3 year engagement... Crazy?

Gracelaine2 · February 2012

I am a student with two majors and a minor, and my fiance is graduating this Spring. He is 23 and I am 20; however, it is not the age difference that is a problem. It is the fact that my parents stipulated that I cannot get married until I graduate. With two senior theses and an honor's minor thesis to write my senior year, and with college year round athletics (I run for my school), I will have no time my senior year to plan a wedding. Should I start planning now, or is it far to early? I have some ideas, but nothing set in stone (no appointments that is) yet.

calliopeia2013 · February 2012

There is probably no need to start planning until about a year before your wedding date, but if you think you're going to be super-busy right before your wedding date, there are some little things you can get out of the way, and you can certainly shop around to get an iea of what you like. It just seems like it might be a bad idea to book vendors so far in advance, because things can change- they could go out of business, hire a new manager you hate, a venue could get refurbished in a new style, that sort of thing. You know, if you buy a dress now, you might lose or gain weight in the next three years, etc.

Short answer: yes, far too early.

P.S. You're 20 years old; your parents actually can't tell you what to do anymore. You don't need their permission to get married.

cmjc2010 · February 2012

I am in a similar situation as you.. My parents had told me the same thing.. My fiancee and I met when I was in high school and we knew that we were going to get married. Now, he is 23, and I am almost 20, haha. My parents pushed the fact that I would have to graduate before I got married, but I worked around that.. I have crammed so many classes, gone to summer school, and I'm ahead a year now, academically.. so now, that I am so far ahead, they don't mind me getting married.. but not everybody is able to do what I did, so I think you should just do what you want to.. it seems like you have a very full plate with school and maybe it is best for you to wait. I'll only have 2 semesters after we get married, but I'll only be taking 12 hours in both of those semesters.. so It's defferent for me. If you think that you can handle it, then go for it! Your parents just want what's best for you, so I'm sure they'd understand, everythign just takes time.. As far as wedding planning goes, make a scrapbook of what you like, and what you want to ave at your wedding.. Pick a color scheme, find wedding dresses that you like, centerpieces, etc. Print out pictures and place it in your book. I did that, and I take my book everywhere with me, and my wedding is still a little over a year away! While making my book, I felt like I was planning the wedding of my dreams! I also agree with calliopeia2013, it is too early to book venues and what not, I still haven't booked mine yet! I said of all of this to say, that you should do want you want to! It's your wedding, your day, and you ned to do what you want to! I hope my rambling helped

FaithCaitlin · February 2012

I'd say starting really planning 1.5 years out!

Bay21 · February 2012

While I'm not as busy as you, I understand that you're worried about having to plan a wedding during your senior year of college. I'll be planning mine then, and I was initially worried about it but it is actually quite doable.

You can start thinking about your wedding for sure, lurking around boards like this and just start getting a good feel for things that you like and don't like. Maybe two years out start planning little things; color scheme, thinking of venue ideas etc etc. Then about a year and a half before hand (like PPs said) start planning for real. Time management will be key. If you're out of state, try to do what you can from school and be sure to schedule time when your schools on break to go look at venues etc. Also, micromanage. If your mother or somebody else you trust is willing to help you do things (meeting with a cater or something) definitely take them up on that offer.

I also agree with what calliopeia2013 said, you are old enough that you can get married whenever you and your fiance think you are ready. I would, however, just based on your workload and from my own experience totally agree with the decision to wait. I'll have been waiting four years before I marry fiance, but we know that married during school wouldn't work for us not financially or just for what we want from life.

Beads921 · February 2012

Yes, it is WAY too early to plan. Focus on school.

Once you do start planning, plan to get married several months after you graduate so you have time to focus on the nitty gritty details once you're not in school. That will also give you time to plan the big stuff (ie venue and caterer) just before you start your senior year.

caitlinc09 · February 2012

I'm also 20! Nice to see I'm not the only young one haha.

I am currently in my last semester of college and we are getting married in May - he proposed in August - so I've spent all of senior year planning.

For me it has worked out okay because I already spent time looking at things like this before the engagement (just don't tell him that) so I had a good idea of what I wanted, and I also didn't take a heavy load in school this year.

That being said, you are not quite in the same situation! I agree that booking things this early is risky, but you should definitely do something like make a book of ideas! This way, when you need to get things done, you can get them done quickly. Something nice about having this much time is maybe you end up really liking a venue that has a 1+ year booking time, you can be aware of it and make sure you get the place you love! I was unable to even get an appointment with a venue I really loved because 9 months wasn't far enough ahead of time for them.

To build off of what beads said - I definitely understand this recommendation and think it's a good idea, however, the reason we went with May (literally a week after graduation) vs. a few months later is because my fiance and I didn't know where we would be living or working right after school during the time we needed to book a venue and we decided getting it done then would be easier and less stressful when interviewing for jobs, etc.

Good luck in school!

cmburnham · February 2012

Three years may be a bit too early but waiting until one year isn't really smart either. I got engaged in July and we're planning an August 2013 wedding. I started looking at a few venues in August and booked a church and reception venue in December. When I called to reserve the cathedral the woman said she had just hung up with someone who booked the earlier cermemony time on the same day I plan to get married, thankfully I wanted the later time anyway. Additionally, when I called to book the reception venue they had to check to make sure the date I wanted was still available since they have had a lot of people calling to reserve for summer of 2013.

