No Father/Daughter dance?

annab0521 · February 2010

Is it a horrible mistake not to have a father/daughter dance? I've got a lot of reasons for not wanting one - the first and foremost being that my father and I have never, ever gotten along. Recently we've been putting forth an effort, and I've even asked him to walk me down the aisle, but our relationship is still very touchy. But in addition to the touchy relationship, the bigger issue is that my FMIL (who I loved dearly and who was very, VERY close to my FI) recently passed away, and I just think it would be hard on my fiance and the rest of the family for me to have a father duaghter dance when obviously there won't be a mother/son dance. I don't see why I should put that strain on the family when dancing with my dad doesn't necessarily mean a whole lot to me.

The thing is, I'm getting a lot of people telling me how awful that is (toward my dad) and how I'll regret it later and all type of things, and I just wanted some feedback, so what do you all think

amagwire · February 2010

Don't do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable - in no way to I think it's a 'horrible mistake'. What people think about the customs you do and do not incorporate are really none of their business. If you really feel uncomfortable with guests questioning your lack of father/daughter dance, you could forgo other customs like, bouquet and garter toss.

If your father is offended or you think you need to have a conversation with him about it. You can tell you father you feel like it would be too emotional for your fiance, due to the loss of his mother, and that's why you're not having the traditional father/daughter dance and mother/son dance.

janedoe1113a · February 2010

I'm not doing one and it's definitely not a necessity. Do what feels right to you.

PurpleTragedy85 · February 2010

Honestly, my father and I have had a very rocky relationship all of my life, mostly with him not being around. All of a sudden, when I graduated from graduate school and got engaged, he cared. That is great, and sure I will invite him to the wedding, but my mother is walking me down the aisle, and I plan to have a mother/daughter dance with her. As the PP said, do what feels right to you

brokenhallelujah · February 2010

I'm not having one, but the reason being both my dad and I are horrible dancers. And I don't want to do something on my wedding that I will feel overly nervous or uncomfortable with. It's my dang wedding. I'll do what I want. I really don't think later on in life I'll regret not doing it. My dad will be there, he will walk me down the aisle, and that is what is most important to me.

karlacallaghan · February 2010

I don't know whether I will have the father/daughter dance either, but not because we don't get along or anything like that...I am just OVERLY emotional about things like that and I can just see myself having a total meltdown and crying hysterically through the whole thing! lol

amianne420 · February 2010

Let me just say first that this thread makes me feel a whole lot better. Some backstory: my father has never liked my FH. In fact, I could probably say he hates him. So for the past four years, my FH and I haven't spoken to him pretty much at all. I have been engaged a little over 3 weeks and still haven't told him. I'm planning on sending him a letter explaining everything.

So I say, do whatever you feel you need to. My dad most likely won't even be at my wedding, so a F/D dance is out. I'll probably do a mother/daughter dance since my mom and I are close and a mother/son dance for my FI.

It's a sticky situation because society and so many people think things are supposed to be normal and traditional at a wedding. If life isn't normal and traditional, should your wedding be? no.

laura16lynn · February 2010

I'm running into this same issue... My Dad and I have a complicated relationship. He was an alcoholic growing up, was sober for the past 5 or 6 years, then recently started drinking again. We've never had a close relationship, and I still harbor a lot of resentment from my childhood.

In general, I am just very uncomfortable with the whole thought of it... Even him walking me down the aisle. My FI doesn't quite "get it", and my MIL will definitely want to do a Mother/Son dance... I'm not sure if I should just suck it up for the sake of my FI/MIL, or figure out an alternative... Perhaps a "wedding group" dance, where the M/S, F/D, and bridal party all dance to one song? That way the focus isn't just on one?

Jo-Rose01 · February 2010

That is the dilema I am having also, I have never been really close with my father. My mom was with my step father for 20 years then 2 years ago they split and she has a new boyfriend now, my stepfather and i were close for a bit but it was to hard for him to be around me and we had a falling out. My mother is going to walk me down the isle so that was somthing I was wondering also.

No Father/Daughter dance?

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