Snarky Brides

Listen, heifer....

To my cubemate : QUIT CHEWING WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN.  I swear to God, you're a great person, but it sounds like there's a cow grazing next to me.  KNOCK IT OFF.

Now you go.
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If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

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Re: Listen, heifer....

  • Listen co-worker, you are a temp. You have been here 3 months. I know how they did it at your old place but we don't care. Sit down, shut up and do it the way your boss tells you to.

    Also, you know nothing about my job so stop giving me helpful hints - especially when they are simply terrible ideas.
  • anna.oskaranna.oskar member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited November 2010
    Dear Dad,

     Do you remember when you almost died and the doctor said your drinking days were done otherwise you'd totally die despite dodging that bullet?  Do ya?  Cut it out.

    Love,
    Anna
  • Listen new girl. I TRAINED you. Therefore, I was, sort of your boss while I was doing it. I am responsible for you if you fuuck up, hence, why I was so hard on you when you didn't understand after the 5th time. Why are you still here? And why did my boss think it was a good idea to hire a dramatic, shiit-talking 17 year old mother of 2??
  • Shockingly, nobody is getting on my nerves today.


    imageimage
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:ec7c3b04-f26e-4b7b-a407-84cc58581523">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Shockingly, nobody is getting on my nerves today.
    Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

    I'll try harder
  • Dear Boss:  I'm hungry.  Can I have my coworkers back so we can eat lunch?

    Dear Coworkers:  Why can't I eat lunch without you?  You get all mad when I do.

    Signed, me.
  • Dear Boss,

    When someone has a problem at work, don't tell them they don't have the right to speak up then lock yourself in your office. Try listening.

    Not with love,
    Seshat


    Dear Self,

    Get your ass in gear. You should have been finished on Sunday and it's creeping up on Friday. You are behind schedule.

    Sincerely,
    Yourself
  • edited November 2010
    Listen, man who hired me to make your BORING training materials pretty:

    Stop sending me powerpoints with 50 slides that are full of fluorescent colored text and backgrounds.  Please also stop capitalizing the first word in each line - it's in the middle of a sentence and this is not a poem!  Please also refrain from hitting enter and then the space bar to line things up correctly.  I promise if you just keep typing you can resize the box to make thing align the way you want.  Please be advised that I spend 97% of my time correcting these things rather than actually working on the training material.

    How have you possibly obtained your phD?
    Shay

    P.S. No one likes clip art and I delete every. single. one.
    image
    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • To the Bosses: You hired someone to do half a fuucking job?  For serious?  And now you put the moron twins back in charge of something that you had to yank away from them?  I hope you're very comfortable with that decision because I'm done bailing your ass out.  I've been very clear as to what needs to happen here, and as you know I've busted my ass to get the department back on track and now you're throwing all that hard work down the tubes.  Thank you very much assholes, don't expect me to bend over backward for you anymore.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Dear Job: I thoroughly enjoy you right now. For like, the first time ever. Please stay that way and tell the boss thanks for sending me to a supervising seminar and picking up the tab for lunch. But please don't make me be a part of firing someone again. Harsh yo.
  • Dear Sinuses:
    Please unclog.  I like to breathe air, taste the dinners I slave over and generally not wake up with a sore throat.  I've been very kind to you and stopped putting uncontrolled substances up my nose a long time ago, some consideration is in order.

    Love, Gianna
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Dear Big Toe,

    I hate you. I will never forget this. I hope you suffer next week and wish upon you a lifetime of deformity. You are no longer considered a part of my body.

    -Your regretful host
  • Dear boss:

    I actually like you quite a lot, despite your routine emotional outbursts and venting.  Over the last 4+ years together, we've developed a solid professional relationship.  With that in mind, I'd REALLY REALLY appreciate it if you can wrangle me a raise this year... it's been 3 years since my last raise. 

    Love,
    -S
    "Plus who needs a purse when you have a wedding dress? Those things are like walking hobo bags just waiting to be stuffed with surprise treasures." -Wedinator.com image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:f25332a7-d028-44bb-ac80-0cf3c0c830a6">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dear Big Toe, I hate you. I will never forget this. I hope you suffer next week and wish upon you a lifetime of deformity. You are no longer considered a part of my body. -Your regretful host
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

    I giggled out loud.  :)
    "Plus who needs a purse when you have a wedding dress? Those things are like walking hobo bags just waiting to be stuffed with surprise treasures." -Wedinator.com image
  • Dear Mom: don't go about creating a Facebook page if you have no idea what Facebook is, and then call me continuously to ask me questions about what to do with it.  I am not Mark f*cking Zuckerberg.  USE GOOGLE.
    image

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Dear Bosses,

    I understand you want to cut back on payroll.  However, you've cut out a lot of OT.  We had two people quit, and we have not replaced them.  You can only delegate so much work without allowing OT or giving raises.  I want to work, we all want to work and earn our paycheck, but you're just asking too much for too little.

    Overworked and Underpaid,

    Wrkn9 to God knows when...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:9ab4b5ec-82df-4ae1-aef9-0d0837d77618">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dear Sinuses: Please unclog.  I like to breathe air, taste the dinners I slave over and generally not wake up with a sore throat.  I've been very kind to you and stopped putting uncontrolled substances up my nose a long time ago, some consideration is in order. Love, Gianna
    Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]
    I have a similar issue- I talked to my doctor about it and he prescribed me the Flonase nasal spray, which actually works pretty well.
    "Plus who needs a purse when you have a wedding dress? Those things are like walking hobo bags just waiting to be stuffed with surprise treasures." -Wedinator.com image
  • Dear Sadie,

    You made me laugh.  Have you tried a nepi pot?  Or a saline nose spray?
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  • Secretary: When you started in June, you were amazing. We had no problems. You stayed on top of everything and even went beyond what you were supposed to do. What happened? You obviously don't read the mail because NOTHING gets put on the calendar until I get it. Take the damn ear buds out of your ears! You are the first person that is seen when walking into our office. It's quite unprofessional to have white wires hanging from your ears, then have to make our clients wait on you to pause your music and remove them. Also, run your personal errands on your lunch break or after work. You text me 2-3 times a week saying your running late for one reason or another.

    Your aggravated CW,
    Chi

    It is true that pit bulls grab and hold on. But what they most
    often grab and refuse to let go of is your heart

    imageimage
  • To the DME company,
    I hate you.  I send all necessary info, and yet you are unable to process claims and get my patients their effing sleep machines for months at a time.  You all must be getting great sleep that the idea of depriving others of it doesn't bother you.  

    Unaffectionately Yours,
    Kate

    Dear FI,
    Stop trying to placate me with chocolate.  I understand that every month, this week sucks for you. I am sorry, but I tell you now if you do not stop schmoozing me with cocoa bean goodness, my dress will not fit in a month and a half, and I will kick your butt from here to next month. 

    Love,
    me

    To me,
    Get moving, chubby cheeks.  The clock is ticking. 
    December 18, 2010!!! Never thought I would be a winter bride; just hoping we don't get snowed in until AFTER the wedding!
  • I haven't tried the Nepi Pot, but I think I will next time it gets bad.
    I prefer the saline spray over Afrin b/c the addiction thing scare me.  I had a wild youth and I won't use Afrin.  Stupid, huh?
    And you can use the saline spray as many times as you want during the day. 
    They had them BOGO last week at CVS if there's one close.
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  • ooooh...i have to walk through a CVS to get to my bus later, I will have to scan for the BOGO. 

    A wild youth is fine, an irrational fear of afrin, not so much :)  jk
    I think there's something in my brain that blocks addiction.  I can't find another reason for my gainful employment, college degree, home ownership and healthy relationships with friends and family in spite of the stupid shitt I used to put into my body lol
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Dear Shutter Island:

    You were so good when I was reading you. And now I can't stop laughing at your ridiculous "scary-movie, oh-my-god-look-out-behind-you!" music.

    Please get better.

    Love,
    Fan of the Book, Not so much the Movie.
  • Cupcakesfrosting:

    Because of you, I must have cup cakes. I'm going to figure out what kind shortly. I think I'll do my cookies and cream Oreo cupcakes and maybe my chocolate-chocolate-chocolate ones (chocolate cake with chocolate chips baked in with chocolate icing =D)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:e5cd357c-196a-499c-8455-4cf7067c09b0">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I haven't tried the Nepi Pot, but I think I will next time it gets bad. I prefer the saline spray over Afrin b/c the addiction thing scare me.  I had a wild youth and I won't use Afrin.  Stupid, huh? And you can use the saline spray as many times as you want during the day.  They had them BOGO last week at CVS if there's one close.
    Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]
    I hear ya.  The Flonase is different from the Afrin.  I use one spritz a day, and not even every day (don't always need it).  The doctor prescribed it because I was complaining about feeling like my sinuses weren't clear even when I wasn't sick or having allergy symptoms.
    "Plus who needs a purse when you have a wedding dress? Those things are like walking hobo bags just waiting to be stuffed with surprise treasures." -Wedinator.com image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:60071e89-1d1b-4a86-8853-e56adda90c66">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Listen, man who hired me to make your BORING training materials pretty: Stop sending me powerpoints with 50 slides that are full of fluorescent colored text and backgrounds.  Please also stop capitalizing the first word in each line - it's in the middle of a sentence and this is not a poem!  Please also refrain from hitting enter and then the space bar to line things up correctly.  I promise if you just keep typing you can resize the box to make thing align the way you want.  Please be advised that I spend 97% of my time correcting these things rather than actually working on the training material. How have you possibly obtained your phD? Shay P.S. No one likes clip art and I delete every. single. one.
    Posted by shaydenise[/QUOTE]


    LOVE. Finally someone who understands me.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:3db8f156-9c85-460c-b2c4-898bbdbc85ab">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen, heifer.... : LOVE. Finally someone who understands me.
    Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]

    I forgot to mention bolding everything.  If you bold <em>everything </em>then none of it is important.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:74e0f6df-77d6-4fe8-8ff7-5c0994426502">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Cupcakesfrosting: Because of you, I must have cup cakes. I'm going to figure out what kind shortly. I think I'll do my cookies and cream Oreo cupcakes and maybe my chocolate-chocolate-chocolate ones (chocolate cake with chocolate chips baked in with chocolate icing =D)
    Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

    I accept this "flame" graciously, under one condition: You must post picture. I may need to make the Oreo ones as well. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:e83ab238-ce03-427f-bf88-27ab41d2ab1e">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen, heifer.... : I forgot to mention bolding everything.  If you bold everything then none of it is important.
    Posted by shaydenise[/QUOTE]


    How about using 17 fonts on one page? Everyone knows that Comis Sans, Engravers and Times New Roman look so nice together, right?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_listen-heifer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:164e56a0-6446-4db6-a1ec-59d16c239232Post:4760c186-fdea-4b86-9a4e-9dcf280d5d0e">Re: Listen, heifer....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Listen, heifer.... : I accept this "flame" graciously, under one condition: You must post picture. I may need to make the Oreo ones as well. :)
    Posted by cupcakesfrosting[/QUOTE]

    <div>I totally will. The oreo ones are awesome in cakeball form too.</div>
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