Out of town mom and MOH

Re: Out of town mom and MOH

• calliopeia2013 member

  

  September 2012 edited September 2012

  Why isn't your fiance helping you?
  
  Seriously, I'm most of the way through wedding planning, and here's the thing.  Two people is more than enough to plan everything- it'd be stressful if you were doing it totally on your own, but as long as your FI is helping out, there's really not any pressure at all.
  
  If you want to talk about wedding stuff, go to online message boards like these, or call your mom or MOH (assuming they want to talk about it).  It's good to be excited, but really no matter where you are, most people aren't going to want to talk about wedding stuff all the time even if they're not single.  Your fiance is really the only person who you can and should expect to be as excited about your wedding as you are.
  
  As far as more practical advice, set your budget first, then your guest list, then pick a venue.  Everything else flows from there.  The venue and the caterer are really the only hard parts; everything else is either pretty straightforward (DJ, photographer) or just downright fun (dress shopping, cake tastings).

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• EK2013 member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-mom-and-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d44c2c7a-7137-4b75-95c8-4463db7a7e86Post:5ce2ae7a-d188-47d6-8870-427bfd08c335">Out of town mom and MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]HELP!!!!!  I am a college student, and live about 10 hrs from my hometown where my mom and Maid of Honor live. I am stressing out about wedding plans and feel like i dont have anyone to talk to because all of my friends down here are single and dont like discussing the wedding! I am still newly engaged so I am not deep into planning right now, but the date is set, the colors picked, the wedding party has been chosen, and the city of the wedding has been selescted. I just need some advice on how to handle the pressures on planning and trying to make things work when I feel like i am on my own planning this wedding! 
  Posted by theeburrells[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Hi! I planned a wedding in my mom's city--I lived 3 hours from her and my bridesmaids were from probably about 6-8 hours away from the venue. </div><div>
  </div><div>Are you having it in your city, your hometown, or a different city?</div><div>
  </div><div>You've gotten a lot done, and you're not getting married for over a year. I did the majority of my planning long distance in less than 6 months because I was a student too and really busy finishing my thesis. </div><div>
  </div><div>I saw my BMs maybe two or three times each during those 6 months time before they got in for the wedding week. I picked out dresses with them remotely. My mom, on the other hand, was a godsend because she was willing and able to do a lot of research on local vendors to then show DH and me when we visited her.</div><div>
  </div><div>I second a PP's suggestion that you make friends with some of the women on your month board because a lot of people who aren't in the trenches of planning just won't be that excited about a wedding that's over a year out.</div>

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• theeburrells member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-mom-and-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d44c2c7a-7137-4b75-95c8-4463db7a7e86Post:8cc93af9-0d6f-4515-b0a0-267fab13f013">Re: Out of town mom and MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to  Out of town mom and MOH : Hi! I planned a wedding in my mom's city--I lived 3 hours from her and my bridesmaids were from probably about 6-8 hours away from the venue.  Are you having it in your city, your hometown, or a different city? You've gotten a lot done, and you're not getting married for over a year. I did the majority of my planning long distance in less than 6 months because I was a student too and really busy finishing my thesis.  I saw my BMs maybe two or three times each during those 6 months time before they got in for the wedding week. I picked out dresses with them remotely. My mom, on the other hand, was a godsend because she was willing and able to do a lot of research on local vendors to then show DH and me when we visited her. I second a PP's suggestion that you make friends with some of the women on your month board because a lot of people who aren't in the trenches of planning just won't be that excited about a wedding that's over a year out.
  Posted by EK2013[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>I am having the Wedding back home which is why I am having a problem. I think my real problem is that Since the only time I am going home is this Thanksgiving, so I feel like I have to have a majoirty plan while I am there. 
  
  </div>

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• theeburrells member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-mom-and-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d44c2c7a-7137-4b75-95c8-4463db7a7e86Post:b4f5a377-40c3-414f-a6cf-14e684ce8f85">Re: Out of town mom and MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]My daughter and I planned her wedding and we were 2000 miles apart.  There is something today called the internet!  We were able to communicate by e-mail easily.  I did fly to Washington DC to shop for her dress and to put the deposit on the reception venue.  The rest was planned over the internet.  We paid for the wedding, and we gave her a budget.  She shopped for flowers by herself, and she met with her three bridesmaids to shop for their dresses later. Your MOH is not your wedding planner.  Her job is to show up sober, dressed in the chosen dress, and to hold your bouquet when you exchange rings with your FI.  She also has to smile for the camera. My daughter didn't get an engagement party or shower because of the distance.  She was fine with that.  She did get a bachelorette party.  (We didn't have those in 1976.) You'll be fine.  Ask your FI to help.  It's his wedding, too. If you want to talk to girls who are interested in wedding stuff, go to your Wedding Month Board (on the left) and get aquainted.  You will be very welcome there.
  Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I am aware that there is a thing called the internet. Im not stupid. The reason the internet option is out is because the house that my mother is living in does not have internet and the only time she has a phone is on the weekends when she goes down to visit my father. </div><div>
  </div><div>I am paying for my own wedding since I don't have the luxry of having parents can help with the costs. That beig said, I also don't have the time or money to fly home on the weekends to look at locations or going shopping with my bridesmaids. </div><div>
  </div><div>My FI is helping with the small decisions, but he is not available to talk about deatils with all the time since he is trying to finsih up his law degree and doesn't have the time to sit down for hours and discus all the wedding details, which i fully understand and I am okay with. </div><div>I wrote this post merely for some sort if advice and support since this is supposed to be a happy time in my life. </div>

