Wedding peeves

bunni727 · February 2013

Not sending thank you notes.

I can't believe that wasn't near the top. I don't buy people presents just to get thank you notes or anything, but I do spend a lot of time selecting good, thoughtful gifts and it's hurtful that they are not appreciated. It baffles me that I have attended 5 baby showers, two bridal showers and a wedding in the past year, and the only thank you note I've gotten has been from H's school for judging a poetry competition.

mcda04 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:fe2c18f0-44c1-450a-926d-2da113994bf5">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : Geez, I think everyone missed the COUPLES I KNOW WELL part. If I knew they didn't like pictures or frames, but knew they liked oh let's say a vase, then they would get a vase!! (From Tiffany's of course, I LOVE Tiffany's).
Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

If a couple had frames from Target on their registry and you buy them a Tiffany's one I don't think there's a problem.

But if you buy them something they didn't ask for or need is wrong because maybe the couples don't want something expensive but necessary. I love Tiffany's as well but frames or vases aren't something on my registries. I NEEDED sheets, blankets, towels, etc...

orangehills · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:6fd323b2-d478-40e8-8ffc-94d72ead5937">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]Not sending thank you notes. I can't believe that wasn't near the top. I don't buy people presents just to get thank you notes or anything, but I do spend a lot of time selecting good, thoughtful gifts and it's hurtful that they are not appreciated. It baffles me that I have attended 5 baby showers, two bridal showers and a wedding in the past year, and the only thank you note I've gotten has been from H's school for judging a poetry competition.
Posted by bunni727[/QUOTE]

I posted something on facebook, an article about how i will be forcing my kids to write thank you notes, and added a little note that said, adults too!

people got SO defensive saying, I don't have time to do it, or I forget! Chances are, if you are defensive, you are in the wrong.. so I didn't feel bad for my passive aggresive posting lol.

daria24 · February 2013

The absolute worst thing to me is the Jack & Jill fundraiser. Never heard of it before TK, but I'm absolutely horrified by it.

The worst thing I have personally experienced is wedding where the bride + groom & wedding party get better food and drinks than the guests. I don't care if you have a dry reception, but serving beer & champagne to the WP and water to your guests (they didn't even have a cash bar...there was literally nother besides water for the guests) is the biggest FU ever in my eyes.

orangehills · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:aac5a456-5bb7-4379-8a23-8030e92d91ef">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : I was planning on sending five invites, but now I can't without deliberately ignoring what the mom said. I'm leaning towards just sending one.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

Probably the best case scenario for that one! The only reason that bugs me is because I was 27, not living with my mom, had a boyfriend who is now FI, and got an invite sent to her house added on to her invite. That irked me!

bunni727 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:3b6dc2ec-6092-4c8e-905b-e63e4c30b7d2">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : I posted something on facebook, an article about how i will be forcing my kids to write thank you notes, and added a little note that said, adults too! people got SO defensive saying, I don't have time to do it, or I forget! Chances are, if you are defensive, you are in the wrong.. so I didn't feel bad for my passive aggresive posting lol.
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

If people have time to buy me a present, I have time to write a note thanking them. :)

AJuliaNJ · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:d0f6ad08-270f-4b63-8ef0-5ac847e842fc">Re:Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Wedding peeves: yes!! This is why we ditched the bouquet toss I hated it as a single woman. Our florist made me a toss bouquet out of extra flowers from my bouquets, which I didn't expect. Our DJ had ALL the women regardless of marital status come dance to "Girls just wanna have fun" and I tossed the bouquet.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

I ditched it, too. I can't trust some of my overzealous friends to not try to drag single women up. Once I reached a certain age and was still single, I would just not get up, which obviously doesn't fly at any of the weddings I've been to. There's always a woman or group of women that won't take no for an answer if you don't want to go up and it creates an embarrassing and unnecessary show. I was once one of only two single women at a wedding, and when I knew the toss was about to start, I tried to leave the room inconspicuously with a friend and go into the bar in the main restaurant. A bunch of girls tracked me down there .I was so humiliated because then I looked like a curmudgeon arguing with these girls that just wanted me to have funnnnnnn.

