So, FI has a 12 yr old daughter, J. She was born when he was a Junior in HS. His ex, S and J moved in with FI's family and lived there for 6-8 months. S moved out with J when J was 6 months old, and moved back home. S's family is raising J to feel inferior to men. She can't speak unless spoken to. J is homeschooled, and will be until she "graduates" HS, and then will marry and have a family. No futher schooling for her.
FI has not seen J since they moved out. S sent pictures until J was 2. J thinks another man is her Father, so she has no idea that FI even exists.
FI pays Child Support, and has the entire time, so he's doing his part, legally at least. My question is: Should we fight for visitation? Or wait until J figures it out, and possibly contacts us?
FI's thinking: He doesn't want to fight now, and confuse or scare the shiit out of J, because, as I said, she doesn't know he exists. He's scared, and confused himself.
My thinking: If I found out someone who I thought was my Bio-Dad, wasn't, and that the man who WAS hadn't tried to contact me, I think I would hate everyone. I wouldn't want a relationship, and I would be so angry, and hurt. I don't want that for FI.
Our biggest problem is, that we can barely afford what we're paying now, and we're afraid that if he fights it, he'll end up having to pay more. We would fgure out a way to pay more, if that meant he could see her, obviously, but that's what FI says his is biggest deterrent. I think he's using it as an excuse.
He saw them today, in a Parking Lot he was driving through, and called me crying, saying he felt like he was having a Heart Attack. It breaks my heart to see him this way. I just don't know what to do for him.