Etiquette
ashleymcw7
member
Familes on Opposite Coasts- Where to Have Wedding?
ashleymcw7
member
in Etiquette
My fiance and I have just recently gotten engaged, and have only just begun to consider the logistics of where the wedding will eventually take place.
I am from California, and he is from upstate New York. We both now live in New York.
My parents and some of my friends live in California. The rest of my family is scattered all across the US. His parents and most of his family live in NY, and he has friends both here and scattered across the country.
A good portion of both of our guest lists will have to get on a plane no matter where we hold the wedding.
We've been wobbling back and forth as to whether to hold the wedding near us in NY, back in California, or doing a DW since most guests will have to travel either way.
Would a wedding in NY or California be considered a DW anyhow, due to the necessity of flying for a majority of guests? This will be a relatively small wedding either way, under 100 guests invited. Most likely around 70-75.
Any suggestions to minimize cost and inconvenience for our friends and family?
Sorry for the rambling post, I'm still sorting through all of this in my head. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated!
I am from California, and he is from upstate New York. We both now live in New York.
My parents and some of my friends live in California. The rest of my family is scattered all across the US. His parents and most of his family live in NY, and he has friends both here and scattered across the country.
A good portion of both of our guest lists will have to get on a plane no matter where we hold the wedding.
We've been wobbling back and forth as to whether to hold the wedding near us in NY, back in California, or doing a DW since most guests will have to travel either way.
Would a wedding in NY or California be considered a DW anyhow, due to the necessity of flying for a majority of guests? This will be a relatively small wedding either way, under 100 guests invited. Most likely around 70-75.
Any suggestions to minimize cost and inconvenience for our friends and family?
Sorry for the rambling post, I'm still sorting through all of this in my head. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Familes on Opposite Coasts- Where to Have Wedding?
I think you either pick the place you two really want to get married or pick the place where the least amount of people will have to travel. Either choice is completely fine. When you picture your wedding - where is it? What is the atmosphere? Go with your gut on this one.
Also, I wasn't thrilled about the idea of planning a wedding long distance, or having my mom or FMIL take over planning it if we decided to have it in either of our hometowns. It was a hard decision to make, but I guess my best advice is to let go of the idea of a perfect wedding where everyone is able to make it, because it probably won't happen. This isn't a bad thing, it's just the reality of having moved away from friends and family.
I hope that makes sense and helps a bit. If I were in your shoes, I would probably want to have the wedding in New York (assuming your CA VIPs can come).
ETA: I completely agree with Joy's advice above! Go with your gut instinct!
I have a very similar situation: I live in NYC and although large chunks of my family on both sides live in the Tri-State area, my parents, brother, and other relatives live in Houston, TX, and southern California.
Since travel for large numbers of people is inevitable, I'd choose a spot where either the fewest number of people have to travel or where amenities, including wedding-related ones, are most available. Jessicabessica made some good suggestions.
If large numbers of people wouldn't attend your wedding due to the travel issues, you might consider arranging a local celebration in an area where many such people are concentrated. For example, in my own case, I would be open to my parents hosting something in Houston or California while the main events would be in or near NYC.
Ultimately, what do you want to do? I compromised on location with both families only two hours apart and I still get a little bummed when I think about it. We had a great venue and a lot of guests told me they loved it, but it was pretty far from what I wanted.
HOWEVER, you might also want to consider which place is "cheaper" if you are on an budget. If one place is considerably cheaper to hold weddings, it might be worth the thought then.......
Warning. IYou might still get complaints. Ignore them and stand your ground. It's YOUR wedding....
[QUOTE]Thank you for the advice, everyone. The consensus seems to be to have the wedding in NY, which is where my FI and I were leaning towards as well. Great ideas on the hotel block reservations!
Posted by ashleymcw7[/QUOTE]
Since it's where you two are living now, has a neverending list of things to do, and can be reached from basically anywhere in the world, I think you're doing the right thing. The main focus should be on just making sure that once they get there they are properly hosted. That is the best way you can show your appreciation for them making the trip.
And, we both have Grandmas that decided not to fly to Mexico but we're going to sign the legal papers here (and we don't have to get the blood tests done) and they will both come to that little party.
Definitely the best option in my book.
We had the wedding in CA because we paid for it and it was easier from a planning perspective. If your parents are paying for it, it might be easier for them or make sense to have it in CA. But you'd probably still have to fly out a few times to look at locations or check on certain things.
We had family and friends fly out from NY, MA, Iowa, Texas, DC, WA, Arizona, Illinois, Utah, Missouri... We had 68 people, including us. Our wedding was on a Sunday and our parents all flew out on Friday and flew back on Monday.
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