Wedding Party

Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.

My wedding is coming up soon and after about 3 months.  I have one bridesmaid who has completely shut down to responding at all.  I've called her numerous times without any return phone calls, e-mailed her without any responses and eventually, I started getting bouncebacks from e-mail indicating that "the address was no longer in service".  It appears that the only way to get in contact with this bridesmaid is to text message which I am not thrilled about since it is much easier to communicate by phone.  Many of the communications(which will be held to less than a handful have been one word answers or non responses.  After hearing from my bridesmaids also to her never returning phone calls, e-mails, etc.(never returning phone calls, e-mails, etc), I had no other choice but to remove her from the wedding party since I needed to make final arrangements for our day of.  I don't feel that this was a choice I made solely by myself as the person would never return any calls.  Finally after e-mailing the gal, (since she won't answer phone calls), I got an e-mail back threatening me to pay for the dress or she'll call a lawyer.  Is there really any basis to this?  Should I be concerned?  I feel that I made the effort to contact her and received no response back until I removed her from the party.  Thoughts?  What are MY LEGAL rights?

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Re: Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.

  • First, she wasn't asked out, she was kicked out.  Call a spade a spade.

    Second, if she already had the dress, what on earth were you freaking out about because you couldn't ahold of her?  Her only obligations were to buy the dress and show up, and it sounds like she was well on her way to fulfilling both of those.  What ZOMG extremely important information was she missing, or you missing from her?  It sounds, frankly, like you kicked her out of your wedding for no reason. 

    Finally, I don't know about legal responsibility, but I think it is your moral responsibility to pay her back for everything she's spent on your wedding so far, including (but not limited to) the dress.  You kicked her out, you bear the financial repercussions. 



  • See... friends don't know the true meaning of friendship if it slapped them in the face. That's why my fiance and I are deciding to ditch the entire wedding party because 1. it's a headache and a half.. and 2.. it's cheaper in the long run. Plus we want things simple.
  • edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-calling-lawyer-after-being-asked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:57fb658e-fe79-4d18-84d1-d3c9fc311020Post:b0dbbf40-c313-461c-82f4-9d83e3844b06">Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wedding is coming up soon and after about 3 months.  I have one bridesmaid who has completely shut down to responding at all.  I've called her numerous times without any return phone calls, e-mailed her without any responses and eventually, I started getting bouncebacks from e-mail indicating that "the address was no longer in service".  It appears that the only way to get in contact with this bridesmaid is to text message which I am not thrilled about since it is much easier to communicate by phone.  Many of the communications(which will be held to less than a handful have been one word answers or non responses.  After hearing from my bridesmaids also to her never returning phone calls, e-mails, etc.(never returning phone calls, e-mails, etc), I had no other choice but to remove her from the wedding party since I needed to make final arrangements for our day of.  I don't feel that this was a choice I made solely by myself as the person would never return any calls.  Finally after e-mailing the gal, (since she won't answer phone calls), I got an e-mail back threatening me to pay for the dress or she'll call a lawyer.  Is there really any basis to this?  Should I be concerned?  I feel that I made the effort to contact her and received no response back until I removed her from the party.  Thoughts?  What are MY LEGAL rights?
    Posted by meg0499[/QUOTE]

    <p>I would think since you picked her as a BM and she got the dress, and all she then had to do was show up to your wedding in the dress. That yes if you have kicked her out for whatever reason it's not unreasonable for you to cover the cost of the dress she bought because of you.

    A BM does not need to do anything but get the dress and show up. Once you ask them you can't kick them out only they can remove themselves from the WP.

    In all this time you spent trying to contact her was it ever about anything but your wedding? Was she going through something? What was so urgent that you had to get intouch with her 3 months before the wedding if she already bought her dress?

    My vote is stop being a bridezilla (yes you sound like one) and pay for the dress.

    Edit P.S. I am not going to give you legal advice other than to tell you that the cost of the dress will end up being far less than a lawyer!</p>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-calling-lawyer-after-being-asked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57fb658e-fe79-4d18-84d1-d3c9fc311020Post:229e1558-eb77-4b3d-b639-a9df2717646b">Re: Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]See... friends don't know the true meaning of friendship if it slapped them in the face. That's why my fiance and I are deciding to ditch the entire wedding party because 1. it's a headache and a half.. and 2.. it's cheaper in the long run. Plus we want things simple.
    Posted by javabluemandy[/QUOTE]
    Sounds like you're the one who doesn't know the true meaning of friendship.  Here's a hint:  it's not tied in to bridal expo attendance.  Frankly, with your attitude you're doing your friends a service by kicking them out.  Just don't be surprised if you end up friendless afterwards.  What an awesome way to start your married life, eh?



