Issue with 'Ma'am'?

Beachy730 · April 2011

My mom's parents have always been "Nana and Papa," and now as an adult I do feel funnny speaking in a conversation about them and say "my Nana..."

I don't call my MIL anything. I don't want to call her mom, and calling her by her first name is just weird. So I just don't address her by anything. I will probably just wait until we have kids and then call her "grandma."

heartxsongs · April 2011

Both of my FI's grandmothers go by Mama/Momma. I thought that was interesting because they seemed more like names for a mother than a grandmother. I still call them that though, since that is what they prefer.

I don't think I could call my FI's parents mom or dad though. FI's mom will occasionally refer to herself has "Mom2" in the context of our relationship, but I don't call her that.

baystateapple · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:fabb2884-7d7c-4118-9de4-e5b4a3bc5e59">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]Madame makes me think of a brothel.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

Me too.

nlwebber85 · April 2011

never! its polite!! some people believe its condescending or designed only for older women, but i don't believe this to be the case at all, ma'am!

specialk84 · April 2011

I don't mind being called ma'am, as long as it's not said in a condescending tone. As a kid, I was always taught to use titles until that person asked me to call them by their first name. The neighbors were always Mr. Smith, Mrs. Jones, etc. Recently, some of them have invited me to use their first names, and I got some odd feeling like, "OMG! I'm an adult now!"

The kids across the street called me Miss Kate when I babysat for them. Their mother said it was proper because I was older and in a position of authority. She was happy with it, and I didn't really care, so that's what the kids called me until a few years ago.

In a number of professional relationships, I actually prefer being called Miss or Ms. I call my doctor Dr., and he calls me Miss. I think it's respectful. My lawyer and I have the same relationship.

As for the Aunt/Uncle thing, FI and I have friends who constantly refer to us as Aunt and Uncle when talking to their kid. They're both only children, so I get that their kid will never be able to call anyone that, but it just irks me.

In FI's family, Aunt/Uncle titles are used, unlike in my family. FSIL asked what I wanted to be called, and I explained the difference between our families, then said, "As long as she respects me when addressing me, I don't really have a preference. If you're more comfortable with her calling me Aunt Katherine, fine."

louisvillebride21 · April 2011

See, we are that 'aunt and uncle', even though they both have sibblings. We're the only family for hours, so we do feel like we fulfil that role. We're all happy with it and I hope he does grow up callin gme Aunt Julia.

musicalsunlight · April 2011

My aunt's name is Lori but when I was little I couldn't pronounce it, so I said "Odie" instead. Since then, she has been "Auntie Odie" for me, and the rest of her nephews. I'm 22 now and still call her Auntie Odie. It isn't weird to me, because that has always just been what I've called her. I think she likes having the special nickname.

My maternal grandparents have a long last name, and when I was little I started calling them Grandma and Grandpa Cookie. Since then, it has stuck, and everyone calls them that, including them! They call each other "Cookie" all the time. It's cute, haha.

laurenclaire1386 · April 2011

I call all of my grandparents by their first names. Both sets were like "well, everybody else calls me by my first name, why shouldn't LC?" And it stuck.

crfische · April 2011

Bree, my BFF from grad school (who lives in Indiana) has a mepaw and a papaw. I think it's kind of endearing.

baystateapple · April 2011

Nah, Bree. I really don't think that a lot of people think that way. Especially not kids. Clearly Wrkn and I just have our minds in the gutter

cengle · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:398cb8f3-ae59-4ee1-828d-96d064dc6612">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]My aunt's name is Lori but when I was little I couldn't pronounce it, so I said "Odie" instead. Since then, she has been "Auntie Odie" for me, and the rest of her nephews. I'm 22 now and still call her Auntie Odie. It isn't weird to me, because that has always just been what I've called her. I think she likes having the special nickname. My maternal grandparents have a long last name, and when I was little I started calling them Grandma and Grandpa Cookie. Since then, it has stuck, and everyone calls them that, including them! They call each other "Cookie" all the time. It's cute, haha.
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

That is cute.

