North Carolina-Outer Banks

Wedding situation-love to hear your opinions

Hi Ladies,

Ok, I might be long winded with this post, but it's pretty important.  Thanks in advance for everyone's understanding!

As many of you know my FI, KSJ10032782, otherwise known as Kelly, and I are planning on getting married next September 2012, in the OBX, Duck or Corolla area, with venue, caterer and date TBD(we will hopefully have this figured out this September when we take our yearly vacation over the week of Labor Day).  Now, Kel and I are at odds(I know, we aren't even married yet!) about a certain topic, "who pays for the wedding"?

Last night Kel's mom called her and among other topics discussed, they got to talking about the wedding, and costs associated with the costs.  As I might have mentioned before, we have a "mental" budget of about $12K-$15K for everything.  Well, FMIL, who has, from what we can gather, offered to pay for the wedding, discussed an amount of $10K, and then made the comment to Kel, "and I thought it would be less than that.....".  Well, needless to say, when Kel got off the phone with her, we began to talk, and the tears just began to flow down her cheeks.  She said to me, "I don't care about this, that and the other thing.  I just want to marry you, and we could do it tomorrow, I would do it."  Very emotional type of situation....

Now, keep in mind that FMIL hasn't really sat down with us and said that, "Ok, I'm giving you X amount of dollars for the wedding, do with it what you need to do."  Every time we have tried to talk to her she basically hasn't given us a bonafide amount, or anything to that extent.  Kel has left our wedding binder with venues we are visiting(Sanderling, Whalehead club) and caterers we are having tastings at(Coastal Provisions, Red Sky) and a cake tasting at(Great Cakes) for FMIL to review.  We also have talked about having everything at an event house, but putting prices side by side, have seen the same or higher prices at event houses.

I love my FMIL to DEATH.  She has gone through ALOT and is a STRONG woman, as is Kelly.  Kel's father passed away a few years ago after fighting brain cancer.  She would do anything she possibly could for us(she gave us a nice chunk of coin for the down payment of our house). However, I know her making comments like this is due to how tight she can be with things.  She reuses wrapping paper, and washes out some ziplock freezer bags and reuses them for pete sakes!  Before you ask, to our knowledge, she has the money to pay for the wedding, and financially is not struggling.

Kel has another sister that was married a few years ago.  However, her sister and her husband are in a totally different financial situation than we are, probably combined making 3 times what we make.  They paid for their own wedding, however FMIL paid for a few things I think, including the wedding dress.

Here's what are dilemma is.  What do we do?  Before you say, accept what FMIL is willing to pay and make up the difference, it's not that easy.  For us to save $2K-$5K additional would be next to impossible.  My pay is severely hindered by paying child support for my daughter to the witch I was married to, so saving is next to impossible.  Kel does NOT want to go into debt for the wedding, so taking out a loan for what we would need is not really an option either.

Sorry for being super long winded, but I wanted to give a pretty accurate background as to what was going on and what happened.  I'm putting a poll up to see what you all think and would love responses both short and long!  Thanks ladies!
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Re: Wedding situation-love to hear your opinions

  • edited December 2011
    I'm not going to vote because I'm not sure I like any of your options. =)  I think it's really nice when the parents of the bride can pay, but I don't think we live in a traditional time where brides and grooms are getting married without any of their own money now.  I think you take what you can get and then figure out what that means for your wedding based on your personal finances, whether that's making up the difference or working with what they can give you.  I also think the groom's family should help, especially if you are going to consider tradition (which gives a list of things for the bride AND groom's family to purchase).

    I'm a teacher so you can pretty much guess what I make.  DH has worked part-time at the hospital and gone to school full time for the last two years.  He starts med school August 1st.  You can pretty much guess what his financial situation is from that too.  He had a sizeable savings, but he spent a good chunk of it to buy my engagement ring.  I had a good savings, but was hesitant to empty it for the wedding.  When we started planning the wedding, we thought we'd spend about $7,000 for everything, including the two week stay.  We ended up spending over double that, no including our two week honeymoon costs. Oops. :)

    I had mixed feelings about my parents' paying for anything.  They have been very generous to my brother and I along the years and had paid for 1/2 of my undergrad and ALL of my graduate college expenses.  DH, on the other hand, received zero help from his family and has a ton of student loans.  His family fully supports his brother, who has been to college going on 6 years and still isn't going to graduate.  I felt like I couldn't ask my parents for anything and the chances of DH's family helping was slim to none.

