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engagement party question

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Re: engagement party question

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:fdad18bd-c035-4d6e-ba65-157cf79c16b5">engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]hi hiii,   Fi and I are going to throw our own engagement party because we want to have one, and just a small one.  It will be family and the bridal party and a few close friends.  Question- do you alert the bridal party ahead of time of the date of the party or just send them an invite along with everyone else?  Also- do you give out favors at an engagement party?
    Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]

    This is a bad idea.  You should not throw yourself an e-party - no matter how small or how badly you want to have one.
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  • You don't throw your own engagement party because that's bad etiquette, so I'm sorry I can't answer the rest of your questions.

    Best of luck.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:fdad18bd-c035-4d6e-ba65-157cf79c16b5">engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]hi hiii,   Fi and I are going to throw our own engagement party because we want to have one, and just a small one.  It will be family and the bridal party and a few close friends.  Question- do you alert the bridal party ahead of time of the date of the party or just send them an invite along with everyone else?  Also- do you give out favors at an engagement party?
    Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]

    <div>You shouldn't throw yourself an engagement party.  If you want to get everyone together invite them to dinner and don't make it wedding related.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:fdad18bd-c035-4d6e-ba65-157cf79c16b5">engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]hi hiii,   Fi and I are going to throw our own engagement party because we want to have one, and just a small one.  It will be family and the bridal party and a few close friends.  Question- do you alert the bridal party ahead of time of the date of the party or just send them an invite along with everyone else?  Also- do you give out favors at an engagement party?
    Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]

    You shouldn't throw your own engagement party.  If you want to get family and friends together to meet eachother, that's cool.  Just don't call it an engagement party.
  • PPs are right. You shouldn't throw your own engagement party. Hopefully someone will throw one for you, but by throwing your own you look like you are fishing for gifts.
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  • Wrong, just wrong. You could invite both families to dinner to meet each other, but it is NOT an engagement party - that is not for you to throw.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:bf43865a-9880-4914-94c6-a48c2d1c5d69">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]PPs are right. You shouldn't throw your own engagement party. Hopefully someone will throw one for you, but by throwing your own you look like you are fishing for gifts.
    Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]

    I see what you mean, but engagement parties are traditionally not gift giving occasions.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:dfac457c-201d-42ba-824b-6f291fba6ca2">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : I see what you mean, but engagement parties are traditionally not gift giving occasions.
    Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

    <div>Maybe that's how it is in your circle, but not all.  I've never been to an e-party, and we didn't have one.  But I at least know that many people do get/give gifts at them, even if it's just a bottle of wine or champagne.  </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:5429b383-d408-4a07-9ac2-ba9790789fc9">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : Maybe that's how it is in your circle, but not all.  I've never been to an e-party, and we didn't have one.  But I at least know that many people do get/give gifts at them, even if it's just a bottle of wine or champagne.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    So, actually, someone wrote in to last week's Social Qs in the NYT about a situation in which the letterwriter hosted an engagement party (in her home), people brought bottles of wine as gifts, and the host was miffed that the couple took the wine, as the host thought the wine was a host gift.  The Social Qs columnist agreed with the letterwriter.  I don't agree, but I haven't been to e-parties, either, so I don't know really, but I was curious as to what the general consensus was. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:765c214f-82d7-4198-aba1-3ba085e70424">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : So, actually, someone wrote in to last week's Social Qs in the NYT about a situation in which the letterwriter hosted an engagement party (in her home), people brought bottles of wine as gifts, and the host was miffed that the couple took the wine, as the host thought the wine was a host gift.  The Social Qs columnist agreed with the letterwriter.  I don't agree, but I haven't been to e-parties, either, so I don't know really, but I was curious as to what the general consensus was. 
    Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

    Well I think that is different.  When I'm invited to a party I often bring a bottle of wine as a gift to the hostess.  I wonder if the couple is expecting gifts off of their registry.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:dfac457c-201d-42ba-824b-6f291fba6ca2">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : I see what you mean, but engagement parties are traditionally not gift giving occasions.
    Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

    Engagement parties often are gift-giving occasions (even if the gifts are small).  But they are also in honor of the engaged couple.  It's a little AWish to throw an engagement party to honor yourself.  The e-party can be thrown by a family member, a friend, or not at all.

