Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
New Jersey
I was chatting with a family member today who I will be asking to be in my wedding party. We are very close and I was in her party, so she knows I am going to ask her to be in it -- I just haven't gotten that far in my planning yet.
She mentioned that she has several weddings in 2011, that she was looking to have kids at that point and that she hopes no one has a problem with that. I jokingly said "No babies at my wedding, whether walking around or popping out." (She knows I don't want any kids at my wedding, as we have discussed this.) We just kind of laughed it off, but I don't think this is the last I am going to hear about this.
I know I might sound really rude with this, but I would prefer my BMs not be 9 mos. pregnant at my wedding. I understand people have their own lives, but I don't see why they can't either wait or speed things up a few months. I am expecting a similar problem with my FSIL. When these girls were getting married I was expected to rearrange my entire schedule for them, but now that they are married they seem to have forgotten that. I also don't see how they are going to be able to help plan a shower, b-party and just be there for me (all things I did for them) if they are dealing with a coming child.
I'm not going to tell people what to do and I kind of can't not have these girls in my BP, as they are family. I want to seriously discuss this with my close FBM when I ask her to be in the party -- just tell her I would prefer if she could plan to not be popping on the alter.
I am wondering what you ladies and gents think. Any one else have this experience or thoughts?
Pregnant BMs
I was chatting with a family member today who I will be asking to be in my wedding party. We are very close and I was in her party, so she knows I am going to ask her to be in it -- I just haven't gotten that far in my planning yet.
She mentioned that she has several weddings in 2011, that she was looking to have kids at that point and that she hopes no one has a problem with that. I jokingly said "No babies at my wedding, whether walking around or popping out." (She knows I don't want any kids at my wedding, as we have discussed this.) We just kind of laughed it off, but I don't think this is the last I am going to hear about this.
I know I might sound really rude with this, but I would prefer my BMs not be 9 mos. pregnant at my wedding. I understand people have their own lives, but I don't see why they can't either wait or speed things up a few months. I am expecting a similar problem with my FSIL. When these girls were getting married I was expected to rearrange my entire schedule for them, but now that they are married they seem to have forgotten that. I also don't see how they are going to be able to help plan a shower, b-party and just be there for me (all things I did for them) if they are dealing with a coming child.
I'm not going to tell people what to do and I kind of can't not have these girls in my BP, as they are family. I want to seriously discuss this with my close FBM when I ask her to be in the party -- just tell her I would prefer if she could plan to not be popping on the alter.
I am wondering what you ladies and gents think. Any one else have this experience or thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pregnant BMs
I do not intentionally stir up drama on these boards. I honestly want to hear what you girls think, like maybe point out why I am wrong. Attacking me is just a waste of time.
You can only control so much about your wedding. The people in it, not so much.
View our FOR SALE items
http://tinyurl.com/3jjv7vy
Jaime is right when it happens it happens. It is different for everyone.
How would your bm react if you told her this?
[QUOTE]When these girls were getting married I was expected to rearrange my entire schedule for them, but now that they are married they seem to have forgotten that.
Posted by LuckyBrideToBe0013[/QUOTE]
What did they ask you to do? Unless it was something completely life altering (like asking you to drop out of school to perform your MOH or BM duties) then I don't think it would be very considerate of you to ask them to hold off on having children just for your wedding.
Truthfully you need to not worry about this. If your BMs do happen to be blessed with a child then you should be happy for them. And its perfectly acceptable not to have children at your wedding if one should happen to pop out before then. I dont think its acceptable to say they cant get pregnant before your wedding.
OK I said in my post that I AM NOT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO. This is just how I feel. I am venting and asking what you think of the actual situation, so thank you to those who made actual points. Some of you are making it more dramatic than it actually is, and you kind of need to calm down.
I am actually incredibly considerate of people in my life, and I do get hurt when they are not considerate of me. I care about these people and would be happy for them if they had babies. Obviously, some things aren't planned. I just don't think they need to specifically plan it for that month and year.
Maybe when I am trying to have kids I will understand it better. Maybe you can explain it to me. For now, I am someone who has bent over backwards for other people for years and was hoping they would be there for me this time.