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-calling-lawyer-after-being-asked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57fb658e-fe79-4d18-84d1-d3c9fc311020Post:229e1558-eb77-4b3d-b639-a9df2717646b">Re: Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>See... friends don't know the true meaning of friendship if it slapped them in the face.</strong> That's why my fiance and I are deciding to ditch the entire wedding party because 1. it's a headache and a half.. and 2.. it's cheaper in the long run. Plus we want things simple.
    Posted by javabluemandy[/QUOTE]


    Obviously, you don't know the true meaning of friendship if you can kick out your entire wedding party. Who does that? This may be surprising to you but not everyone's life revolves around your wedding.
  • Obviously you guys have bad attitudes and are a bitch. If you actually knew the situation, which the bridal expo is an 1/18 of the problem you would see things my way... But your too opinionated, the only bridezillas around here are you! NEWS FLASH lol
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-calling-lawyer-after-being-asked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57fb658e-fe79-4d18-84d1-d3c9fc311020Post:6601f239-2e8e-44a6-99c9-21775b1eb9cb">Re: Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Obviously you guys have bad attitudes and are a bitch. If you actually knew the situation, which the bridal expo is an 1/18 of the problem you would see things my way... But your too opinionated, the only bridezillas around here are you! NEWS FLASH lol
    Posted by javabluemandy[/QUOTE],


    Nope, I'm not a bitch at all. I still have my wedding party.
  • Again, unless your wedding party members tried to kill you or slept with your fiance, we're not going to see things your way.  Kicking out a single member of your wedding party for stupid, trivial, unimportant reasons is a crap move.  Kicking out all of your wedding party members for stupid, trivial, and unimportant reasons?  Bloody ridiculous and absolutely a bridezilla move.  And the more you namecall and whine and kick your feet at how meaaaaaan we are to respond honestly to your ridiculous question, the more ridiculous you look.



  • I thought you said her emails were bounced back to you?
    Anyway, it's kind of dramatic that she's threatening with legal action but I think it's her way of getting back at you.  You were wrong and you owe her the money and an apology.
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  • You kicked her out after she got the dress. Yes, you need to pay her back. Do it quickly before you have more of mess on your hands. 
  • I'm not going to give you legal advice either, but I think you should pay her back. PPs are right that the cost of a lawyer to fight her would be way more than the dress. I'm guessing the cost of the dress=about an hour of lawyer time.

    I get that it was frustrating not be able to talk to her, but if you really needed her, just text her! Maybe she was almost over her minutes for the month and so she was texting. I've had that happen with one of my friends. Anyway, you definately overreacted.
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  • You fail as a friend. It sounds to me like you needed to talk to her like ZOMG right now about any and all things wedding related. Did you stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she's got something important going on in her life (like I don't know, her life) that takes precedence over your wedding.

    You kicked her out, don't act like she removed herself. Yes, you should pay for her dress.

    And who is javabluemandy? Did I miss some major backstory? Or is this just a douchey post of hers.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-calling-lawyer-after-being-asked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:57fb658e-fe79-4d18-84d1-d3c9fc311020Post:13a8eb57-12c9-4211-b2a9-f26efb86f7aa">Re: Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You fail as a friend. It sounds to me like you needed to talk to her like ZOMG right now about any and all things wedding related. Did you stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she's got something important going on in her life (like I don't know, her life) that takes precedence over your wedding. You kicked her out, don't act like she removed herself. Yes, you should pay for her dress. And who is javabluemandy? Did I miss some major backstory? Or is this just a douchey post of hers.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    Beebee or troll.  Jury's still out.

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  • While I don't know any legal aspects to this, I would like to ask - Do you want to be friends with this person still? If so, then maybe you two girls should sit down and talk. Maybe there was just a misunderstanding on her end about what you needed from her. If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, than that's a different issue. But please don't kick people out of your entire life over something little.
  • Seriously, you kicked her out after she got a dress?

    That's cold.
  • I got kicked out after I got a dress, and never got paid.  Geeze, if I had know I could push for that, I totally would have!!!  Crap!  Missed the boat on that one.
  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
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    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-calling-lawyer-after-being-asked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:57fb658e-fe79-4d18-84d1-d3c9fc311020Post:16aa5a76-20f3-48b9-9825-626333d0d75d">Re: Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I got kicked out after I got a dress, and never got paid.  Geeze, if I had know I could push for that, I totally would have!!!  Crap!  Missed the boat on that one.
    Posted by jenmitens[/QUOTE]

    <div>You definitely did. If someone kicked me out after I got the dress, no doubt would I ask to get my money back. </div><div>
    </div><div>I really don't know what irritates me more, the fact that Brides kicking out their BMs for lame reasons or the Bride not even having the class to pay for the dress the former BM had to dish out in the first place. </div>
  • Pay her back for the dress she bought for your wedding.

    Even if the dress was $300, you'd be spending a lot more on a lawyer to defend you and you'd probably lose
  • Yeah, I was the MOH, we had been best friends for 15 years and I "didnt talk about her wedding enough".  I think my problem was I totally stopped talking to her after that, and asking for the $ would have forced me to talk to her.