    As soon as we started making firm plans, my dad and I sat down to talk about it.  He had kept track of what he'd spent on me vs. my brother over the years and said he would give me the difference to put toward the wedding if that would make me feel more comfortable.  I accepted and he gave us $3500 free and clear to spend however we wanted.  He didn't want to see the budget and didn't ask for details.  DH's mom (shockingly!) offered to help as well.  She wanted to match my dad, which was AWESOME.  In the end, we got $1000 from them.  Ouch to our wallets. 

    So, the rest of the wedding DH and I paid for ourselves.  We took more from our savings accounts and opened a 12-month no interest rewards credit card in April before the wedding.  We paid for everything during our 2-week stay on the card and also used it for our final photographer payment.  We've already cashed in the rewards points we earned and put that right back on the card.  We're making payments and will have it paid off next March in full to avoid interest.  We also put most of the cash we received from the wedding right back onto the card, since we had used it for our honeymoon expenses.

    We didn't want to go into debt for our wedding (we'll have enough of that with med school!), but we did recognize that we were only getting one wedding and one shot at the memories and photographs.  When we really thought about it, we were comfortable with what we spent.  We have our whole lives to make more money. :)  We'll have to be more conservative with our money this year in order to pay that card off, but it's doable.  Our wedding was so worth it.

    Kelly's mother might change her mind about how much she wants to spend when she sees all the options and what they all cost, but I think you have to look at what happens if she doesn't change her mind. 
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  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with Teach on not being able to vote on this one....but not b/c I don't like any of the options.  I look at it this way....if Kel's mom is willing to put up $10K or any amount for that matter, you will have to make it work with what you have.  DO NOT put your wedding on a credit card or take out a loan...no no no to that one!  Only have the wedding that ALL of you can afford. 

    I will be honest and say that Duck & Corolla are pricier than Kill Devil Hills, Kitty Hawk and Nags Head so you may want to look at homes in that area and definitely definitely consider an off-season wedding b/c the prices can change by the thousands between off and peak season.  Rick, I am doing all of this for about $10K and that includes the rental house for the week and a reception at 108 Budleigh for about 70-80 people so this CAN be done.  ANYTHING you guys can DIY will save A LOT of money along the way.  The Sanderling and Whalehead Club are 2 of the priciest venues in the area, so you may want to re-consider those b/c the 3 biggest chunks of your budget, and this is also in order of what gets booked first, are :1) venue 2) catering 3) photography.

    Are there any other venues you guys are willing to consider?  There is 108 Budleigh of course, Events at 911, The Ktty Hawk Pier House, First Flight Inn, etc. etc.

    I am so sorry that I didn't send you and Kel and e-mail as promised, but a lot of what I wanted to tell you is in this thread.  Let me know if you have any other questions....I will send you my e-mail in a PM through FB.

    Take a deep breath Rick & Kel....this WILL work out for both of you and it WILL be everything you dreamed it would.  Just rememeber that your budget is your Bible and you MUST stick to it at all times :)

     

  • hibiscus118hibiscus118 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Christi and Charlene and am not going to vote since none of the options really work for me.

    All together, we spent about 12k on our wedding.  My parents are divorced and my dad gave us 5k for the rental house.  My mom, who I didn't think would really contribute because of her financial situation (and I was completely fine with that) paid for my dress, jewelry, and food for the reception.  She completely surprised me.  My in-laws paid for our cake, welcome dinner, booze, and my DH's outfit.  We paid for the photography, officiant, and flowers, plus expenses while we were down there.  

    Neither of us expected my parents to pay for the whole thing from the beginning. We are ever so grateful that both sets of parents helped us the way that they did and we were completely fine paying for what we did. 

