FFF

seujoanne · July 2010

I think it's really rude to not RSVP to a wedding. I'm guilty of holding out an RSVP until a few days prior for things like tonight's Mary Kay party... so flame me... but for a wedding? Either I'm going or I'm not - and if people don't RSVP, I will get my sister a.k.a. wedding planner a.k.a. dog with a bone to hunt them down because I'm not going to pay for their ass if they aren't planning on showing up.

shortgirltx · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:88851e91-88fe-4038-86cb-9cfd92b7794e">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE] If they don't RSVP, I would count them as not coming but tell the venue a larger number just to be safe, in case they come. I don't want to force them to respond one way or the other, maybe they don't feel comfortable saying "nope, don't want to come, but I don't have a good reason why".Posted by NMac2010[/QUOTE]

You could find yourself up a creek without a paddle in this situation. You can't always bank on "No rsvp=not coming". I know you are 2 weeks out and you are going to do what you are going to do but even though you won't know who is actually coming until the actual event, what are you going to do if 40 people showed up and you only told the venue 20? It's a lot less stressful on yourself if you just call everyone up to make sure.

mistyleon · July 2010

We already sent out our Save the Dates, based on the advice of our wedding coordinator -- 90%+ out of town guests (including both families), holiday weekend, convention in town that weekend (we are getting married in Austin). And, of course it wasn't necessary or required, it was just something fun we wanted to do. If anyone didn't want to receive one, they can throw it in the garbage can, no big deal. Of course, FI and I do make lots of our own travel and social plans well in advance (other than our own wedding), so maybe that's why it made sense to us. One of our hotel blocks is actually almost filled up already, so I guess we are not the only ones who are ridiculously OCD about planning!

Tiffany618 · July 2010

Joanne- Ditto.... and for what it's worth, I haven't spoken to... nor do I plan to speak to anyone who didn't show up who RSVP'd yes. (that didn't have a good reason).

cfibelkorn · July 2010

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Also - if you are considering yourself non-traditional, think of your own things for your wedding; that's the point of being non-traditional! Don't complain that things thought of or written out by more traditional brides are "not helpful."
Posted by lesalyric[/QUOTE]

AGREED!

I think a certain someone is starting out on the wrong foot on TheKnot......hahaha :)

bsn1752 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:5c1054c7-0508-4350-acaf-5e4866bde6f7">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]II'm not going to pay for their ass if they aren't planning on showing up. :)
Posted by seujoanne[/QUOTE]

AMEN sister!

NMac2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:7e4bbf5e-d726-4fcf-b5df-d4fbadf90749">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]Natalie - That can work out out fine for buffets and stuff...but if you having a formal wedding with meal service (and entree selection from each guest).. I think you pretty much have to call them or else they won't have a seat or a meal. The Knot seems to be very traditional, and is not what everyone goes with. You should do what you feel is right for your wedding, but if others do it differently then that is their prerogative.
Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is everyone's prerogative to do it their way. That doesn't mean I can't have my opinion about it.

My mom is THE MOST traditional person you will ever meet, and she is the one who told me she has always known it to be rude to follow up with people who have not RSVP'ed. So, just because it's on The Knot, doesn't mean it's written in the bible and it's the end all be all of traditional wedding etiquette.

I also think it depends on a lot of factors. There's not one way of doing things, or only 2 categories: "Traditional" or "non-traditional". Everyone does things differently, and there are still a lot of different traditional opinions on how to do things that vary from person to person.

I disagreed with my mother on a lot of this wedding, because she is so traditional.

balfour00 · July 2010

You are totally right NMAC. People (me included sometimes) get so caught up in what people will like or think. It's so much easier to plan when you just keep you and your FI's taste and wants in mind! Hell, sometimes I just keep my tastes in mind

NMac2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:9f8e5268-30f9-4b6e-8555-20afab227074">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : You could find yourself up a creek without a paddle in this situation. You can't always bank on "No rsvp=not coming". I know you are 2 weeks out and you are going to do what you are going to do but even though you won't know who is actually coming until the actual event, what are you going to do if 40 people showed up and you only told the venue 20? It's a lot less stressful on yourself if you just call everyone up to make sure.
Posted by shortgirltx[/QUOTE]

Like I said, we told the venue when we initially booked, 150. We are sticking to that number, because even if everyone who has RSVP'ed yes, and everyone who hasn't responded at all - all show up, it will still only be 150. We aren't going to lower the number we gave them just because 17 people haven't RSVP'ed. Which, is the number we're at right now.

If we have extra tables, we have extra tables. Won't be the end of the world.

