Dollar Dance brainstorming

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:fa3b6f71-4b45-426a-9f67-1738f0624643">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : Yes, you and babbling brook called me a stripper. I don't need the money at all. It's not the point of the dollar dance, and if you had actually read my posts, you would know that.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

<div>I most certainly did not, I suggested that doing that would be more profitable than doing this. If you actually read my post, you would know that. </div><div>
</div><div>I did read your posts. And I read the suggestions for taking the money (and rudeness) out of the dollar dance equation. If it wasn't about the money, you'd take that advice. </div><div>
</div><div>It's your wedding. If getting an extra $50 is worth lowering yourself to asking for gifts and dancing for money, enjoy it. I'll keep my dignity, thanks. </div>

farmgirl8806 · March 2010

WOAH! This has escalated way more than I wanted it to. I didn't want it to escalate at all. I simply wanted some different ideas that aren't dancing but we could keep the similar concept of the Dollar Dance to maintain tradition; I was hoping for several ideas which was why I posted it on several boards because some people (like me) only spend time looking at one or two boards on a regular basis. I just wanted a different idea to discuss with my FI even further. My FI has no problem with the dollar dance, he just worries about being a "terrible" two-stepper/dancer (the reason why we started practicing our dancing over the weekend which he laughed about the whole time, it was fun). I have gotten a couple of alternative ideas, like I was looking for so I will discuss the ideas with him. For the record, I have only paid to dance with a couple of people because I have to ask my parents for the money to dance, and almost every wedding I've been to has had the Dollar Dance. I have no problem standing/sitting around visiting with other guests I know or dance anyways by myself. Basically, I make my own fun. When the 5-10 minute long Dollar Dance is over, I may dance with the bride or groom without paying. My parents would really like for us to have the Dollar Dance, and since they are currently funding 100% of our wedding the four of us make the decisions together with my FI and I making the final decision about things, and when we disagree we find a compromise, which is what I'm trying to do to make everybody happy. I honestly don't care if people outside my region think it's tacky. Majority of my guests won't think it's tacky because most of them came from the same area as me and have the same traditions. If I still wasted time worrying about what people think of me then I wouldn't be the person I am today. BTW I have considered everything that has been said, whether I agreed or disagreed with them. If we went the picture route, just because we might set 10 minutes aside to take pictures with people for $1 doesn't mean we wouldn't allow people to take pictures with us for free the rest of the night; that goes for anything we might do.

lisarose7 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:5ad5905f-d30f-4e78-8361-87c0a7813304">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : Actually yes, I am going to have the dance no matter what you say. I don't need the money. And you still haven't read all my posts because I specifically have said twice now that people don't have to pay to dance with us. You have not used logic repeatedly to try to explain it to me. <strong>You have called me tacky and compared me to a stripper, but that's not really using logic. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to call someone names.</strong>
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

No one actually CALLED you a stripper. We merely pointed out that strippers dance for money, and in your dollar dance you'd be dancing for money...and that you'd make more money if you WERE a stripper. Obviously you're not a stripper if you're not taking your clothes off...do you prefer the term "paid entertainment'? And don't try to use the whole, "they don't HAVE to pay us" argument because if you didn't want the money, you wouldn't call it a dollar dance. If you're accepting money for dances, the implication to your guests is that they should pay to dance with you.

I know I've said this several times but we really need a Tacky Brides or Totally Tasteless Traditions forum for stuff like this.

lisarose7 · March 2010

Oh, and no one actually referred to YOU as tacky...just the tradition of having a dollar dance.

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:38b499d4-b054-4df3-a376-f3a1f2950717">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : The comparison to genital mutilation was merely to highlight your "argument" that because something is traditional in your culture it's automatically right. I specifically said that the dollar dance isn't in the same league as genital mutilation, but I think you've already demonstrated that you see what you want to see. And I agree with MyNameIsNot...I think your dollar dance will be much more lucrative if you install a stripper pole in your reception hall and take off your gown so they can stuff the money in your garter. And, hey, you'll save money on your FI's bachelor party that way, too...since watching a stripper will be part of the reception!
Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

Again with the calling me a stripper. You are all so original! It the dollar dance is not in the same league as genital mutilation, then why bring it up. If you want to take things to the extreme, no one should have their dad walk them down the aisle because that goes back to when women were property, do we really want to be propagating a tradition that reduces women to property? And why even celebrate the marriage to begin with? I mean it is just a legal contract between two people. It's just a custom to have the celebration, and I think it's becoming antiquated.

