Changing your name?

theluckiest555 · April 2011

I was just wondering what everyone was planning on doing. I really want to hyphenate my name for a number of reasons, the most important reason being that my last name is important to me, and I don't really feel like I'm becoming a part of his family (my FI and I have discussed this, and we both agree) we feel like we sre starting our own independant family. Plus, I don't think I should have to give up my last name. I know some people use as their middle name, but I still want it to be my last name. I thought about just keeping my last name and not even bothering to hyphenate, but I want some way (other than my ring) to publicly announce I am married and have started a new family. My mom did this two for mostly the same reasons, and she has had a hell of a time becayse she is K. G. on some forms, K. R. on others, and K. G-R on others. She is a doctor so she had alot of confusion with getting all her liscences necessary because of the confusion. Her best advice is whatever I do, make sure I have the SAME NAME on everything.

What are your ladies thoughts on this? I would love to hear other opinions and reasons for keeping your name, hyphenating it, or changing it. I've also even heard that some couples make an eintirely different last name by combining the two names. That is interesting.

cschuma2 · April 2011

I took FI's name without any hesitation. Personally, I just didn't see what the big deal was. I feel like a name is just a name, and changing my name doesn't change me in any way whatsoever. My family dynamics have changed/will change now. My immediate family will be DH and our future children; not so much my parents and my sisters. Because of this, it seems more logical to me to have the same last name as my husband and my future children than to have the same last name as my father.

The only way that I would have though twice about it was if I had an established career where I was known by my maiden name and it would be hard to change to my married name- some sort of writer, tv personality, etc.

theluckiest555 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:9856c0ef-3702-46b9-8aae-9605a9f40e9a">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE] Because of this, it seems more logical to me to have the same last name as my husband and my future children than to have the same last name as my father.
Posted by cschuma2[/QUOTE]

Good point. I thought about that as well. That is another reason that I am hyphenating my name.

trix1223 · April 2011

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_changing-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2bfa91b5-f10d-4977-8a91-340d2256c9abPost:e61e1bd0-598e-472a-b707-96e1d2385fb8

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_changing-name-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7adc4318-6c3d-4ae3-a90b-871d081bf3cePost:500c6373-9f72-41f6-9595-8ac70b1893f5

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_changing-name-1_.0

midgetthemighty · April 2011

I'm also going to take my FI name. I am very excited about it actually and I also don't see what the big deal is. Do what you want but I think it's easier for your future kids for their parents to have the same last name.

Beazilla · April 2011

Do what ever you want -- it's your name and no one can tell you what you should do. If you want to hyphenate it, then do that.

Personally, I'm keeping my name. There's lots of reasons for not changing, just like PPs and others have lots of reasons for changing their names, but in the end it comes down to doing what you want to do with your own name.

lisarose7 · April 2011

I hyphenated as a compromise. I wanted to have the same name as H, but he didn't want our kids to have his last name and wanted me to keep mine. He has his father's last name and hasn't seen or heard from him since he was an infant, so he didn't see the point in linking our children to a family he's not really a part of. We played with the idea of his taking my name, but I think his friends made fun of him. So he kept Hisname, I hyphenated Myname-Hisname, and the kids will be Myname (probably with Hisname as a middle name).

The only issue I've run into is that my company's HR software doesn't recognize hyphens, so my insurance card and W2s have Myname Hisname (as opposed to Myname-Hisname). This hasn't been a problem.

Oh, and plenty of people made checks out to Lisa and Jason Hisname for wedding gifts. However, the banks have been understanding and just ask me to sign my correct name as well as the name on the check when we deposit it.

RebeccaB88 · April 2011

I am not changing mine. FI is very supportive. Simply, it's my name and I like it the way it is. It's worked fine for over 40 years now, and I see no reason to change anything. I am also named after my late father, and we share the same initials, and I want to keep it that way. We won't be having kids together, and his son already has his name, so no issues there. I will still be married to him and wearing his ring, and will be no more or less married either way. So no biggie to us. (Had I wanted to take his name, he wouldn't have had a problem with that either. It was really up to me.)

