In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?

noodle_oo · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:a8c3e329-3937-4949-83df-64415a63e75c">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude? : Wanna bet?? My brother and SIL did a HM registry and if you look at any of the dozens of other questions about HMRs on this board, you'll see I trash the idea and their registry in particular a lot.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Agreed. We had friends who did both a honeymoon registry and they had a "new house fund" registry on their website (which I sincerely hoped was a joke, but I never was sure). And yes, I found it greedy and offensive. We bought them a gift off their regular registry, but I was in shock at how greedy they could be to have these registries set up. I don't hold it against them, and I hope it was just a temporary lapse in judgement.

You really will have no idea which of your friends/relatives will see your honeymoon registry and think that you are being horribly greedy. They probably won't tell you. But do you really want to take a chance that your guests feel like you are just using them for their cash?

noodle_oo · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:a3551e0f-ad37-4880-b60b-4f0bd55e3c4d">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]IN ADDITION, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would GLADLY put money towards a friends or family members honeymoon if that's what the truly wanted. Maybe some of you are much more well off than we are... good for you, pay for your own honeymoon. Not all of us have money to throw around. AND I was able to go to another site to answer my own question... some all inclusive honeymoon packages actually have wedding registries! So it's can't be all that un-PC if things like this actually exist... not saying we're going to do it, but it's still an option for me. I just feel sorry for the women on here who are so adament about their point of view being 'right'... just because someone see's things a different way, doesn't mean it's wrong.
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

I think it is interesting that you assume that we are "more well off" than you. No, many of us are in the same situation as you. We just understand that asking friends/family to pay for our vacation is RUDE. Whether you can afford it or not, asking guests for money is rude.

Think of it from your friends/family's point of view: what if they can't afford a vacation for themselves? Isn't it rude to ask them to pay for yours (which you can't afford either)?

garcias1 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:913f6027-0eec-41ab-8518-0a6c9036193f">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude? : I think it is interesting that you assume that we are "more well off" than you. No, many of us are in the same situation as you. We just understand that asking friends/family to pay for our vacation is RUDE. Whether you can afford it or not, asking guests for money is rude. Think of it from your friends/family's point of view: what if they can't afford a vacation for themselves? Isn't it rude to ask them to pay for yours (which you can't afford either)?
Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

Agreed, we are forgoing a HM because we can't afford it right now. We certainly are not "well off;" I'm a full time student, so that sort off kills our financial situation. We are waiting 6 months to go on a European vacation (not considered a HM anymore) that we can afford ourselves. I have seriously never been off the Eastern Coast of the United States, and I would LOVE to go somewhere fabulous right after my wedding. But we can't afford it so we aren't doing it right away. That's the way life works.

megk8oz · December 2010

Here's the deal about wedding websites (Including The Knot) and magazines telling you the HM registries or any other rude idea is okay:

The wedding industry is a business first, last and everything in between. They only care about one thing, and one thing only. And I hate to be the one to break it to you all, but it's not "The Bride", it's money.

The wedding industry does not, does not, does not give a sh!t if you and your friends still like each other after your "spashul day" is over. They aren't concerned about your family talking smack behind your back at every family function "for as long as you both shall live". They don't have to be friends with you, they don't have to see you at Christmas, and frankly, they just don't care if your wedding turns you into a raging b!tch that nobody wants to be around anymore.They just want to bleed you, your friends, your mom, your sisters, your cousins ... pretty much anybody they can get their hands on, for every last dime they can get out of you and your wedding. That may sound harsh, but it's the truth.

Summer2011Bride · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:a3551e0f-ad37-4880-b60b-4f0bd55e3c4d">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]IN ADDITION, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would GLADLY put money towards a friends or family members honeymoon if that's what the truly wanted. Maybe some of you are much more well off than we are... good for you, pay for your own honeymoon. Not all of us have money to throw around. AND I was able to go to another site to answer my own question... some all inclusive honeymoon packages actually have wedding registries! So it's can't be all that un-PC if things like this actually exist... not saying we're going to do it, but it's still an option for me. I just feel sorry for the women on here who are so adament about their point of view being 'right'... just because someone see's things a different way, doesn't mean it's wrong.
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

Just b/c you don't mind paying for someone else to have a vacation, doesn't mean everyone else wants to do that.

