I was a bit surprised today by how many people say divorce is an option. In the poll, I definitely said it wasn't an option for me. I can't imagine ever getting a divorce, even if I wasn't in as much love in the future. But I'm in the minority. So I thought I would put the question to you girls. Is divorce ever an option?
Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce
I would, however, support divorce in instances of adultery or abuse.
But speaking of adultery, would any of you consider a divorce if your husband cheated on you? What if is a one-time deal? A repeat offense? One never knows if a spouse will stay faithful. For example, a previous priest at my church cheated on his wife and he ended up giving up the priesthood as a result. Or look at Jonathan Edwards... he professed a strong faith, but he cheated on his wife when she had cancer. It's super sad.
If he cheated, yes, I would leave. No matter how small the cheat, no matter the circumstances.
My parents are divorced, my grandmother and aunt are both on marriage 4 and currently 3 sets of aunt and uncles are in the process of getting divorced right now.There are 2 couples in my family who have stayed married. Only 2. And I have a BIG family. Only one couple in his family has ever been divorced. I like those odds better.
You make vows for a reason. There will be days where you're unhappy. You will love him less, and he will love you less. But they are not permanent. They are human, and fleeting. Marriage is forever.
Oh, and another thing about loveless marriages. In other (platonic) relationships, praying for love for someone I'm not really feeling like loving has never hurt and often helps, so if I ever find myself in a loveless I know there's hope.
Also, Anna I think you made an excellent point. My SS class is having a "mini series" on the topic of Christian divorce. In order to truly look at divorce, we're starting off by looking at biblical marriage first. Marriage between one man and woman is meant to be a picture of the church's relationship with Christ. Divorce is just so demeaning to that picture, which is why the Bible says God hates it so much. But there are those exceptions since humans are imperfect.
However, I do think it's important to realize that things don't always work out the way you expect them to. I wouldn't say "I swear I'll never get divorced!" or that it isn't an option (even though that's how I voted in the poll) because I just don't know the future. I only believe in divorce in those cases of abuse or adultery, but there is also the possibility that one's husband could choose to leave. I can't control that. But it does happen. So I don't think you should be that naive either.
[QUOTE]The Bible only gives two options for divorce: marital unfaithfulness and abuse. Pigs will fly before I see either of those happening in our marriage! People give up way too easily on marriage. FI and I have talked about that fact, neither of us believe it is an option. We are very lucky as well as both sets of our parents are still married.
Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]
I agree. I did not comment on that etiquette board post because I knew that people posting on there we're not like minded but now that I think about it I should have so I could stand up for a Christian perspecitve on marriage & divorce. I toally agree with this PP though. One of the first things my FI discussed when we started dating were our values & Biblical principles and yes divorce should NOT be an option in a Christian marriage except in the 2 extreme cases given. FI and I also agreed to never JOKE or threaten divorce, no matter how mad we get. My mom talked to me about that and I am grateful for that because I think a lot of people do throw around divorce in jokes/threats but words do have power.
[QUOTE]However, I do think it's important to realize that things don't always work out the way you expect them to. I wouldn't say "I swear I'll never get divorced!" or that it isn't an option (even though that's how I voted in the poll) because I just don't know the future. I only believe in divorce in those cases of abuse or adultery, but there is also the possibility that one's husband could choose to leave. I can't control that. But it does happen. So I don't think you should be that naive either.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
Oh, and along these lines, it's pretty arrogant to assume that you're going to make it through a better, longer marriage just because you intend to when you make your vows. I think it's very much a case of God by His grace giving you the strength and wisdom to be able to work through the rough patches.
I think a lot of the posters on the Etiquette board are very much of this generation. The "throw away" generation. Is it broken? Don't fix it, throw it away and get a new one. Are you tired of it? Oh well, throw it away and get a new one. Don't really like it as much any more? Poor baby, throw it away and get a new one. Are you impatient and don't want to wait for a rough time to pass? Throw it away and get a new one. And if anyone criticizes you for that, tell them off and use the catch phrase "life is too short," that'll shut 'em up!
I am SO glad that I have faith and hope in God, who is so much bigger than me and any of the little problems I have. If there is anything that my faith has shaped in my character, it is the ability to see past the problems in front of my face to the better day on the other side.
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Unfortunately, a good percentage of Christians choose divorce. And while I would agree that we do live in a "throwaway" culture, just being a Christian doesn't make us immune to the culture. Also, we cannot necessarily judge the marriages of others or their reasons for choosing divorce IRL, because we don't know what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage. I have friends from college and church who were solid, hard-core Christians, sold out for the Lord, and these people got married, and because of various issues, things that I may be aware of and things I may not be aware of, they end up divorcing. I think God weeps for the dissolution of these marriages. But I don't think that we can judge when we simply aren't in the marriage...that's between them and God.