I have nothing against the toss itself. Just let people that don't want to participate sit it out.

Sierra524 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:d930bad1-e264-457d-b9b8-974afb77859f">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : Is it rude if I was specifically told to do this? One of my closest family friends is a household that includes four college aged adults who still use their parents' home as their mailing address. When I called to check if any of her kids were in relationships, the mom told me not to bother sending five invitations to their house and just to send one.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

I am so happy you posted this! I wanted to get that cleared up too. I have 3 families that include college aged kids and was told to just send one invite to each house. I wasnt sure if that was right, but its what was requested by FMIL. So, I guess I am just going to send one.

ladytori · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:ff254e63-4909-42fe-b55b-7a6a528d6f29">Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm curious to know what bothers you most of all when it comes to weddings. A certain tradition, breach of etiquette, commonly used phrase, whatever. If you could narrow it down to one or two pet-est peeves... what are yours? I'd say mine is the phrase "my/her/your special day". First of all, there is another person in this marriage called a "groom", so it should be "our special day". Second of all, there are many many MANY special days in one's life. Births, graduations, promotions, etc. It's used too often as an excuse to get away with bad behavior. You know? My runner up would easily be having a personal attendant. From personal experience. (Not that I had a PA - I was a PA.)
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

Wedding aren't just about the bride. It's about the bride and groom uniting their love together. My husband was involved with wedding planning just as much as me.

People have said sweet remarks about our wedding such as, "You planned such a fun wedding" Or, "I had a great time. You know how to plan a great wedding."

I have reminded our guests that both me and my husband were involved in planning the wedding. I'm so surprised how people were shocked by this and always followed up with "He planned this too?" My response was always, "Yeah. It was his wedding too."

orangehills · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:99cc773f-67ed-4a55-8628-276322d06567">Re:Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Wedding peeves : I specifically told my florist that there would be no bouquet toss. I have also banned that garter belt thing that always creeps me out and conga lines. I'm no fun.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

The banning of these things would make me enjoy your wedding lol

TKzilla · February 2013

I have a confession. I sent save-the-date cards to my aunt - but addressed it to Mr. and Mrs. Aunt and Family without thinking that my cousins are grown.

Luckily, I can rectify this with the invitations. In my defense, that was the third to last address I got (from fb, no less) and wrote it, sealed it and stamped it at 2 in the morning.

I hang my head in shame, guys. Shame!

ladytori · February 2013

Another item, I dislike was "tradition is..." I kept reminding people that my husband and I envisioned a non-traditional wedding.

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

Good thread! My number one pet peeve is entitled brides who basically have an anyeurism when people don't immediately coo and reinforce their posts. Then when they get solid advice, they roll around on the virtual floor in a tantrum. If you really think we're so aweful, just freakin leave. I'd say my second is PPD redos. They're insulting to the guests, to the marriage, and to people wh can't legally

KatWAG · February 2013

A big pet peeve of mine is when the ceremony and the reception are not near eachother. I am not talking about time gaps, although those are also annoying. But I dont want to drive an hour between the 2 locations.

A few other pet peeves:
"Black tie" wedding that arent really black tie.
skipping thank you notes
the chicken dance/ electic slide.

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

Sorry about the messy posts, my phone is being a prima donna today. Can't even go back and fix it.

Jager1219 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:aac5a456-5bb7-4379-8a23-8030e92d91ef">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : I was planning on sending five invites, but now I can't without deliberately ignoring what the mom said. I'm leaning towards just sending one.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]
I'd send the one. I personally never got annoyed at not getting my own invite when I was in college. I did however, get annoyed about not getting my own TY note when I gave a separate gift. If it was 1 gift from my family, I would have expected 1 thank you note.