For the second bolded part--YES! Exactly!!! If you don't have money to throw around, don't go on a vacation, which is what a honeymoon is! Honestly, if FIL's weren't paying for ours (they offered right away, we didn't ask), we would not be taking one b/c we can't afford it.

I don't get why people think they are ENTITLED to a honeymoon just b/c they got married. No one is entitled to a vacation, no matter if you're married, a mother, hardworking, rich, poor, etc. It is OPTIONAL and it is a privilege to take one. You are not entitled to it; you are not owed it. If you can't afford it, the responsible thing to do is postpone it or greatly tone it down OR use any cash people happen to give you to help with it.

mom2em4ever · December 2010

Thank you vhalbeck, very sweet of someone to finally give a nonjudgemental, REAL response

mom2em4ever · December 2010

vhalbeck started off positively, unlike any other poster on here. Why does it matter to you (or anyone else) anyway?

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Almost all of you have been part of the problem. Shame on you!

I'm shocked that this website came so highly recommended and everyone is SO rude. I'm not saying that because people weren't agreeing with me, I am the most open minded person EVER. I love outside opinions and putting all the pieces together to come up with my own opinion on things; I like being able to see all the angles.

And I obviously care about being polite, because that's the reason I put up this post to begin with.

But for some reason, you're all vicious and loose tongued and don't care about how rude YOU LADIES are coming off as. You are the pot calling the kettle black!

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

direy25 · December 2010

OP, here's my question: The title of your post is asking if a HM registry is rude. People said that it is, and now you're offended? Why bother asking the question if you already have your own opinion on it?

mom2em4ever · December 2010

direy25, go back and read the entire thing. It was venemous and... flat out b!tchy. It's the tone people take. I've mentioned before, I honestly can not understand why people aren't more excited and positive on here!

Calypso1977 · December 2010

folks got annoyed becuase we told you it was rude and then you kept going trying to justify it becuase you have kids, etc. maybe if you planned your life out a little better, and got married first, youd have money for your honeymoon and you could enjoy being married before kids wore you out. but life didnt work out that way for you, so you need to live with the choices you made. its not up to your guests to pay for your vacations and your choices.

GoBucksOH · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:25a51976-f7e5-4fdf-bb6b-ee3bdb901809">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]direy25, go back and read the entire thing. It was venemous and... flat out b!tchy. It's the tone people take. I've mentioned before, I honestly can not understand why people aren't more excited and positive on here!
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

Funny.....I wasn't aware you could tell tone from an internet posting.....

MNVegas · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:25a51976-f7e5-4fdf-bb6b-ee3bdb901809">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]direy25, go back and read the entire thing. It was venemous and... flat out b!tchy. It's the tone people take. I've mentioned before, I honestly can not understand why people aren't more excited and positive on here!
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

It is a little difficult being excited and positive about someone doing something, like a HM registry, that is just so rude. Most HM registries are deceitful. How do you expect people to put a positive spin about asking your friends and family for cash when they are probably struggling to make ends meet and keep a roof over their heads.

mkrupar · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:25a51976-f7e5-4fdf-bb6b-ee3bdb901809">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]direy25, go back and read the entire thing. It was venemous and... flat out b!tchy. It's the tone people take. I've mentioned before, I honestly can not understand why people aren't more excited and positive on here!
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

And everyone read your "We NEED a vacation" statement in a bratty tone. What's your point. You're not entitled to a vacation any more than the rest of us. Plan the three day weekend you can afford and call it a day. If your wedding guets give you cash, great! Use that for the HM. But don't stand there with your hand open asking them to fund a vacation you don't NEED, but simply WANT. I hope your children can tell the difference between a need and a want, because you don't seem to grasp the concept.

