Having a little debate

afloresnew686 · April 2010

Hello everyone

So here is my little situation. I have 6 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen haha. My groomsmen are my fiance's brother and my cousin-in-law who I care for a lot. I've been having a little debate with my mum because she says I should have my best friend's husband as a groomsman, she is one of my bridesmaids and just recently got married, but I have yet to meet him and have only seen him in pictures. I keep telling my mom no that I wont do it because I dont see why I HAVE to, she says its so that they dont feel left out, but isnt the bridal party supposed to be people you know and see as family (if they arent already?)? My fiance sides with me on this one because he hasnt met the guy either and he feels that he would feel awkward having a complete stranger next to him at the wedding. We dont mind him coming to the wedding at all, Im actually glad about it, but I just see him coming as a guest, not as part of the party eventhough his wife is....

Please let me know what you think, should I side with my mother and ask my best friend to let her hubby know he's part of the wedding or should I stand my ground (in other words, am I right with saying no?)

Here's another little problem I'm having (sorry). My sister had been seperated from her husband and she recently got back together with him, I (and most of my family) along with my fiance cant stand the man and dont want him in our lives, but Im afraid that if I tell my sister that I dont want him at my wedding that she'll say she wont come. What should I do? He's never cared for me or for anyone in my family and whenever we have family get togethers he complains and always wants to leave early. Its my day, I dont want it to be ruined by someone like that. What should I do?

Thank you for listening!

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

So- nothing wrong with uneven sides. I think you should have people YOU want, not who your mom thinks she wants.

As for the ex bil or whatever, I would invite him if your sister is with him, because it is the polite thing to do. See how the summer goes, who knows what will happen between now and when invitations are sent out.

AdeleDazeem · April 2010

Why does it sound like you picked the groomsmen? That's your fiance's job.

Ultimately, the decision goes to your fiance. If he wants random husband, he can have him. But if he doesn't, then he shouldn't be forced.

Tell your mom to stay out of it.

nhelene · April 2010

There's no reason that your FI should have someone he's never met as one of his groomsmen. My best man is married, and at least three of the others in the WP will be bringing dates, but none of their SOs will be in the wedding party.

banana468 · April 2010

Your WP should be those closest to you and your FI. Strangers should not be in it.

BUT, you need to invite your sister (and anyone) with their SOs.

CTGirl30 · April 2010

Strangers should definately not be in the WP. There seems to be so much misperception that SO's of WP members need to also be included in the WP. This is simply not the case at all. It's not your mom's place to be butting into the WP decisions anyway - that's between you and your FI. You ask your side and he asks his.

As for the other situation - if your sister is back with the guy, then he needs to be invited. You'll be way to busy celebrating to notice if he's sulking in a corner and if he is - that's his problem, not yours. But don't insult your sister by excluding her husband and not inviting him to your wedding. I can guarentee you that wouldn't help matters improve in the family dynamics here - she's probably well aware already that others aren't his biggest fans...

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

How often do people post things on here that somewhat resemble the making of a cheesy romantic comedy about a wedding? Are they bored and think "Hey, I should pretend like my life sounds a little bit like 'I Love You, Man!' or some other movie?"

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

Your FI should choose the people that are closest to him to be his GMs. If you haven't even met the BM's new husband, it would be ridiculous to ask him.

If those two are your FI's closest friends, good. Done. If he has other friends, it's his decision whether or not to ask them.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

You don't have to have the SOs of your wedding party in the wedding party as well. However, they DO have to be invited to the wedding and rehearsal dinner.

emilyinchile · April 2010

It would be really weird to ask your friend's husband to be in your wedding. If someone who'd never met me asked me to be a BM just because DH was a GM, I would decline. You should, however, have ALL of your WP sitting with their dates at the reception - maybe your mom is thinking of the old-fashioned head tables where WP members were separated from their dates and worried about your friend.

You also need to invite your sister with her husband. Whether or not you like him has nothing to do with it - if they are married or in a serious relationship, they are a social unit and need to be invited together.

afloresnew686 · April 2010

Thank you all for your feedback

Now I just have to figure out a way for my mom to see it that way because even my dad thinks the BM's DH should be in the party.

Joy2611: No I didnt pick my groomsmen, my FI did. He chose his brother and agreed to having my cousin-in-law as a groomsmen too because he liked him too.

As for my second situation, it really wasnt the answer I was looking for (haha) but I see what you guys mean. And its still a bit away and things can change so we'll see what will happen.

Thanks again for all your help!!

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