Essentially, if you have your heart set on certain venues it's never too early to book. All the best places/vendors go first and early so it can't hurt to figure out what you want and have it set in stone.

notyetavet · February 2012

I don't think waiting until you're done with school to get married is such a bad idea. My fiance and I have been engaged since March 2010 and we both decided that it was better to wait until I graduate with my veterinary degree.

I started planning about a year and a half before the wedding. We booked the major stuff like the reception site and the church. Now that it's the beginning of crunch time, I wish I had done a little more work earlier. As long as your preferences don't change all the time, there's no reason why you can't book a photographer, DJ, etc. a year in advance. However, there are just some details that have to get done within the year before you get married. Email seems to be the way to go for me since I am rarely home or able to make phone calls during normal business hours.

Good luck!

MMRoberts11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_3-year-engagement-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:1395c904-893b-4926-9625-cb229f394cf2Post:b36e0867-464d-42e5-b179-8341d023336f">Re: 3 year engagement... Crazy?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd say starting really planning 1.5 years out!
Posted by FaithCaitlin[/QUOTE]

I agree. Until then if you really want to do anything I would work on a budget and start saving for the wedding.

beingabride2013 · February 2012

I am in a similar situation, as well! I'm 21 and I have about a year and a half left in school. I graduate in May of 2013, and we are planning for a December 2013 wedding. However, he will still have some school to finish up, post-wedding. I personally believe that it is solely yours and your fiance's decision as to when you are getting married, and I also agree that your parents really have no say in when you do plan to get married. Granted, they do want the best for you and they just want to make sure you don't put your schooling on the back-burner to wedding planning. I am dealing with the exact same thing with my mom, but what really matters is that you do what you feel is right, take some time and really think about what YOU want. Waiting isn't a bad thing either, my fiance and I have even talked about maybe pushing our date back one more year, making ours a 3-year engagement as well! What it all boils down to is this--you're getting MARRIED. That's a life-long bond, so what's waiting one year going to hurt? A year is nothing compared to the lifetime you're going to spend together, and it might end up being really worth it to wait. --And, it's YOUR special day. It should be everything you've ever hoped for and no one should try to change that. I hope this helped a little! And good luck

yellesrendezvous · February 2012

I am a planner and I tend to plan early, but three years is too far in advance for you to even get correct pricing ideas. I would keep your eyes open, just to get ideas, get an idea of prices, budget, preferences, etc, and when it comes closer to your senior year, it should make the planning go smoother. Good luck.

Gracelaine2 · February 2012

Thank you all this is great advice. There is no way I am going to get married during school, I do wish to fufill my parents wishes. I love them very much, but it is good to know that I don't have to worry about all of this as soon as I get engaged! Thanks for your time everyone!

[Deleted User] · February 2012

l am in a similar situation as well but I plan on focusing on the wedding planning after I graduate. I'm thinking booking the place around december- for an august wedding- and dealing with the rest when i gradute in may. I'm sure everything will work out for the best:)

cwaggoner07 · February 2012

I would say for the venues, especially if you have your heart set on a specific date, do a little research and find out how early they will book. That way you will know when the time comes when exactly to book your date so that you get it.

Sydney91 · February 2012

If you are going to be super-duper busy, I see no problem getting it out of the way now so you can focus on school when you need to in that senior year. I am 20 too and those plans aren't hurting anybody in the back of my closet. I am nearly done planning 1.5 years out. School has heaped more and more on evrey year and I'm not taking a GPA hit to plan my wedding. If you want to change some things up closerr to the wedding, the main planning is done and you just have to tweak the plans a bit rather than fit the tweak in along with all the other to-do's. My fiance and I are in the middle of a 2-year engagement. My parents didn't stipulate the wait until you graduate, but I did. I have my dress, every vendor booked, money paid out, all the stationery saved on my computer & flashdrive so they can be printed once we've completely nailed down the guest list, etc. Don't stress yourself out by cramming school and wedding planning all into that last year.

crb2013 · February 2012

I'm 19 and was just engaged on Tuesday. My parents are also making me wait. I want to try to convince them to change thier minds because my senior year of college I will be student teaching, working, looking for a job, buying a home, etc. on top of wedding planning! But B (fiance) wants to honor their wish. I'm trying to look at it positively - more time to save up money and more time to get in shape! In the same aspect, I'm already going to start planning. The wedding will be June 21, 2014. But I got to school 2.5 hours away from where I want to get married, so meeting with vendors, the church, etc. is not really that possible for me, especially because I also work on the weekends. So for example, over my spring break I am going to be meeting with the church. And over the summer I plan to begin meeting with other vendors. I don't think it's ever too early! It will take the stress off of you so that you can enjoy your senior year.

Starqueg · February 2012

I got engaged in August of 2010, and am getting married in January 2013. Not quite three years, but still a long engagement. I'm in graduate school and my fiance is in his last semester of law school. It's tough finding time to do planning and handle my course-load. This fall, I'm student teaching and taking the first of two thesis classes, and finishing all that about a month before the wedding. I will be completely insane by the end of it, and then going back for my last semester a week after the wedding. When you do start planning, try and deal with the big stuff during semester breaks, that's what I did.