GROOM POSTING! help! my fiance is crash/burning!

emarston1 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_groom-posting-fiance-crashburning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:14fda5be-775f-458b-b460-c977d1819d40Post:5af548e2-116e-483c-abb6-1222d3c34e4c">Re: GROOM POSTING! help! my fiance is crash/burning!</a>:
[QUOTE]You are going to be a terrible husband. Buying her a spa day =/= getting off your ass and HELPING her with things.
Posted by Wonderw1fe[/QUOTE]
This exactly! What she needs is HELP. She doesn't need a spa day, she doesn't need a pedicure, she needs HELP! Because after she gets back from the spa, the work will still be there.

You can't blame absentee bridesmaids or moms, the planning of a wedding is the sole responsibility of the bride and groom. And it seems as if you aren't pulling your weight. Ask her what she needs help doing -- and mean it.

You indicate that you don't have time to help but it seems like she doesn't have the time either. If you both can't plan the wedding you want/can afford, either scale back the plans or postpone the wedding. And it really is that simple.

Lauriac · May 2010

Ridiculous.

6fsn · May 2010

Wonderwife is right. You suck. Do something you cann to help her LIFE. It doesn't have to be wedding related.

skippylouwho · May 2010

Between taking classes, scheduled football practices, the weight training that is usually outside scheduled practices, studying for classes he may not have time for a parttime job. Someone wondered how playing football helped him get a degree - if he is on a football (athletic grant in aid) scholarship, it is paying for his degree. If he plays big time college football and is good enough it might mean an NFL carreer. He has stated a goal of coaching football, most organizations (high school, college, nfl only hire people as coaches who have played the game at a high level.

Playing major college sports is very time consuming and then add on class work and class attendance, it really doesn't leave much time for a part time job during the school year and if playing football is paying his tuition then it has to be a priority.

lharri12 · May 2010

OP just isn't listening. She needs HELP with finances and wedding planning. HELP HER with one or the other or both. That is the answer to your question.
Fin

*Barbie* · May 2010

he doesn't seem to want a bride - he wants a new Mommy...

felicia220 · May 2010

OP- I agree that you could continue to try to help her with wedding things, even if you have to ask her a million questions. Try to do a lot of it with her, it will make it more fun for her even if she is making most of the decisions. As for something you could do for her non wedding related. I understand that money might be tight. But what if you planned a night where you cooked dinner and then maybe set up a place to give her a massage and then drew her a bath. It is kind of like having the spa at home. I would much rather be pampered by my FI then a stranger. Keep asking what you can do for her and try to take stuff on yourself if you know what to do. You don't sound like a bad guy, even though people on here made you out to be. Good Luck to you.

AlisonEve · May 2010

It sounds like you guys are in a really rough spot... First of all, based on the behavior changes you described, it sounds like your finace may be struggling with some depression (I did last year while wedding planning and job hunting). If you can, get her to talk to her doctor. My wedding is in two and a half weeks, and I feel your fiance's pain. On top of all the stress of actually putting together all those details while holding down a job, a home, etc., there's a lot of stress to please people (when you may not know what their expectations are), and also a sudden reality that this "Bride Identity" has taken over your life. Your finace may be wondering what happened to her life. My best suggestion? Give her a chance to let her out and make sure she knows that your and her health, safety, and sanity come first. Find a day to do something totally unrelated to the wedding. Go out to lunch and a movie, or have a picnic in the park. Go to the beach if its warm where you are... But take a minute to remember who you (and she) are aside from the Bride and Groom.

baconsmom · May 2010

I'm so glad I came back to read this.

LADYBUG FOREVER! <fistpump>

6fsn · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_groom-posting-fiance-crashburning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:14fda5be-775f-458b-b460-c977d1819d40Post:62bd0799-d0e8-4ff4-99ae-22072c1bc018">Re: GROOM POSTING! help! my fiance is crash/burning!</a>:
[QUOTE]Between taking classes, scheduled football practices, the weight training that is usually outside scheduled practices, studying for classes he may not have time for a parttime job. Someone wondered how playing football helped him get a degree - if he is on a football (athletic grant in aid) scholarship, it is paying for his degree. If he plays big time college football and is good enough it might mean an NFL carreer. He has stated a goal of coaching football, most organizations (high school, college, nfl only hire people as coaches who have played the game at a high level. Playing major college sports is very time consuming and then add on class work and class attendance, it really doesn't leave much time for a part time job during the school year and if playing football is paying his tuition then it has to be a priority.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

He goes to a small Christian college. He's not going to a bowl game any time soon. Not to mention it's not even football season. I knew plenty of people on athletic scholarships that still managed to have part time jobs.

GBCK · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_groom-posting-fiance-crashburning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:14fda5be-775f-458b-b460-c977d1819d40Post:62bd0799-d0e8-4ff4-99ae-22072c1bc018">Re: GROOM POSTING! help! my fiance is crash/burning!</a>:
[QUOTE]Between taking classes, scheduled football practices, the weight training that is usually outside scheduled practices, studying for classes he may not have time for a parttime job. Someone wondered how playing football helped him get a degree - if he is on a football (athletic grant in aid) scholarship, it is paying for his degree. If he plays big time college football and is good enough it might mean an NFL carreer. He has stated a goal of coaching football, most organizations (high school, college, nfl only hire people as coaches who have played the game at a high level. Playing major college sports is very time consuming and then add on class work and class attendance, it really doesn't leave much time for a part time job during the school year and if playing football is paying his tuition then it has to be a priority.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]
If he doesn't have time to HELP the woman he love, when she is over-stressed and he's adding to the problems, he SURE AS HELL doesn't have the time to invest in making a marriage work.

If sports = job, then that's definately a priority. But if his job is a priority over the mental-well-being of his wife/fi/himself, there's a big ass problem.

And a spa day does NOT cure stress...it makes for a wondeful day but, at the most stressed time in my life, spending a day at the spa would stress me more--because I have to spend 8 hours NOT doing the stuff I need to do.
SPA DAY=/= HELPING.

If you don't have time to help your FI, you don't have time to be a husband.

lrivard01 · May 2010

hi! My fiance plays college football too. Even though it's not football season, It's "springball" SOme teams drag this out for as much as three weeks, and have their players "on call", they may have only an hours notice before a suprise meeting/lifting/saturday practice. And my fiancee has had practice, lifting, running/conditioning, film meetings, and team building meetings and activities all spring, along with class and homework. I think this groom is trying. He mentioned having a part time job cuttting football film for the school, and he got himself a full time job for the summer. I bet that's the problem , both of you are having to try really hard to make the wedding work. No telling how actuall marriage will treat you, but the wedding itself isn't the end. So chill out.

Also, I hope your pastor wises up. And tell her, If possible, to reschedule her wisdom teeth removal till after the wedding. if there are complications, like a dry socket, she might still be hurting at the wedding. better not to risk it

BTW... your bride, of all places, cut the budget to HER DRESS? i hope you told her how much you appreciate that. I bet she'll still be beautiful.

GROOM POSTING! help! my fiance is crash/burning!

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