What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?

crookerwalker · April 2010

So I know that bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. But should they also pay for their hair, makeup, and nails on the wedding day? Or is that on me? Any advice would be a great help!

banana468 · April 2010

BMs pay for their dresses. And with that, you need to ask them individually in advance for their budgets so you know that you begin looking for the right items that fit the budget.

The rest - hair, makeup, nails, etc can't be required unless you the bride intend to pay for them. It's fine though to say, "Hey on the morning of the wedding, I'm getting my hair done and the cost for each of you would be $X if you wanted to join me."

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

Ditto banana. Depends on if you require hair/makeup done or not.

crookerwalker · April 2010

Thanks! That's really helpful! I don't plan on having it be required but it would be fun to have all of us getting pampered together before the big day!

emilyinchile · April 2010

Ditto everyone. My BMs and I did end up getting our nails done together the day before, but I left it as "here's what I'm doing, and here are the prices. If you'd like me to make you an appointment, let me know, if you want to just tag along that's fine too, and if you'd rather hang out at home no problem." On my wedding day, I was the only one who did pro hair and make-up, but we all got ready together in the hotel, which was really fun - and free for them.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

I opted to pay for half of their dresses as part of my gifts to them. As, we're in our mid-twenties and all on budgets. I purchased necklases I would like them to wear as well, as the other part of their gift.

As far as makeup/hair/nails, I just let them all know that this is how much it's going to be, and asked if they would like to. I made sure they all knew it wasn't mandatory, just an option of they wanted it. Each of them had their own ideas of what they would like done, based on what they are good at. I scoured high and low for the most reasonable costs based on the reputation of the ladies, and the hard work paid off.

We're all staying in a loft style hotel room the night before and having the (local) makeup artist come to us (she graciously isn't changing travel), as well as a friend who happens to be a hair stylist. I think it will end up being a fun morning of getting ready and heading to the site!

lalap69 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:83e27a7e-113b-42eb-9b0a-280ded183945">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE]I opted to pay for half of their dresses as part of my gifts to them. As, we're in our mid-twenties and all on budgets. I purchased necklases I would like them to wear as well, as the other part of their gift. As far as makeup/hair/nails, I just let them all know that this is how much it's going to be, and asked if they would like to. I made sure they all knew it wasn't mandatory, just an option of they wanted it. Each of them had their own ideas of what they would like done, based on what they are good at. I scoured high and low for the most reasonable costs based on the reputation of the ladies, and the hard work paid off. We're all staying in a loft style hotel room the night before and having the (local) makeup artist come to us (she graciously isn't changing travel), as well as a friend who happens to be a hair stylist. I think it will end up being a fun morning of getting ready and heading to the site!
Posted by dizydes[/QUOTE]
I hope you'll reconsider. None of these things are gifts for them, they're gifts for you, so that your wedding party will look the way you want them to on your wedding day. Their gift should be your thank you to them. I hope you'll buy something that actually reflects their tastes that they'll want to use after the wedding.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:dbc241db-37e6-4ca3-a334-ef29509679ee">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for? : I hope you'll reconsider. None of these things are gifts for them, they're gifts for you, so that your wedding party will look the way you want them to on your wedding day. Their gift should be your thank you to them. I hope you'll buy something that actually reflects their tastes that they'll want to use after the wedding.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

<div>What she said. </div><div>
</div><div>It's nice that you are picking up half their dresses, but that isn't a gift. And matching jewelry is your responsibility anyway, so that's no favor to them. </div>

davinaburrow · April 2010

i cant believe you all think bms should buy their own dresses?!!!

maybe its an english thing but i've always known brides pick up the tab for these as well as hair/make up if you want this done

i agree gifts are separate too

davina x

cat16_cat · April 2010

When my friend got married we had to buy our own bm dresses as well as go to her place of choosing for hair and makeup which we paid for. Our "gifts" were our necklace and earrings and my "special" gift was tea.

For my wedding we found a dress on sale so it cost my BM $52 at sears and i offered to pay for hair and makeup day of. Jewery we have to decide on and I havnt found a thankyou gift as of yet.

For my other friends wedding i had to buy my dress (weddings may 1) and dresses just got in, i dont know about anything else for paying.

Barakins · April 2010

I bought my bridesmaids dresses, but that was to be nice more than anything. They are getting their own shoes and jewelry (instead of matching it's a pick what you want within the range of these stones or a silver color). I'll be picking up the hair tab, though not any hair accessories if they want them. As far as makeup, I'm going to tell my girls that they are welcome to use any of my makeup other than my mascara, but they can get their own if they want.

sezzle · April 2010

I agree with davinaburrow I'm English and paying for my 3 BM's dresses as I want them to wear a dress in a style I have chosen. In the past I've had to pay for my own dress when I've been BM and it's a lot of money to spend on something I'm never going to wear again as it's the brides taste in dress and not mine.

