KPS Reject

squirrly · July 2010

Allowing polygamy gets confusing, I think. Who gets to make health decisions for you if you're married to 3 people and you're unconscious? What if the 3 people don't agree? How about retirement, pensions, etc? Is the rest of the marriage dissolved if one person dies? Who gets what?

I'm all for allowing any two people who are able to consent to marry each other, regardless of gender. And I don't care if people are poly-amorous. I'm just worried about the legal side of if. I think that would have to be clearly addressed for me to be comfortable with multi-spouse marriages.

boogerbearoriginal · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-reject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8fc5ed8-d129-4b40-9973-d9b8e07282d8Post:1f7fbaec-57e9-4c32-a063-be483587a40d">Re: KPS Reject</a>:
[QUOTE]Allowing polygamy gets confusing, I think. Who gets to make health decisions for you if you're married to 3 people and you're unconscious? What if the 3 people don't agree? How about retirement, pensions, etc? Is the rest of the marriage dissolved if one person dies? Who gets what? I'm all for allowing any two people who are able to consent to marry each other, regardless of gender. And I don't care if people are poly-amorous. I'm just worried about the legal side of if. I think that would have to be clearly addressed for me to be comfortable with multi-spouse marriages.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

While I agree with your point that there would be different legal considerations, those same issues get brought up when the sole surviving spouse is ill/dies and has mulitiple children without wills, etc.

opalsky007 · July 2010

See, the legal issues are what get to me too. Marriage is a legal and social contract. Clearly, you can't make a legal contract with an inanimate object.

As for polygamy, maybe some of the complication could be solved via pre-nup-- at least the division of property upon death or divorce. Perhaps one spouse could even specify which of the other spouses gets to make decisions in the event that they're incapacitated. But the rest of it sounds like a nightmare, legally speaking. But so are some "traditional" family issues as well.

To each their own, I guess.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

Well no, I don't really have anything against polygamy, either, now that you mention it. Consenting adults can do whatever they consent to, even if it's not my bag, baby.

But like I've said before, I'm pro anything that is between two people capable of signing a marriage contract - human adults. No kids, no dogs, no inanimate objects.

shoegal715 · July 2010

What a stupid KPS. If you feel that strongly in your beliefs, post them on the board so we can engage in an "educated" debate with you.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-reject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8fc5ed8-d129-4b40-9973-d9b8e07282d8Post:b5f3b204-0938-439e-a263-15615056b916">Re: KPS Reject</a>:
[QUOTE]Ha, I love the fact that the KP poster thought she was scoring some sort of major point and everyone just kind of goes, yeah, okay. I agree with you; so?
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I find there to be these kinds of cyclical arguments in the abortion debate as well. "You could be aborting a baby who will grow up to cure cancer!" And I could be aborting the next Hitler, too. So?

salt78 · July 2010

I can't take someone's views on something like this seriously if they are so chicken as to post them anonymously.

I'm also thinking of becoming a polygamist and marrying my blender. It makes me delicious margaritas and I love it.

fabshelly · July 2010

Actually, Polygamy is biblical, so Christianity and polygam y are not at cross-purposes. (Cross purposes. Christian. Ha!)

It's no secret that I think gay-bashers have their collective heads stuck up their collective butts, however.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

Salt, I would support your choice to marry your blender.

salt78 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-reject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8fc5ed8-d129-4b40-9973-d9b8e07282d8Post:0bf4ed8c-0975-4b11-a4b5-34a0faa1248a">Re: KPS Reject</a>:
[QUOTE]Salt, I would support your choice to marry your blender.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you. </div>

cengle · July 2010

This thread made me think of the Simpsons episode where Homer is performing all sorts of marriage ceremonies. Anyone?

CLSchramm · July 2010

I, too, am against polygamous marriages, but not for religious/idealogical reasons, but rather for what seems like common sense. Marriage is about two people commiting to a lifetime of loving one another. Bringing a third person into that equation just does not compute: a husband cannot focus his attention on two women at the same time, and vice versa.

I've read two biographies on women who escaped from the FLDS. One was a little extreme (the girl was forced into marriage at the age of 14, obviously this is not the norm) but the other was more matter of fact - she was 18, wanted to enter into polygamous marriage because it was what she'd been taught, etc. However, for both women the consensus was, even though their husbands, and their mothers husbands, and their sisters husbands (who all had polygamous marriages) loved their spouses, rivalries and ploys to make themselves and their offspring the 'favorites' naturally sprang up between the wives. These households were nothing but turmoil and strife, for the women and their children.

