Wedding Etiquette Forum
i hate tiered invites
And we got one in the mail yesterday. An invite to the dance only of a couple who are in our circle of friends, but we're not as close to them as others in the group. I suspected we wouldn't be invited to the wedding at all. I'd rather have not been.
We kind of have a "rule" that we don't go when we receive tiered invites. I try not to be hoity toity notty about it, as they are extremely common in my area.
Anyway, we're going to break the rule, because it is going to be fun, and all of our friends will be there...
BUT - to make matters worse, they made the invite out to "Matt & Jaime". First of all, Matt is not my husband's name, it's Mark. And you know...we have a last name. Use it. It just says "Matt & Jaime". Also, Mark grew up with the bride in the same small town...they're a few years apart in age, but grew up next to each other.
Anyway, my point/question: If you were going to the dance-only portion of a wedding, what kind of gift would you bring? Let's be honest, I know most of you are going to say you wouldn't go/wouldn't be invited to a dance only/wouldn't bring a gift...but I mean, we've gotta bring something...gift card for a nice restaurant, bottle of wine? I'm talking no more than $25.
We kind of have a "rule" that we don't go when we receive tiered invites. I try not to be hoity toity notty about it, as they are extremely common in my area.
Anyway, we're going to break the rule, because it is going to be fun, and all of our friends will be there...
BUT - to make matters worse, they made the invite out to "Matt & Jaime". First of all, Matt is not my husband's name, it's Mark. And you know...we have a last name. Use it. It just says "Matt & Jaime". Also, Mark grew up with the bride in the same small town...they're a few years apart in age, but grew up next to each other.
Anyway, my point/question: If you were going to the dance-only portion of a wedding, what kind of gift would you bring? Let's be honest, I know most of you are going to say you wouldn't go/wouldn't be invited to a dance only/wouldn't bring a gift...but I mean, we've gotta bring something...gift card for a nice restaurant, bottle of wine? I'm talking no more than $25.
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Re: i hate tiered invites
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Anyway, I'd give them a gift card to a restaurant and that's it.
[QUOTE]I don't think $25 would go very far at a restaurant so I prefer the wine idea.
Posted by vallyhoo[/QUOTE]
That's kinda what I thought.
I also figured that a couple who tiers invites like this wouldn't understand why they didn't get a gift. I don't want to be cheap and not get them anything. Just don't want to go out of my way to make sure it's a great gift, you know?
Oh, and Stacks - we don't have to RSVP because it's only to the dance. They don't really need to know if we're coming or not!
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I'll just assume you already know what I think about them not knowing your H's first or last name and inviting you to the dance only portion.
[QUOTE]I'm with MrsB - a gift card from the store where they registered. I'll just assume you already know what I think about them not knowing your H's first or last name and inviting you to the dance only portion.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]
Yah, I like the $25 GC idea for the store. I think that's what I'll do. The wedding isn't until October anyway.
FWIW, she <em>did</em> tell us on our camping trip that she thinks she put "Matt" on the invite. She said she didn't know what she was thinking, and two of her sisters go out with Matts, so maybe it was a legit slip up, but don't mail it! She knows his name is Mark. I think they forgot we're married, tbh. All of our friends who live together but aren't married, their invites just say, "Boy & Girl", no last names. I had to ask a few friends out of curiousity. I'm a judger. I can't help it.
And yes Dani, I can only imagine what you and some others are thinking. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
[QUOTE]I'd get them a card and write "We bought you a gift card to X Restaurant, but then we had to use it to eat before we came to the dance portion of your wedding since you wouldn't be providing food. Congrats!"
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]
Ha. This is a great idea. But, to be polite, I would bring a bottle of wine and a greeting card. With Mark's name clearly written.
And while they may be tacky, they're usually fun as hell and I get to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in awhile, so I'm usually more than happy to go. If for selfish reasons if nothing else.
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i hate tiered invites : FWIW, she did tell us on our camping trip that she thinks she put "Matt" on the invite. She said she didn't know what she was thinking, and two of her sisters go out with Matts, so maybe it was a legit slip up, but don't mail it! She knows his name is Mark. I think they forgot we're married, tbh. All of our friends who live together but aren't married, their invites just say, "Boy & Girl", no last names.
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]
Okay, well that makes me feel a <em>little</em> bit better.
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[QUOTE]I'd get them a card and write "We bought you a gift card to X Restaurant, but then we had to use it to eat before we came to the dance portion of your wedding since you wouldn't be providing food. Congrats!"
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I pph you, Georgia.
[QUOTE]I don't think I've ever seen an invite for the dance only portion. Do they list a specific time to show up or are you just supposed to guess and hope you don't show during dinner. Do you get cake and drinks?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
It stays 9:00. And it depends if it's a cash bar or not. If it's open bar then yes, we'll get drinks - not sure about cake actually.
Maybe I'm just crazy, but from the people that I know who have done it, it hasn't been for gifts, it's been because they don't want to feel guilty for not inviting people or including them.
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I'd go, and I'd get them something cheap of the registry, or a GC to the store where they're registered
(Yes, that is a reference to The Grinch.)
I like the wine idea.
"You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
[QUOTE]Ya know, I think it's usually a pretty innocent invitation. I really think people think they are doing you a favor by inviting you and making you feel like you're a part of their day. Maybe I'm just crazy, but from the people that I know who have done it, it hasn't been for gifts, it's been because they don't want to feel guilty for not inviting people or including them.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
I agree with you based on the posts I've seen here where brides ask if they can do it. They usually want to because they just want to include everyone they can. I get that. I just still think it's awkward and rude.
[QUOTE]is this like inviting people to the after party, but not the wedding? I've seen that before, but never a tiered invitation.
Posted by lisalou402[/QUOTE]
No, it's an invite to the dance portion of the wedding. The part following the speeches and dinner and stuff.
[QUOTE]I'd probably look for something small off their registry. If they didn't have a registry, then a bottle of champagne.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
Probably this.
I'm curious how these actually work, though. Do you guys get seats? Or do you just stand around and dance? Will you be able to access the bar?
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i hate tiered invites : Yah, I like the $25 GC idea for the store. I think that's what I'll do. The wedding isn't until October anyway. FWIW, she did tell us on our camping trip that she thinks she put "Matt" on the invite. She said she didn't know what she was thinking, and two of her sisters go out with Matts, so maybe it was a legit slip up, but don't mail it! She knows his name is Mark. I think they forgot we're married, tbh. All of our friends who live together but aren't married, their invites just say, "Boy & Girl", no last names. I had to ask a few friends out of curiousity. I'm a judger. I can't help it. And yes Dani, I can only imagine what you and some others are thinking.
Posted by pumpkinpumpkin[/QUOTE]
Ok, at first I thought that maybe they had someone else (like her mom) address the invites and I thought, "well, that's why I read over all the envelopes before sealing them." But if SHE addressed them herself? Uh... I guess that's what happens when you want to invite 300 people, which is why some are only invited to dance?
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i hate tiered invites : Probably this. I'm curious how these actually work, though. Do you guys get seats? Or do you just stand around and dance? Will you be able to access the bar?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
Yeah, is it in the same venue or room at the venue? Are the tables still there and everything? I just picture a whole group of people walking into the room where there are empty tables with napkins on them and people in the midst of a party. It really seems awkward.