Changing your name?

daddysgurl1189 · April 2011

I will be changing mine to FI's. So far, I do not have a professional career or publications (only 1 degree, maybe 2 by the wedding), so I do not think there is a big deal right now. If I had my PhD and certifications, then I would think further. But I am too traditional to change it w/o a logical explaination. My dad is okay with it (his middle name will be our first sons middle name) so we are keeping that going, so he is happy.
Do what you want to do, but know the processes

MPaskel07 · April 2011

I think it is definitely your decision and that you should do whatever you and your fiance have agreed on.

I already have my last name hyphenated (moms maiden name and my daddys last name)...and I hate it. It has caused a ton of issues with school getting my names mixed up and even when I was in highschool I would get asked if I was married. It just caused a lot of problems and I'm tired of dealing with it. It isn't like it is a big family thing either, it's kind of joke in my family because I'm the only one in the entire family with the hyphenated name.

So all that having been said: I am proudly going to take my future husbands name when we get married. I like the idea of maybe someday giving one of our children my maiden name (my fathers part of it) as his middle name.

I'm excited to take his last name. Haha, I guess I just figure I'm giving him the rest of my life and he's taking on everything I am {debt, health issues, and addiction to reading} so what is the harm in me honoring him by taking his last name? I'm willingly giving up the one thing I can and taking on his name. *shrug* go ahead, laugh at my romanticism. I'm a Literary Studies major, it goes with the territory.

brjm2007 · April 2011

I will be taking my fiance's last name. We already have a child (who was planned, btw) and are planning another one before we get married. Both children will have his last name (our son already does). When I signed up for a rewards card at ToysRus I used my last name because we're not married yet and we now get coupons in the mail adressing us as 'The McGuire family'. They are not McGuire's and it drives me nuts that people just assume that my last name is theirs as well.

Ljacks87 · April 2011

I am proudly changing my name. I think it's situational, as PP have pointed out, and think that as long as you and your FI are comfortable with it, it's fine. My last name can be interchanged as a boy's first name, so we may use it for our first boy's first or middle name, just because I like it

maesie · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:9edec50a-13ff-4d29-af58-58140f409728">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I took DH's name because I disliked my maiden name. My mother doesn't share it, the man I consider my father doesn't share it, and I have no attachment or real relationship with my biological father. So, taking DH's name gave me an excuse to get rid of my maiden name for free!
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Same exact thing for me as for why I'm taking my finace's name!! I could have written this post myself. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

afel0587 · April 2011

I'm definitely changing mine. I want to have the same last name as my husband and future children. I don't feel like the last name I have defines me. Hope it helps

Audrey&Austin · April 2011

I never considered not changing my last name. I'm looking forward to being Mrs. Hislastname

Olivia0686 · April 2011

I want to hyphante my last name, but he wants me to change it. I like my last name and it sounds better with my first and middle name. Another reason I want to keep my last name and pass it on is becasue I am the last generation that will have it; it is going to die. I only have sisters and my Dad's brother only has daughters. Also, I don't want to take my last as my middle simply because I don't want to. I know that I will end up changing it, but I told him that if I have a son his fist name will be my madien name, HA!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:bb3d8c03-0247-40ab-9f69-ed458963ec3c">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm taking his name. Last name as my new middle name. I would never do a hyphen, I think it looks like one can't make up their mind. <strong>And then what if you kid marries another person with a hyphenated last name......4 last names!?!? </strong>The horror!! Another great option is something that an old teacher of mine did. Her husband was ready to take her last name. (It doesn't matter what last name the two of you pick). But she was the one changing jobs, which is why she ended up taking his. It is fully up to you, you might not have the same OCDness that I do. I think 2 last names is too much for my kids to learn. They are going to have 3 names to learn, they don't need a 4th.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

Seriously? You think people with hypehnated last names have stupid children?

sarahfowler38 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:dd90ddce-39ca-4b1b-884f-fc986d569dc1">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I grew up thinking I would change mine, I consider myself pretty traditional. When my grandfather died that completely changed.
Posted by laumarkim[/QUOTE]

I'm in the same boat. I had always thought I would change because I just didn't really care either way, but when my grandfather passed away, I started thinking about it more. This was before my FI and I even got together. When I think of my last name, it's not just a name to me. It represents where and who I come from. And to me, that is very important. I understand that we are starting a new family together, but different last names doesn't change the our commitment towards each other. I told him that I would think about changing again when we start to think about kids, but for now, I'm definitely keeping mine. I'm not sure how happy his mom will be, but he doesn't mind and that's all that matters. However, I definitely won't correct people if they call or write as Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname. Although as he is a Capt in the Air Force, things will be addressed to us differently anyways...

