Is "first look" a big deal to you?

mbuckley85 · May 2012

Maybe I'm weird, but this is a HUGE deal to me. My fiance's family keeps asking why we are staying in different hotels the night before the wedding and why we can't do pictures together before the ceremony. Am I crazy? I really want the first time my fiance sees me on the day of the wedding to be when I come down the aisle...

One of my fiance's sisters got married the day we were receiving the remnants of a tropical storm (strange in NY) and because they knew there was going to be bad weather, she actually put her dress on the day before her wedding and they did their pictures outside the day before!

I think that his family thinks I'm being stupid and inflexible when really I just want that first moment to be really special.

abbyizzymommy · May 2012

I agree with you 100%. I know for some people the first look removes some of the pressure but for me, I too just want me coming down the aisle to be THE moment. I am doing a first look type thing with my dad though. He doesnt want to walk me down the isle blubbering lol, so we are allotting about 15 mins for a moment for just me and my dad. But to answer your question NO I dont think you are being unflexible, you want what you want, and in this instance that is perfectly fine.

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

DH was adamant that he not see me before the wedding. He assigned his niece the job of being his lookout to make sure wherever he went that day, I wouldn't accidentally cross paths with him.

jsocalmama · May 2012

I am having my wedding at a private residence. The count will be somewhere around 100 people. The ceremony and reception will all be done in one place. I was a bit concerned about being able to capture the first look, as I was contemplating on taking pictures beforehand. You see, my ceremony will not be until 5PM and I was thinking it might be a bit rude to have people wait around for an hour while we do photography off-site.

I made my decision to do the photography immediately following the ceremony. While we are off-site, guests will be served appetizers and drinks. I guess this is, afterall, something that most wedding guests are accustomed to. Plus, it is MY day.

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:5738a5ab-f795-400e-a6c3-3634388130cf">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having my wedding at a private residence. The count will be somewhere around 100 people. The ceremony and reception will all be done in one place. I was a bit concerned about being able to capture the first look, as I was contemplating on taking pictures beforehand. You see, my ceremony will not be until 5PM and I was thinking it might be a bit rude to have people wait around for an hour while we do photography off-site. I made my decision to do the photography immediately following the ceremony. While we are off-site, guests will be served appetizers and drinks. I guess this is, afterall, something that most wedding guests are accustomed to. <strong>Plus, it is MY day</strong>.
Posted by jsocalmama[/QUOTE]

Good plan, but please take this phrase out of your vocabulary. It is not YOUR day once you invite guests.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2012

It wasn't a big deal to me at all. We did photos before. In fact, we didn't even do a "first look" photo. My husband got ready at home (after we spent the night together in a hotel room) and walked in as I was still getting dressed and having my makeup done. No big deal to us. But if it's a big deal to you, that's great too.

Just don't make your guests wait with nothing to do while you do photos. That's what cocktail hour is for.

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

I had no interest in a first look. My husband wanted to see me first coming down the aisle and I hated the idea of seeing him until that moment, too.

Obviously this is up to the couple and their preference, but I think First Looks are silly. Just my opinion. I don't think it's a private moment with a photographer there flasing pics and telling you where to stand. If I wanted a private moment with my fiance before the ceremony to calm my nerves, I'd see him privately before ceremony and not drag a voyeur along.

I think most people just like the pictures that it creates, which is fine. But I was cool without them.

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:5738a5ab-f795-400e-a6c3-3634388130cf">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE] Plus, it is MY day.
Posted by jsocalmama[/QUOTE]

Oh. Are you marrying yourself?

HobokensFury · May 2012

We did a first look and were happy that we did. With the timing of our wedding (6pm ceremony) with would have been impossible to take photos afterwards. Also when that day came it wouldn't have mattered because due to unforeseen circumstances we spent the night before our wedding together.

aragx6 · May 2012

We're going to do a first look. I'm not the most sentimental person in the world and they make a lot of sense, but I was entirely convinced once I saw some first look photos -- what a special, sweet and private moment.

Now it's as important to me to do one as it is to others to not! Those are the pics I'm probably most looking forward to.

divinemsbee · May 2012

My FI was pretty against a first look until I explained to him that we wouldn't have any photos of us during the ceremony. No first look photos, no first kiss photos. The church we're getting married in just doesn't allow them during the ceremony from the time I go up the aisle until we're coming back down. So, we're doing a first look. Plus I have a giant family and I want to be able to enjoy some of the reception after photos. We're going to try to get as much done as we can before, and I think it'll be beautiful.

FI's still a little resistant, but we both know it'll be worth it to have those pictures. Trust me that if our photographer could take pics during the ceremony we wouldn't be doing it.

