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Wedding Party
anglgrl718
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nervous about bridesmaids (LONG)
I've been dwelling on this for about two weeks and still haven't decided what to do so it's time for some help.
I got engaged almost 2 years ago I asked my sister to be MOH and 3 friends to be BM's. My fiance and I broke off our engagement 7 months later. We got back together 3 months later and engaged again 8 months after that. That being said my story begins.
One of my friends began asking my immediately after becoming engaged if I was going to ask her to stand up with me. I had no idea who I was going to ask at the time with the exception of my sister. I thought about it and, even though i'm not terribly close with her, asked her to be a BM. But then my fiance and I broke up. It's been over a year since the break up now and I'm planning again. Of course she is talking about being in my wedding. I kind of thought of this as a new start since i'm starting everything else over again and had a different plan in mind as to who I was going to ask to stand up with me.
My reasoning behind wanting to ask different people is because the girls, besides my sister, I asked before are not people I talk to much anymore. I lot has changed in a year and all 3 of the other girls and I rarely talk anymore much less hang out. I decided that I want to have 2 cousins and a family friend I've known since I was 5 stand up with me since I know they will alway be there and my friends maybe will not.
I guess my question is how do I deal when she asks me if she's still standing with me (and yes, she is bold enough to do so), or how do I approach her to let her know my decision? I'm planning on asking the other ladies this Saturday because they'll all be at the same place (a birthday party for my sister). Unfortunately she'll be there too, i'm hoping she'll go home early so she won't have to be there when I ask, even if I do let her know my decision I don't want her to feel bad. I just feel bad because we are definitely not close anymore, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I got engaged almost 2 years ago I asked my sister to be MOH and 3 friends to be BM's. My fiance and I broke off our engagement 7 months later. We got back together 3 months later and engaged again 8 months after that. That being said my story begins.
One of my friends began asking my immediately after becoming engaged if I was going to ask her to stand up with me. I had no idea who I was going to ask at the time with the exception of my sister. I thought about it and, even though i'm not terribly close with her, asked her to be a BM. But then my fiance and I broke up. It's been over a year since the break up now and I'm planning again. Of course she is talking about being in my wedding. I kind of thought of this as a new start since i'm starting everything else over again and had a different plan in mind as to who I was going to ask to stand up with me.
My reasoning behind wanting to ask different people is because the girls, besides my sister, I asked before are not people I talk to much anymore. I lot has changed in a year and all 3 of the other girls and I rarely talk anymore much less hang out. I decided that I want to have 2 cousins and a family friend I've known since I was 5 stand up with me since I know they will alway be there and my friends maybe will not.
I guess my question is how do I deal when she asks me if she's still standing with me (and yes, she is bold enough to do so), or how do I approach her to let her know my decision? I'm planning on asking the other ladies this Saturday because they'll all be at the same place (a birthday party for my sister). Unfortunately she'll be there too, i'm hoping she'll go home early so she won't have to be there when I ask, even if I do let her know my decision I don't want her to feel bad. I just feel bad because we are definitely not close anymore, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: nervous about bridesmaids (LONG)
If you don't ask the original BMs, be prepared for them to be upset about it, and maybe not want to be friends anymore. Are you O.K. with that?
And, I don't think the reason my fiance and I broke up has anything to do with my questions...I could be wrong. The only reason I even said anything about it was so that people knew this wasn't happening because of an extended engagement and I jumped the gun on asking people to stand up with me. I was supposed to be married this summer but because of the break up and re-engagement we are getting married next summer.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
My fiance and I broke up for 3 months, I moved in with my parents for that time. I gave the ring back to him. We decided after 3 months that we wanted to work things out and worked at it until this April when he asked me again to marry him. Things are so much better with us that I wish the wedding could be tomorrow!
I feel bad about the situation but now that I am so happy about being with the man that I love I want to remember the people who are standing with me the day we get married. I'm afraid that if I keep the ladies I originally picked that I'll look back on my pictures and not know who the people are. (This actually happened to my mom, when I got engaged we pulled out her wedding album and she couldn't tell my who a couple of her BM's were!)
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
When I got engaged this time being a 2nd wedding i just chose my sister to be my MOH. and a lot of friends were hurt that i didnt choose them. But i explained that i wanted a little less parade this time and they are fine with it now.
So really you cant make everyone happy all the time. just be mindful of feelings.
My theory is that the WP is NOT the reason you remain friends with someone. If people literally DO NOT talk to you anymore and do not WANT to talk to you anymore, then I'd say the "friendship has run its course" as a PP said and having them in the wedding would be more awkward than anything since your lives have clearly grown apart. I don't want to force my former friend to be my bestie just because of the wedding. I want her to want to be my friend just to be my friend. Since we are no longer friends anymore (not from animosity, just from drifting) I think it's best to just leave "wedding" out of it. I've got awhile before my wedding so if things start to revive themselves, I'll broach the subject again later.
That being said, if you DO still talk to these girls, but only casually, you will most likely put the final nail in the coffin by kicking them out. If you are okay with that, then do as you must. But that will most likely be the result and you need to be aware and come to terms with that first.
I think waiting a little longer to see how things play out is your best strategem right now.
Hawaii with my best friend
If you are confident in your decision, you shouldn't have any problems getting up the nerve to tell them.
I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding nearly a month ago. There was one bridesmaid who hardly talked to my cousin anymore. She made absolutely no effort in being a bridesmaid, she didn't particiapate in any of the prewedding stuff, and she acted as if she was bored the whole time. Her behavior was horrible and really pissed the rest of us off. My cousin actually said she would probably never talk to the girl again after the wedding.
Yet, your friend might not be this type of person. Perhaps talk to her before you tell the other girls. Let her know that you feel that the two of you have grown apart. Perhaps she regrets this. Let her know what you want in a bridesmaid. If she is willing to work to maintain your friendship, then she should be a bridesmaid since you asked before. Friendships do go both ways, and you are just as responsible for the growing apart.