Sierra524 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:b208ab9d-ed77-49cb-ab21-757975259224">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : It is the idea that the gift you give should be equal to the amount your dinner cost. So if the reception charges $100/pp and me and my H attend, we should gift the couple a check for no less than $200, so that we've covered the price of our plate. It is a sh*tty "rule" because guests don't set the budget for the wedding, the hosts do, and it ignores the whole point of the reception, which is to thank the guests. "Reimburse me for your dinner" is not how you thank people.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

OMG I have never heard of this before & I hope I never encounter this. Are the guest aware of this before hand? I would refuse to go to a wedding like this. Thats seriously awful & rude. Why would somebody do this? Just serve food you can afford!!

[Deleted User] · February 2013

I'd have to go with garter tosses that get out of hand. I'm not a fan in general and am not going anywhere near that in my own wedding, but I get really sketched out when the groom is sticking his head way up in the brides va-jay-jay and pulling the garter off with his teeth. I usually look away, I find it so awkward. Then some random dude has to slide it all the way up some girl's leg that he doesn't know? Also super awkward.

kmmssg · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:4c095a08-8753-4d6a-aede-59dedccc2e0c">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : No, No! All the weddings I have attended, I have know the couple very well. I usually get the couple a picture frame from Tiffany's (no one registers at Tiffany's), and get it engraved with their names and wedding date. It is NOT a mean or crappy thing. I wouldn't do that!
Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

My oldest sister thinks picture frames are the most unique gift ever.....and refuses to shop from a registry. I always buy from the registry and try to choose something they might have around for a few years.

There is a lady here on post who had a huge wedding. We tease her about the 19 picture frames they received as wedding gifts. Ah, each a unique idea. Everyone of them was a "wedding frame" and she can't tell you who gave them most of them.

I'm all about what the couple wants and will have around for awhile and I would never ever give someone something that was unreturnable.

Jager1219 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:9f63df7a-25b9-4d6c-a2e5-4e403d1de211">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]A big pet peeve of mine is when the ceremony and the reception are not near eachother. I am not talking about time gaps, although those are also annoying. But I dont want to drive an hour between the 2 locations. A few other pet peeves: "Black tie" wedding that arent really black tie. skipping thank you notes the chicken dance/ electic slide.
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]
Yes - I HATE that. And I'm just talking about attire that the WP wears. I'll let it slide if the waiters aren't gloved, but at LEAST put your BM in floor length dresses if you expect me to wear one.

KatWAG · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:6c0348ec-930b-4de9-9ff1-1ac78fabd448">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : Yes - I HATE that. And I'm just talking about attire that the WP wears. I'll let it slide if the waiters aren't gloved, but at LEAST put your BM in floor length dresses if you expect me to wear one.
Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

I completely agree. If a couple decides to have a black tie affair then they need to pull out all the stops.. band, multi course meal, fancy invites, full cocktail hour, premier liquor etc

SJM7538 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:c9718b98-f2ca-4302-ab21-5b5d47d639a7">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd have to go with garter tosses that get out of hand. I'm not a fan in general and am not going anywhere near that in my own wedding, but I get really sketched out when the groom is sticking his head way up in the brides va-jay-jay and pulling the garter off with his teeth. I usually look away, I find it so awkward. Then some random dude has to slide it all the way up some girl's leg that he doesn't know? Also super awkward.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

What's even worse is when either one of them has an SO. I went to a wedding where the guy that caught the garter had a girlfriend. The poor girl had to sit there and watch her boyfriend slide the garter onto another girl's leg. So akward!

I actually found a cute alternative to the "traditional garter." I don't want my fiance feeling me up in front of my entire family so I am going to take a garter and hot glue it to a football. The example I found had something cute written on the football like "Jenn & Matt 2013. You're next..." So my fiance will toss the football with the garter attached as opposed to just the garter.

Coghoot12 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:0293302f-4db8-4b86-a4e4-74ab9ae17355">Re:Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Wedding peeves: Exactly. I hid in the bathroom at one wedding during the toss. I really didn't know the florist had made a toss bouquet until our DOC approached me with it. It was actually a lot of fun since we said it was for all women.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

I was at a wedding with H (then FI) and this was 5 months before our wedding. When the bride did the bouquet toss, H's Aunts sitting at our table started yelling at me to go up there. I said "I'm not single". They said "well, the wedding hasn't happened yet.".

