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FI not getting a bachelor party

RWolffRWolff member
100 Comments First Anniversary
in Pre-wedding Parties
Hi all, I have a small problem that I want some advice on handling from my end.

The back story is that FI asked his brother to be his best man because he feels that he will always be happy to look back and have his brother standing next to him. They are not particularly close, but they do share the same closest friends. FBIL is getting married a few months after us and asked someone else to be his BM, but FI is the only other groomsman. No hurt feelings there, but helps to illuminate the situation.

My sister (my MOH) is throwing me a shower in my hometown followed by my bachelorette party. I am very excited and my friends have been really getting into it. As we get closer to the date in March, FI has been getting a little bit down because he won't be having a bachelor party. His party is spread out across the country, so he didn't really expect one, but his brother also bailed on their yearly ski trip because of wedding expenses. This is understandable, but leaves FI feeling a bit down because he would have loved a ski trip with his friends, at which they agreed to celebrate the dual bachelor-ness, which is no longer happening.

My question is what, if anything, should I do? Obviously I am not going to throw him a party, he isn't going to throw himself one, and there isn't much else to do I guess. I was thinking of asking a couple we're friends with here to go away with us for a short ski weekend before this happened, but never went through with it. Would that come across as a substitute? These friends are actually going to be our witnesses because they are important to us, but did not want to take on the attire expense since they are doing IVF right now. I want to be supportive as possible without letting him throw himself a pity party. After all, he's not ENTITLED to a party, but it must suck to see my sister so involved when his brother just isn't, even if it was expected, you know?
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Re: FI not getting a bachelor party

  • baile145baile145
    First Comment
    I'm not sure what to tell you. I'm sort of in the corresponding position to him. My MOH does not live near me, so I'm pretty sure she's not going to throw a party here (and have to travel twice) or there (where I would have to travel). So I think we're just going to skip it. Which means I have to suck it up, I suppose. A rain check spa day may be in order, though.

    Back to your question though, there must be some sort of cheap dude-party that the Best Man could host. Even if it's just a sports game on the lawn at a local park, with pizzas, that would be something. Or if they're really scattered, what about an online Halo or Poker tournament or something that everyone can join online? They could make a ridiculous meme for the groom and virtually abuse him. I know that's lame, but it may give him some sense of support and community? Other cheap activities include local camping, paint ball, or house party. I hope the Best Man does some kind of gesture for your groom.


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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was thinking of asking a couple we're friends with here to go away with us for a short ski weekend before this happened, but never went through with it. Would that come across as a substitute?

    As long as you don't call it a prewedding party, it shouldn't.

    If what he wants is a guys night out, he can totally have one. Just don't call it a bachelor party, ya know?

    What was he hoping to do for his bachelor party? Maybe you can do it with him?
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  • RWolffRWolff member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    The main problem is that we just moved here, so FI and I both don't have many friends near where we actually live. I am having my stuff thrown on a weekend that I am visiting my hometown, and my bridesmaids all live within an hour. He is from a different area, and his GMs live in 5 different states. I think it just stinks because they had a trip planned, they were calling it a joint bachelor party for the two brothers, and now brother has backed out, leaving FI both bachelor-party-less and footing the cancellation charge.

    So local stuff is out, and he's a bit bummed. If we were from the same town, we would do a joint party, but he doesn't know any guys who live there. Guess there's nothing to be done, just wishing there was :(
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  • RWolffRWolff member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_fi-not-getting-a-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:144f9e6a-31d3-455f-94ea-f4d282604844Post:25dec37c-e422-4e33-8ff8-2f6383bf56a7">Re: FI not getting a bachelor party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, the party is a gift, not a right.  It's disappointing that he's not getting one, but that sometimes happens. Anyone can host the b-party but the groom.  It doesn't have to be the Best Man or a groomsman.  If someone asks "when the bachelor party is" he can respond that he doesn't know if he's having one.  If all he wants is a get-together, he can ring up his pals and say, "I want to have one last fling before the ring.  How about we meet up at Joe's Juke Joint on Friday at six?"  He just can't call it a bachelor party.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Retread, I understand it's disappointing, but not because he thought he "Deserved" one, but because he had one that was cancelled. And he can't exactly ring up his friends in Seattle, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Pittsburg, and Chicago for a get together lol.</div><div>
    </div><div>He really only has one close-ish friend in the city we currently live in, and they hang out fairly often as it is.</div>
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    That's a bummer. I would be super sad if this happened to me or my groom, and I feel bad for your fiance! You said he has the one friend he's close to there. Even though they already do stuff often, could they go out, even if it is just the 2 of them just for a guy's night and maybe do something a little out of their norm or a little wilder? It isn't the same as the big "bachelor party," but at least it would be somethiing. There really isn't a lot y'all can do since his friends are so far away. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • RWolffRWolff member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Oooh that's a good idea! He might like a scavenger hunt where he ended up doing some of his favorite stuff. I always actually joked that I was going to be the one to propose to him, so I could make it special for us and for him without making it seem like a pity-replacement-bach-party thing. Thanks, that's just the sort of thing I was looking for! Genius!
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