    We didn't go into debt for it though.  Christi's plan sounds good since they got a no-interest CC, but thats the only thing we would have considered if we hadn't of had time to save (almost 3 years lol)  We were comfortable with what we spent overall, and wouldn't change anything.

    You guys can definitely have a beautiful wedding for under 10k.  Charlene's suggestions were good ones.  Have you thought about also cutting the guest list a little to save money?
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies for the opinions.  They definitely are taken to heart.  The guest list is at 40-45, figuring that maybe 5-10 won't be able to come.  I'm also in a very difficult situation because my parents paid for some things in my first wedding(rehearsal dinner, and a few other things I can't think of right now I THINK), so I don't think that's any option, throw into the mix that my brother proposed to his fiance a month after I did to Kel, and he is getting married next October.  Oh, and not to mention I have really been on the "outs" with my parents since December '09(HUGE LONG STORY), so we don't even know if they will attend or not.  My family is pretty F'ed up.  So that's where we are at.

    I think it will all work out in the end.  We'll just have to pray and make due with what we can and i'm sure things will work out in the end.

    Oh, Char, we are extending the search of homes to other locales.  The stipulation is that we need pet friendly homes/beaches, and that narrows the search options.

    Thanks again ladies!
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  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    I had my work cut out for me too trying to find a pet-friendly home as well.  This was our criteria:

    7-8 bedrooms
    Oceanfront
    Pet-Friendly
    Sunday to Sunday

    It made it more difficult but there were still a lot to choose from.  Once you have set a date, I am more than happy to help you find a home.  I still have my master list of homes that we were considering, so happy to share :)

     

  • edited December 2011
    The pet friendly factor does knock out a lot, especially with event homes.  I can't remember if you two considered the Roanoke aquarium or not?  Their outdoor space is soundside, not beach, but they were budget friendly too.
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  • mparwulskimparwulski member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto, ditto, ditto just about what everyone else said.  I got here too late.  :)

    Here's my take and situation on it.  BTW,  I didn't poll since my response didn't fit any of the answers.  I'm probably a little older than most of the brides, so I may have a little different perspective on this.  Initially, I didn't think about having a big wedding (it still isn't big, but bigger than my original thoughts).  I really wanted to get married on Bora Bora on the beach and charter a plane to pick up those who would come.  Flash forward to reality...  the Outer Banks was my compromise.  I get the beach and lots more family and friends could come, albeit a lot still won't make the effort to come to a destination wedding.  That's OK because, in the end, the important people will be there.  Your perspective on "friends" changes as you get older.

    So, my sister suggests OBX, and I thought that was a great solution.  Until I started planning I didn't realize how expensive some things are there because they've got a captive audience.  I may have picked a different location, but it'll all work out.  I also had a very short time frame to deal with.  We were engaged on Valentine's Day and I wanted to get married this year.  We've been in a long distance relationship between Denver and Chicago and much work travel for him.  I didn't want to drag this out any longer.  Needless to say, it's been a very very busy spring and summer furiously planning a wedding, moving him here, a job change and merging lives together.

    The reason I chose to go with a bigger celebration is two-fold.  I am only doing this once and decided I didn't want to regret doing something a little more special.  And, most importantly, I wanted to create a really special memory for my family.  To me, this is much more about them than me.  I wanted people to look back on this and remember a really fun and special time.  I am having more kids involved in the wedding than adults because I wanted it to be memorable for everyone.  I may never have the opportunity to vacation with my whole family again.  And his family and my family may never meet again since his is in Quebec.  I have cousins from Spain coming that my sister's kids have never met, my sister hasn't seen in many years and my father in decades.  It's a very big deal in this respect.  Also the reason why I am doing a family photo shoot while we're there.  His dad is 80, mine is 69.  You never know how much time you will have with people.  After having gone through some very life changing life threatening situations, I have come to realize that today is a gift (the present) and you don't know how many tomorrows you may have.

