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Re: .

  • ...... This isn't going to go well for you. Not at all. Did you really just complain that someone didnt alter her reproductive cycle for you? For reals?
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  • She said it herself, that "IT WAS A ACCIDENT and that this was totally unplanned" Keep in mind, she is my cousin. So its not like were just friends... She said she cant afford to get extra alterations done to the dress. All my other BM's are preparing for College graduations/final semester of their Masters program so I really cant ask them........ 
  • edited January 2013
    Its not irrelevant...Yea, it happened and we cant change it, Im just stuck in the middle with a thousand other decisions to make. And now I have to deal with this.... I insisted on them letting me help and she kept refusing. So now, its like 4th quarter and we have no time outs......I understand they are gifts in which she CHOSE to host. All Im saying is, they have already found a venue for the festivities and no one else knows that she has dropped out..What should I do?.....
  • In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT:[QUOTE]Its not irrelevant...Yea, it happened and we cant change it, Im just stuck in the middle with a thousand other decisions to make. And now I have to deal with this.... I insisted on them letting me help and she kept refusing. So now, its like 4th quarter and we have no time outs......I understand they are gifts in which she CHOSE to host. All Im saying is, they have already found a venue for the festivities and no one else knows that she has dropped out..What should I do?..... Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    It IS irrelevant that the pregnancy was not planned. You sound like a horrible friend. Whether or not her pregnancy was planned, she is pregnant... And that's going to be a hell of a lot more important to her than your wedding. I see no reason why she couldn't make an effort to remain your MOH maybe you could offer to help her pay for dress alterations. But it sounds like she's made her decision to drop out.

    Planning a shower is not a specific person's responsibility... In other words one doesn't have to be a bridesmaid to host a shower. If she's already been planning a shower, who's to say that she isn't still going to continue those plans? You said no one knows she has backed out... Why not just tell your other bridesmaids? Are you trying to keep it a secret? If your bridesmaids are interested in recovering your former MOH's shower plans I'm sure they will ask you where that stands.
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  • I'm curious what your "suggestions" were that made her upset.


  • My suggestions were to exchange the dress and get a flowy dress that way as she grows, the dress wont need so much altering.I tols her it would be fine for her dress to be different from everyone else's .After all, she is the MOH. She ddint want to do that. So I gave up. might I add, she works at the Bridal shop.. I told her to ask them and they might make an exception being that she is an employee. She said she was embarrased....So idk
  • You should ask her if there is any way she would feel comfortable being in the wedding.  If she's not, then that's fine.  If no one comes forward to host those parties, then you don't get said parties.  This isn't complicated and also not a disaster, so calm down.

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  • edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:f081af62-4380-478c-8c61-ac7c5a9ebc3e">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should ask her if there is any way she would feel comfortable being in the wedding.  If she's not, then that's fine.  If no one comes forward to host those parties, then you don't get said parties.  This isn't complicated and also not a disaster, so calm down.
    Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you! I feel like everyone's looking at me like Im such a bad person. </div>
  • Weezy56Weezy56 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    Well you are certainly portraying yourself as a bad person. Her life has just been turned upside down. She is bringing a CHILD into this world. Whether of not it was planned is irrelevant. Accidentally getting pregnant can happen to anyone having sex, even YOU, so please get off your high horse. Instead of trying to be supportive and helpful towards her you are too busy stressing about being a BM short and not getting any parties. And you wonder why everyone is chewing you up? Please re read what you have wrote, reflect on it, get over yourself, and chill out.

  • Showers and bachelorette parties are not required.  If she was planning them and no one steps up, you simply don't have one.  Plenty of brides here do not have these parties and they are gifts, not entitlements.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:e231cbcc-d15e-4e1e-9ad4-095eab3b2dac">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT : Thank you! I feel like everyone's looking at me like Im such a bad person. 
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    Because your post make you sound like one.  All I hear is me, me me...
     
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:2d49a042-e0bc-4c30-9779-1ff122e47a32">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well you are certainly portraying yourself as a bad person. Her life has just been turned upside down. She is bringing a CHILD into this world. Whether of not it was planned is irrelevant. Accidentally getting pregnant can happen to anyone having sex, even YOU, so please get off your high horse. Instead of trying to be supportive and helpful towards her you are too busy stressing about being a BM short and not getting any parties. And you wonder why everyone is chewing you up? Please re read what you have wrote, reflect on it, get over yourself, and chill out.
    Posted by Weezy56[/QUOTE]