DramaGeek · April 2011

I originally used two names - Myname Hisname, with a space instead of a hyphen. I totally agree with your mom - make sure everything is the same! The problem is, I would tell people my last name was "Myname Hisname" and they'd go ahead and shorten it. My name was different in every system, from the drs office to the pharmacy to my professional licensing...it was a pain. I eventually just started using Myname again for anything that involved them storing my name in a database because it was easier. I'm a teacher and no one at work could keep my name straight so I just used "Myname" there too. A few months ago H said to me "why don't you just go back to being 'Myname'?" So I did, and it's been wonderful.

In the interest of full disclosure, I didn't want to change my name in the first place, so it was a very easy for me to go back to the way it was.

plato79 · April 2011

I am not changing my name. I've never liked the tradition, but to each their own way. My FI could care less. Ironcally enough, it's my mother and father who seems to care the most (they want me to change my name...). haha.

diehld · April 2011

My mom changed her name back to her maiden name when she divorced my dad. My sister changed it at the same time. I did not only because I knew I would be changing it again when I got married so that still the plan. I am excited people can never pronounce my name Diehl (Deal) but there is no second guessing Farmer! Pretty much thats what I am looking forward to an easy last name.

Cynthia1207 · April 2011

I'm not changing it because in Quebec, you can't. Decision made. I wouldn't change it anyway. I would go from one name that gets misspelled and mispronounced to another. I don't see the big deal. You want to keep your name, keep it. You want to change it, change it! Your mom is right though, have the same name on everything. Less trouble that way.

impslave · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:a9640b30-5303-43be-97ba-20db4120b5cb">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not changing mine. FI is very supportive. Simply, it's my name and I like it the way it is. It's worked fine for over 40 years now, and I see no reason to change anything. I am also named after my late father, and we share the same initials, and I want to keep it that way. We won't be having kids together, and his son already has his name, so no issues there. I will still be married to him and wearing his ring, and will be no more or less married either way. So no biggie to us. (Had I wanted to take his name, he wouldn't have had a problem with that either. It was really up to me.)
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Can I pretend I wrote this? Pretty much sums up why I didn't change my name. In addition to I didn't want to deal with all the fuss.</div><div>
</div>

Calypso1977 · April 2011

i kept mine for very similar reasons to RebeccaB, the only difference being that we may have kids, and if we do, i have no problem wtih them having H's name.

kristinmc8 · April 2011

I am taking his name and using my maiden name as my middle name, with no hyphenation. I would hyphenate it, but both our last names are really long and it turns into a tongue twister. I know quite a few people who have hyphenated their names though.

shopgrl3177 · April 2011

I am taking his last name. I'm traditional and don't see a problem with changing my name.

theluckiest555 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:46d9f27b-305c-454a-9727-38284a6e0aeb">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am taking his last name. I'm traditional and don't see a problem with changing my name.
Posted by shopgrl3177[/QUOTE]

There's no problem with it! I didn't want to offend anyone- to each her own. I was just intersted in what other ladies thought about the topic.

GeauxTigers17 · April 2011

I always thought I would change mine (I'm pretty traditional) but lately I've been feeling sort of iffy about it. I guess I'm more attached to my name than I thought. I think it would upset FI if I didn't want to...I guess I should ask him. It was a foregone conclusion before, so it's never come up.

I'm tempted to just go by it socially (ie, not correct people who call me Mrs. Hislast) and not legally change it.

jerseydevil · April 2011

I am changing mine, no hesitation.

twilight.rose · April 2011

I just added my married name to my given first, middle, and last names. I chose not to hyphenate or take my maiden name as a second middle name.

Magdala9 · April 2011

I have spent the last six months changing my name and it has been a bloody pain in the your know what. I have a 20 year career under my maiden name with four professional licenses, add to that mortgage deeds, a full credit history, mulitple IRAs, and investment portfolios.