If we pay for extra food, we pay for extra food. FI and I have never overly stressed about anything in relation to this wedding. That's just us. I know everyone is different. What happens, happens. We will enjoy our day no matter what, and realize things will go wrong no matter how hard you try to make them perfect. That's the way we look at it.

tnickel06 · July 2010

Totally NWR but we just picked up the Uhaul and I'm too short to drive it. Glad I'm not moving somewhere all by myself lol

bsn1752 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:c60e2584-b468-4adb-ba89-65c7492d914b">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Like I said, we told the venue when we initially booked, 150. We are sticking to that number, because even if everyone who has RSVP'ed yes, and everyone who hasn't responded at all - all show up, it will still only be 150. We aren't going to lower the number we gave them just because 17 people haven't RSVP'ed. Which, is the number we're at right now. If we have extra tables, we have extra tables. Won't be the end of the world. If we pay for extra food, we pay for extra food. FI and I have never overly stressed about anything in relation to this wedding. That's just us. I know everyone is different. What happens, happens. We will enjoy our day no matter what, and realize things will go wrong no matter how hard you try to make them perfect. That's the way we look at it.
Posted by NMac2010[/QUOTE]

I think that's a great way to look at it, and you're right, at the end of the day... you're married that's what matters.

But I have to say that if 17 people didn't RSVP, I would be calling - bad taste or not. 17 Missing = 500 bucks lost (and that's if you plate is around $25/pp - it can be way more than that) and that's not even including the alcohol per person that you're paying for too, since most venues charge you PP. I would be highly upset if I paid for that many people that didn't show. Once again though, it's a matter of opinion.

NMac2010 · July 2010

Brianna,

True, and $500 is a lot of money. I can totally see why people call and get a final check. It's just not something FI and I wanted to do.

On the same hand, I don't think RSVP's are the most reliable thing in the world either. People can RSVP yes, and not show up, and respond no, and show up. So, either way, you may not end up with exact right amount of food, or alcohol.

But, I've never heard of anyone going to a wedding and not getting to eat or drink because the venue ran out of food and alcohol. So, worst case scenerio, you pay more than you need to. Sh!t happens. You can't account for people who change their minds after they RSVP.

Tiffany618 · July 2010

Of course your entitled to your own opinion, your way is perfectly 100% fine. So is theirs. That's all I'm saying.

bsn1752 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:751fa5e8-539c-482b-aa4e-2bb86177bff2">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]People can RSVP yes, and not show up, and respond no, and show up. Posted by NMac2010[/QUOTE]

And those people deserve to be tarred and feathered.

Tiffany618 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:eee469eb-760d-45f9-b589-bcb1adda46db">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : And those people deserve to be tarred and feathered.
Posted by bsn1752[/QUOTE]

...aaand I'm now laughing out loud in my office. Co-workers probably think I'm crazy, but what else is new. :-)

fallbride1109 · July 2010

"tell the venue a higher number just to be safe?" At $80 a person? No thanks. Trust me you'll probably already be paying for the people that RSVP yes and then don't show, like we did.

bsn1752 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:5527afb9-e49a-4ab6-b308-792ffa5245ab">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : ...aaand I'm now laughing out loud in my office. Co-workers probably think I'm crazy, but what else is new. :-)
Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

HA! Aaaaand now you have me laughing out loud too! :)

NMac2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:f5027cf4-59d5-487c-a5a8-43d47712c1e6">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]"tell the venue a higher number just to be safe?" At $80 a person? No thanks. Trust me you'll probably already be paying for the people that RSVP yes and then don't show, like we did.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

I'm sure you do end up paying for them. At that point, it's a sunk cost.

At this point in the game though, there are a lot of things I wish we hadn't paid for. So, put it on the tab!

BanannaP · July 2010

Because of the way the seating is at our venue, where the guests sit for the ceremony is where they will sit for the reception. So I'm doing a seating chart to reduce some of the confusion and so that my cool friend from college doesn't end up sitting next to my weird aunt. It does concern me a little that people might not show up at all or might show up if they RSVP'd no, but that's why I have a coordinator!

stephl3055 · July 2010

I think B-lists are rude. People usually find out if they are on a B-list.

For people that didn't return RSVPs, we called them. And guess what, a lot of RSVPs had been kept by the post office due to a name issue. So if we had just taken those missing RSVPs as a No, we would've been beyond screwed because about 20 people had responded yes but their RSVP never made it to us. We wouldn't have had a place for them to sit, enough favors, or a place card for them.

annielouise · July 2010

Im coming in pretty late here, but I do have to say that when FI and I started discussing what we would do for those who didn't RSVP, calling wasn't my first option.

My first option would have been to give the venue the exact number that RSVP yes. Because...here's the thing, if they dont have the courteousy to RSVP, I shouldn't be obligated to pay for a meal for them, regardless whether they show up or not. No RSVP = No Dinner.

