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Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Having a shower for an elopement? Invitation wording?
FI and I are eloping in May 2013. We're not formal people and the idea of following a traditional wedding service just isn't us... so it'll just be the two of us, the officiant, and the photographers on top of a mountain 
While we're not inviting guests to the ceremony, we would still like to have a celebration to bring together friends and extended family members (some of which we haven't met on each other's side). As I've mentioned before on here, we were initially thinking of having a low-key bbq a month or so after we were married, but the idea of a wedding shower keeps coming up as well. I'm just concerned with having a shower because I don't know how to word the invitation to let people know that although there's a wedding shower, they are not invited to an actual ceremony since we are eloping. Is that even the right thing to do? We will be sending photo announcements after we are married, but I'm just not sure how to handle the before stuff.
Questions: Is it appropriate to have a shower if the guests aren't invited to the elopement ceremony? If so, how do we word the invitation to let them know that we will not be having a public wedding?
While we're not inviting guests to the ceremony, we would still like to have a celebration to bring together friends and extended family members (some of which we haven't met on each other's side). As I've mentioned before on here, we were initially thinking of having a low-key bbq a month or so after we were married, but the idea of a wedding shower keeps coming up as well. I'm just concerned with having a shower because I don't know how to word the invitation to let people know that although there's a wedding shower, they are not invited to an actual ceremony since we are eloping. Is that even the right thing to do? We will be sending photo announcements after we are married, but I'm just not sure how to handle the before stuff.
Questions: Is it appropriate to have a shower if the guests aren't invited to the elopement ceremony? If so, how do we word the invitation to let them know that we will not be having a public wedding?
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Re: Having a shower for an elopement? Invitation wording?
I had always heard it wasn't appropriate to invite guests who weren't invited to your wedding, but just wanted some opinions in this situation. A friend of mine got married in Jamaica nd her family threw her a shower beforehand and I didn't think twice about it (then again we were 19 and young and had no clue), so that's really the only experience I have on the elopement etiquette.
As far as planning the shower is concerned, I know you don't plan your own but this was my mom's idea and I know I'd have a say in everything. So it would be about 70% her, 30% me. That might not be tradition, but that's how it would end up with us.
From my perspective, if I had friends that were eloping, just the two of them and the bride's mother hosted a shower for the bride, it would come off incredibly rude and also very gift grabby.
When you elope, you give up all pre-wedding parties.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
According to Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette, 5th edition, it's acceptable to call your BBQ a reception if you wish, although it sounds like you're fine with it just being a party.
In the section on "Belated Receptions," p. 189, it states "If no wedding reception was held or if only a small reception was held [after the ceremony] this celebration may include all the components of any reception [such as wearing the gown, first dance, cake cutting, etc]."