    It was an ugly dress too....
  • what kind of friendship was this before this drama? legal action?  ??????????????
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  • OP- you sound like an awful friend and just a shitty person in general.  Really?  She had the dress...what else could have been so important that you bombarded her with emails and phone calls?  No ones lives stop because you are getting married.  Get over yourself and pay her for the damn dress.  If you won't do that, I really hope she does sue you and you are stuck with $1000's of dollars in legal fees because you are a freaking bridezilla.
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  • This is insane. 

    Pay for the dress, on a moral responsibility level. 

    If she calls a lawyer, one hour (even for a cheap attorney) will probably cost her more than the dress. I doubt any attorney would actually take this case, but crazier things have happened. 

    That doesn't mean you shouldn't pay for the dress. 
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  • edited April 2011
    A lawyer likely wouldn't take the case but would refer her to small claims court.  I can see how she has a case though.  She bought the dress at your request for the sole purpose of wearing it in your wedding.  You kicked her out.  She is now stuck with a dress that she would not have purchased had it not been for you. I can't say how the judge would rule though.

    Just pay for the damn dress.  Oh..and start acting like an adult who is old enough to get married.  Seriously, what is wrong with you??
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  • the right thing to do is pay her back for the dress. you kicked her out,  and she had already done what she needed to do by buying the dress.  sounds like you two have more issues then being in a wedding party of not. if you have any plans on still being friends after all this then pay her back. its the least you can do.
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  • I hope your "friend" wins.
  • Not so sure about the lawyer (although it may not necessarily be a huge cost to her if she happens to have lawyer friends).  But I have heard of things like this come up in small claims court.  I think I may have even seen it once on one of those TV judge shows.  The kicked-out BM won, btw.

    I'm not a lawyer.  But I agree with PPs.  It doesn't sound like you had a good reason to kick out the BM, and her not being at your beck and call isn't a justifiable reason to kick her out.  Especially if she did have the dress, I don't see the problem that warranted your action towards her.  You really should pay her back for the dress, it's the right thing to do.
  • Soo... in all the unreturned emails and voicemails and text messages you sent her over 3 months, did you ever ONCE ask her if everything was okay with her?  If my friend was normally responsive and all of a sudden stopped, and changed her email, I would be worried that something was going on with her.  


    But then again I'm a good friend, and would never even consider kicking someone out of my WP.  

    And ditto the PP who said call a spade a spade.  There was no "asking out."  You KICKED her out.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-calling-lawyer-after-being-asked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:57fb658e-fe79-4d18-84d1-d3c9fc311020Post:3a89a005-af03-42a4-83da-35a1967463e6">Re: Bridesmaid calling a lawyer after being asked out.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Soo... in all the unreturned emails and voicemails and text messages you sent her over 3 months,<strong> did you ever ONCE ask her if everything was okay with her?  If my friend was normally responsive and all of a sudden stopped, and changed her email, I would be worried that something was going on with her.</strong>  But then again I'm a good friend, and would never even consider kicking someone out of my WP.   And ditto the PP who said call a spade a spade.  There was no "asking out."  You KICKED her out.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    This completely!

    OP you sound like a crappy person.  She bought the dress, what more did you want from her?  I think you need a reality check.  A wedding is ONE day, a friendship is not.  Either way it sounds like you did your friend a favor.
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  • Ok, this isn't legal advice either.  Just my humble opinion.

    This is exactly the sort of stuff small claims court is made of.  Sometimes, it really is just about the priciple of the thing.  No, it probably wouldn't be worth it to hire a lawyer and have a full blown out civil litigation over a BM dress, but small claims exists for a reason.  If she knows anything about courts, or has a friend that does, she may be getting advice for free or she may very well be bluffing.  People routinely threaten legal action when they are upset.  

    Either way, she'd probably win if she did go through with it.  She bought a dress so that she could be in your wedding.  She was ready and available to perform her part of the obligation (show up at the wedding in said dress).  When you kicked her out, you took away the reason for the dress, and therefore should bear the responsibility for the dress.  

    In the same context, your FI gave you a ring in contemplation of marriage.  If you break off the engagement, you have to return the ring to him (in most states).  Or in a totally unrelated analogy, suppose I told you that if you bought a plane ticket to somewhere, that I'd cover hotel and event expenses while we were there.  Then, in reliance on my promise, you booked the flight.  Then, a week later, I told you nevermind.  I could be bound to reimburse you for the flight, because you relied on my promise to your detrement.  

    It depends on state law, but in general, if she bought the dress for your wedding, and you kicked her out, you're going to have to buy the dress from her.  (But you get the dress, so you can try to recoup your losses by selling it.)  But, this is a person that is supposed to be (or have been) your friend.  Grow up, be an adult about it, and just write her the freaking check now.   It's the right thing to do, whether or not your are forced into it legally.  
  • I actually got kicked out of a bridal party 2 months before a wedding and had already bought the dress. I had honestly thought about going to her and getting reimbursed, but seeing as the bride and her mother are both overzealous drama queens and the mom is a lawyer herself, it would've turned into a lawsuit. I wasn't THAT desperate for $80 :-P
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