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Wedding Etiquette Forum
kawika05
member
Tactful wording for asking for money in lieu of gifts.
My fiance and I have our home all set up and do not need the typical "wedding gifts"
I have hear of a couple who put a slip a paper in their invitation asking for money in lieu of gifts. How do you word this request tackfully? And is it acceptable to do this?
I have hear of a couple who put a slip a paper in their invitation asking for money in lieu of gifts. How do you word this request tackfully? And is it acceptable to do this?
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Re: Tactful wording for asking for money in lieu of gifts.
Mostly, you'd spread this request by word of mouth. But I would still have a registry, because it's a more personal way for people to contribute. That would give you the opportunity to update some of what you may already have.
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have our home all set up and do not need the typical "wedding gifts" I have hear of a couple who put a slip a paper in their invitation asking for money in lieu of gifts. How do you word this request tackfully? And is it acceptable to do this?
Posted by kawika05[/QUOTE]
Please do not do this. It is never acceptable to "ask" for any gift. Do not put any paper in your invitations that alludes to gifts in any way.
You can let people know you'd prefer cash by not having a registry and using word of mouth, or if people ask you about it you can say, "we're saving up for such and such..."
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"cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have our home all set up and do not need the typical "wedding gifts" I have hear of a couple who put a slip a paper in their invitation asking for money in lieu of gifts. How do you word this request tackfully? And is it acceptable to do this?
Posted by kawika05[/QUOTE]
There is no tactful wording. It is not acceptable.
Either register for something you would like to upgrade/ wanted (new towels, bedding, the food processor you've always wanted) or do not register at all and decline any showers that are offered. Have family spread (by word of mouth) that you are saving up for X.
Do not put any registry (or non registry:such as honeymoon, house, cash, etc) info on the invite at all
Saucepans and Towels we have many,
Corkscrews and Flannels we don’t need any,
We just want you with us to celebrate our day.
But if you insist on a gift anyway,
What we’d really like is a gift of money,
We hope you don’t think we’re being funny!
We’ll put it all together and buy something that’s best,
as a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests!
This is the poem I am using. I mean I should totally get to dictate what gifts my guests give me and they better give me enough cash to cover the cost of the wedding, I am trying to make money off the whole wedding thing. I plan on opening the money cards right then and if they don't give me enough, I am kicking them out! I mean how tacky to not give me at least $100 per person. I have to make a profit! No cake for you!
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OP, it is neither polite or acceptable to print anywhere that you would like money instead of gifts.
Guests get to decide what to give you, and are not obligated to even buy you a present. This is extremely rude to ask for money.
[QUOTE] How do you word this request tackfully? And is it acceptable to do this?
Posted by kawika05[/QUOTE]
1. You would not.<div>2. No, it is not acceptable to put any insert in your invitation telling people what you want as a gift - no matter what you may want.</div><div>
</div><div>Instead, you should register for a few select things to give your guests ideas (because whether you want them or not, you will get some gifts - oh darn - so you may want to give them some guidance), and then if anyone asks you what you want you can tell them that you don't need things and a money gift would be appreciated. Have your family tell folks the same thing if they ask.</div><div>
</div><div>p.s. I'm always surprised at ppl who say they don't want any actual gifts. I mean, really, no upgrades, no new dish, no new BBQ accessory, vase? You need/want absolutely nothing?</div>
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[QUOTE]p.s. I'm always surprised at ppl who say they don't want any actual gifts. I mean, really, no upgrades, no new dish, no new BBQ accessory, vase? You need/want absolutely nothing?
Posted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]
That made me think. If I already had the housewares covered, I'd move into hobbies. Scuba diving equipment, mostly. I could always use new gear! Have a freshwater and a saltwater set? Not a bad plan.
So think about your regular life too - what do you have, and what do you go through the day wishing you had? How do you spend your weekends? What do you do for fun?
[QUOTE]okay get the message. Nice and strong! Feels so nice to be judged when haven't done anything yet! Thanks for all the advise
Posted by kawika05[/QUOTE]
Um, where did anyone judge you? At all?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tactful wording for asking for money in lieu of gifts. : Um, where did anyone judge you? At all?
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
Yeah... I thought we were being pretty nice actually - very general in our advice.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tactful wording for asking for money in lieu of gifts. : That made me think. If I already had the housewares covered, I'd move into hobbies. Scuba diving equipment, mostly. I could always use new gear! Have a freshwater and a saltwater set? Not a bad plan. So think about your regular life too - what do you have, and what do you go through the day wishing you had? How do you spend your weekends? What do you do for fun?