    OK, now onto you, Philly.  Those were my priorities and initially my budget was 10K.  It has grown into 19K and includes every single expense like airfare, shipping, cake, postage, etc.  I will recoup some of it by selling off my dress, decor, etc.  I decided that if people were going to come to OBX for our wedding (travel and accommodations aren't a cheap affair), I was going to feed them well and have plenty to drink.  We went into this planning to pay for it all ourselves (the 10K budget) and not expecting help from anyone.  Firstly, I'm kind of proud like that, and secondly, at this stage in life I didn't expect help from Daddy.  My father did end up saying he was going to help.  I didn't expect the money and didn't plan on it while planning, unless I had it in the bank.  I did want to give him proper credit on the invitations if he were to help though.  He did give me 5K and it was greatly appreciated.  Any other monetary gifts that we are receiving are going straight toward wedding expenses.  FI's father just sent him a check for 5K.  That's going to pay off the rental house.

    We originally thought of September-October for several reasons including 1/3 the price during the summer, coolness, etc.  In the end, we pushed it into mid August because of the kids, school, etc.  If I wanted them there, I couldn't do a destination wedding in the middle of the school year.  I takes travel days, time for the wedding, etc.  Soooo, we did August.  I did have to compromise and not do oceanfront, which I really had my heart set on.  Walking right out of the house and dumping onto the beach.  So, we'll have people walk down to the beach, a couple car loads of people back and forth.  So what?

    My advice is to plan within your means and don't plan on having the extra money.  If if comes, then great.  Compromise and cut back on little things that are just fluff anyways.  The details fade.  You would probably still marry if you were penniless, right?  Remember you are there because you love each other and want a life together.  The little stuff doesn't really matter.  Good luck and keep relying on us and asking questions.  It will be wonderful no matter what you plan. 
  • edited December 2011
    FI has seen me in many-a-tearful moments in the past few weeks. Thanks to state wide education budget cuts I'm stuck sub teaching and thanks to a crummy economy my Fi hasn't been able to have consistent work in his field in over 2 years (He's an illustrator and freelance graphic designer). I literally just said the same "I just want to marry you and let's just go away and do it now" about a week ago. We are under a tight budget as well... sounds similar to what you all are thinking too. Drew's mom is paying for Budleigh, my dad said he'd pitch in a little, my mom is paying for our rental the week after, and we're picking up that tab for whatever else is left.

    I certainly don't want to go more in debt. (I'm working on a masters and Drew is thinking of going back to school since he can't get a job in his field). So we're watching pennies when it comes to this wedding and at most we'll be doing what I think it was Ms Teach said about the credit card.

    Sometimes it's just comforting to know that you're not alone in all this stuff. So thank you to all of you :)

    Speaking of pennies... we'd prefer to stay in the Corolla/Duck/SS area as well but the rentals (esp the week of our wedding) are at their max prices. I don't usually prefer Kitty Hawk/Kill Devil Hills area because I like the smaller and less commercial feel of the Duck area. However, Charlene, you're right.. prices are lower there. Does anyone have any suggestions for the area if I need to move out of the SS area?

    As for the aquariam, I can't remember which bride said it many posts ago, but they were able to rent a gorgeous room in the aquarium for less than 1000.

    Good, luck Philly! :) I certainly hope you don't need them, but in case, may God grant you many boxes of tissues to help dry the tears. Lord knows, I've gone through more than my share in the past few weeks. haha
  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    TeachLib--I would definitely check out Nags Head or even South Nags Head b/c I too like the quiter areas but still close enough to see the sites, etc. 

    Here is a really nice home in S. Nags Head....I can even find the 17 bedroom one if you'd like and that home is sooooooo beyond gorgeous!

    http://www.carolinadesigns.com/vacation-rentals/suits-us.aspx

    This is the one I had reserved until the owner raised the price by $2,000....had my heart set on a big white tent and everything.....but it worked out in the end, for the better actually :)

    http://www.outerbanksvacations.com/rental/house.html?ID=394


     