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:b46219fe-0da6-4e87-90ae-4b76f2dbe7ad">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and no one actually referred to YOU as tacky...just the tradition of having a dollar dance.
Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

The same way no one called me a stripper. Semantics.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:ac1be850-ab06-40e6-bc91-42069e4bb979">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : Again with the calling me a stripper. You are all so original! It the dollar dance is not in the same league as genital mutilation, then why bring it up. If you want to take things to the extreme, no one should have their dad walk them down the aisle because that goes back to when women were property, do we really want to be propagating a tradition that reduces women to property? And why even celebrate the marriage to begin with? I mean it is just a legal contract between two people. It's just a custom to have the celebration, and I think it's becoming antiquated.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

<div>You can't really be this immune to logic and reason. </div><div>
</div><div>No one said the dollar dance was bad because it is the same as gender mutilation. The argument is that cultural norms do not justify doing something that would be wrong.</div><div>
</div><div>It is wrong to ask for money at your wedding. It is wrong to mutilate little girls. Cultural norms do not make these wrong things right. </div>

trix1223 · March 2010

luckyme: I get that you're not forcing people to pay to dance with you. But my thought is that as soon as you DO have a $$ dance, it does become uncomfortable for those who don't care to participate.

I don't participate. Neither does my DH. At our nephew's wedding, people made comments to us about our lack of participation. It does become a social pressure to join in, whether you approve or disapprove.

I just can't get past fund-raising at a wedding-whether it's a dollar or $500. It just seems so crass.

And for OP: having your "pay for a photo with ME, ME, ME" is just horrible-and it doesn't matter if it's 10 minutes or 1 hour. Do you really think that it's less offensive if you only make people pay for 10 minutes?

At least lucky can claim a cultural familial experience for the $$ dance. Where in all creation is there a cultural familial tie to having a tug or war or phoro session for money at your wedding? Answer: there isn't.

So there's no possible justification for turning your wedding into a money-grabbing fundraiser. I'm just amazed that you simply can't or won't see it.

lisarose7 · March 2010

I don't think I want to respond to lucky directly anymore. MyNameIsNot is right...she's totally immune to logic and reason and I have a feeling I'd have better luck getting my point across to my dog.

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:1a6703d0-26a6-4f97-8501-f31cee53e960">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : You can't really be this immune to logic and reason. No one said the dollar dance was bad because it is the same as gender mutilation. The argument is that cultural norms do not justify doing something that would be wrong. It is wrong to ask for money at your wedding. It is wrong to mutilate little girls. Cultural norms do not make these wrong things right.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

This is exactly my point. It is a social norm for the father to give his daughter to the groom at the wedding, it doesn't make it right, but yet mot people do it. Thanks for making my point about customs and traditions not always being what most people consider proper etiquette.

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:d5fef2bb-d14d-4962-88a5-eeb4294745d7">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]luckyme: I get that you're not forcing people to pay to dance with you. But my thought is that as soon as you DO have a $$ dance, it does become uncomfortable for those who don't care to participate. I don't participate. Neither does my DH. At our nephew's wedding, people made comments to us about our lack of participation. It does become a social pressure to join in, whether you approve or disapprove. I just can't get past fund-raising at a wedding-whether it's a dollar or $500. It just seems so crass. And for OP: having your "pay for a photo with ME, ME, ME" is just horrible-and it doesn't matter if it's 10 minutes or 1 hour. Do you really think that it's less offensive if you only make people pay for 10 minutes? At least lucky can claim a cultural familial experience for the $$ dance. Where in all creation is there a cultural familial tie to having a tug or war or phoro session for money at your wedding? Answer: there isn't. So there's no possible justification for turning your wedding into a money-grabbing fundraiser. I'm just amazed that you simply can't or won't see it.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

I would like to thank you for your input. The way I envision the dollar dance is that it is announced and then people who want to dance with us can come up and dance with us. There will be something, a bag or box to put your dollar in, but there will not be a bouncer there to throw out people who don't pay. So, at our wedding you would totally be able to participate, if you wanted to, dollar or no. Also, I am sure a few of our guests won't participate because they don't like to dance. That is fine. I should also let you know, we have a guest list of 50 all family, so it's not like there will be people there who will be surprised we are having one, in fact, like I stated before, most of them would be disappointed if we didn't have one. Now, if I was having a huge wedding with lots of non family members, I would consider not doing it, since most of our friends here in the south have never been to a wedding with a dollar dance.

trix1223 · March 2010

I know there's no bouncer there to kick one who doesn't pay out. BUT, when everyone at your table gets up to stand in line to participate, and you're the only one still seated.....there's that incredible social pressure. I know. I've been there.