kgettingmarried · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:9856c0ef-3702-46b9-8aae-9605a9f40e9a">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I took FI's name without any hesitation. Personally, I just didn't see what the big deal was. I feel like a name is just a name, and changing my name doesn't change me in any way whatsoever. My family dynamics have changed/will change now. My immediate family will be DH and our future children; not so much my parents and my sisters. Because of this, it seems more logical to me to have the same last name as my husband and my future children than to have the same last name as my father. The only way that I would have though twice about it was if I had an established career where I was known by my maiden name and it would be hard to change to my married name- some sort of writer, tv personality, etc.
Posted by cschuma2[/QUOTE]

I feel the same way - I don't see anything wrong with taking FI's name, obviously we are starting our own family as we are obviously getting married - it goes hand in hand, and thats pretty obvious to everyone.

I also have a 2yo DS already, so I have already started my own family under my parent's last name. The reason I'm changing it is to indicate that FI and I have combined families (and changing DS's as well when FI adopts him so that he can share the last name of his dad).

kgettingmarried · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:31f2af0e-577b-46a4-8288-77a2a13b3c7b">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE] I think 2 last names is too much for my kids to learn. are you expecting to give birth to morons?
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

When kids are little, they have enough trouble with first names. I agree 2 last names is a lot. DS is 2 and is just learning his first name and last name, it'll take him til 3-4 to learn all 3 names. He wont' fully understand what names are and what they're used for until 5.

So to that end, pp is right - 2 last names is a lot for a little kid when they can barely pronounce their first name.

I also think a lot of people think of name changes traditionally, so when your kid goes to the doctor's office they will expect both parents to have the same last name. When that's different, you'll be asked a lot of questions about what your relationship to the child is if you have different last names, and will be asked to verify certain information as well. Same for the father.

When you all have the same last name, it's assumed that you are the mother and the dad is the father, no questions asked.

That's not because people are against different last names or anything, it's just what people are used to. Most of the older generations took their husband's last name when they married, so it's what people expect. One of my 15 married friends has not changed her last name, the others all did. So it's still popular to do it, so it will still be expected for awhile.

I think it's just easier to all have the same last name for the reasons above.

kgettingmarried · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:fabf5981-abb3-49d5-a682-1a7dec0b505f">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will be taking my fiance's last name. We already have a child (who was planned, btw) and are planning another one before we get married. Posted by brjm2007[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't have to defend your childbearing. I hate that about this website, it makes everyone SO defensive.

DS wasn't planned by me, but he sure was by God. Unplanned babies are not the devil. I wish TK and TN were a lot less judgy about this (ESP those who do not have their own kids, they have no leg to stand on). DS is the light of my life and God knew he would be.

theluckiest555 · April 2011

Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions. I do not judge, and every person on here has her own reasons for doing what she is doing, and I respect that. There is nothing wrong with taking your FI's last name, just as there is nothing wrong with not changing it. I respect every woman on this board for what she has decided to do. The only reason I asked was because I was curious what other women thought.

RebeccaB88 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:5db85dec-552d-4762-875c-ddc3a9221200">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE] The girl who spent 10 minutes at the pharmacy counter insisting she had a Rx to pick up when they said, "but you're not in the computer!"
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I work in pharmacy and this happens to us ALL the time. That's a lot of where I get my 'pick ONE and stick with it' - not pick one name, but pick one way to have your name and use it exactly that way consistently, everywhere. Our computer system is not set up to recognize hypnenated names (how archaic is that?), so unless the customer tells us that its 'name HYPHEN name', we have trouble getting it. Some of them insist on giving us only half the name (usually the second half, which we can't search for), or they give some doctors the hyphenated name, some the maiden name, and some the married name, which confuses the computers before it confuses us. Then some ladies never change their insurance card, so the insurance wants it billed under the maiden name, but the doctor's records need it kept under the married name (or whichever version the patient registers under). That can also be a problem when someone uses one name professionally and one personally - the insurance will be under the professional name, but the customer wants it under the personal name.

So, I get your frustration. It just makes it easier to have your name however you want to have it (maiden, married, hyphenated, new, combined, none, etc), but pick one way and be consistent about it. I've had really embarassed customers standing at my counter unable to remember their own name. ;)

AmethystMSU · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:290448fd-3b31-4349-a429-5eb6ece7e77e">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Changing your name? : I'm in the same boat. I had always thought I would change because I just didn't really care either way, but when my grandfather passed away, I started thinking about it more. This was before my FI and I even got together. <strong>When I think of my last name, it's not just a name to me. It represents where and who I come from. And to me, that is very important.</strong> I understand that we are starting a new family together, but different last names doesn't change the our commitment towards each other. I told him that I would think about changing again when we start to think about kids, but for now, I'm definitely keeping mine. I'm not sure how happy his mom will be, but he doesn't mind and that's all that matters. However, I definitely won't correct people if they call or write as Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname. Although as he is a Capt in the Air Force, things will be addressed to us differently anyways...
Posted by sarahfowler38[/QUOTE]

I agree that every woman has the right to make her own decision regarding whether to change her last name. When I was younger I was completely against changing my name because I didn't think it was fair that women are expected to go through the hassle of changing their name to their husbands, while men get off scott free. I still feel it isn't fair, but I'm changing my name so that FI, our kids, and me all share a last name.