If I had to revolve my life and when I want to have kids around my friends/family members weddings, I don't think I'd ever be able to have kids. I wouldn't be able to find a 9 month time frame that works for everybody.
My suggestion would be to tell this person that you have decided against having her in your wedding party and give her the reason why. I just wish I could be there to see the reaction.
Wedding date 10/8/10
EDD 5/9/13
Make a pregnancy ticker
[QUOTE]Obviously, some things aren't planned. I just don't think they need to specifically plan it for that month and year. Maybe when I am trying to have kids I will understand it better. Maybe you can explain it to me. For now, I am someone who has bent over backwards for other people for years and was hoping they would be there for me this time.
Posted by LuckyBrideToBe0013[/QUOTE]
So you said you're not telling people what to do but here you're saying that you don't think they need to plan having a child for that month and year. Did you not read the many responses that mentioned that having a baby is not as easy and planned as you might think? If she happens to get pregnant while she's in your wedding party be happy for her, some people take years to make that happen.
I have 3 people in my wedding party that will be having a baby, I'm getting married 08/28 and one of my bridesmaids is due 07/26....We have two groomsmen whos wives will have their babies 07/20 and 08/26...yes one of them is due 2 days before our wedding. We are aware that we might lose 1, 2 or all 3 due to anything that might come up. Guess what? We are THRILLED that they will have their babies and being a part of our wedding is an after thought.
My Ovulation Chart || Ovulation Tracker
[QUOTE]OK I said in my post that I AM NOT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO. This is just how I feel. I am venting and asking what you think of the actual situation, so thank you to those who made actual points. Some of you are making it more dramatic than it actually is, and you kind of need to calm down. I am actually incredibly considerate of people in my life, and I do get hurt when they are not considerate of me. I care about these people and would be happy for them if they had babies. Obviously, some things aren't planned. I just don't think they need to specifically plan it for that month and year. Maybe when I am trying to have kids I will understand it better. Maybe you can explain it to me. For now, I am someone who has bent over backwards for other people for years and was hoping they would be there for me this time.
Posted by LuckyBrideToBe0013[/QUOTE]
First of all, you said in your OP that you wish they would speed it up or slow it down so that they're not pregnant at your wedding. I think we all realize that you're not actually going to ask them to do this, but the fact that it even crossed your mind shows how selfish you are.
Second, BMs should not be expected to bend over backwards for the bride. If you did that in your prior roles at BM that was your choice, and although you might like it if people did the same for you, you can't expect them to do so.
Finally, you seem to assume that just because they're pregnant they will be unable to do any of the traditional BM stuff. Pregnant women are capable of offering support, going dress shopping, and planning parties. You are being awfully presumptuous to assume that just because they MIGHT be pregnant (so far none of them are so I think YOU'RE the one who is over reacting) they won't be able to do a single thing for your wedding. You're the one who needs to get a grip here. I think the rest of us are being very rational.
[QUOTE]OK I said in my post that I AM NOT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO. This is just how I feel. I am venting and asking what you think of the actual situation, so thank you to those who made actual points. Some of you are making it more dramatic than it actually is, and you kind of need to calm down. I am actually incredibly considerate of people in my life, and I do get hurt when they are not considerate of me. I care about these people and would be happy for them if they had babies. Obviously, some things aren't planned. I just don't think they need to specifically plan it for that month and year. Maybe when I am trying to have kids I will understand it better. Maybe you can explain it to me. For now, I am someone who has bent over backwards for other people for years and was hoping they would be there for me this time.
Posted by LuckyBrideToBe0013[/QUOTE]
The world as seen by LUCKYBRIDE
<strong>LuckyBride:</strong> Will you be in my wedding? I'd love to have you be part of it.
<strong>BM: </strong> Of course I will, I'd def be there for you on your special day
6 months later......
<strong>BM:</strong> I have a confession to make, I am preggers. I am so sorry I am going to ruin your special day because I will stick out like a sore thumb in my dress and take away all the attention from you when everyone asks me about my baby.
<strong>LuckyBride:</strong> Well you know what this means, I can't have you in the wedding. You will also have to suck up the deposit on the dress you made.