For my wedding I'll be paying for the BM's jewellery. None of the bridal party are having their make up done professionally, and if they want their hair done professionally they can pay this cost themselves as I'm not requring them to have a certain style.

The only thing I've asked them to pay for is their shoes so they can chose something they will wear again and select a style they like.

JennaV26 · April 2010

I kind of disagree with some of y'all, sorry lol I definitely think picking up the tab (or some of it) on the bridesmaid dresses is a great move! If I paid for my girl's dresses I'd probably budget that into gifts and just get them something smaller.

My whole wedding party is also in our early-mid twenties and I while I'm not paying for their dresses I'm paying for them all to have their makeup professionally airbrushed and applied the day of the wedding. I flew the idea past a couple of my girls to get an idea if they would like that and they loved it! They said that is something they would always want to do, but would never want to pay for for themselves. I'll also be getting them a set of Vera Bradley bags for a "tangible" take-home gift; however, I'm declaring the makeup as part of their gift and if they don't want to do it the day of that's fine, but I hope they do because I won't get a refund haha

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exactly-should-bridesmaids-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f427ffcc-84eb-43af-a586-4cdf292d8ab5Post:d0de3a62-3944-4433-9136-5c156caf5e67">Re: What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?</a>:
[QUOTE]i cant believe you all think bms should buy their own dresses?!!! maybe its an english thing but i've always known brides pick up the tab for these as well as hair/make up if you want this done i agree gifts are separate too davina x
Posted by davinaburrow[/QUOTE]

<div>This board is primarily American/Canadian, and in North America, BMs do typically buy their own dresses. That's why it's so important for the bride to ask them for budgets and to give the BMs plenty input in choosing the dress, and for the bride to cover any required accessories (shoes, jewelry, hair, etc). </div>

MargaretGail · April 2010

Well, it seems everyone has an opinion on this topic. Common sense should play a role, and also, what the bridesmaids can afford. For example, My MOH can well afford everything and told me in advance she would pay her own way; my one bridesmaid is the opposite, financially speaking, so I am paying everything for her....gown, alterations, shoes, jewelry. I am paying professional hairstyling and makeup for both of them, and they pick their own hair style. They are doing their own nails, because they can. Both are delighted I'm paying for this hair and makeup service, and no other "gifts" or so-called "tokens" are expected or will be given. Everyone is fine with this arrangement. Again, communication and expectations in advance are key and what everyone can afford.

shadeeno1 · April 2010

I don't think it's fair to expect them to pay for what you want them to wear.
I offered to buy my bridesmaid dresses but they wanted to pay for it which I really appreciate. They decided to have one made so I thought if they are paying then they should have some say in what they want. They chose the design after running it by me.
I've got them gifts and as for makeup and hair style they've said they will do thier own but I think I'll just treat them to it.

If money is not an issue then I say do it. If it is then perhaps you could run a few options by them and see what they say.

CA2MT4EveR · April 2010

When I read all these posts, I am reading them in different accents. It makes it more interesting to pretend there is arguing going on in here.

And for the record, I have always paid for my own stuff.

charissa10 · April 2010

You just have to decide what is most important to you and what you feel is right. Even though it is customary in my area for BM's to pay for their own dresses and GM to pay for their tuxes. My FI and I wanted to take care of both of them. We didn't want to say will you be in my weding and pay $xx for this and that. We're working on a limited budget, but I just made sure that was a part of it b/c it was important to us.
I don't care if they do their own hair/ makeup or whether they opt to pay to have it done. I've just asked that they wear black shoes. I haven't decided whether to get them complimentary jewelry that reflects their individual style but yet goes together, but doesn't have to perfectly match each other or let them wear their own jewelry. I also plan on getting them each a small gift, just haven't decided on that one yet.

heatherk_11 · April 2010

I bought my bridesmaids dresses (they were fairly inexpensive about $105 each) and I have told them to purchase their own shoes and figure out something to do with their hair. That is all on them. I am not too picky about the hair so if they wanted to do it themselves, I was ok with that. I did tell them what shoes to buy though. My bridesmaids were so pleased that they didn't have to buy the dress that they had absolutely no problem buying everything else. They are also covering alterations, but the dresses are short so a few of them might not have to have any alterations.

jules0505 · April 2010

I've been in weddings where I paid for the dress and wedding when I didn't. For my own wedding, I am paying for the dress and leaving shoes/hair/makeup up to each girl. They can go professional or not. And, I'm not considering this a gift because they will probably never wear it again.

I felt like I was asking them to be a part of our day and shouldn't require them to pay for an expensive dress. If we couldn't afford to pay for the dresses, then we wouldn't have any bridesmaids. I'm skimping on other areas to spread my budget around so we could afford to have my sisters and cousin stand up with us.

Do whatever is important to you. All of my bridesmaids offered to pay for the dress as I think that is the tradition. It was just my personal feelings. I definitely agree that if you have them pay, you should ask for a budget.

Good Luck!

AmyManson · April 2010

I told my bridesmaids the color of the dresses I wanted (black) and said pick whatever you want. I did this becuse I cannot afford to pay for thier dresses. My sister who is my MOH however found a dress in red that she loves and asked if she could wear red instaed of black, as she is my MOH and red is one of my wedding colors I said sure, after all it is HER dress. My other 2 BM's happen to like a very simlar dress in black For their gifts I did get them Jewlery, but it was not cheap I new they would not pay for it themselves. I bought them each freashwater pearl necklaces. I will be paying for half of the cost of the hair and make-up but I'm not stipulating that they have to have their hair a certain way. I am not paying for their shoes though. If they would like to have their nails done its up to them. I think this is fair.

A wedding I was in a few years ago i had to pay for everything and I did not have a say in what dress. we had actullay gone out to look at dresses and we found one we liked. The bride then changed her mind. the dress was almost 500$ I paid for my own shoes, dress, hair, nails and I did my own make-up jewllery wasn't provided. the two bridesmaids gifts were silver braclets with our names engraved on them.

charitybeyer · April 2010

I'm also American and I have been about 10 weddings, and for 9 of those weddings, I had to buy my own dress. I think it's now an accepptable practice that most people participate in. I agree on the hair and makeup issues, if you are requiring a specific hairdo you should foot the bill or let them do what looks best on them in the interest of saving a little money on hair and makeup.

The one thing I think a lot of Brides don't take into account, is the body type of each woman in the wedding party, and whether their ladies will feel pretty in the dress. I would always buy the dress, but hate the way I looked in it and secretly curse, my friend, the bride, for picking such and ugly and expensive dress! But it was her day so I didn't want to make a fuss, but almost always I felt ugly and pissed off that I spent so much on a dress I will never wear again. My feeling is that the wedding is for the Bride and Groom, but you've also invited these people to share in it with you, so their feelings should be taken into account as well.

After being a Bridesmaid so many times and now a Bride, this is my Approach:

I am allowing my ladies to select their own bridesmaid's dresses.
We're having an outdoor destination wedding, and so we're going with a slightly mismatched look. They will all be in the same color family, but this way each of my ladies will get to wear a dress that they choose, and that looks good on their body type. My ownly stipulations are no visible tan lines, or VPL (visible panty or bra lines), and a tea length dress, so that we have a matching hemline to tie their look together. Also with shoes, as long as the are in solidarity with the style, low or high heel I don't care, I'm letting them decide that together. As long as the look is cohesive, I'm okay with it, I want them all to feel pretty and comfortable.

This way they can each choose a dress that fits

Their budget
Their body type
Their personal style

And they will they will most assuredly get their money's worth out of, because they chose it so they will want to wear it again! Or they might already have something in their closet that will work too, I just don't want to determine their budgets, because each of them is in a different place financially.

Here's a collage of what we're doing:
http://www.dessy.com/shareboard/?id=3247

Hope this Helps!
Love,
Charity

georgetteh · April 2010

I agree with the first post, they are obligated to pay for their dress and if you have specific requirements of hair and makeup then you pay, otherwise don't. I think I have read some etiquette that you are supposed take care of their lodging, but I don't think most folks do this.

It all depends on what you are comfortable with. I am buying the shoes, and my gifts are jewelry that can wear with their dresses, or not, and some other little things. I decided to pay for the shoes because it seems that bms have to pay for more than gms and I just didn't like that. I am also paying for makeup (she wasn't that expensive and wouldn't come to my house for one face) and they can opt-in for hair and nails/pedicures on their own dime as they please.

katangel1987 · April 2010

It really all depends. i was in a wedding a little over a year ago and I had to pay for my airfare, housing, $350 dress, shoes, hair and make up. Our gift from the bride was a matching set of earring and necklace that she wanted us to all wear.

