Why she doesn't like having her breasts touched. Or what her husband is doing all the time vs. that one time.
Dear Prudence,
I don't like my breasts touched, and it’s affecting the enjoyment my husband and I have with our sex life. Usually a deliberate touch will make me want to hit the person touching them, doctors included. Once, while we were dating, my husband massaged them and I loved it. I was enjoying it so much that I didn't notice how he was doing it, and he's never been able to repeat the motions. My husband loves touching my breasts, so during sex I try to wait patiently for him to get his fill, and he thanks me before we move on to stuff both of us like. This doesn't leave either of us satisfied though, as he wants me to enjoy having my breasts touched and I just want it to stop. I've tried telling myself things like, “This wonderful man is touching you to show you how much he cherishes you.” But I've been unable to trick myself. Is there a way for me to condition myself to liking my breasts being touched?
Dear Angry,
Oh, if only you and your husband could strap yourselves into a time machine and go back to that wonderful moment when your husband was caressing your breasts with an arousing, never-to-be-repeated stroke. Was it light tickling, circles with the palms, a fingertip outlining your aureole? The poor guy has been rubbing you the wrong way ever since while trying to recreate that magic touch. You have hypersensitive breasts, and the two of you (by this I mean you and your husband) are going to have to live with that. Still it’s not nothing that you’re able to let him get in some patty-cake time and endure it until he pushes on to something more satisfying for you. So explain to him that it’s enough for you that he enjoys it; asking you to like it, too, just adds unnecessary pressure. Emphasize to him it’s not his fault; it’s simply the way you’re wired. I do have a couple of suggestions. Maybe you’d be willing to put some towels under you and have your husband run an ice cube over your breasts. It could be erotic in a chilly sort of way, and as long as hypothermia doesn’t set in, a few minutes of numbness might allow you enjoy his fondling. If you watch the HBO show Girls, except for the bold Lena Dunham, one would get the idea that young women have sex with their bras on. So try having sex with your bra on. Get a nipple bra, or a water bra, or a combo. This could allow you to let your husband caress the burbling brooks of Frederick’s of Hollywood without you wanting to haul off and punch him in the nuts.