  • edited December 2011

    We were kinda in the same situation regarding who's pay what.  My parents are paying for most of the wedding and when we all sat down initially no dollar amount was ever discussed(i even asked for a certain amount multiple times, but dad didn't want to think about the overall cost-and still doesn't know our total to date and we are less than 2 months away!!!) so that has made it hard for me!!
    Once we decided all events were taking place at the event home, that parents, are paying for things kinda just fell in to place. Off the bat, I said we would pay for this this and this. Mom was ok with paying for everything else. Again, no budget mentioned. When researching I kept things in perspective and didn't go with the most expensive caterer, photographer, DJ. I researched and gave my Mom a list of 2-3 caterers, photographers, etc and let her eliminate the ones she didn't want.
    Long story short...we are paying for officiant, flowers, and the STD, Invites, any "decoration", hair/makeup, and all those little things that add up. We too, don't have a lot of savings nor can we afford a lot, so my parents have been a major help and we def. couldn't have this wedding without them. We would have went to the local JP!!!

    My suggestion, would be to take the money offered by FMIL, and just make sure you budget. If you save a little here and there and you can "splurge" on something, then go for it!!! Personally, I don't think parents should pay 100% for the wedding unless they are willing/wanting to, nor should the bride and groom.

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina-outer-banks_wedding-situation-love-hear-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:598Discussion:e7a7315f-7dd7-4d21-a532-5fe4389e6bccPost:bb3feee5-150b-43b6-abdc-ba57e858a0f6">Re: Wedding situation-love to hear your opinions</a>:
    [QUOTE]TeachLib--I would definitely check out Nags Head or even South Nags Head b/c I too like the quiter areas but still close enough to see the sites, etc.  Here is a really nice home in S. Nags Head....I can even find the 17 bedroom one if you'd like and that home is sooooooo beyond gorgeous! <a href="http://www.carolinadesigns.com/vacation-rentals/suits-us.aspx" rel='nofollow'>http://www.carolinadesigns.com/vacation-rentals/suits-us.aspx</a> This is the one I had reserved until the owner raised the price by $2,000....had my heart set on a big white tent and everything.....but it worked out in the end, for the better actually :) <a href="http://www.outerbanksvacations.com/rental/house.html?ID=394" rel='nofollow'>http://www.outerbanksvacations.com/rental/house.html?ID=394</a>
    Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]


    Thanks, Charlene! You're the best :)
  • edited December 2011
    Hmm, I voted on making up the difference but I must not have read it right because I didn't see the credit card, loan part.  Our budget is $10K and we have to pay for it ourselves.  We've been putting every spare penny we can into the wedding fund and it's been really hard but now that it's 2 weeks away it seems to all be worth it.  We figured it out that we were only inviting our immediate family so that we could afford it.  We refuse to go into any sort of debt for the wedding and there are a lot of sacrafices we are making- no friends coming, no aunts, uncles, etc, I am doing my own hair and makeup, no honeymoon until next May, no photographer, no DJ.  We made our own invites (though they are amazing- saved a lot that way). 

    I think you need to sit down with FMIL and ask her straight out how much money she plans to give you.  She also will have to pay for her travel to the wedding so you need to factor that in as well along with where she will stay when there.  Then set up a budget to how much you can afford to put aside and then plan from there.  I she gives you $6000 you can work around it.    You may have to get your cake from the grocery store and ask friends to be your photographers and get a cheaper dress.  You can postpone it to the following spring (though that is no fun)It can still be really special on a tight budget.   
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  • eeforbeseeforbes member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think ultimately it is the bride and groom's responsibility to pay for the wedding.  Only because I just don't think there should be any obligation on any family member for it - particularly what I think is an outdated thing of the bride's family paying for the entire thing (unless they can and choose to).  But, that said, it sounds like your FMIL wants to help out.  I think in that case you should sit down with her and discuss it, because I think it is VERY important before you get going to see what your budget actually is.  I think if she wants to help, you definitely need to discuss with her early in the process exactly what she is willing to pay for and when you will have the money in hand (only because if she pays you after the wedding or now that is a big difference regarding vendor deposits,. etc.).  Then, I think the rest is on you two. 