JoanE2012 · May 2012

We are doing a first look because 1) I want some photos outside in daylight. By the time our ceremony is over, it will be dark and 2) It'll calm my nerves. I'd probably be too emotional walking down the aisle if we hadn't seen each other already.

mbuckley85 · May 2012

We have a cocktail hour, plus our reception hall and ceremony site is in the middle of a park and we are hoping to do pictures in the park so we aren't going far. We are having a private cocktail hour for the wedding party.

Lisa50 · May 2012

I don't think you're weird, you just think the "first look" is a big deal. There is no problem with that tradition.

H saw me in my dress and I saw him in his tux before the ceremony, when we, our best men and the officiant got together for a final chit-chat and "virtual" walk through. I would not have had it any other way. So, no, to answer your question, the "first look" was not a big deal to us.

calliopeia2013 · May 2012

I don't think it's weird to be invested in it. Personally, I'm not. FI helped me pick out the dress; I'll probably discuss hairstyles with him, and he'll probably see me dressed before the wedding. It's just not really a big deal to me. But I don't think it's weird or inflexible to care.

My one caution, though, is that it's never a good idea to get invested in things being "perfect" or "exactly like you imagined" or whatever, because that is absolutely setting yourself up for disappointment, because, you know, it's life, and sometimes things don't go as planned. But as long as you're cool with that, do what makes you happy.

Spunky414 · May 2012

In the beginning of the planning process it was a big deal to me for us not to see each other before the ceremony but after nailing down a ceremony and reception space and time it just isn't going to be practical. I'm not willing to compromise time or locations for prictures or spend the money on a cocktail hour when it's just so much easier and cheaper to take pictures before. It's a compromise I'm willing to make, and if you aren't that's fine too.

GreenEire · May 2012

We wanted everything to be as traditional as possible. So the night before the wedding, H stayed at home while I stayed in a hotel. We didn't see each other again until I was walking down the aisle. I think it was much more emotional and special that way. Our photo session afterwards only took about a half hour, so it's not like we made everybody wait an incredibly long time for us.

Annas2013 · May 2012

If you want that to be the first time he sees you, then that's fine. It's ultimately your decision. We're doing first look photos before the wedding, and most of our photography actually, so guests aren't waiting around forever before dinner starts. Yes we're having a cocktail hour, but my FI and I would like to spend as much time with the guests as possible. Plus I want the picture when he sees me, and not in front of everyone else. I tend to not exactly show much emotion when I'm surrounded by other people, so this will help get better pictures.

rlavach · May 2012

I initially was really really against doing the first look. I also wanted the moment I walked down the aisle to be super special & felt if that's the first time my DH sees me, it would add to the excitement. Well, at the last minute we decided to get a videographer. Because of that, we wouldn't have enough time to take pics/video in between ceremony & reception. The videographer suggested doing the first look early in the day so that we can get all of the pics/video out of the way & enjoy the cocktail hour without running around like crazy people. I was so reluctant! What convinced me was the fact that my incredibly shy (hates to be the center of attention) DH felt that it would help calm his nerves. So, I agreed.

DOING THE FIRST LOOK WAS THE BEST DAMN DECISION WE MADE! I honestly feel it was the right choice. We got to meet a few hours before the ceremony & take some really beautiful pictures together. I got out all of my crying then, so I wasn't as emotional later. We were able to take our time & get all of the shots we needed. It was so special to see each other for the first time in a private moment, rather than in front of a crowd. We could savor that moment together & tell each other how we felt. It was wonderful.

When we got to the ceremony & they opened the doors for me, the moment was still magical. The fact that we had seen each other earlier did NOT take away anything. It was still special because...hello...we were about to get married! He still gasped, I still teared up. At least I didn't sob like I thought I would. I honestly recommend it to everyone.

SB1512 · May 2012

FI and I are doing first look photos for a few reasons. 1. Our ceremony and reception are at the same site, so if we don't do first look we would only be looking at cocktail hour to do photos and we both feel that is not enough time. 2. By doing a first look we can take pictures at a place other than our ceremony/reception site and then have photos of us at the reception site after we are married. 3. We both strongly feel that seeing each other alone and doing photos before the ceremony would be way more intimate and a way better experience than seeing each other for the first time when I come down the aisle. It will also give us some alone time, which is going to be rare on the wedding day. After the ceremony you'll be greeting and talking with guests and generally being a good host, which doesn't leave much time for yourselves so we see the first look as a way to have to quality time with each other before the craziness starts.

aluaevolver · May 2012

I totally agree! My fiance and I live together (in separate rooms) due to a bad college roommate situation.

But I plan on being in a hotel or at his mom's the night before the wedding. He has said that he would probably stay at his best friend's house.