That being said, I disagree with the bolded part above. I initially felt this way, but then my Mom made a good point when we discussed name changes years ago and why she took my Dad's name when they got married. My last name is my last name because it was the name my father was born with, which was the name his father was born with, and on and on and on. Except for the relatively rare occurrence of a child taking the mother's maiden name, last names are passed on only from the paternal side of your family.

However, maybe PP's Dad is 100% English or some other nationality, and the last name reflects that. In that instance, then I better understand her opinion about how her last name represents who she is. In my case, my Grandmas were 100% German and 100% Irish and my Grandpas were the mixed western European, so the last names that were passed to my parents at birth did not reflect their actual heritage.

Anyway, the end result is the same... it's an individual decision that should be respected by all.

knottiecf0ef50555358e75 · April 2011

The problem is that all this expectation that the "bride SHOULD" change her name to the husband's is inherently sexist. I know for some it represents starting a new life together, but on the other hand, I think it goes along with the bride being "given away," being pronounced "man and wife." (Why is it not always husband and wife? Here the bride is changing her identity, not the husband). I have no idea what I'm doing as far as changing my last name. I would really like us to have the same name. But I've always been for equality. That's why my fiance has an awesome engagement ring. You can say "it's not that big of deal," but I think these traditions engrain certain ideas about the role of women that are damaging. I feel like if I go against it, then I'm contributing to an evolution of equality.

DramaGeek · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:118aea45-63e0-413d-abed-9e506728f067">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Changing your name? : I've had really embarassed customers standing at my counter unable to remember their own name. ;)
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

<div>LOL! I can't tell you how many times I've said, "I'm not sure which name it's under..."</div><div>
</div><div>However, I will say that <em style="font-weight:bold;">I</em> am not the one who shortens it, it's the people who put it in the computer. I consistenly used Maiden Married, no hyphen, but the people who entered it took it upon themselves to eliminate one name or the other, or treat my maiden name like a middle name so they alphabetized it as Married, First Maiden. Add to all of that the fact that I never changed my name legally so it was still First Maiden on all legal paperwork, so that's how work submitted it to insurance...yeah. It got wacky. Life has been SO much easier since I went back to just being First Maiden (although I'm sure more than one person has wondered if H and I divorced).</div><div>
</div>

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

I'm not changing my name legally.

Socially, I'll be Mrs. HisLastName or Ms. MyLastName or Dr. MyLastName because I am all of those things.

But, legally I was born and given a name. That shall be my legal name for life.

impslave · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:c388e4dc-c61b-4f27-8113-c094e3fc05b0">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Changing your name? : You shouldn't have to defend your childbearing. I hate that about this website, it makes everyone SO defensive. DS wasn't planned by me, but he sure was by God. <strong> Unplanned babies are not the devil. I wish TK and TN were a lot less judgy about this (ESP those who do not have their own kids, they have no leg to stand on).</strong> DS is the light of my life and God knew he would be.
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><temp threadjack></div><div>
</div><div>Unplanned babies may not be the devil, but they can certainly be an emotional and financial burden on women who are not prepared to be mothers.</div><div>
</div><div>As someone who is not a Christian and who has deliberately refrained from having children, I've got two really nice legs. They may be short, but they help me to stand very well.</div><div>
</div><div></temp threadjack></div><div>
</div><div>H and I have been married just over a year and there have not been any issues with our different last names. I don't have problems picking up prescriptions for him, or anything else like that. Maybe it comes with living in a relatively more progressive area, I don't know.</div><div>
</div>

[Deleted User] · April 2011

I kept my middle name, dropped my maiden last and changed my last name to my husband's. I wasn't highly attached to my maiden last name and always knew I would take my husband's last name when I got married.

Miracle520 · April 2011

My FI and I are both going to change to a hyphenated name. So we will be Mr & Mrs My Last Name-His Last Name. I think it's a really great gesture of starting our new life together but not losing either of our individual selves either. it will be a bit more paperwork but worth it. We aren't having children so I'm not worried about any of those issues.

gloriaroderick · April 2011

I'll be hyphenating my middle name. my name will be orderd: first name, middle name-maiden name, last name. The main purpose of this is I just took on a new last name two years ago. I dropped my birth name and took my step dads name as my maiden name. I want to keep that so I'll just be adding FI name. yes it will be long but its worth it. By the way changing ones name is not that difficult. I did it and didn't have any problems with it. Everything was changed within about two months.