[QUOTE]ETA: I'm also super offended that you ladies presume to know the spirtual health and religious ideas of the people on an internet message board just because they have dissenting viewpoints from your own. This will probably be my last post here, because as a CHRISTIAN I personally feel more welcome on E than I ever have on here. At least on that board, we're all adults and people can disagree with things I say or opinions I hold without acting like they are better than me or I'm a bad person just because I have a different idea than they do.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<div>I hope that the following does not come across as a personal attack because it is not meant at all that way.</div><div>
</div><div>I have never seen anyone on here attack anyone for their differing opinions. And if I have been involved with such a post, I offer my apologies because I am sure that I have not intended to offend anyone. I have personally been attacked for my personal beliefs on E and I don't share personal opinions anymore for that very reason. I feel bad that someone feels they can't post on this board because their opinions may be different that someone else's opinions here. I don't think that anyone here would want that to happen. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, you generalized when you said "you ladies". I don't think that I attacked anyone - I didn't mean to and after re-reading my post, I don't think anything I said could be misunderstood that way. My point is that people give up to easily and I would never presume to understand what you endured as you were growing up, but I know that for my own marriage, I would try anything to avoid divorce. That is my personal opinion - for myself. And yes, I do feel sad if someone gives up on their marriage without trying although I've never sat in judgement of a divorcee regarding their reasoning for divorcing. </div><div>
</div><div>My grandparents got married when grandma was almost 16 and grandpa was almost 19. Grandma's parents had divorced when she was about 8 or 9 years old so she didn't have great role models for loving parents. Grandpa was seriously wounded in WWII and spent a full year in hospitals. Then he spent 2 more years away from home in nursing school. My grandma says she think grandpa had an affair while in nursing school. They had two very young children at that time. The younger of those two children had leukemia and died at age 10. My grandparents went through so much in their first 15 years of marriage and could have given up so many times but they didn't. They were married for 70 years before my grandpa died. They had their days and moments when they disagreed and were mad at each other. But they stayed together and when grandpa died, my grandma was devastated. They are my inspiration. I think about them so much and am amazed at how they put their differences aside and made their marriage work.</div><div>
</div><div>I choose to think of the positive and try to learn from the positive relationships in my life. </div><div>
</div><div>Stage - don't give up on us.</div>
[QUOTE]hautily saying "oh because I'm a Christian and my faith is important to me, I'll neeeeever divorce!" Also, we cannot necessarily judge the marriages of others or their reasons for choosing divorce IRL, because we don't know what goes on behind closed doors in a marriage. But I don't think that we can judge when we simply aren't in the marriage...that's between them and God.
Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]
<div>The following explains my personal opinion. I say that because I am a Christian, I have faith and believe that God wants us to be together and He wants for our marriage to last. I believe that if we ever experienced a difficult situation, we would look to God as our guide and trust Him to help us work it out. I can't say for certain that we will never divorce, but it would take a lot to get there. </div><div>
</div><div>I've been told on these boards that because I would like to have children and DH does not want them now, that should be a deal breaker. I've been told to walk away from him because of this. I believe that God's will was for us to get married and if we don't both want children, I am not about to leave the marriage. I'm not one to judge someone else for divorcing. But I seriously question anyone who says they would walk away without trying. That's all.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce : The following explains my personal opinion. I say that because I am a Christian, I have faith and believe that God wants us to be together and He wants for our marriage to last. I believe that if we ever experienced a difficult situation, we would look to God as our guide and trust Him to help us work it out. I can't say for certain that we will never divorce, but it would take a lot to get there. I've been told on these boards that because I would like to have children and DH does not want them now, that should be a deal breaker. I've been told to walk away from him because of this. I believe that God's will was for us to get married and if we don't both want children, I am not about to leave the marriage. I'm not one to judge someone else for divorcing. But I seriously question anyone who says they would walk away without trying. That's all.
Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]
Of course you went into your marriage expecting the marriage to last. As God hates divorce, I believe He wants our marriages to last. I am going into my marriage with nothing less with that mindset and dedication.
But my issue was that, IMO, it's easy for us to say "I have faith and I don't believe in divorce" when, especially for those of us either engaged or newly married, we have yet to see the darkest days of our marriages. We don't know what that looks like for other couples, and what leads them to divorce. Even for those of us who are Christian and have faith that their marriages will last, it unfortunately doesn't always work out that way. I don't think that if that happens, that necessarily means that they weren't Christian enough or were less faithful than those whose marriages do last. While God is "black and white" and is a God of absolutes, life is rarely either.
