked all day and going at it over and over again, but he still grabs my boob every chance he gets. Weirdo. 


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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    See, none of that is "passion" to me. I hear "passion", I think lust, heightened emotion, and drama drama drama. Everything out of his mouth is profound and important. Everything is uncertain. 

    All the stuff you've all described is just - love. It's companionship. It's affection and respect and fondness. It's what's left AFTER and besides passion. 
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I call that love.

    Passion is loin related to me.  But I'm still passionately in love with H, I am just often too self-absorbed to find him and ravage him.  ALSO, he is more of a nighttime passion person and I'm more of a late afternooner.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    But you make it sound so boooooring, Baconsmom!
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    yeah, you really need to work on your writing.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, cuz that's the way I like it. Boring, IMO, is excellent. I like boring, I like reliable, I like security, even in feelings. 

    And just FTR, I don't have a sexless, humorless marriage. But most of the time, we're companionably happy with each other. It's not tempestuous, and that's what I associate "passion" to mean. 
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_ok-passion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4d16fb7b-b6e7-49f9-88aa-6b0e47f50f10Post:16560ae1-9f47-44a6-b5d5-eb90ef26a4c9">Re: Ok. What is passion?</a>:
    [QUOTE]yeah, you really need to work on your writing.
    Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]
    I had no idea so many people heard "passion" and thought "everyday boring stuff". Sorry. 
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Now see I would call that infatuation or obsession, Bmom.

    Also: just because you're feeling love and fondness and affection doesn't mean you don't still have passion, right?
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't know, I've felt the way you've described for previous boyfriends once the limerance wore off, and it was dullsville.  I think you just need some more adjectives in there or something.
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I don't think companionship and passion are mutually exclusive.

    If passion and tempestuousness live in the same world, I guess I'll take it.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I dunno, BC. In my definitions? No. I mean, the sex is good, and we communicate about it a lot, and when we have it it's satisfying and fun. But there's none of that early sort of need or insistence. 

    We're also not big fighters, so there's no "passion" that direction, either. 

    Maybe I just have a really, really boring marriage. I'm cool with that. 
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I disagree. Love is when he walks in the door and you sigh because you were really enjoying your personal time, but you switch gears, cook a couple of barely-seasoned chicken breasts, eat quickly, then sit on opposite ends of the couch (with your feet tucked under his thighs for warmth) while he works and you watch TV. We have plenty of days like that, too.
  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    you see passion as a bad thing -- all drama and lust.  passion is a good thing if you're doing it right. 

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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    And that is great BM.  I guess it takes all kinds and we all like it the way we like it. 
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    See, when I think of DH, I feel that pull of 'need'. 

    Could I survive without him? Yes.

    But I try to imagine my life without him and it's not happy.
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Kuus, I haven't HAD other boyfriends. I'm basing my opinions on what I've seen other people do and say about relationships.  All I've had are unrequited, tempestuous - things -  and a series of one-night-stands. 

    Limerance wore off with H and then we were friends who had good sex and shared values. It was nice, companionable, easy and steady. It still is. 

    And there was a period early on when it wasn't easy, and I kicked him to the curb. I was done waiting for him to choose between me and his ex, and I had other people to date, so I did. 
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Well, yeah, I know.  I'm just wondering if there's more left than just companionship and friendship and affection and fondness, and you don't realize what that little extra thing is, because you've never had a relationship where the limerance faded and that wasn't there.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Maybe not, I don't know. I have to compare it to my friendships, and frankly, he's just like my BFF, only we have sex. So maybe that's where I'm coming from - it feels just like my best friendship, so that's what it is, only there's a peen and a kid involved. 
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Oh.  Just like that?  No extra special something that you can't put into words?
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
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