Summer2011Bride · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:8f531d72-89db-47bb-9060-fc413120ac15">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]vhalbeck started off positively, unlike any other poster on here. Why does it matter to you (or anyone else) anyway? If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Almost all of you have been part of the problem. Shame on you! I'm shocked that this website came so highly recommended and everyone is SO rude. I'm not saying that because people weren't agreeing with me, I am the most open minded person EVER. I love outside opinions and putting all the pieces together to come up with my own opinion on things; I like being able to see all the angles. And I obviously care about being polite, because that's the reason I put up this post to begin with. But for some reason, you're all vicious and loose tongued and don't care about how rude YOU LADIES are coming off as. You are the pot calling the kettle black! "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

Haha please re-read the bolded part and tell me how you are being open-minded and like getting outside opinions.

tldh · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:25a51976-f7e5-4fdf-bb6b-ee3bdb901809">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]direy25, go back and read the entire thing. It was venemous and... flat out b!tchy. It's the tone people take. I've mentioned before, I honestly can not understand why people aren't more excited and positive on here!
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

Because what you want to do is quite possibly the rudest, most dishonest thing a bride and groom can do.

And you owe people who were trying to help you an apology.

ckonidak · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:ed21fb42-3cf5-43d3-bb90-d6efe92857ad">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, if you or anyone else feels like the comments are harsh, then fine. But you cannot deny that most people on this board are telling you that a HM registry is not okay. Take all the other words out of the posts, ignore anything else you need to ignore to be able to realize these posts were not a personal attack, and that these people are giving you honest, no bs feedback on an idea. It takes some getting used to, but you'll figure it out. Take the feedback to heart and realize when you've had a bad idea. It's okay, you weren't the first, and you won't be the last.
Posted by ckonidak[/QUOTE]

I feel kind of self-centered quoting myself, but really, my post (and many others on this board) were not snotty or rude. They were honest. I get what you mean about reading 'tone' into someone's words, but you are here to get advice. You asked for our opinions, and good or bad, you got them. If you really are an open-minded person, then I would assume that you can re-read my post, and other's like it, and take it for what it is worth.

PS. You have a bit of 'tone' yourself, so try not to take things so personally. Like I said, it can be hard having your ideas shot down, but we can't control you. You're going to do whatever you want to do anyway, so just let it go if that's the case.

mom2em4ever · December 2010

But who are you to judge me?! LOL

mom2em4ever · December 2010

If I had any slight tone of an attitude, I apologize for that. But being attacked by women for asking an innocent question? Come on now. Any single one of you could have simply said 'Oh no, I personally think that's rude' instead of bashing my character for even asking. My very first post on here and all I got was attitude and I was put down for even asking. I have NO idea how weddings work, came for advice (this site is highly recommended for some odd reason), and was put down! Where's the fun in that! I'm afraid to even ask about anything else now. Just WOW. If every single person on here is right, then who's wrong?! I've been judged for asking a very simple question... reeeeally. I'm so over this. I wish you all the best for your futures, please stop judging mine.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:5abc1289-c86d-43b6-9a4a-80161679aae9">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I had any slight tone of an attitude, I apologize for that. But being attacked by women for asking an innocent question? Come on now. Any single one of you could have simply said 'Oh no, I personally think that's rude' instead of bashing my character for even asking. My very first post on here and all I got was attitude and I was put down for even asking. I have NO idea how weddings work, came for advice (this site is highly recommended for some odd reason), and was put down! Where's the fun in that! I'm afraid to even ask about anything else now. Just WOW. If every single person on here is right, then who's wrong?! I've been judged for asking a very simple question... reeeeally. I'm so over this. I wish you all the best for your futures, please stop judging mine.
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

Stop being a princess. People only got snitty with you when you decided you NEEDED a vacation. That's when the sarcasm and "bashing" as you call it, started. Let's not forget why everyone jumped all over your case. Before you decided to tell everyone how much you NEEDED a completely unnecessary trip, everyone simply answered your question and gave you ideas as to how to get money instead of physical gifts without being rude about it.