    Nicely said Weezy.  Took the words right out of my mouth.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:c529fb97-1517-4f0f-8749-c2952fe0051a">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, your suggestion for what to do with the dress that can't be returned or exchanged was to ask her boss to break the rules for her and let her return it or exchange it? I can see where that would be frustrating. Why not just tell her it doesn't matter what she wears, it matters that she's there with you? Why not go shopping with her and help her find something affordable that she can wear and suggest she try to sell the dress online or something to recoup some of the money? Instead, you insulted her unborn child and made it sound like an STD. I'd have ended it too. Your BEST FRIEND is scared and stressed because her whole life is about to change in a major way and you're whining about not getting a shower to strangers on the Internet. Please think about that for a moment. Are you a horrible person? Probably not. Were you blinded by your own wedding and acting like a crappy friend? Absolutely. Apologize to her and let her know you are there for her and want her standing with you.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    All of this. So so much.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:e231cbcc-d15e-4e1e-9ad4-095eab3b2dac">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT : Thank you! I feel like everyone's looking at me like Im such a bad person. 
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    You may very well be the nicest person I've never met, but you made yourself sound pretty awful in your OP.  This girl is obviously one of the closest people in your life and you felt that you shouldn't help her be comfortable because it's not your fault she got knocked up.  I don't know why she didn't take your suggestion of a more flowing gown that would accommodate her belly, maybe she is just embarrassed (as she said) and doesn't know how to process this unplanned, life-changing event.  If you know in your heart that you have been kind to her and not placed the importance in this situation on your wedding, then just let it be.  Like I said, she might still host the shower and bachelorette that she has already started on.  If not, either someone else will or you won't have one.  It's not the end of the world either way.
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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2013
    Look, I think you need to back off the WP talk with her and be a friend.  Your friend is pregnant and it obviously wasn't planned, so she is scared to death.  Picking out a flowy dress is the furthest thing she can think about right now.  She is probably going through, is the dad going to be around, how am I going to take care of a baby, how am I going to afford a baby, let alone another dress,  this changes my whole life!!  My best friend went through something similar, and I was her support system.  You need to do the same. 
    Start by appologizing because although you were nice and offered very reasonable suggestions to her as your MOH, you shouldn't have even worried about that yet, be there for her as a friend, not a bride.  You are still 4 months out, which is plenty of time to find something.  If she is embarassed about being pregnanat & clearly very early on in her pregnancy, the last thing she should be doing is going to her boss and asking for an exception.  Be there as a friend, and hopefully she will realize that this could be the biggest blessing in disguise for her and that she has a support system with you.....then in a few months, if she feels comfortable being in the wedding, take her shopping at some dept stores to find a nice dress for her.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:9cf8a01e-9729-4778-a4a0-6dc628aa9304">MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wedding DATE:4/13/13 I recently posted about my MOH finding out she's pregnant and cant fit her dress..... Welp, I should have followed my instincts which would have been asking her to step down this way she wouldnt feel under pressure.........This weekend she put pressure on me to figure out what we could do about her already purchased dress that cant be exchanged/refund. I gave her suggestions, she didnt like them and got upset with me. I feel like <strong>"It's not my fault that you didnt protect yourself, why should I have to find a solution to your problem"?</strong>.....That night she came up with a plan. Then suddenly, today she told me she was stepping down and out. She just wants to be a guest.<strong> My wedding is in 11weeks, she was in charge of Bridal shower and Bachelorette.....WTF DO I DO?</strong> I literally feel like Im going to lose my mind! It seems like everyday there is another issue that pops up.
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    Just because you are getting married doesn't mean the world stops for everyone else in your life.

    It can take months, even years for a woman to get pregnant in certain circumstances. Your friends/family are not going to put their lives on hold and delay expanding their families because this might inconvenience you.

    Believe me, your wedding day isn't that special to anyone but you, your FH, and maybe your parents. Having a baby trumps a wedding every time.

    I gave birth on the day I was supposed to be a BM in my cousin's wedding, and just 3 weeks before I actually was a BM in my sister's.

    If you spoke to your friend anywhere near how you wrote this post, I'm not surprised she dropped out.
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    "The strong look for more strength; the weak look for excuses."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:46f6a0d4-87cb-4479-96c9-71a390339a64">Re: MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]She said it herself, that "IT WAS A ACCIDENT and that this was totally unplanned" Keep in mind, she is my cousin. So its not like were just friends... She said she cant afford to get extra alterations done to the dress. All my other BM's are preparing for College graduations/final semester of their Masters program so I really cant ask them........ 
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    Maybe you should have chosen BMs with greater financial means. ::insert sarcasm::

    Boohoo, you don't get a bridal shower or bachelorette party now. That's the price you pay for being a total bridezilla.
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    "The strong look for more strength; the weak look for excuses."
  • OP, I am almost hoping that someday your choice of contraceptive fails you, leaving you helplessly looking at the yawning abyss of a life change that you didn't necessarily want, or can't afford. And then I hope your closest friend sits in judgement of you, fails to support you, and does nothing but whine at you about how aweful your decisions are. It's a cold, scary, and lonely place that some people don't come out of. Seriously, have you never taken sex ed? No contraceptive is 100 percent effective. None. But go ahead and hold biology against her. Help women everywhere retain the blame for being female. Who needs progress or friends.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • OP - you seriously need to grow the hell up.  You may be old enough to get married but you are definitely not mature enough to stay married.
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  • Bwaha. Too bad she wasnt using any... She was caught up in the moment......
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:508da2fa-916c-46ea-88cf-dddb94a8cf62">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bwaha. Too bad she wasnt using any... She was caught up in the moment......
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    If that's really the only thing you are going to say about your supposed best friend in this situation, then she is better off without you as a friend.

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  • Again, she is my cousin so regardless of whatever challenges come our way, were still family! Let me make it clear that I said I Feel Like its not my fault. I did not say that I actually said that to her. Also, I didnt bring up the parties to her either, these are thoughts that were clouding up my brain. I was flustered and needed to vent! Sheesh, you ppl are very.... Interesting!
  • In Response to Re: Pele Bwaha. Too bad she wasnt using any... She was caught up in the moment...... Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]
  • I wouldn't wish a child on OP. Poor kid would spend its whole life being blamed for her stretch marks...

    I've read a lot of selfish posts over the last little while, but this one takes the cake. Guess what, OP? My cousin is also my MOH. She just found out that she is pregnant, and will be VERY pregnant come my wedding day. Know what I said to her?

    "OMG!!! I'm so happy for you! Do you need anything? Is there anything that I can do for you?"

    I'm spending my time right now thinking of all the cute baby things I want to make/get for her. I'm so excited that I get to be a part of this with her. The wedding is one day; her baby is forever.

    You need to grow the eff up.

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  • Holy Diva/Bridezilla attack!
    You do realize you're treating her pregnancy like it's a joke. Seriously, your priorities are jacked.  No one, even your MOH/Cousin, is going to be as excited about your wedding as you. That said, if she wanted to step down, LET HER! She has her reasons, and whatever they are, how big or small in your eyes, it's her choice. It DOES NOT make you suddenly in crisis mode. You don't NEED a MOH. You aren't entitled to parties, and you don't NEED to do anything other than calm the hell down and be more supportive of this woman.
    Dang!
    Praying for a miracle!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:d80974dd-7031-49a9-a14f-a300d7961633">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]Again, she is my cousin so regardless of whatever challenges come our way, were still family! Let me make it clear that I said I Feel Like its not my fault. I did not say that I actually said that to her. Also, I didnt bring up the parties to her either, these are thoughts that were clouding up my brain. I was flustered and needed to vent! Sheesh, you ppl are very.... Interesting!
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    Ok, so you didn't voice to her face that you were worried about the parties you feel that she should throw, but you did say "it's not my fault" and brought up the BM dress.  Seriously, it is not at all appropriate of a time to be concerned about your wedding.  You should be concerned with your cousin who was so important to you that you have her in your WP.  Take a step back to realize that she may need help and this effects the rest of her life, which is a lot more than just your one wedding day.   <em>That</em> is what people are having a hard time with. 

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  • That's the thing though, there is nothing for you to be venting about. And to your "bwaha... Too bad she didn't use any" comment My God, grow up. You sound extremely immature. If I was her I'd drop you like a bad habit, family or not.

  • In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT:Again, she is my cousin so regardless of whatever challenges come our way, were still family! Let me make it clear that I said I Feel Like its not my fault. I did not say that I actually said that to her. Also, I didnt bring up the parties to her either, these are thoughts that were clouding up my brain. I was flustered and needed to vent! Sheesh, you ppl are very.... Interesting!Posted by stevens23146Ok, so you didn't voice to her face that you were worried about the parties you feel that she should throw, but you did say "it's not my fault" and brought up the BM dress.nbsp; Seriously, it is not at all appropriate of a time to be concerned about your wedding.nbsp; You should be concerned with your cousin who was so important to you that you have her in your WP.nbsp; Take a step back to realize that she may need help and this effects the rest of her life, which is a lot more than just your one wedding day. nbsp; That is what people are having a hard time with.nbsp; Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]


    I didnt say that either. I typed, thats the way" I feel"... Trust that im happy, were already talking about baby showers and trying to pick boy/girl names... I really just wanted suggestions on where to go from here
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:f67d1826-b5e9-46fd-ac27-206ddce0236e">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT: I didnt say that either. I typed, thats the way" I feel"... Trust that im happy, were already talking about baby showers and trying to pick boy/girl names... I really just wanted suggestions on where to go from here
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    You invite her to the wedding as a guest.  You don't replace her with someone else.  You accept the fact that things don't always go the way you want them and sometimes life has other plans.  You keep on being excited for her new little one which I am sure she is still excited for you and your wedding.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-pregnant-calls-today-and-drops-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:0a767b33-d550-4cf4-abb8-e40c52b47327Post:f67d1826-b5e9-46fd-ac27-206ddce0236e">Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH pregnant, Calls today and DROPS OUT: I didnt say that either. I typed, thats the way" I feel"... Trust that im happy, were already talking about baby showers and trying to pick boy/girl names... I really just wanted suggestions on where to go from here
    Posted by stevens23146[/QUOTE]

    You don't.  Give her space with the wedding planning and continue to be supportive to her.  If she comes around before the wedding, take the advice above about finding a suitable dress for her at that time.  If she doesn't, you don't need a MOH and definitely don't promote a BM up to it.  Don't request that they throw you a shower or b-party.  If you really want a night out, you can organize a girl's night out with them, but it's not a bachelorette party unless thrown for you.  Your day will still go on. 

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