With pronunciation, that's how my H's grandmother got her nickname too. My FIL called his parents by their names, rather than mom and dad (weird, I know). But when he was a little kid, he couldn't pronounce Virginia, his mother's name. He focused on the "uh" sound, and he called her Bue (pronounced like "duh" but with a B). That's what everyone calls her now. That's all H ever knew to call her as a kid.

My BFF's grandmother is German, and I think the German word for grandmother is Oma, and when my friend was a kid, she combined "grandma" and "oma" and has since been called Goma.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

I called my great-grandparents Granny and Papaw.

Birdie1483 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:8e45fb40-7378-4800-a8ce-5e15db7b5633">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'? : See, after hearing past arguments here of things being regional, I didn't want to say this. But I think that's it. I've always lived in KY. All my family live in KY and TN. It's just something my family has always done, and was taught in my home.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

I'm surprised on a daily basis about how different things are just across the river. I never grew up saying ma'am and sir and neither did my friends.

I also don't associate myself as being from the South either, but that could be because I technically grew up in Indiana (a non-South state), even if it was just on the other side of the river, and went to college in northern Indiana.

Birdie1483 · April 2011

I guess future niece calls both of her grandma's nana and it was hard for her to distinguish between the two, so FMIL is now Macaroni-and-cheese Nana

My mom's side was Grandma and Grandpa and my dad's side was Mamaw and Papaw, but only because that was forced upon me. When I wasn't little anymore i just called them Grandma and Grandpa Birdie because the other names seemed to be too intimate for our particular relationship.

And I will admit to have been butthurt for 0.2 seconds when I heard other people being referred to as "aunt" with my niece when I was the true aunt. But then I got over it, because I realized I was 4 hours away and my niece doesn't have much family close and if they have friends that are close enough with them to fill that role, then that's a good thing. It was more of my insecurities with fearing that I'd be a bad aunt than anything.

adunn09 · April 2011

My dad always called his grandmothers "Mom LastName". He called his grandfather "Pop" so we did, too. We always thought the book "Hop on Pop" was written about our great-grandfather.

My cousin, who is the oldest grandchild, couldn't say "grandpa" when he was little. Instead, he said "Boppa", which then stuck. To this day, even though we're all grown, we still call him that, even though it sounds really silly.

artbyallie · April 2011

I don't get why everyone is saying "ma'am" makes them feel old/should be used for older ladies only. It's short for Madam, equivalent to Mrs. But then, I'm also a Southern gal and it's either ma'am or Miss FirstName (usually the latter is reserved for Sunday School teachers, even married ones) as a form of address for adult women. I'm also guilty of using "hon," "honey," "sweetheart," and "sugah." That last one is only for my fiancé, but the others I occasionally use for friends or kids. Definitely a regional thing, and I've never been reprimanded by any woman for calling her "ma'am." In fact, my maternal grandmother is called "Mam" (pronounced the same way) by all three grandkids.

KentuckyKate · April 2011

I think this is the most ridiculous thing ever to get upset about in Louisville, KY. That woman probably has to yell at people every day if she hates it that much. I got called ma'am twice at Costco just now and once at Target. Two of the three were older than me, but since I was the customer, they were showing me respect.

I was raised to ma'am and sir everyone I didn't know who was older than me, and even my parents when I was in trouble. Kind of like, "Do you understand me?" "Yes." "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" "Yes sir!!!!"

mizutamababy · April 2011

Lisa50 · April 2011

I will offer this ... as martial arts instructors, we teach our students (of all ages) to address teachers, parents, anyone in a position of authority really, with the courteous "ma'am" and "sir" titles ... We encourage students to extend this courtesy greeting to all adults. It is all about discipline and respect.

mica178 · April 2011

Meh. I'm a Californian, so I rarely get ma'amed. But H loves to call me "ma'am" if I'm getting bossy. I expect that when we move, I'll be called "ma'am" by random people more often. I am a married lady, I suppose it's the correct title. It's better than when then grocery bagger calls me by my first name or assumes that I'm a Miss or Mrs. (they tend to choose incorrectly).

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