Summer2011Bride · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:f51b7090-cfcc-49b3-a9d7-0f2152f61cfe">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude? : Stop being a princess. People only got snitty with you when you decided you NEEDED a vacation. That's when the sarcasm and "bashing" as you call it, started. Let's not forget why everyone jumped all over your case. Before you decided to tell everyone how much you NEEDED a completely unnecessary trip, everyone simply answered your question and gave you ideas as to how to get money instead of physical gifts without being rude about it.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

This. Our intitial responses to you WERE along the lines of "This is rude. Please don't do this," etc. That is not rude; it's being honest, like you claim you wanted. People on here only took offense after you spouted off about "Oh honey, I NEED a vacation b/c I Have kids and work hard" blah blah blah, which is very snooty and just untrue. No one NEEDS a vacation; that is a WANT. I still don't think you quite grasp that. THAT is what everyone had a problem with, and quite frankly, your tone and attitude aren't sweet as peaches either :)

Manwaithiel · December 2010

You. Don't. Need. A. Vacation.

You WANT a vaction.

By your logic, we ALL need a vacation. That doesn't mean we need one to survive.

No one's jealous of you. Get over yourself.

banana468 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:63197773-15b2-483b-a8d4-764c00bb480c">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]summer2011bride: "Oh honey, I NEED a vacation b/c I Have kids and work hard" blah blah blah, which is very snooty and just untrue. WHO ARE YOU TO SAY THAT?! Moderator, yes ma'am! I advise the rest of the ladies on here to do the same. I think people are jealous that I will probably get the honeymoon they'll never have. I'm on here because I'm excited about marrying my sweet heart, I never expected to be welcomed like this. Thank you to the ladies who provided polite responses, everyone else, I feel sorry for you. If only you all knew how far from a princess I truly am. Best wishes!
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

DH and I never took a long honeymoon. We took a one hour ferry ride, stayed in a B&B for 2 nights and then went home band back to work.

Three and a half years later after still not taking any big 'ol lavish vacation, we just bought a house and then FIVE days after we moved, I was sent to the hospital to be induced to deliver our first child. Yes, we had not spent a full week in our home before we were sleeping in a hospital.

She's four weeks old today, we've hardly slept, the house is not completely unpacked, I still have stitches in me and I'm anemic, my daughter won't nurse well, and oh - NO ONE wants to buy our condo that is still on the market.

And because of finances and the lack of FMLA at my company, I go back to work FULL TIME in just over two weeks.

Don't talk to me about needing a vacation.

megk8oz · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_lieu-of-wedding-gifts-honeymoon-this-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:49cc9c8b-f513-4d14-adda-d1b04b3e9f4fPost:63197773-15b2-483b-a8d4-764c00bb480c">Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]summer2011bride: "Oh honey, I NEED a vacation b/c I Have kids and work hard" blah blah blah, which is very snooty and just untrue. WHO ARE YOU TO SAY THAT?! Moderator, yes ma'am! I advise the rest of the ladies on here to do the same. I think people are jealous that I will probably get the honeymoon they'll never have. I'm on here because I'm excited about marrying my sweet heart, I never expected to be welcomed like this. Thank you to the ladies who provided polite responses, everyone else, I feel sorry for you. If only you all knew how far from a princess I truly am. Best wishes!
Posted by mom2em4ever[/QUOTE]

Please explain to us how exactly will you die if you do not get a HM? Because unless not going on one will actually kill you somehow, you. do. not. NEED. one. So yes, we're allowed to tell you that you can't say you "need" one, because you don't. You want one.

There is a big difference between "need" and "want", somebody that's raising a child should be able to differentiate.

And FTR, I had a great HM. That DH and I paid for ourselves.

trix1223 · December 2010

oh my goodness mom2em: When our children were small, we taught them the difference between what they NEED and what they WANT. We started from the time they were small, and guess what? They are all responsible adults who understand completely that, as the song goes "They don't always get what they WANT."

I sincerely you hope that you do a better job of teaching your babies about wants versus needs than you apparently were taught.

And no one, not a single person, was rude or untoward to you until you broke out the "Oh honey, I NEED a vacation".

I'm "jealous" of you. That's hilarious. Thanks for the giggle.

Happy New Year.

In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?

Re: In lieu of wedding gifts... honeymoon $? Is this rude?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards