FMIL wearing same color as me at my wedding….

RCLD2011 · May 2011

fgh

slwager · May 2011

i'd think it was weird certainly.

it's her faux-pas; not yours. let it go.

very weird tho.

jessicabessica · May 2011

That's just really bizarre. I would let it go, though, no one will be confused about who the bride is. And I love your dress, btw.

DramaGeek · May 2011

You lost me at train. Usually my advice is "as long as she doesn't show up in a big poofy ball gown, you're good." In this case, it's really weird, almost like she's trying to be the bride. Sadly, I have no idea of the best way to handle it.

Wiscisbliss · May 2011

My MIL wore white to our wedding.

I was irked because the store clerk told her not to buy it (since I was wearing ivory) and she bought it anyway.

It wasn't a big deal. Everyone knows your the bride. It might make her look a little foolish, though.

Meg1036 · May 2011

Yeah, I'd be annoyed. Depending on the length of the train, the fact that FMIL bought a dress with a train may annoy me.

But I wouldn't say anything or do anything, since as and adult she can ultimately wear what she wants, and a good relationship with FMIL going forward is a lot more important than what she wears at the wedding.

cbratthauer · May 2011

Hers even has a train? Yea I think I would be annoyed too, but I don't think I would say anything. I kind of think it's more weird she chose a dress with a train.... But that's just me!

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

Your dress is beautiful. Your FMIL is not going to outshine you in that dress. Is the flower detail pictured part of the dress, or is that an accessory added for the photo? Because I love it.

Anyway, you said you have a good-ish relationship. I would say to her that you feel like you would like to stand out a bit more on your wedding day, and discuss other colors. You can't really tell her what to wear, but if you get along with her and are comfortable discussing it, it can't hurt to bring it up again. If she's really resistant and doesn't see it how you do, I'd be inclined to let it go. She's not going to make your pictures look bad because she's wearing a similar color, and you will certainly be recognizable as the bride.

ETA- how did I overlook the fact that your FMIL's dress has a TRAIN? See, that's crazy. Do you have pics of her dress?

meaghan803 · May 2011

My FMIL bought a very light champagne dress less than a week after my mom telling her that I was wearing ivory, not stark white. The dresses are not identical in color but are very similar, and I was very upset when I found out. I honestly don't understand why someone would intentionally wear a color that is very similar to the bride's dress to a wedding, especially if they will be in pictures together and don't think it's wrong at all for you to be annoyed with this situation. Obviously it's not something that would ruin a wedding or anything, but it's very annoying.

Celles · May 2011

Honestly? I'd be irked. I'm not sure what you can do about it at this point, but I understand the frustration.

In spite of the fact that both fathers agreed to wear non-matching suits (their choice!), my FIL went behind everyone's back and ordered the same tux as the groomsmen. I was irritated -- not because I had a particular wedding "vision," but because I knew that my father would feel left out if FIL coordinated with the wedding party and he didn't. Since it was too late for my dad to rent a tux, my then-FI insisted that FIL change his order. Frankly, I was relieved when he did.

I know it won't be popular advice, but in your case I would be sorely tempted to ask my FI to talk to his mother about her choice. It's strange enough that she wants a train at someone else's wedding, but dying what was a white dress to match your pink one seems in especially poor taste to me.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

BTW, I'm still looking at your dress. I adore it. It's possible that I'm sitting here trying to determine if it would be crazy to buy it to have on hand and then seek out opportunities in life to wear it. I love it that much. Well done on the dress selection.

xyrius · May 2011

I also vote to see a pic of your FMILs dress if you have one

Rosie109 · May 2011

Definitely a beautiful dress.

I have no advice to add.

laurenclaire1386 · May 2011

Yeah that's a super awesome dress. I'm in love with it.

I would also be annoyed if my MIL had done that. I was annoyed when my mom's best friend did it. I don't know if there's really any way for you to say anything without coming off like a jerk, so I'd probably just stew silently. Passive aggressive, party of me.

jenjenaz · May 2011

I'd be annoyed too. And I'd probably say something along the lines of --- I'd appreciate it if you could pick another color so that we don't look funny in the photos. I'm so lucky that my FMIL called me while she was trying on a dress to make sure it was OK.

And what's the deal w/having a train as the MOG? That's just awkward.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

Rosie, I had a dream last night that you got a giant tattoo of a bird across your chest and back. Like, the giant bird tattoo wrapped around your entire torso. And also, I was cleaning your house. Is this creepy, or do you find it quirky and endearing?

annakb8 · May 2011

I just wanted to say I think your dress is stunning too.

I agree with pp, it would bother me but there isn't much you can do. Plus, your dress is so beautiful I bet her dress won't even compare even if it does have a train.

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

First, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your dress. It is beautiful. I'm sure you will look better than her anyway...

But, I think your FMIL's choices are ridiculous. If you have a good relationship with her, you can try to make other suggestions tactfully, but if she won't change it, she's the one who will look stupid...not you.