Hyphenating was not practical due to the length of the names. Hyphenated, my name would have 24 characters. I changed my last name to share the same last name as my husband but after the lenghty and annoying process would not do it again.

em01092 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:459da367-fd27-4ca8-a341-2039f638eb21">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just added my married name to my given first, middle, and last names. I chose not to hyphenate or take my maiden name as a second middle name.
Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]
<div>This is what I am doing too. That way I keep my maiden names but still take his too, without the possible confusion of a hyphen. For the most part, I will really just be Erica- HisLastName, but legally I will still have my middle name and my maiden name. </div>

SpokenVows · April 2011

I'm changing mine. And I can't wait! But FI was adopted, and we love his birth name. So, I'll either change it to his adoptive last name, or we're considering both going with his birth name. Most likely, we'll just stick with his adoptive one =P

RebeccaB88 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:6ed5c444-850c-4e3f-b1a2-4cf541ab861e">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE] Your mom is right though, have the same name on everything. Less trouble that way.
Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]

Oh, heck yeah. Pick one way and stick with it. WAY too confusing if you switch back and forth, or put it one way some places, and another way other places. Choose whichever way you want, but only do it one way.

DramaGeek · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:7ac4ff0e-afa8-43a3-9da5-048fe8efd8d5">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Changing your name? : Oh, heck yeah. Pick one way and stick with it. WAY too confusing if you switch back and forth, or put it one way some places, and another way other places. Choose whichever way you want, but only do it one way.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

<div>But realize some places will choose to change it for you and a lot of people don't know how to alphabetize a hyphenated name so it may take several tries before they find you in a database.</div><div>
</div><div>Signed,</div><div>The girl who spent 10 minutes at the pharmacy counter insisting she had a Rx to pick up when they said, "but you're not in the computer!"</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

I just kept my last name. It's my name. I love all 3 of my names. I also have a bit of an issue with changing when my husband wouldn't be changing. He wanted to keep his name, and I did too. Our kids will have his last name and possibly my last name as a second middle (my husband has his mother's maiden name as a second middle).

shannonbp · April 2011

Do what you want with your last name, you're the one that's going to be using it. I'm taking my FI's last name, mostly because my daughter already has his last name, and I have one of those awful last names that get laughs in grade school.

quiggels219 · April 2011

I really think it is your own decision and you should do whatever feels right to you. I am keeping my last name 100%. My fiance is not happy about it honestly - and his family is really not happy about it - but I try to remind him who I am and that changing my name to his is just not me at all - i told him he could change his name to mine if he thinks it is that important to share a name but he turned me down (even though everyone says his name with my last name just sounds great - it really flows well) When I was younger and my sister-in-law decided not to change her name i remember knocking her for it and now I am right there in her shoes!

laumarkim · April 2011

I agree with PP, at the end of the day it's your choice what you do with your name. I grew up thinking I would change mine, I consider myself pretty traditional. When my grandfather died that completely changed. My brother and I are the only two left with our family's last name. My grandmother sat me down (before she knew about the seriousness of the relationship I was in) and told me how proud my grandfather was of my brother and I, and how proud he was we could carry on his name. To me, it's not even about carrying on the name, it's about keeping my own and respecting who I am. I want our future kids to have his last name, I just don't feel right changing mine. I know it's just a name, but it's ultimately who I am.. I don't think that should change because of marriage.

Also, I find it hilarious when the wife mentions the husband changing his name. Most men react the same, my FI said... "that's not even an option". Funny how the woman is expected to change her name but the man doesn't even have to consider it as an option.

thesequel · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_changing-name-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8f9236e2-dcf3-4587-93e4-ff0cca939c0cPost:f8bd7a5c-9451-411d-9ba9-266028a836e2">Re: Changing your name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just kept my last name. It's my name. I love all 3 of my names. I also have a bit of an issue with changing when my husband wouldn't be changing. He wanted to keep his name, and I did too. Our kids will have his last name and possibly my last name as a second middle (my husband has his mother's maiden name as a second middle).
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>This exactly! Just because we don't share the same last name won't make use any less married. </div>

Calypso1977 · April 2011

I think 2 last names is too much for my kids to learn.

are you expecting to give birth to morons?

Changing your name?

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