<strong>BM:</strong> I am just glad we are still friends, how can I ever make it up to you?
<strong>LuckyBride</strong>: Just get a really good gift and we'll call it even, by the way Congratulations.......but don't expect me to be happy for you until my wedding is over, till then it's all about ME!
View our FOR SALE items
http://tinyurl.com/3jjv7vy
Their lives do not stop progressing because of your party. What would be an acceptable window? 7 months pregnant? One month post-partum? Not at all within 6 months?
MC 9/8/10
Baby Boy Born 7/31/11
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant BMs : The world as seen by LUCKYBRIDE LuckyBride: Will you be in my wedding? I'd love to have you be part of it. BM: Of course I will, I'd def be there for you on your special day 6 months later...... BM: I have a confession to make, I am preggers. I am so sorry I am going to ruin your special day because I will stick out like a sore thumb in my dress and take away all the attention from you when everyone asks me about my baby. LuckyBride: Well you know what this means, I can't have you in the wedding. You will also have to suck up the deposit on the dress you made. BM: I am just glad we are still friends, how can I ever make it up to you? LuckyBride: Just get a really good gift and we'll call it even, by the way Congratulations.......but don't expect me to be happy for you until my wedding is over, till then it's all about ME!
Posted by USER876[/QUOTE]
I would buy tickets to this! LOL
MC 9/8/10
Baby Boy Born 7/31/11
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pregnant BMs : The world as seen by LUCKYBRIDE LuckyBride: Will you be in my wedding? I'd love to have you be part of it. BM: Of course I will, I'd def be there for you on your special day 6 months later...... BM: I have a confession to make, I am preggers. I am so sorry I am going to ruin your special day because I will stick out like a sore thumb in my dress and take away all the attention from you when everyone asks me about my baby. LuckyBride: Well you know what this means, I can't have you in the wedding. You will also have to suck up the deposit on the dress you made. BM: I am just glad we are still friends, how can I ever make it up to you? LuckyBride : Just get a really good gift and we'll call it even, by the way Congratulations.......but don't expect me to be happy for you until my wedding is over, till then it's all about ME!
Posted by USER876[/QUOTE]
Haha...That's exactly the reaction I figured her friend would have.
When those lil babies are born after (or ON) your wedding day, you will love them and say to them "look sweetie! you were in my wedding too!" And they will have the biggest smile on their lil faces!
What you should REALLy focus on, is that you will have all these "special" people there with you on your wedding day, including your FI. Many of us on here had and still go through challenges with our FI/DHs. Some had cancer scares during their engagement, some even went thru and still going thru chemo, some have lost many special people in their lives....so please be greatful that you will be marrying the man of your dreams and that you are FORTUNATE to have these special people surround you on your wedding day...
If all my bridesmaids were pregnant with twins the day of my wedding, I would have been thrilled and privelaged to still have them stand by me....
In fact, one of my close friends in my bridal party actually underwent an IVF treatment almost exactly 9 months before my wedding. We joked about what would happen if it worked, and we both agreed that it was a problem we'd love to have (sadly, it didn't work).
TTC #1 since 4/10, Dx: MFI IVF planned for April/May
" I want to seriously discuss this with my close FBM when I ask her to be in the party -- just tell her I would prefer if she could plan to not be popping on the alter."
So in fact, you DO want to tell people what to do. If I were your friend and you said this to me, I would decline to be in the wedding and might even find something better to do that day.
[QUOTE]OK I said in my post that I AM NOT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO. This is just how I feel. I am venting and asking what you think of the actual situation, so thank you to those who made actual points. Some of you are making it more dramatic than it actually is, and you kind of need to calm down. Posted by LuckyBrideToBe0013[/QUOTE]
Really? WE need to calm down? You are the one who came on here asking if anyone else has the same concerns... your answer is no. If they get pregnant and feel like they can't be part of your day anymore, they will tell you. Here's a question for you... what if YOU get pregnant? Are you going to ban yourself from the wedding?
I wouldnt change my bp for nothing all though one of the girls may not be there to see me get married since shell be enjoying her new baby. But i love all my girls and im glad that they have agreed to share one of the most special days of my life.
Make a pregnancy ticker