Moneypenny424 · May 2011

I also LOVE your dress!

Yes, MIL is being weird. If you think it would go over well to say something (or say that you think it may look odd in pictures), do it. If not, there's no way her dress can be better than yours!

Singerk13 · May 2011

I agree with those who say it's her faux pas and not yours. Should you be annoyed? I can't say that I'd fault you there, I'd be a little irked myself. But as others have pointed out, everyone will know that you're the bride, not her, and I doubt that it will affect anyone's opinion on how gorgeous you must look in that awesome dress =]

bbrown185 · May 2011

I agree with Lia. If I guy says something, it won't seem as "catty" and will be taken better. Good luck and yes, you have a right o be pissed

laurenclaire1386 · May 2011

I'd also like to add that I hate the typical "everyone will know you're the bride" party line. It's not about that. It's about the fact that wearing white to someone's wedding other than your own makes you a diickhead.

unplainjane · May 2011

yeah it's weird. i actually think the train is the strangest thing not necessarily the color of her dress. if she hasn't dyed it yet mention that after thinking about it the color is too similar to yours and you'll be in pictures together so don't want to be wearing the same color. ask if there's another color she would consider. but in the end she can wear whatever she wants.

i'm in a similar situation my FMIL showed me her potential outfit she's wearing and it's a short white tank dress with sheer long sleeved jacket. at first it really bugged me that she would wear white but i felt i didn't have the right to say anything and i felt bridezilla about it. then my mother tells me she's considering wearing an ivory suit to my wedding! heh i figured at least the mother's will match. if i said anything to either of them i think they would totally change their outfit but now with the wedding coming up in a few months there's so much other stuff i'm dealing with i'm letting the colours go. as well i figure it kate doesn't mind pippa wearing white then i shouldn't mind the mothers : )

mica178 · May 2011

I'd be irked. Obviously no one will mistake her for you, but that's not the point. Unless she is unaware of the tradition that family and guests should not wear outfits that can be confused with a wedding dress, it's rather disrespectful of you that she's wearing it.

I agree with the suggestion that your FI talk with her about the dress and color choice. If she decides to continue with her current dress plan, she'll be the one who looks like an idiot at the wedding, not you.

RCLD2011 · May 2011

Thanks Mel! I actually bought and own two wedding dresses (the other is ivory and from Kleinfelds). I am completely torn about which one to wear (but would not wear both since both are ball gowns). It does come with the flower, which I removed and am unsure of what I will do with it (I may use it in the bustle or my hair, the color doesn't really match the rest of my scheme). I found the dress online and researched where I could get it and there was only one place around NYC that carried Ian Stuart AND the style, and it happened to be in NJ

Anyways, my FMIL's dress is not a ball gown, it's a sheeth style silk gown with a little train..but still an obvoius train. Most of the people reviewing it on this site wore it as a destination wedding dress:

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=562756&CategoryID=5449&LinkType=PDPZ1

I won't say anything to her about it, I think she could tell by my reaction I wasn't thrilled. If she chooses to dye it the same/similar color as my dress it will only make her look like a loon anyways.

Thanks for confirming that my emotions are not irrational, my mom thinks it's odd too (equally for the inappropriateness of the cut/fabric to her body type!)

annakb8 · May 2011

I'm pretty sure my friend wore that exact same dress to her wedding a few years ago when she was 22 and a bride.

The train isn't that long, but it is a pretty bridal-y dress.

niquemel · May 2011

You will look stunning.
Your FMIL will embarass herself.
You will still look stunning.

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2011

She pretty much bought a wedding dress to wear to your wedding. That is so off-putting. You're definitely not out of line for being irritated with her, but good for you for putting it out of your mind. I'm not sure if I could do that. I am of the opinion that she's going to look ridiculous.

nekosky7 · May 2011

I agree with laurenclaire, yes everyone will know you're the bride but that's just not he point! You have every right to be frustrated. I'd be pissed. I will be wearing an ivory gown and i'm going to make it very clear that no one is to wear the same color. I don't care if it isn't exact, she's being rediculous! I also agree that since you have an okay realationship with her, have FI say something like wouldn't look bad in the pictures would be less catty. Either way, she's being bitchy and definately seems like she's trying to steal the spotlight.

Good luck to you! I hope that things work out for you and that your special day is filled with nothing but love and happiness!

maratea · May 2011

I'm pretty sure that LesPaul (who posts on SB) wore that as her wedding dress (which was very appropriate given that it was... well her own wedding), so yeah, your FMIL is teh suck.

baystateapple · May 2011

Ditto everyone else that your wedding dress is absolutely, phenomenally gorgeous.

Your FMIL's dress is lovely, too, but it is a wedding dress and she's going to look like a tool.

However, were I a guest at your wedding, I don't know if I'd even notice your FMIL, because you are going to look like a knockout in that dress. I know it's a lot to take (and it's a douche move on her part), but please remember that if anyone is going to look stupid, it will be her, and you are going to look sensational.

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