What Would (P&)E Do? (I'll keep it short)

bbyckes · January 2010

Sister is planning on moving to Atlanta. She would be temporarily staying with us until stable, anywhere between 3-6 months. She would be paying rent (amount undetermined). Sister has met a man, whom she will probably end up marrying. From all accounts a good man. I have not met him and neither has FI.

Sister wants to bring said man to Atlanta too. I think I may be crazy because I said that would be fine, but I'd have to talk to FI about it. FI is adamant about him NOT coming. He's actually pissed I even asked him about it. I figure I could just work on him a little to get him to change his mind.

How much do I suck?

mandapanda78 · January 2010

I would be less than thrilled at the prospect of a stranger moving into my home, even temporarily.

salt78 · January 2010

And they would both live with you for that amount of time? If it were me, that would be a big NO. Why can't they just do long distance until she gets on her feet and has a place of her own? People do that all the time.

Brie2010 · January 2010

I would at least want to meet the guy before I agreed to let him live in my house.

I'd try to compromise with FI--have the sister move in solo for awhile. Presumably, said man will visit from time to time and you'll get to know him. If you deem him normal and sane at that time, then I'd bring it up again.

JK10910 · January 2010

I know you're trying to help out your sister, but if I was your FI, I'd feel the same way. I think if she really thinks she's going to marry this guy, they should be able to make it 3-6 months without being together together. There's a difference between bringing your sister into your home, and bringing a strange man in too.

laurenclaire1386 · January 2010

I would probably have the same reaction as your FI. But then, if the situation were reversed, and it was my brother (who does kind of live with us and pay rent. I say kind of because he works off shore and is only there about a week out of every month. Basically, pays for a storage facility and for me to feed him while he's here) and he wanted to move a girl in, I'd trust his judgment enough to at least consider it. I think FI would veto it no matter what though.

Pirata13 · January 2010

Yeah I don't know about both staying with you. I'd be ok with a family member being there for a while, but I'd still be concerned that they'd be there 2 years later. If sister and her boyfriend want to move together, they should save up the money and move into their own place as soon as they move to Atlanta. If together they can't afford a move on their own, they shouldn't do it. At least one of them should secure a job and apartment before they move, not count on living with you. If they were unable to find work, etc, how would you feel about them being with you 1 year? A year & a half? 2? Just my thoughts, cacoff!!

eastunder1 · January 2010

I would be so beyond annoyed if I was in your FI position. For your sister, I would suck it up and deal with it for MAYBE a month or two, because family is family.

The boyfriend too? F*ck no. I'm not running a hotel, and between the two of them, they can surely afford to rent something, somewhere. No. Just no.

bbyckes · January 2010

This makes sense. I'm thinking about it and I think I'm being too subjective. I just feel like we have all this room, that it wouldn't make much of a difference.

I think the suggestion about her getting on her feet and then he moves out works well too.

FI says he's very disappointed in me. I think I should say, no.

Pirata13 · January 2010

And ditto the concern that despite all accounts that bf is a good man, you would still be letting a stranger into your home with you. FI and your children.

september's bride · January 2010

Eeee.

I think I agree with your man on this one. It's hard enough having a family member live with you, and then to add a stranger to the mix? Plus, I'd think it would put weird strain on your sister and her boyfriend to live so closely under someone else's roof with little privacy.

Stackeye210 · January 2010

If your sisters boyfriend is any sort of man he wouldn't allow this arrangement to happen. Also, I'd never let a man into my house that I didn't know with a child present. Too many unknowns and variables. They should just do some research, try to get jobs before they move, and when they do it should be into a place of their own. It may take a little longer, but I can't see it being a good situation any other way. I'm with your FI on this one.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

Do your son and FI's son live with you full time? I would not be happy about random dude coming to live me either.

I figure if HE wants to move to Atlanta, he can get a studio apartment. Maybe he can move in 3-6 months when she gets her own place.

Honestly, if I were him, I'd be a little hesitant to move into a stranger's house, too.

ohwhynot · January 2010

I don't think your fi should be mean to you about it, because obviously your heart is in the right place. BUT. As others have said, this goes a bit too far. Your sister can long-distance-relationship it until she gets on her feet OR he gets a job in Atlanta.

FutureMrsTR · January 2010

I don't think your FI should make a big deal about "being disappointed in you", you were thinking about your sister without really considering the consequences, but we're all guilty of that kind of thing sometimes.

I think her moving in and then him moving down after she's on her feet is a great idea.

laurenclaire1386 · January 2010

And honestly, I've heard lots of horror stories about what are supposed to be temporary things. If, god forbid, your sister had a problem finding work or some other holdup, she might be there longer than anyone anticipated. This gets doubly worse when her BF is there too.

rhodesign · January 2010

Yeeeeah...not so sure about that. It'd be one thing if this guy was a live-in boyfriend that you know well and have known for years and they're both moving, but right now as it stands...I'd say wait it out and just have your sister come first.

vallyhoo · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-pe-ill-keep-short?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a51d2892-3dce-47b0-a956-f78cf8322906Post:0e27bfd2-c03f-4d80-a83b-9e9af027e1f8">Re: What Would (P&)E Do? (I'll keep it short)</a>:
[QUOTE]Do your son and FI's son live with you full time? I would not be happy about random dude coming to live me either.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

This is what I was thinking.

Your sister - yes <strong>strictly</strong> temporarily. Like everyone else though, NO to the BF.

bbyckes · January 2010

I see all your points. Very good ones, in fact.

Mery, my son does live with me full time, except for summers and school breaks when he's with his.

I think FI wins this. Thanks guys for giving me some perspective. FI made a similar point about us saving money, getting an apartment and landing jobs BEFORE moving cross-country. They should be able to do the same.

JK10910 · January 2010

Yes, I was just going to ask why she was moving before she could support herself.

betrothed123 · January 2010

I would be incredibly disappointed in my H if he did that to me. I'm glad you see the light.

salt78 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-pe-ill-keep-short?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a51d2892-3dce-47b0-a956-f78cf8322906Post:0a4f9477-5fc3-48a5-8dfc-d55ae8b6474f">Re: What Would (P&)E Do? (I'll keep it short)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I was just going to ask why she was moving before she could support herself.
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]

Eh...I can see her side of this also. I moved from one side of the country to the other and back and looked for jobs before I went, but it's REALLY hard to get something nailed down when you can't physically be there for interviews, etc. When I moved out west, I moved in with my ex and then had a job a few days later. When I moved back here, I moved into my dad's house and had a job shortly after. But it was good to have that place to go to get on my feet.

JK10910 · January 2010

Good point Salt. That makes perfect sense. I guess you just don't hear about the stories when people really do use an opportunity to just get on their feet, and instead only hear about how they stay for months and months and months not really looking for a job.

sarah0725 · January 2010

Yay for resolution of conflict! For what it's worth, I'm with everybody else about the idea of having strangers moving into my home. I'm pretty skittish about who gets to come into my living space, and I'm really happy to be living alone. Good thing you and FI can come to an agreement on this.

janedoe1113a · January 2010

Glad you worked it out.

I'm late, but I also agree with your FI. Letting a strange man move into your house, especially with children, is a big no no.

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