I would never presume to tell someone who they should marry, however I just don't see how a plygamous relationship would be healthy for the people involved. Just my 2 cents.

mandapanda78 · July 2010

But CLS, all the reasons you just gave are the reasons you would not want to enter into a polygamous relationship. If we're talking personal preference, I don't want to be polygamous or married to another woman, but I support other people's legal right to make those choices. See the difference?

CLSchramm · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-reject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8fc5ed8-d129-4b40-9973-d9b8e07282d8Post:ed06717e-b56f-4e62-8eba-77fcdf336933">Re: KPS Reject</a>:
[QUOTE]But CLS, all the reasons you just gave are the reasons you would not want to enter into a polygamous relationship. If we're talking personal preference, I don't want to be polygamous or married to another woman, but I support other people's legal right to make those choices. See the difference?
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE],

Not necessarily, I was saying why it's not a healthy relationship. But I agree with you on the legal aspect, hence my statement of I wouldn't tell others what to do.

ETP: But I do support Salt's decision to marry her blender. Margaritas are good for the soul <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

arv266 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-reject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8fc5ed8-d129-4b40-9973-d9b8e07282d8Post:2bc607f8-6050-4dc0-a616-5b6ea4a99238">Re: KPS Reject</a>:
[QUOTE]'If this is your mantra, I sincerely hope you have nothing against polygamy or you would be considered a hypocrite. PS I am against gay marriage and polygamy. " For those of you who dont want to hurt your eyeballs.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Not getting this at all... I am niether for or against gay marriage, so I cannot say that this is my mantra...

However, I do have feelings for people tying "knots" simutaneously. I wouldnt want to be #X of #Y wives, and because of this, its hard for me to understand the thought process of a woman who is willing to do this. I think part of what makes a marriage special is that you have, and share, a unique commitment with your partner.

I cannot lump a gay union and a polygist union in the same bucket. A relationship involving two people of the same sex, IMO is not the same as a relationship involving 2, or 3, or more.

stellabbella129 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-reject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8fc5ed8-d129-4b40-9973-d9b8e07282d8Post:0585b095-5dff-4ae0-ae1b-e08cb38f4de2">Re: KPS Reject</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: KPS Reject : I think part of what makes a marriage special is that you have, and share, a unique commitment with your partner. I cannot lump a gay union and a polygist union in the same bucket. A relationship involving two people of the same sex, IMO is not the same as a relationship involving 2, or 3, or more.
Posted by arv266[/QUOTE]

<div>I think we need to separate legal marriage from however we choose to romanticize our own marriages. Two people who are not in love and don't share a unique commitment to each other can certainly get married, and I have no interest preventing them from doing so, it's one of the core reasons I'm pro gay marriage (right behind the basic human right to be respected as an equal in every way, regardless of who you love), because no one's saying that the right has to be anything more than legal. People marry for thousands of different reasons. It's not always because they can't imagine living without the other person.</div><div>
</div><div>Like PPs, I don't give a rat's ass if someone wants to marry multiple people, for whatever reason they want. I don't care if they have sex with all their wives or only a select few or if the wives compete for attention. If they're consenting adults, this is the decision they've made, and as long as they can get out if there is a major problem (divorce), it's their own goddamn business. Who am I to judge whether or not someone else's relationship is healthy? That's like my nana using "It's just not <em>norma</em>l" as her only argument for why she's against gay marriage. I don't care how they raise their children as long as they are healthy and not neglected. I don't care how they divvy up their will, as long as issues like employer-provided health insurance, etc, are taken care of on their end. I can imagine it would be a logistical nightmare, but that just means I wouldn't do it myself.</div><div>
</div><div>What I do think is interesting is that no one's brought up the issue of people not being allowed to marry their siblings or first cousins. If we say "Well there's a whole host of genetic issues..." blah blah blah then we would have to examine why we don't prevent people with hereditary genetic disorders from marrying and producing children. I think it's all a load of poo. Marry whomever you please and suffer the consequences yourself. A long as they're educated about the risks, adults have every right to make their own decisions.</div>

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