Engagement Party

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:4f85655d-9fa8-4233-9f07-4857eb55668d">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I will try a different approach. You say you don't expect gifts from people at this party, which is good as you should NEVER expect gifts. Since engagement parties vary in formality, and there is no set "ceremony" to them...why not just have a party. Don't mention the engagement in the invitations, don't make the night revolve around it. Just spend time with your loved ones. This way, you are spending time with the people you care about, without risking insulting anyone by throwing your own engagement party.
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you for your advice. My guest<strong> won't</strong> be offended because I know my social group very well. Which is why I didn't ask for advice on the matter. I was however unsure about the spouse situation which is why I did ask for advice on that matter. It is perfectly acceptable in my circle to host your own party,</div>

HockeyFan4 · June 2012

What about your FI's circle? Is his Aunt Mabel going to feel a-ok?

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:50f0b7f3-dfb9-4244-a1f5-0f7ad95aa71d">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]What about your FI's circle? Is his Aunt Mabel going to feel a-ok?
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>Since I had to pay admission to attend his aunt mables birthday party I would hope she wouldn't have a problem with it. </div>

pearlaqua · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:232ab7c8-1a8c-4c41-ba2e-c6b81014263f">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : Since I had to pay admission to attend his aunt mables birthday party I would hope she wouldn't have a problem with it.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]

Yikes!

Looks like you've had bad examples, but it doesn't excuse you throwing an unnecessary party for yourself.

I do see what you're saying, TraditionalPrincess, about how it might be like a birthday or graduation (or even house-warming) party where it doesn't matter who throws it. But for whatever reason, having an engagement party is not an event in and of itself, it is an attachment to you getting married. As such, it is sort of superfluous to throw yourself a party because it sounds like "Looky meee!!! The wedding isn't enough!!!".

It would be like throwing yourself a birthday party, a pre-birthday BBQ, and a post-birthday bash. A lot of party hardy for one occasion. I hope that explains why usually people will offer to throw an enggement party for you.

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:26022eeb-ec85-448e-995c-03a7c0382a95">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : Yikes! Looks like you've had bad examples, but it doesn't excuse you throwing an unnecessary party for yourself. I do see what you're saying, TraditionalPrincess, about how it might be like a birthday or graduation (or even house-warming) party where it doesn't matter who throws it. But for whatever reason, having an engagement party is not an event in and of itself, it is an attachment to you getting married. As such, it is sort of superfluous to throw yourself a party because it sounds like "Looky meee!!! The wedding isn't enough!!!". It would be like throwing yourself a birthday party, a pre-birthday BBQ, and a post-birthday bash. A lot of party hardy for one occasion. I hope that explains why usually people will offer to throw an enggement party for you.
Posted by pearlaqua[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You describing it as superfluous makes a lot more sense as to why it would bother someone. I'll take that into consideration. Thanks.

</div>

Ballet513 · June 2012

You are not only inviting spouses but all SO's...right? So even if John and Jane aren't married or engaged if they are in a relationship you invite both parties.

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:44c414a8-6a7e-4624-8c6b-1e6159605d27">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]You are not only inviting spouses but all SO's...right? So even if John and Jane aren't married or engaged if they are in a relationship you invite both parties.
Posted by Ballet513[/QUOTE]

<div>We are inviting anybody with a S/O that we know of not just spouses.</div>

MyNameIsNot · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:83738d49-5a8d-4075-bd83-315e4b7719ca">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : Thank you for your advice. <strong>My guest won't be offended because I know my social group very well.</strong> Which is why I didn't ask for advice on the matter. I was however unsure about the spouse situation which is why I did ask for advice on that matter. It is perfectly acceptable in my circle to host your own party,
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]

<div>You are so clueless that you didn't know whether they would be offended to be invited without their spouses. How could you possibly know whether they will be offended by this? </div><div>
</div><div>Throw your attention grab if you like, but you are delusional if you think you know how other people will react to it. </div>

ghowlett · June 2012

On the Emily Post site, it does say the bride & groom can host the engagement party.

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/593-planned-parties

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:97c47c4d-fb12-4b17-beb2-28a112a0c38f">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : You are so clueless that you didn't know whether they would be offended to be invited without their spouses. How could you possibly know whether they will be offended by this? Throw your attention grab if you like, but you are delusional if you think you know how other people will react to it.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>You are delusional if you think I care.</div><div>
</div><div>And it does indeed say on the Emily Post website that the bride and groom can host the engagement party.</div>

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

It also states that their are regional customs, meaning etiquette changes between groups. Just because something bothers you doesn't mean it isn't acceptable with another group of people.

It amazes me how RUDE, DISRESECTFUL & CONDESCENDING people can be about etiquette. It is totally contradictory. You are so worried about someone being rude that you'll be rude to them.

hoffse · June 2012

My issue with Emily Post is that she's dead and the Emily Post Institute (who owns that website) sold out to the wedding industry. The wedding industry's ONLY job is to make money for itself, and it's a multi-billion dollar group.

OP, people really aren't trying to be rude, they're trying to type in as few words as possible. Which means that they are being blunt.

Here's the thing about etiquette - it really does not matter what the bride and groom think. It matters what the guests think. And I know that I would majorly side-eye being invited to an engagement party hosted by the bride/groom. The reason you are getting this advice is because it does seem superfluous and attention-grabbing to a lot of people - and even if you are CERTAIN that your guests won't take it that way, how do you really know that? They won't talk about it to your face if they think it's tacky. A lot of brides come on these boards and won't consider the advice of the ladies on here because it conflicts with how THEY would feel if their friends did such-and-such idea. But the point is to sort of get a poll of how others would feel. And even if you feel that it's fine, and others in your circle throw parties for themselves now and then, I promise that there will be some who think it's tacky. Oh they may still come because you know, free food and booze never hurt anybody, but they will probably roll their eyes about it behind your back.

If you want a good and really funny etiquette guide, read Miss Manners Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. I've brought that up a lot in the last few days, but I'm most of the way through it and find that she has some really solid advice and makes me laugh in the process.

SuperCrystal · June 2012

I persoanlly don't find it rude to host your own engagement party if the circumstances provide that your family will not host one for you. Just as long as it is just a gathering and celebration of friends, and not a gift farm. I really had no idea it was such a no-no. Honestly, i was planning on just having a party at my house and calling it an engagement party but just sort of intending a mingling of the families with good food and music. Then my mom suggested she host it. Fine, whatever. But sheesh, I wouldn't jump down someone's throat if they were just having a party to celebrate their good news. Yes, I would be offended if they forced a registry on me with the invitation, but not if I'm celebrating their good news...

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

I polled another site and no one considered it rude or tacky. If you come to my party and eat my food and drink my booze and aren't buying a gift then I don't really care if you roll your eyes, you are the jerk in that scenario not me.

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:8290fb3c-b6f3-4a13-b60d-7213549cd06d">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : Then I suggest you go there and hang out. I'm guessing it was Wedding Bee. Buh bye!
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I'll go where I please. I suggest you not frequent an etiquette board if you're going to be rude. Buh bye.</div>

ghowlett · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:150be90d-710d-40ce-9219-d7adddbd3abb">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I polled another site and no one considered it rude or tacky. If you come to my party and eat my food and drink my booze and aren't buying a gift then I don't really care if you roll your eyes, you are the jerk in that scenario not me.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]

I know you're most likely just getting defensive, but your guests wouldn't be jerks to attend your party & not bring a gift. Again referencing that Emily Post site, gifts are not required for an engagement party. The fact that you're hosting your own might even be a sign to people to NOT bring gifts.

Traditionalprincess · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:a6999a5c-7309-4df4-80f1-3065eaaf855c">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : I know you're most likely just getting defensive, but your guests wouldn't be jerks to attend your party & not bring a gift. Again referencing that Emily Post site, gifts are not required for an engagement party. The fact that you're hosting your own might even be a sign to people to NOT bring gifts.
Posted by ghowlett[/QUOTE]

<div>I definitely wouldn't consider them jerks for not bringing gifts, I would consider them jerks for rolling their eyes after they have eaten my food and consuming my beverages. If you have that big of a problem with me hosting my own party then I'm okay with you not attending. I don't expect gifts. Most of the people I invite will not bring gifts.</div><div>
</div>

Engagement Party

Re: Engagement Party

Choose Another Board

Search Boards