    I agree with the PP's suggestion.  If you want to have a get together, host one, but don't call it an engagement party.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:dbc04801-91e9-4005-9411-88a3d0fd523b">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : Well I think that is different.  When I'm invited to a party I often bring a bottle of wine as a gift to the hostess.  I wonder if the couple is expecting gifts off of their registry.
    Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

    I like to bring hostess gifts, too.  I feel like that example was kind of multiple communication failures--the wine-givers didn't attach a card or gift tag (which I probably would do if it was a "congratulations" thing versus a hostess thing), the couple didn't ask the host about it, etc.  Aren't e-parties fairly soon after the engagement, though?  As in, couples probably wouldn't be registered?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:765c214f-82d7-4198-aba1-3ba085e70424">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : So, actually, someone wrote in to last week's Social Qs in the NYT about a situation in which the letterwriter hosted an engagement party (in her home), people brought bottles of wine as gifts, and the host was miffed that the couple took the wine, as the host thought the wine was a host gift.  The Social Qs columnist agreed with the letterwriter.  I don't agree, but I haven't been to e-parties, either, so I don't know really, but I was curious as to what the general consensus was. 
    Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

    <div>So this letterwriter hosted an e-party for another couple in her home, and was mad that the engaged couple who the party was for took the gifts?  This one is tough.  If I'm invited to a party or a dinner at someone's house, we always bring a bottle of wine or vodka or something, so I understand thinking it's a hostess gift.  But when I go to a bridal shower or wedding I don't bring a gift for the host, just a gift for who the party is honoring.  So at en e-party I would assume the wine was for the engaged couple.  </div>
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  • We got a ton of wine and liquor for our engagement party.  Hopefully my mom didn't want us to leave it because we for sure took all that home!! But most of it was in a bag like with a card...not just a random bottle of wine. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:765c214f-82d7-4198-aba1-3ba085e70424">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : So, actually, someone wrote in to last week's Social Qs in the NYT about a situation in which the letterwriter hosted an engagement party (in her home), people brought bottles of wine as gifts, and the host was miffed that the couple took the wine, as the host thought the wine was a host gift.  The Social Qs columnist agreed with the letterwriter.  I don't agree, but I haven't been to e-parties, either, so I don't know really, but I was curious as to what the general consensus was. 
    Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

    I would think the wine was for the couple. Usually E parties are soon after the couple gets engaged (so they aren't registered). We didn't have a party, but friends gave us wine & champagne soon after we got engaged as a Congrats gift. I have brought wine to Eparties & it was for the couple. I don't think the host should get hostess gifts as her hosting the party is a gift to the couple.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:dfac457c-201d-42ba-824b-6f291fba6ca2">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : I see what you mean, but engagement parties are traditionally not gift giving occasions.
    Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]


    Yeah, every e-party I have been to (and my own) involved some gift-giving.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:3e93ef1b-dd93-4f1d-991a-4f1e21c7d199">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]sheeeeesh lol well how do you throw an engagement party if no one wants to pay for it since they are already paying for a ton of stuff? I'm not fishing for gifts at all I just wanted to have a party so both families can mingle and have all the bridal party to mingle.  What do you call it, a meet and greet?  So how would you handle that then?  Not have one?  Or what do you call it on the invite?  Come mix and mingle with the families?  lol.  I just don't know how to word it :( Or just forget it and call it a day.
    Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]

    <div>You don't need to completely forget the idea.  You just don't need to call it an engagement party.  Send e-vites saying you want to have everyone over for dinner and/or drinks.  It doesn't at all need to be a formal invite.  </div><div>
    </div><div>An e-party isn't a right, and nobody is entitled to have one.  I don't think you are acting entitled, but your first line of this post sounds entitled.  If nobody offers to throw you an actual engagement party, you just don't have one.  </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:3d01fad5-5a4d-4e56-b93e-40edfa13b247">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : Yeah, every e-party I have been to (and my own) involved some gift-giving.
    Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]

    That's fascinating to me. I've been to four since January alone and no one brought presents for the couple, certainly not registry gifts. I'm in a small, old-school town though...maybe that's why. It was just always drilled in my head that presents are not for e-parties. I would have agreed with the letterwriter, but when I bring hostess gifts, I always tag it with the hostess' name or give it directly to him/her. I can see why this would cause major confusion.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:27d2c416-5895-4be6-a4a0-0b62ccb3eb00">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : That's fascinating to me. I've been to four since January alone and no one brought presents for the couple, certainly not registry gifts. I'm in a small, old-school town though...maybe that's why. It was just always drilled in my head that presents are not for e-parties. I would have agreed with the letterwriter, but when I bring hostess gifts, I always tag it with the hostess' name or give it directly to him/her. I can see why this would cause major confusion.
    Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

    The gifts are not usually anything big (a wedding scrapbook, champagne flutes, wine, etc.) and a registry is not usually involved, but in my circle people usually bring something to celebrate the occassion. I don't think I have ever spent more than $25 on an e-party gift.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:3e93ef1b-dd93-4f1d-991a-4f1e21c7d199">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]sheeeeesh lol well how do you throw an engagement party if no one wants to pay for it since they are already paying for a ton of stuff? I'm not fishing for gifts at all I just wanted to have a party so both families can mingle and have all the bridal party to mingle.  What do you call it, a meet and greet?  So how would you handle that then?  Not have one?  Or what do you call it on the invite?  Come mix and mingle with the families?  lol.  I just don't know how to word it :( Or just forget it and call it a day.
    Posted by cusi229[/QUOTE]

    Why do you HAVE to have an e-party?