[QUOTE]Joe, you don't openly attack (the general you of the board, not you specifically) because people with faith but differing opinions come here and read the judgement you (again general board tone) dole out on others from here in your safe corner and are often too intimidated to speak up. [/QUOTE] I don't understand this.
[QUOTE]If the fact that I 100% support divorce as an option, albeit a last resort option, makes me less Christian in your eyes, then so be it. [/QUOTE] I understand that divorce is an option for me too and several people on this thread have agreed with that. I don't know why you think anyone is saying that someone would be "less Christian" for choosing divorce, especially as you qualified that by saying a last resort. That statement is what everyone is saying.
[QUOTE]You're all more than welcome to your opinions. But to sit over here and talk about how those ladies (and me by extension) obviously don't know God or have Him at the head of their marriages just because of that one fact is hypocritical and honestly a bit ludicrous. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE] I would never presume to understand your personal situation and would never judge either that situation or any other situation that is not my own. Please understand that I said that those of us who post here have faith in God. I did NOT say that anyone one that board does NOT have faith in God. Big difference.
It's more common to hear "divorce isn't an option!" from a very open, Christian poster. But even then, I've never seen someone say that they would absolutely never divorce even through cases of abuse or adultery, or any other problems that come so far that it won't be worked out. Most people (I say naively) just respond that that won't happen to them.
Whereas, from a more secular standpoint, most people say that they'd want to work things out first, but divorce could realistically happen. For many reasons, divorce is extremely prominant but your faith seems to have very little do with that result as a variable since the statistics are no different.
Honestly, the main difference I see between this thread on here and the thread on E is how people say what they think, as opposed to what they're saying. E is just more blunt, but I think it's all the same conclusion.
i dont believe that divorce is an option as much as i believe that marriage is for life. i think there are some instances where one must divorce (abuse) or other instances where the other spouse simply leaves teh marriage and you really have no say or choice in the matter. however, if this were my situation, i know that in my heart and soul i'm still married to that person until he or I die. i would not date or marry again, but i woudl remove myself from the abusive situation and do my best to live life and be happy as a "single" yet "married" person.
[QUOTE]i sort of have a different view. i dont believe that divorce is an option as much as i believe that marriage is for life. i think there are some instances where one must divorce (abuse) or other instances where the other spouse simply leaves teh marriage and you really have no say or choice in the matter. however, if this were my situation, i know that in my heart and soul i'm still married to that person until he or I die. i would not date or marry again, but i woudl remove myself from the abusive situation and do my best to live life and be happy as a "single" yet "married" person.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
Remarriage is one of the topics we'll be looking at in my SS class and I'm really interested to hear it taught. I've never actually heard anyone speak on it, but I think I pretty much agree with you here Calypso.
When we (meaning FI and I) say divorce isn't an option, I guess we're saying that we mean for the marriage to last forever and aren't going to let little things break us apart.
My Nana also believes divorce isn't an option. Her husband was the kindest man in the world to her. She said if she'd married someone who was abusive she'd knock him over the head with a frying pan. I'd say divorce would be preferable to murder.
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[QUOTE] Someone once told me they went to a wedding where instead of saying, "till death do us part" they said, "as long as our love shall last". That made me so sad.
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]
I wonder if they meant that to be their creative way to say til death do we part....
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ettiquette Board's Discussion on Divorce : I wonder if they meant that to be their creative way to say til death do we part....
Posted by SeptemberFall2011[/QUOTE]
well, at least saying "as long as our love shall last" would honeslty reflect how they feel if they believe divorce is an option. i honestly dont understand how people can get up there and say 2, 3 or even 4 times the vow "till death do we part". i would think at some point it would lose meaning.
[QUOTE]The Bible only gives two options for divorce: marital unfaithfulness and <strong>abuse</strong>. Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]
I know in the book of Matthew it speaks about divorce and adultry but I don't recall reading in the bible about abuse? Can someone please direct me to the verse or chapter that speaks of this?
[QUOTE]i sort of have a different view. I dont believe that divorce is an option as much as i believe that marriage is for life. however, if this were my situation, I know that in my heart and soul i'm still married to that person until he or I die. I would not date or marry again, but I would remove myself from the abusive situation and do my best to live life and be happy as a "single" yet "married" person.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]
I totally agree and this would be my stance as well.
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