Now, because I'm all talk and no action, I will be making phone calls to those who didnt RSVP. I dont think that's rude at all.

shortgirltx · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:751fa5e8-539c-482b-aa4e-2bb86177bff2">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]But, I've never heard of anyone going to a wedding and not getting to eat or drink because the venue ran out of food and alcohol.
Posted by NMac2010[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure this has happened on the board before. Whether it was due to RSVP's or not, I don't know but if you have more show than expected, it creates a cluster F-bomb behind the scenes to get everything straightened up.

NMac2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:15ce98a4-381a-4e29-be1a-b83df45905c9">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE] No RSVP = No Dinner.
Posted by annielouise[/QUOTE]

Hahahah....Annie, that made me laugh :). I picture a table at your reception in the corner with a sign that says "No RSVP's" and a bunch of sad looking faces with empty plates. hahaha. I'm sorry. That's just a funny image.

NMac2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:5b97feff-19a2-4b3d-8136-c8a68b5cf881">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I'm pretty sure this has happened on the board before. Whether it was due to RSVP's or not, I don't know but if you have more show than expected, it creates a cluster F-bomb behind the scenes to get everything straightened up.
Posted by shortgirltx[/QUOTE]

I'm sure that would cause a cluster. I can only imagine.

Maybe I just have too much of a "things will all work out" attitude.

bsn1752 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:5b97feff-19a2-4b3d-8136-c8a68b5cf881">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I'm pretty sure this has happened on the board before. Whether it was due to RSVP's or not, I don't know but if you have more show than expected, it creates a cluster F-bomb behind the scenes to get everything straightened up.
Posted by shortgirltx[/QUOTE]

Didn't that JUST happen to Marissa?? It was a caterer error - but still.

I'm not flirtin' with disaster!!

juliebug1997 · July 2010

I think Marissa said that her caterer didn't cook enough food and, while I don't think that it happened due to an RSVP issue, it still happened.

We paid $80 a person just for dinner and drinks at Maggiano's. I had two people not show up at all and two people leave after appetizers and those are just the ones I can think of!!! I would have loved to have saved my money or invited someone else that I knew was going to come/stay.

I'm so fed up with my dad and my brother. At this point, they've only gone to see my mom every couple of days and they live 20 minutes away from the hospital. Whereas, I live about an hour a day and I've been going nearly every day and trying to stay for several hours at a time. The nurses and therapists say that she does so much better when one of us is there and that she also is a little more participatory in her therapy sessions. Pretty soon I go back to school and I won't be able to spend time during the day with her while the therapists are there and I worry that she'll start regressing because my dad and my brother are too f-ing lazy to get off their backsides and give her part of their day.

BanannaP · July 2010

I am going to flame myself for sitting on my butt this morning when I should be packing and going to the gym - I'm leaving for Austin in less than three hours!

cherrrylll · July 2010

Why is calling someone up rude? If you neglected to take the time to reply in the pre-stamped envelope your friend sent you (a friend that considered you important enough to shell out money and desire your presence on their special day) and you received a phone call , would you seriously think, "How dare she call me, that's just so rude!"
Puh-leeze. Anyone with that attitude can get over themselves and learn some common courtesy.

Major flames at "I can afford to feed people, but don't want to, but want to be at a restaurant where I will be feeding people." chick. WTF? What do you even mean? Make sense please.

I have PMS.

bsn1752 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:e51e121d-93cc-4fb9-9f73-9b3471e8d419">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is calling someone up rude? If you neglected to take the time to reply in the pre-stamped envelope your friend sent you (a friend that considered you important enough to shell out money and desire your presence on their special day) and you received a phone call , would you seriously think, "How dare she call me, that's just so rude!" Puh-leeze. Anyone with that attitude can get over themselves and learn some common courtesy. Major flames at "I can afford to feed people, but don't want to, but want to be at a restaurant where I will be feeding people." chick. WTF? What do you even mean? Make sense please. I have PMS.
Posted by cherrrylll[/QUOTE]

Oh Cheryl, I love you.

NMac2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_fff-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:2bfe0f3d-048b-47c8-bff7-de469d6fcfd8Post:e51e121d-93cc-4fb9-9f73-9b3471e8d419">Re: FFF</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is calling someone up rude? If you neglected to take the time to reply in the pre-stamped envelope your friend sent you (a friend that considered you important enough to shell out money and desire your presence on their special day) and you received a phone call , would you seriously think, "How dare she call me, that's just so rude!" Puh-leeze. Anyone with that attitude can get over themselves and learn some common courtesy.
Posted by cherrrylll[/QUOTE]

Rude to not RSVP-true.

FI and my mother were both against the idea of calling people, and I completely see where they're coming from. FI was actually the first one to say he thought that was just poor etiquette, which surprised me. He's not exactly Mr. etiquette. My mother agreed as well. Would I necessarily think "OMG, I can't believe she just called me to follow up on the RSVP"? No. But then again, I would never blatantly ignore an RSVP either.

FFF

Re: FFF

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