As far as my wedding, I am buying the girls pearl earrings and necklaces as their gift to wear on the wedding day but also they will be able to wear several more times in their lives. (Pearls go with just about everything). I have given the bridesmaids almost all of the control in picking out their dresses. They are all paying for their own dress unless they let me know they need help paying, in which case I will gladly help. They will be invited to come with me, the morning of the wedding, and get their hair and make up done with me or they can just hang out at home or come to the salone but not get anything done. Most importantly they certainly are not required to have their hair and make up done.

As far as shoes, I am giving them a color and either open toed or closed. Then if they already have a pair like that they don't have to go and buy some.

In addition, as far as pre wedding parties (bachelorette, engagement party, bridal shower, etc.) at least in my circle of friends it has become common that the bridesmaid all contribute a little money towards the party so that they MOH isn't stuck paying for all of them.

Eliana25 · April 2010

My bms hair and make-up is on them, although they are invited to join me on that day. I was able to find a dress on sale for $80, they covered. However, my gifts to them are the shoes for the wedding day and shalls to cover-up during church or at the end of the evening.
Regarding jewelry they are free to choose and wear what ever they want.

However, since our engagement was a year during their birthdays they received jewelry that they can wear on the wedding day (if they choose too) in addition to their b-day gift.

Remember they are your friends and you should feel fre to talk to them about it.

banana468 · April 2010

I think the most important thing is to remember that as the bride, it's your wedding.

But your nearest and dearest aren't going to spend for your wedding like YOU will for your wedding.

And a present that's something they need to wear isn't a present to them at all.

silverbeltgirl · April 2010

Seems to be a lot of different ways of doing things and I think everyone is different. A lot may depend on what your social culture is.

I think that paying for part of the dress and giving a necklace for the wedding day is a great gift. I would much rather have this as a gift than an engraved flask that's going to sit in a cabinet and collect dust.

I also don't think it's the brides obligation to pay for all dresses, hair, makeup, etc. It comes with the territory when accepting to be in someone's wedding. It's also a small price to pay in comparison to everything the bride is already paying for. If hair, makeup, nails, etc is required, then yes, it should be paid for by the bride.

I also love the idea of BM choosing their own dress. I gave my BM a color and said they could choose any dress from anywhere and we have a wide variety of purple shades. It's going to look great!

My advice is to do what you think will work with your group of friends. My friends and I are certainly not made of money, so I am not expecting my friends to be made of money either.

jalbrecht102 · April 2010

My bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses. The MOH and I both picked different dresses of various prices and they all chose the one that they liked the best.

As for hair and make-up, I'm offering to pick up one or the other for them. I've given them the prices on the other option and they have the choice to get that too.

I have no idea what to get them for a separate gift though. The whole monogrammed bag or jewelry box just seems a little cheesy to me.

banana468 · April 2010

I think that's why when it comes to gifts, it's about the person receiving the gift. Jewelry can be great if that's what the person likes.

But jewelry is lost on DH. He wears a watch, his wedding ring and a knife as his "accessories".

nrafiq24 · April 2010

I've been in a few weddings so far with different options. The first, the bride and groom paid for my dress, hair and makeup and that was their gift. That was completely fine with me bc the makeup was airbrushed and amazing. The second, I paid for the dress, hair, makeup, etc and got NOTHING. She was a crazy bridezilla and I was only in the wedding bc I'm related to the groom. Needless to say, they ended up divorced! The third wedding, I paid for dress, did my own hair, and makeup. The bride maid us buy specific shoes, which we paid for, and gave us jewelry to wear as our gift. I haven't worn it again since that wedding.

For my wedding I've opted to do something different. My wedding colors are fuschia and orange so I've chosen a designer with a nice bright fuschia and the girls picked any design they like to their dresses, which they paid for. Then I asked them to wear any simple black shoe... peep-toe, rounded toe, anything really as long as it is plain black. For jewelry, they can wear any silver or black jewelry they like. I found that for shoes and jewelry a lot of the girls didn't have to buy anything because they already had a black pump and jewelry they could wear. As far as hair and makeup goes, we are all staying in a suite at the hotel where the ceremony and recpeption is the night before and I have girls coming to the room to do hair and makeup, but it's all optional for the BMs. I also did some calling around and found girls that would do a good job w/hair and makeup but wouldn't charge an arm and a leg! So for their gift, I got them terry cloth beach cover up dresses in fuschia with their names embroidered on it to wear while we are getting ready (I also have a white one). I figured this is something they can always wear to the beach or something after the wedding.

cinndawg · April 2010

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What exactly should my bridesmaids be paying for?

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