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• theeburrells member

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_out-of-town-mom-and-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d44c2c7a-7137-4b75-95c8-4463db7a7e86Post:1c284cb9-7f1e-4c58-9bf3-769a9e3cd160">Re: Out of town mom and MOH</a>:
  [QUOTE]Why isn't your fiance helping you? Seriously, I'm most of the way through wedding planning, and here's the thing.  Two people is more than enough to plan everything- it'd be stressful if you were doing it totally on your own, but as long as your FI is helping out, there's really not any pressure at all. If you want to talk about wedding stuff, go to online message boards like these, or call your mom or MOH (assuming they want to talk about it).  It's good to be excited, but really no matter where you are, most people aren't going to want to talk about wedding stuff all the time even if they're not single.  Your fiance is really the only person who you can and should expect to be as excited about your wedding as you are. As far as more practical advice, set your budget first, then your guest list, then pick a venue.  Everything else flows from there.  The venue and the caterer are really the only hard parts; everything else is either pretty straightforward (DJ, photographer) or just downright fun (dress shopping, cake tastings).
  Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>My FI is finishing up with his law degree and is not able to devote much time to anything other than his studies right now, which I knew ahead of time. 
  As far as talking to people, I do not always talk about my wedding. When I do talk about its because Im trying t get ideas from my frieds thathave had a part in weddings that were in the same town as mine will be in. </div>

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• awolkenhauer

  

  September 2012

  I feel like you're stressing yourself out too much. I'm currently planning my wedding from a 5 hour distance with no help from family or friends and it has not been stressful at all. I just talked to my maid of honor for the first time in 3 months yesterday. Do a lot of online research about venues, caterers and the like. If you can't get ideas from your friends, read online reviews; they have been life savers for me. Once you find the ones you're interested in, devote one weekend to going and seeing them all. I have all the major aspects of my wedding booked and have only been to the location once in the almost year that I've been planning.
  
  Also, the phone and email are amazing when it comes to planning from afar. Most of my communications with my caterer, photographer, DJ, and everyone else is by email. You don't have to meet in person to ask questions and recieve answers.
  
  It's really only as stressful as you make it. Take it one step at a time, you don't have to do everything at once. And you can do it without much help, many women do.

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• calliopeia2013 member

  

  September 2012

  Sometimes the best advice we can give to folks who come to these boards isn't specific things to do or try, it's advising people that there's something a little bit out of whack about the way they're thinking, and that with a little bit of an adjustment in how they think about something or other, things would be a lot easier.  There are a couple of ways that I think folks have been trying to nudge you to adjust how you're thinking about things.
  
  The first is thinking of your FI as your first and foremost source of help.  If he doesn't want to help, I suppose there's not much you can do, but as someone who's been through law school, I assure you that that's not really an excuse.  (I mean, you know, for the three weeks around exams each semester I wouldn't expect much out of him, but he shouldn't be out of commission all the time.)  I know a good half-dozen couples who planned beautiful weddings while bride and groom were both in law school...and I know even more couples, including myself, where we did just fine planning a wedding when both of us were full-time employed as lawyers...which I assure you (and you'll find out soon) takes up way more time than law school ever did or could.  Now, your FI may have time management issues, or trouble dealing with stress.  He may just not be interested in wedding planning.  But you're selling yourself and him short if you assume that being in law school means he doesn't have time to help you out.
  
  The other big thing to change about how you're thinking about things is to remember that planning a wedding isn't really that much more complicated than throwing a big party.  Most people have probably planned a birthday party or a baby shower or whatever by the time they're in college; the ingredients of a wedding are the same.  Space to have it, food, drink, and music.  Maybe some decorations, and a pretty dress.  It sounds like you can do a lot of the initial legwork online from where you are- so maybe start looking up venues now, and narrow your favorites, that are in your price range, down to about half a dozen that you can tour when you're home for Thanksgiving, or later when you're home for the holidays.  (Same with caterers.)  I did in-person interviews of my photographer and DJ candidates; you can interview them over the phone instead.  If you're looking for as little work as possible, consider venues that come with a caterer, like hotels.
  
  And finally, just remember that the little stuff doesn't matter.  At the end of the day, you'll have had a big party with a bunch of people who love you, and you'll be married to the guy you love.  That's the part that really matters, right?

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• renegade gaucho member

  

  September 2012

  Why don't you postpone the wedding until you and your fiance have more time to plan?  Finish up school first and then you can concentrate on wedding stuff, and it will give you more time to save money so you won't feel so pressured financially.

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• Kristin789 member

  

  September 2012

  You're not getting married for OVER A YEAR:  November 2013.  Take a deep breath.  And spend more time loving your parents, because they probably are trying hard to accomodate you even though they don't have internet/computers/phone.

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