I think the first moment that he sees you is super important.

runpipparun · May 2012

Well, our church (Episcopal) dictates that we enter from the same direction, which means that we process in together, either "together" together (arm in arm), or him with the priest and me with my dad. So, that nixes him watching me walk down the aisle. Add to that, we aren't allowed to take photos in the church during the service. Sooo...

We're going to have to orchestrate some sort of private moment somewhere in the parish center before we begin the service. I don't know that I am SUPER hinged on seeing some sort of overwhelmed reaction on his face, or having it captured on film, but it would be nice for us to have a minute together before the chaos of the day sets in.

runpipparun · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:67a851e6-c29b-4213-8998-a5cfbc97dc69">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you? : Good plan, but please take this phrase out of your vocabulary. It is not YOUR day once you invite guests.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. I'm going with a less expensive gown so we can afford high-end food and beer/wine. I've been to too many weddings with crap food and cash bars with horrid alcohol where the bride was wearing some ridiculously expensive gown. Come on, man. WWJD? He would wear his raggedy clothes and save the best wine for last. ;)</div>

jjolovich · May 2012

I origianally didn't want fi to see me at all the day of the wedding, but that is up in the air till we know when we can decorate for the reception.

I don't want fi to see me in my dress until i walk down the aisle, i tried to talk to him about doing a first look and he thinks i am just making it more complicated, and I want to stick with him not seeing me until I start my procession to him!

VeggieLove1022 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:25ad91db-bfda-480a-8ea8-dafd8e9fdcb6">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing a first look because 1) I want some photos outside in daylight. By the time our ceremony is over, it will be dark and 2) It'll calm my nerves. I'd probably be too emotional walking down the aisle if we hadn't seen each other already.
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

<div>All this was me, but I also have to add that I was so nervous about the ceremony I don't remember a thing about walking down the aisle. I don't remember seeing H, standing in front of everyone, or even saying my vows. Even though I had been calm and cool all day, the 10 minutes before the ceremony started I freaked out. I'm glad I had my first look pictures done because otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to see his reaction to seeing me. </div>

kimiandgary · May 2012

We probably would have considered not doing the first look if we had time at the venue to take more pictures after the ceremony. Because we have to be done with the party at the venue at 10 we are opting to do a first look. We will get as many pictures done as possible to we can get to the party and enjoy our time with our guests.

EDIT: But no it isn't weird to want to wait. I just hate waiting for 2 hours after a ceremony for the bride and groom to arrive so keep that in mind. Maybe try to get in photos with your BM's and him with his GM's before people arrive to cut down on the time.

Winnertag1 · May 2012

Fi refuses to do a first look, he says he wants to keep it traditional and only see me for the first time when I walk down the asile, which is funny because we arent traditional at all

My photographer brings a 2nd photographer with her so we dont have to worry about capturing my expression & FI's expression as I'm walking down the aisle since one photographer would be capturing mine and the other his so we arent worried about it. I think our 1 hour cocktail hour is plenty of time to get the group photos we want since our photo location is literally across the street from the venue & we need to have a cocktail hour since our ceremony and reception are in the same room so there needs to be a flip which is going to take an hour.

RussoWill · May 2012

We didn't do a first look photo session. The weather was terrible (7 in rain and 20mph wind anyone??). Even when we did the group shots, I was adament we get some on the beach, and my hair was messed up after that for the rest of the night. Totally worth it though- who has a beach wedding without at least a few picutres on the beach??

misssunshine17 · May 2012

The photo loving me wants to have a first look to ensure we have time to take all the photos, but FI does NOT want to see me before I walk down. I think whatever works for you. Yours guests will understand if you leave for a while to take pictures, as long as its not too long.

girliegirlral · May 2012

This is by far the best thing I have read in a very long time!!!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:15b7f6fb-fff0-4c55-b69b-c5f7ddc47ead">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]While the fantasy in my head thinks it's a big deal, I know the reality is that my fiance is not going to be blasted away by my beauty or gasp or clutch his chest or tear up or anything. The only way I could get his eyebrows to raise was if I went down the aisle nude.
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

JoanE2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_is-first-look-a-big-deal-to-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:34b92ce1-c49f-4738-8f47-450a8b44f0c5Post:d2f2bda1-f31d-4938-9425-f531f1a77c4d">Re: Is "first look" a big deal to you?</a>:
[QUOTE]The photo loving me wants to have a first look to ensure we have time to take all the photos, but FI does NOT want to see me before I walk down. I think whatever works for you. <strong>Yours guests will understand if you leave for a while to take pictures</strong>, as long as its not too long.
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

Sure, that's what the cocktail hour is for.

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