    Call it "Please Join Us for Drinks and Dinner" and invite the two families to a BBQ or cookout at your house. I assume both families know you're already engaged, so there's nothing to be announced.
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  • we had a joint e-party thrown for us and my cousin who got engaged a month after us (so it was 2 1/2 months after we were engaged)...an aunt hosted, and all the aunts made dishes and brought them.... and ya it was a little weird...cuz we got a lot of gifts ...and since we were having a "shorter" engagement we had already registered.....thought most people didn't get something on the registry.... We got our cake set, a crystal bowl, wine glasses, and a few things off our registry (a board game, lamp, and nightstand)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-question-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f54a646f-0d04-424a-bbfb-bfdbd6fdc002Post:27d2c416-5895-4be6-a4a0-0b62ccb3eb00">Re: engagement party question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: engagement party question : That's fascinating to me. I've been to four since January alone and no one brought presents for the couple, certainly not registry gifts. I'm in a small, old-school town though...maybe that's why.
    Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

    Depends on your crowd. In my group, it's usually a registry gift -- china, crystal, silver, serving pieces, kitchen appliances, something like that. But we give the present whether there's an actual party or not -- when my ex- and I got married, we didn't have a party but received the same presents we would have if we'd had a party.
  • Including the registry info is just plain rude though, no matter what - the only time that's acceptable is for a shower, and those are never thrown by the couple getting married. There's a limit to how much I'll accept as "social circle custom."
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  • If it's just a matter of $$, maybe you could discretely put down the money for the party, but someone else could be the official hosts. 
  • at this point we are just going to either a)have a little mix and mingle or b)say forget it haha
    not that big of a dealio.  just thought it would be fun to be honest lol
  • I actually emailed my FMIL about an engagement party. Asked my mom if I can have it at her house. Said my fiance and I will provide and cook for backyard BBQ. Specified NO GIFTS but bring a dish if you would like. Our parents met but his 3 bothers and my two sisters haven't. My bridesmaids don't know his groomsman very well. Just a backyard BBQ/pool party. Very informal. His family is very close, Italian, and keen on celebrating EVERYTHING. His mom thought it was a wonderful idea and no one thought of it as "fishing for gifts." Family loves gossip so if they thought it was rude, I would have heard. Didn't want our parents throwing it because they are paying enough. We want to do something for them as a pre-thank you for all they are about to do for us. FI and I are shopping, setting up, inviting, and cleaning. We aren't even mailing invites so it's not too formal. I say GO FOR IT!
  • I see this is an old post... but I couldn't help but comment. I hope you did whatever YOU wanted to do and didn't listen to any of these other people's advice on proper etiquette. I paid for a dinner of less than 20 people and called it an engagement party. The majority of people bought items off our registry or gave us money. But perhaps the nicest gift I received from doing so... was my mother-in-law paying for the entire party WITHOUT me knowing until the day of when the restaurant refused to take my check. So... in a way... it was like they threw it for us. But, I still would've paid for it anyway if they didn't. This goes without saying... but... DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. You only have one life to live. Thank the people who go out of their way to give you something... congratulate you... or say a kind word or two. Disregard the people who THINK they know everything about everything OR try to make you feel bad for doing something they didn't think to do for themselves.
  • I see this is an old post... but I couldn't help but comment. I hope you did whatever YOU wanted to do and didn't listen to any of these other people's advice on proper etiquette. I paid for a dinner of less than 20 people and called it an engagement party. The majority of people bought items off our registry or gave us money. But perhaps the nicest gift I received from doing so... was my mother-in-law paying for the entire party WITHOUT me knowing until the day of when the restaurant refused to take my check. So... in a way... it was like they threw it for us. But, I still would've paid for it anyway if they didn't. This goes without saying... but... DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. You only have one life to live. Thank the people who go out of their way to give you something... congratulate you... or say a kind word or two. Disregard the people who THINK they know everything about everything OR try to make you feel bad for doing something they didn't think to do for themselves.
  • I see this is an old post... but I couldn't help but comment. I hope you did whatever YOU wanted to do and didn't listen to any of these other people's advice on proper etiquette. I paid for a dinner of less than 20 people and called it an engagement party. The majority of people bought items off our registry or gave us money. But perhaps the nicest gift I received from doing so... was my mother-in-law paying for the entire party WITHOUT me knowing until the day of when the restaurant refused to take my check. So... in a way... it was like they threw it for us. But, I still would've paid for it anyway if they didn't. This goes without saying... but... DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. You only have one life to live. Thank the people who go out of their way to give you something... congratulate you... or say a kind word or two. Disregard the people who THINK they know everything about everything OR try to make you feel bad for doing something they didn't think to do for themselves.
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