RebeccaB88 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:c7f0e534-275a-461c-b383-57b6f4652621">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE] However, I will say that I am not the one who shortens it, it's the people who put it in the computer. I consistenly used Maiden Married, no hyphen, but the people who entered it took it upon themselves to eliminate one name or the other, or treat my maiden name like a middle name so they alphabetized it as Married, First Maiden. Add to all of that the fact that I never changed my name legally so it was still First Maiden on all legal paperwork, so that's how work submitted it to insurance...yeah. It got wacky. Life has been SO much easier since I went back to just being First Maiden (although I'm sure more than one person has wondered if H and I divorced).
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

Yeah, when it comes to all the legal paperwork crap, it's usually the computer that messes things up, especially when it's not set up to recognize that a hypnenated name is ONE NAME, not two different ones. When scripts are sent over electronically, like a lot of them are now, the systems just plain don't see the hyphen, and therefore it's like it isn't there. We can see it, and if we're on top of things we can force it through, but you have to know the tricks. Stuff like your medical records and insurance policies are required by law to be under your legal name, whatever that is, and some people just don't get that. You might 'go by' Blinky the Magical Unicorn to your friends and family, but if your legal name is Jane Smith, then dammit, your legal medical information has to be under that name too. It's kind of technically illegal to get prescriptions under another name than your own. Most people are pretty cool about things once we explain them, but we do have the few that 'always forget what name I'm using right now' or just look for an excuse to make trouble by giving us the wrong name. :P

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

I meant to change it legally during my first marriage, but I didn't. I realized very quickly after that I didn't want to change my name. I tried a hyphen for a while, but it got to be too much trouble, so I just went back to my maiden name. If we had children, I would have taken his name anyway before the birth. Even though keeping your last name is pretty common these days, it still can cause some confusion over who belongs with who- and I want to be sure in an emergency there's no confusion.

Strangely enough, there was never any question over wether or not I'd take my partner's last name. Maybe it's just a better fit. We plan on having children, so it's important for us to all have the same name as a family.

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:c388e4dc-c61b-4f27-8113-c094e3fc05b0">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Changing your name? : <strong>You shouldn't have to defend your childbearing. </strong> I hate that about this website, it makes everyone SO defensive. DS wasn't planned by me, but he sure was by God. Unplanned babies are not the devil. I wish TK and TN were a lot less judgy about this (ESP those who do not have their own kids, they have no leg to stand on). DS is the light of my life and God knew he would be.
Posted by kgettingmarried[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed.</div>

memSomerville · April 2011

Keeping my name. I have a publication trail in science, and a couple of decades of professional contacts with my name. As well as 401ks, morgtage, etc. Much to hard to abandon that.

Massachusetts is one of few states that offers the male the opportunity to name change via the marriage paperwork. I asked, and FI wasn't interested in changing his. So I figure we're even.

I am also alphabetically earlier, he's way at the end of the alphabet. You never know when that might help...

bbrown185 · April 2011

I have not decided yet. He has a horrible last name and I really do not want to take it. So I am still thinking about whether or not I should hyphenate or just flat out keep my maiden name.

Enami · April 2011

I'm changing mine to his for a couple of resons: our son (and any other kids we may have) will have his last name and I feel it would be easier for us all to share the same name, our last names are both 2 syllables starting with "W" and it sounds weird hyphenated, I really don't like my last name.
My issues with it were: the hassle of me having to change all my stuff around, and I hate the whole reason for taking the husbands name (the ownership thing). But I decided that making the change outweighed my arguments with it, and that if FI ever pulls "I'm the head of this house" crap just because he's got a penis, I get to throat punch him.

Enami · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:03d1c2a3-3658-4130-8a31-49a6eaedc78f">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Changing your name? : Okay, personally, I have no issue or judgement towards unplanned kids. But saying that women who have successfully NOT gotten pregnant unplanned have no leg to stand on in their opinion of you not being able to manage the same thing makes no sense. Like I said, I don't judge, but as someone who does understand how birth control works and has been using it effectively for 9 years, I have not one but TWO legs to stand on should I choose to say "they know what causes that now, it's not that hard to prevent it."
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I think she meant anyone that hasn't gotten pregnant. Also, just because you have an unplanned pregnancy doesn't mean you don't understand BC. I got pregnant on BC pill which I've been using effectively since I was 16 (I'll be 22 Sunday). I know how it works, just didn't know (nor did my doctor) that my body was building up a tolerance to the hormones. Sex=pregnancy for most people. Its the people that don't understnd THAT that worry me...

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