    I agree that it sucks to have to pay for a wedding out of your own pocket.  And I totally agree with everyone that for me personally it isn't at all worth going into some huge debt.  I think also the wedding industry has drummed everything up so that we all get suckered into thinking we NEED x, y or z, when really we don't!  So I think you just need to set a budget with what your FMIL wants to do, add in what you two can SAVE between now and then (no debt for it) and then do your wedding based on this.  Maybe you can do a nice dinner somewhere, or a low key bbq.  It definitely is possible to do weddings on a much smaller budget, but you need to sit down once you have your budget with your future wife and prioritize where you want your money to go (i.e. do you care more about dress or photography?  music or food?  etc.).  I know I am going to do my own centerpieces, only because flowers aren't super important to me, and we are having a smaller wedding as well.  The people on this board are super helpful for ideas!!  GOOD LUCK!
      
  • dwfangirldwfangirl member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am late to the thread, but ditto really what many of the others said - especially the go-off-season, and consider a midweek wedding.  It should cut help cut costs pretty dramatically.  I am also a staunch supporter of, whoever is paying, do it with money you have, not with credit cards or loans.  

    I didn't vote because my vote would be, whoever wants to pay, and can pay without taking on debt, can help pay... bride's parents, groom's parents, bride + groom.  

    Good luck!  
  • edited December 2011
    I think it is the bride and groom's responsibility to pay for the wedding. That being said, if someone (parents etc) wants to help pay for it, I think that is great, but should not necessarily be expected. Fi's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. My dad paid for the catering. My mom gave $1000 towards expenses and we paid the rest. We're having around 125 people, so it was definitely nice to have help paying.

    I was in a similar situation trying to speak with my dad about what he wanted to contribute. I found that it was easier to approach him after I had researched the a bunch of differrent venues, photographers catering costs etc.  Once we had a reasonable budget (I made it $12k on the knot for planning purposes, expecting to go up to about 15k).  It ended up being easier for him to pay for the catering bill than to choose a specific money amount. He never wanted to give a straight monetary answer, so maybe some parents are just like that?  It may have been that he didn't want to write me a $5000 check. Who knows.

    Good luck!



  • rebecca2929rebecca2929 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Phillyboy I feel your pain.  We've paid for the entire wedding ourselves.  Granted my mom paid for my dress and cake but the rest came out of our pockets.  Our budget was $5000.00 and we made it work.  I have to say that we've gone over by about $500.00.  You can totally make a wedding work on $10000.00.  Here's a breakdown of all of our vendors and pricing for 55 guests...

    Venue - NC Aquarium - By booking it during the day we were able to save over $2000.00.  At five hours we paid $500.00 plus a $500.00 deposit that we'll get back after the wedding.

    Caterer - The Red Sky - Our budget for food was $1500.00 and they made it work.  By the time they added taxes and the service charge it was $1891.00 and we're getting plenty of food.

    Cake - Linda Bradley - A three tier was $300.00

    Photography - Michele Denotter Photography - I lucked up here.  I went to high school with a girl who does photography for kids and families.  She did a friends wedding and loved it so to build her portfolio she's doing wedding photography for free this year.  I'm paying her mileage from Raleigh to Manteo and back at 75cents per mile for a total of $300.00.  Her pricing is still reasonable if you want to check her out. 

    Original Venue - Roanoke Marshed Lighthouse - This was our original location but changed it after we paid the $250.00 non-refundable deposit so we're going to have pictures taken here.

    Bartender - Brittany with Tom Thumb's Cookouts - $150.00 for services only.

    Alcohol - $260.00 at Sam's Club for beer, wine and champagne. 

    Dress - David's Bridal - $300.00 1/2 price.  Original price was $600.00

    Officiant - Rande Banks - $350.00

    Flowers - I Do Florals - For 3 bouquets and 3 bouts plus 30 loose stems of daisies b/c I'm doing my own centerpieces I paid $500.00

    Music - My iPod and the Aquarium has a sound system in the room that we're renting so I don't have to rent the equipment

    Linens - efavormart.com - I refused to rent them when I could purchase all of them for half of what the rental companies charged me.  I think I paid about $120.00 for 9 linens.

    Rental House - We're not paying for.  My family went together and rented a house for the week after.  We'll be our honeymoon so they paid for that but it was about $2200.00 for a 7 bedroom in Nags Head.