Jager1219 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:0bc13d0b-0bc6-42ea-bef2-2103dae34082">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : I completely agree. If a couple decides to have a black tie affair then they need to pull out all the stops.. band, multi course meal, fancy invites, full cocktail hour, premier liquor etc
Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]
Honestly, I'll let it slide if they have a DJ instead of a band. But I hate going to "black-tie" weddings and the bridesmaids are in cocktail dresses. Apparantly I'm the only one who got the memo.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:f1573773-5c3e-4627-bef3-bd64a030a2c2">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : What's even worse is when either one of them has an SO. I went to a wedding where the guy that caught the garter had a girlfriend. The poor girl had to sit there and watch her boyfriend slide the garter onto another girl's leg.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

I may have you beat. I was at one where the girl who caught the bouquet was like 14. And her dad was standing there staring as the 40 year old man who caught the garter was basically groping his daughters leg. REALLY bizarre.

Coghoot12 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:d3458784-76bf-47cf-bd78-20d2ff90a951">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : I may have you beat. I was at one where the girl who caught the bouquet was like 14. And her dad was standing there staring as the 40 year old man who caught the garter was basically groping his daughters leg. REALLY bizarre.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />

Jager1219 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:2d8d44fc-cc02-484f-a21a-01bee9ef6926">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : YES! I only recently saw the "put the garter on the girl who catches the bouquet" thing. SO weird!!!
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
I've actually never seen a garter toss where they DIDN'T put the garter on the girl who caught the bouquet. Only exception was when a little boy caught it, so the DJ said, "well normally we like to play a game here, but we're not going to do that in this case". For that reason, I'll usually go up but stand in the back. A friend of mine actually has a really funny pic of her bouquet toss. You see the flowers in the air & all of us are just staring at it bored, waiting for it to fall to the ground (which actually happened).

AJuliaNJ · February 2013

Family members who made no financial contributions trying to force things like a rehearsal dinner and day-after brunch down our throats. Our wedding is supposed to last 3 days???? We aren't even having a rehearsal so why do we need a dinner? Also, really any criticisms or unsolicited advice about our wedding from noncontributing parties.

nycrose2013 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:5cd27258-8b96-4f21-8b5f-fd6894e8b916">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : OMG I have never heard of this before & I hope I never encounter this. Are the guest aware of this before hand? I would refuse to go to a wedding like this. Thats seriously awful & rude. Why would somebody do this? Just serve food you can afford!!
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

I think you are misunderstanding. The so called "cover your plate" rule is not actually a rule. Guests have just used that as a guideline for giving cash gifts, and it is usually based on a rough idea of how much weddings cost in that area. I know most of my family use that as a guideline, and they can figure out how much, roughly, their plates cost by thinking of family weddings they threw, or their own weddings, etc. No one, and I mean NO ONE, tells guests how much the per plate cost is, or that they need to "follow" this rule

People post on here all the time asking how much they should give as a cash gift, and that idea of covering one's plate just sort of took hold. It is very generous, but by no means expected or required.

SJM7538 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-pet-peeves-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8d092ac-c63a-4a3d-a0b2-c62befd68f05Post:eb78679d-a4bc-412e-8d41-41e7086d8d98">Re: Wedding peeves</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding peeves : I like the football idea. One of my friend's mom works for a department store. They brought the bride out (wheeled her out on a desk chair). When the groom reached under her dress, he pulled out a mannequin leg with the garter on it. He actually threw the leg, which became the running gag for the rest of the night. It was pretty creative and memorable!
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

Thanks! I can't really take credit for me. One of my BMS who is pinterest obsessed actually found it. I avoid pinterest at all costs. Its WAY to much DYI nonsense and migraines for me.

Love the mannequin leg though. Too funny.

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