Posted by cukimerrydoll[/QUOTE]
Yup. Actually the Real Simple Weddings magazine has a nice little list that's helpful to use when thinking about registries. It's got a list of Basics, then moves on to Seasonal items (picnic basket! BBQ scrubber!). You get the idea.<div>
</div><div>I know lots of professionals who've lived independently for a long time and even they need a few new things or would like to upgrade something.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and to the OP: We weren't judgey. I mean, no one called you a gift grabby bizzo or anything, so be happy.</div>
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[QUOTE]The thought of a honeymoon registry has come up, does anyone know how to start one? The thought of money came up because I had heard that the people who manage a honeymoon registry takes a percentage of the money given as a gift.As the gift giver I don't think I would want part of my gift given to someone handling the registry. Oh BTW please dont shoot me down okay? Just asking questions not actually doing the deed.
Posted by kawika05[/QUOTE]
Honeymoon registries are borderline acceptable. I mean, some ppl do them. They say no one they know minds and some guests used it to give them a gift of money. I would NEVER give to a honeymoon registry, and I would be irritated at the expectation that I even should. I don't think I'm alone in that.<div>
</div><div>No matter what you do for a registry, you should not include anything about it in your invitations. Again, word of mouth is the best way to go on this. Maybe add it to your wedding website, if you have one. No more.</div>
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IGNORE THESE BRIDEZILLAS AND DO WHAT YOU WANT!! IT'S YOUR DAY!!!!!!
For clarification sake, I did not mean to type in all caps before. Typo. But still, No.
I've said it before, but Nick came up with one for us:
Nick and Mel are getting hitched
So give us all your money, biitch!
You could lend that one, if you wanted.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE] Nick and Mel are getting hitched So give us all your money, biitch!
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]
This one will forever and always be my favorite.
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have our home all set up and do not need the typical "wedding gifts" I have hear of a couple who put a slip a paper in their invitation asking for money in lieu of gifts. How do you word this request tackfully?[sic] And is it acceptable to do this?
Posted by kawika05[/QUOTE]
The reason you are finding it difficult to devise a tactful way to word this is because there <strong>IS NO</strong> tactful way to word this and include it in your invitations. Ever.
It is always bad manners to include any mention of gifts in the invitation.
[QUOTE]Carrie- I know. T and I need money more than anything but I still have a ton of stuff I want that I would ask for before asking for cash. Last Christmas I mentioned I wanted a Kitchenaid not $300.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
Seriously. FI and I went to register last weekend and were able to find 50 things we wanted. Either stuff we haven't been able to justify spending money on (like a kitchenaid) or things we never got around to buying (like a potato masher and cheese knives) or upgrades we'll need eventually (sheets and towels). We have 834029874 wine glasses and really nice pots and pans, but we can still find SOMETHING.
And trust me, people give money for wedding gifts. They did before honeymoon registries came along. They know it is a welcome present. No need to ask.
40/112
Do your guests know you AT ALL? If they do, then they will know that you have a lot of stuff and will probably give you cash. But do you really want Aunt Karla grabbing that fantastic elephant statue/ash tray/umbrella stand that she saw at Pier One? Probably not.
Do a nice, limited registry. Like PP's said, there are so many nice things out there that you probably wouldn't buy for yourself. Do you tailgate? Refurbish the set up. Do you have an outdoor eating area? New outdoor dishes and extras. New BBQ set. New knives. 1800 thread count sheets. Towels that are softer than a kitten. Shower stool (very handy). Stuff for the home office. Artwork. The complete works of Kenny Rogers. Blah Blah Blah.
I hope you get the point.
Now with more wedded bliss.
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[QUOTE]Didn't mean to make this such a heated forum. I really do appreciate the advice. I was not intending to send something in the invitation. Someone told me they had recieve a note in an invitation. And was only wondering what other brides thought. It is unfornunate that some of you have taken my question and been so outraged to the point of coming across as judgemental and rude. I have been uncomfortable about this subject way before even asking online, And I am so sad that just asking a simple question (no dumb questions right?) would cause the <strong>worst to come out in people</strong>. I think I will stick to the kindness of friends from now on. I will never be part a forum again
Posted by kawika05[/QUOTE]
This was definitely not the worst in us.