    Honeymoon wasn't included in the budget.  I hope this has been able to help but you can totally pull off an awesome wedding for $10k.
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  • edited December 2011
    Rebecca - I can't believe you're just days away! That's so exciting. Congratulations :)

  • rebecca2929rebecca2929 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know Teach.  I can't believe it either.  I've spent so much time planning and organizing and researching and DIYing that I can't believe it's finally here!
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm going to respond before reading other posts, so I may come back to add more once I do! :-)

    First of all, I hear you- we had a few moments (after my dad told us how much they had) about thinking about just eloping and keeping the money for a house, or other future expenses, as he actually encouraged.  However, in the end, we wanted family and our best friends there.  SO we had to do it as financially savvy as we could.  Our budget is actually $20k but really trying to keep it at $15k because we need about another $3k for the party we're having here.

    Basically, my advice is...remember the result of the day: you two will be married.  You need no frills and sparkle besides that; you'll be married at the end of the day, with the people most important to you!  It's SO easy to get swept up and want things you ultimately won't need at all.

    Cost-cutting ideas we've found:
    -using an event home because it will be where we and our families stay, with having our wedding party chip in $100/person towards the cost.  The BYOB alone almost made it worth while.
    -you could do beer/wine only instead of a full bar
    - we're buying our own cake from Harris Teeter and re-decorating ourselves.  I highly HIGHLY recommend this option: wedding cakes are SO damn expensive and as we know, one of the ladies on here is over budget because the poor thing ended up paying for TWO.  Who's going to remember exactly how the cake tasted aynway, AND we've had a cake from harris teeter and it was delicious.
    - Limit your decorations.  Look on craigslist to see what you find for free/cheap there or through us, etc.  Dollar store has a lot of what I wanted; SIMPLE SIMPLE. 

    I think really getting back to the drawing board and picking a very few things that are important to you guys, start pricing those things, and really just see what's left.  Remember: it only costs $50 to get married in OBX....everything else is just fluff :-)  Don't even think twice about what OTHER people want either, because that's the money trap I've found myself in.  Your guests love you and just want to celebrate your very special day with you, not see beautiful decorations and have delicious cake.

    Oh and my caterer is Gwen from Enchanted Cuisine and has been GREAT at workign with our budget.  She's allowing us to skip the appetizers (which saved us over $500) and we're just going to get fruit /cheese/crackers from Harris Teeter and make our own apps, then just be sure to serve dinner as SOON as possible.  Our entrees (including sides) were only $25/person with her.  Best price I've heard of, really.

    Also, we're using Juanita from A Barefoot Wedding for the ceremony (part of the obx wedding assoc) and they're only $250 which was the cheapest wedding officiant we found.
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  • edited December 2011
    yep, here's my additional comments after reading everyone else's!

    First of all, GOOD LUCK we're all rooting for you and KNOW you can do it on $10,000- I certainly wish I found this community in the initial stages of our planning, to speak more with you ladies doing it for under that.  Hm I want to go back and cut things out now!

    Anyway, I think Charlene said it all and best in her first post.  One of the biggest things for you guys will be re-evaluating the venue.  I looked at Sanderling first, but went running when I saw their costs and didn't even contact Whalehead Club b/c of cost.  We were very close to having it at HGI Pier House (a perk is the hotel right there where guests have their own accommodations and you don't have to pay for!) but on top of the regular costs there, the booze packages put us too quickly near our limit (we started off thinking we had a $10,000 budget too, and couldn't make it work there).

    one last cost cutting idea: linens.  We're buying heavy duty, nice-looking PAPER tablecloths from sams club.  Easy clean-up too!   For the centerpieces, I'm willing to sell anything I use for half of what I paid just to re-coup some costs and help someone else out.  Once I know what I'm using, I'll be able to let you know, although there may be another bride or so in between!

    At least you guys are planning well in advance; that should help with your house optoins too (especially if you are doing off-season.  We didn't even consider anything before labor day b/c the house prices dropped to half in the off season)

    I love how you can feel the love and concern in this thread!  You have to know that means we'll help out however we can!  I personally LOVE this board!!!!!!  :-)
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks to everyone's ideas and thoughts!  Looks like Thursday will be the "day of reckoning".  Inviting FMIL over for dinner and serious wedding talk.