And it's just so uncomfortable. I get that you're going to do it. But I will also say that I married into a family that ALWAYS does the dollar dance. And we didn't. And guess what? No one yelled at us. No one was p!ssy about it.

You don't need anyone's permission to do what you're going to do. But I have to tell you that I'd honestly feel cheap if I did.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

The fact that money would be involved at all is what is so objectionable. It shouldn't be. We danced with every guest who wanted to at our 140 person wedding, which was about 120 of them. No charge! It was great. I don't see why money has to be involved, except for the greed of the couple. That's all that explains it. It's not like you can't dance with them without involving money. That's what's objectionable. Take away the mention of cash and you're doing nothing wrong.

But I'm through trying to tell you why this is such a bad idea.

lisarose7 · March 2010

Brooke, don't waste your time. She will NOT see logic...hell, she can't even understand that she's contradicting herself. In one post she claims that the majority isn't always right as an argument that all of us telling her it's tacky isn't necessarily true. Then she turns around and says that it's totally okay because everyone in her family and culture does it. I guess "might doesn't make right" only applies when the "might" are the people who disagree with you...

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Lisa, you're right. She probably will come back and accuse me of calling her a stripper again. I just *hope* someone else sees the logic and decides not to do it.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:82653f3a-e04b-42e8-a118-e75404fef131">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming : This is exactly my point. It is a social norm for the father to give his daughter to the groom at the wedding, it doesn't make it right, but yet mot people do it. Thanks for making my point about customs and traditions not always being what most people consider proper etiquette.
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

<div>:headdesk:</div><div>
</div><div>This doesn't even make sense.</div><div>
</div><div>Have fun money grubbing. I'll enjoy keeping my dignity. </div>

luckyme502 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:f5eeaf70-b58c-4ee0-a293-fa7537602e4b">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]Brooke, don't waste your time. She will NOT see logic...hell, she can't even understand that she's contradicting herself. In one post she claims that the majority isn't always right as an argument that all of us telling her it's tacky isn't necessarily true. Then she turns around and says that it's totally okay because everyone in her family and culture does it. I guess "might doesn't make right" only applies when the "might" are the people who disagree with you...
Posted by lisarose7[/QUOTE]

I am so greatly amused by you. I am not contradicting myself. You are twisting things to support your illogical argument. My family has a custom, and I am doing it. Just because the majority of families don't share that custom doesn't mean the custom is wrong. That is the point of the majority argument that I made.

And so far I have not done any name calling or belittling of anyone else. But people sure have no problem doing that to me. Calling me cash grabby, equating our tradition to stripping and telling me I will not see logic is name calling and belittling. Maybe you think our whole tradition is cash grabby, but we aren't rude and I was taught to argue without belittling the other person in the argument.

lisarose7 · March 2010

I'm hoping that someone, somewhere out there who's been reading this thread has an ounce of sense and will take something useful away from it. If MyNameIsNot, babblingbrooke, myself, and the others have inspired even one person to do away with this tacky, tasteless, godawful, money-grubbing tradition, then we've done our part to make TK a more etiquette-friendly place.

jennylove810 · March 2010

::shrug:: I thought the dollar dance was trashy and greedy before I even found out what TK was, for exactly the same logic pointed out here... I drove x number of miles, spent x number of dollars for a gift, and gave basically my entire day to celebrate your wedding, and you're gonna ask me for a dollar to dance with you? How 'bout hells no?

farmgirl8806 · March 2010

How is this for "tacky"... we are having picnic tables at our reception, harvested corn and soybeans straight from the field for decorations, and the ceremony is in my parent's barn which will have critters in it a couple weeks before the wedding (if not less than that)! Oh yes, and the guys will have been drinking all day before the wedding. Some people also think it's "tacky" of us to invite only our immediately family to the ceremony. I am also making our invitations on just cardstock paper without fancy envelopes, which I'm sure is "tacky" to some. The ring bearers are going to carry a toy tractor down the isle (rather than a pillow) and the flower girls are going to carry a purse with flower petals, which I'm sure some will think it's "tacky." People are allowed (if not encouraged) to come to the reception in jeans, and guests will have to use a port-a-potty if they need to go to the bathroom. Some people see this stuff as "tacky," but we are simply adding our personality to our wedding and doing what we want.

My point is that we should all just agree to disagree and move on because this isn't the end of the world, and we all have different opinions about things (and what is and isn't tacky).

I would like to end by quoting a post/article (idk what you would call it exactly) from a website I found just tonight (offbeatbride.com and is just some food for thought):
"...I'm exhausted by the tacky debate. I'm sick of people asking if some component of their wedding is tacky. (Sure it is! …to someone. Do you care? Is that why you're doing it?) I'm sick of commenters decreeing certain wedding thangs as tacky. (Sure it is! …to you. Do I care? Are you invited to my wedding?) Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night … tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding...."

lisarose7 · March 2010

I think the farm-themed wedding is an awesome idea. I think you're confused by our use of the word "tacky"...which, I admit, is used way too much. In this case we're referring to things as "tacky" when they violate basic rules of etiquette or decency...the basic rule of etiquette here being, "don't ask people for gifts or money." Aside from the whole dollar dance thing, I think people will have a lot more fun at your wedding than they would at some fancy diamonds-and-champagne thing.

trix1223 · March 2010

Your "all farm" wedding is a reflection of who you are and what your lifestyle is. That has NOTHING to do with tacky or not. The dollar dance is an ETIQUETTE faux pas.

It has nothing to do with decor, menu, drinks, ceremony, invitations, dress or any of the other myriad things you've mentioned. A dollar dance is a faux pas at a JOP ceremony, a farm themed party, a hotel ballroom wedding, or a platinum wedding.

It's the charging money part that's wrong. If you had a dinner party at your home, would you charge your guests to interact with you? Of course not. But that's what you're doing with a dollar dance.

Have whatever decorations you want. Serve whatever food you want. Have your ringbearers wear and carry whatever you want. Have kegs of beer or bottles in a tub if you want. Write your invitations in crayon on construction paper if you want. I don't care.

Just don't charge the guests who are taking time out of their day to share their wedding with you. Heck, if you want the money that badly, just institute a cover charge and be done with it.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

This is why I hate the word "tacky". You're not hurting anyone's feelings or putting them in an awkward position by having a casual, low-budget wedding. You ARE putting them in an awkward position by directly asking them for money. That's what makes it wrong.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

Nothing wrong with having a wedding on a farm. Nothing at all. Nothing tacky, nothing rude. It sounds lovely.

But asking me to pay to dance with you? Rude. It would be just as rude at a black tie affair at the Plaza Hotel in New York. Anytime you ask your guests for money, it's rude. And as I said in my earlier post, completely unnecessary. It's not like the money is a fundamental part of dancing with your guests and without it you can't do it. Money needn't be involved at all. What makes it even more rude is that, sorry to say, probably most other weddings your guests have been to did not have dollar dances. So they know this isn't the norm all over the country or all over the world.

Again, ask yourself: Is the extra $30 I'll get really worth making myself and FI look so greedy?

bablingbrooke · March 2010

What especially turned me off about your OP is that you were looking for ways to get guests to give you money without having to dance with them. Do you not see how rude and greedy that comes across?

trix1223 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dollar-dance-brainstorming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:58cc6a50-ecd8-45d5-9b08-a6ae32fec530Post:dc0a0860-744c-4def-abe4-b7c053f5aad3">Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming</a>:
[QUOTE]See the thing is that you can't suddenly make up a brand new money making idea and still hide behind the "tradition" bit. The tradition is the dollar DANCE. So, suck it up and DANCE or just skip it altogether.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Great point aerin. As far as I know there isn't a "Dollar Tug of War", "Dollar Limbo", or "Dollar-a-photo" tradition in ANY culture.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

FYI, many brides on these boards are from families or regions where people would, supposedly, be GREATLY upset if there wasn't a dollar dance. Many of them have simply skipped the dollar dance. And you know what? No one said anything.

trix1223 · March 2010

oops-sorry stage. I attributed your good point to aerin-who also makes many good points.

But I want to give credit where credit is due. So stage-it's all yours. You can't claim to want to honor tradition, and then substitute something else for that same "tradition".

And msmerrymac: I WAS one of those brides (back when.....) who married into a family where EVERYONE did the dollar dance, and still does.

Did anyone come to us begging for the opportunity to pay to dance with us? Nope. Did any of DH's outspoken aunts b!tch at us about it? Nope.

trix1223 · March 2010

So now I see from the music board that you're considering a "money tree" instead. Your OP has nothing, nothing, nothing to do with tradition, and everything to do with shaking down your guests.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

There's a music board?

Dollar Dance brainstorming

Re: Dollar Dance brainstorming

2011 Reading Challenge

2011 Reading Challenge

2011 Reading Challenge

2011 Reading Challenge

2011 Reading Challenge

Choose Another Board

Search Boards