    I think Kel and I have gravitated over to the "event home" bandwagon for now.  We have been HARDCORE searching for event homes now the last 3 days or so.  We thought we had a true CANDIDATE yesterday, gorgeous house, on Currituck Golf Course, soundside, etc. until the realty company came back and said that these properties will no longer hold events there next year.  Bummer.  Here's the link anyway to show you gals:  www.villagerealtyobx.com/OuterBanks/VacationRentals/Corolla/Details/ParExcellence/">http://www.villagerealtyobx.com/OuterBanks/VacationRentals/Corolla/Details/ParExcellence/
     
    So back to the drawing board!!!!  Thanks again ladies, and keep the suggestions coming.  You all are the best!Cool
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  • mparwulskimparwulski member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina-outer-banks_wedding-situation-love-hear-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:598Discussion:e7a7315f-7dd7-4d21-a532-5fe4389e6bccPost:73c585ab-a4fc-4d2a-9f7f-4a0b34989102">Re: Wedding situation-love to hear your opinions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks to everyone's ideas and thoughts!  Looks like Thursday will be the "day of reckoning".  Inviting FMIL over for dinner and serious wedding talk. I think Kel and I have gravitated over to the "event home" bandwagon for now.  We have been HARDCORE searching for event homes now the last 3 days or so.  We thought we had a true CANDIDATE yesterday, gorgeous house, on Currituck Golf Course, soundside, etc. until the realty company came back and said that these properties will no longer hold events there next year.  Bummer.  Here's the link anyway to show you gals:  <a href="http://www.villagerealtyobx.com/OuterBanks/VacationRentals/Corolla/Details/ParExcellence/" rel='nofollow'>www.villagerealtyobx.com/OuterBanks/VacationRentals/Corolla/Details/ParExcellence/</a> " /> <a href="http://www.villagerealtyobx.com/OuterBanks/VacationRentals/Corolla/Details/ParExcellence/" rel='nofollow'>http://www.villagerealtyobx.com/OuterBanks/VacationRentals/Corolla/Details/ParExcellence/</a>   So back to the drawing board!!!!  Thanks again ladies, and keep the suggestions coming.  You all are the best!
    Posted by Phillyboy06[/QUOTE]


    Quoting so I can read this.
  • mparwulskimparwulski member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina-outer-banks_wedding-situation-love-hear-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:598Discussion:e7a7315f-7dd7-4d21-a532-5fe4389e6bccPost:1718d313-6bdd-4025-ac45-25374505bb64">Re: Wedding situation-love to hear your opinions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding situation-love to hear your opinions : Quoting so I can read this.
    Posted by mparwulski[/QUOTE]

    Oooo... that was a pretty one.
  • edited December 2011

    I didn't vote because while it is nice if a brides family can contribute it should not be expected. That being said I also saw no mention of the grooms family contributing. Personally I think if the brides family is contributing the grooms should too even if the contibution amounts are different. Keep in mind in the "old days" 1.  women got married at 18 and 2. brides family paying was similar to a "dowry" that was paid to have the man be responsible for her from then on in a time when women did not work. Today that just does not hold true.  If you cannot find the funds for the wedding you want either delay it until you do or lower your expectations. Remember your marriage is the most important thing, not the wedding. It is only a symbol.

  • edited December 2011

    @Molly&nbsp; It's a pretty "messy" situation with my family.  I have been "on again, off again" estranged from them since Dec '09 due to a rather nasty argument.  While I appreciate your "history lesson", I think in today's day and age, things are different.  Also, I was previously married, so my parents contributed to that, and my brother gets married next year a month after I do.  I'm not sure they would contribute to a 2nd wedding I was having before a 1st for my brother.  I know it sounds weird, but my family is like no one's I know.  Put it to you this way, they still treat my ex wife like she's part of the family, even going as far as having dinners with her, etc.  Need I say more?

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