SMH ugghhh advice ...

kthowell · October 2012

delete

island07b2b · October 2012

Let him go. You do your thing with your husband separately from hers. Do not separate him from that celebration. That is a recipe for disaster.

I know it is frustrating but to keep the peace and let the child enjoy his party take the higher road and tell your DH to go and enjoy himself.

gmg75241 · October 2012

I say have a seperate party.....let her invite her side of the family/friends for her party and you do the same. I have step children and thats how we have been doing it. It has been working great for us because it is drama free and no attitudes are getting in the way. Besides, thats what the other woman want you to do which is wrong since you are now his step-mother. And considering you are now his wife, he should not exclude you or want to exclude you by going to his son's party without you. Either he put his foot down and you go with him or you guys just have a seperate party. Him showing up without you would just start a chain of negative reactions in the future and it will never change. If you are excluded from things dealing with his son, then in the future, your husband will continue to allow it which would definitely cause issues for your marriage. The boy is old enough to understand if the father explains it to him. I mean, are you going to miss his high school graduation, college graduation, marriage just because the mother does not want you there? It has to stop at some point.

footballwife77 · October 2012

Hey MRS! Glad to hear (most) everything is well! This woman is doing the MOST. She sounds completely immature- and I know immature. I'm not sure what her point is in all the mess she's creating. I don't know how others feel, but I would just swallow pride and let him go. His child will notice that he's not there, and if he's been a great dad in the past, let him continue to do that. I would say have cake and birthday presents at home with the family (afterwards) and keep it moving. Can you despise her? SURE CAN. Sounds like she's doing this just to get under your skin. She obviously knows what buttons to push. so with that in mind- you not letting it phase you will drive her absolutely INSANE.

kcc76 · October 2012

Let him go and still have a seperate party if you would llike. Don't punish the child because of this womans childish behaviour. I just don't understand why women do this! It's just CRAZY!

gmg75241 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:dfbd17cb-6534-4a54-9057-a140d7e82654">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]Let him go and still have a seperate party if you would llike. Don't punish the child because of this womans childish behaviour. I just don't understand why women do this! It's just CRAZY!
Posted by kcc76[/QUOTE]

I think because they havent truly let the man go.......

kthowell · October 2012

Thanks ladies but background I already cant go to any other activies....so I think I am being beyond nice by saying lets just have our own party.... the son knows his mother said he cant be around me alone....so with that being said thouhts????

nursing2u · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:daea8e44-5907-4e59-b6ca-002fe14c0403">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey MRS! Glad to hear (most) everything is well! This woman is doing the MOST. She sounds completely immature- and I know immature. I'm not sure what her point is in all the mess she's creating. I don't know how others feel, but I would just swallow pride and let him go. His child will notice that he's not there, and if he's been a great dad in the past, let him continue to do that. I would say have cake and birthday presents at home with the family (afterwards) and keep it moving. Can you despise her? SURE CAN. Sounds like she's doing this just to get under your skin. She obviously knows what buttons to push. so with that in mind- you not letting it phase you will drive her absolutely INSANE.
Posted by footballwife77[/QUOTE]

All OF THIS!!!
It is good to hear from you.. I am happy for you that the rest of MARRIED LIFE is going well...This woman.. she is really just trying to continue with her shenanigans..(i love that word)... She wants to continue to see how much she can get away with and how you will react..

I agree with Tash... LET HER HAVE HER MOMENT.. and definitely don't interferewith your husband being a GOOD FATHER... a 9yr old is going to know.. and he needs to not stoop to her level..

Dont let this get to you like it is... I am older..(suppose to be wiser..lol)... you take care of home and you be the better woman... KEEP YOUR HOME HAPPY!!!! You will be doing it for you, but it will totally irritate her...

gmg75241 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:66c457c8-1f62-4e36-a332-f1aec36ad141">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies but background I already cant go to any other activies....so I think I am being beyond nice by saying lets just have our own party.... the son knows his mother said he cant be around me alone....so with that being said thouhts????
Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

Oh wow. She sounds crazy.

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:b47b3977-c414-4f3b-897b-faea636e10ae">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : All OF THIS!!! It is good to hear from you.. I am happy for you that the rest of MARRIED LIFE is going well...This woman.. she is really just trying to continue with her shenanigans..(i love that word)... She wants to continue to see how much she can get away with and how you will react.. I agree with Tash... LET HER HAVE HER MOMENT.. and definitely don't interferewith your husband being a GOOD FATHER... a 9yr old is going to know.. and he needs to not stoop to her level.. Dont let this get to you like it is... I am older..(suppose to be wiser..lol)... you take care of home and you be the better woman... KEEP YOUR HOME HAPPY!!!! You will be doing it for you, but it will totally irritate her...
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

Thanks ladies but umm I think she already knows what she says goes....due to the fact that she told my sweetie I cant be alone with her son, I cant go to his activities, and to basically ignore him. I think that is beyond immature and i just cant let this woman control my house and husband. I know I maybe wrong but either WE go or WE throw are own party. There is no way I am letting this woman control my husband nope.....if his family is coming and I cant....smh that right there is just messed up on so many levels....ughhh SHe is 6 years older than me I wish she acted like it!

[Deleted User] · October 2012

karla is your question are you wrong for asking him not to go to his child's birthday party? really? yes girl, that's wrong. for a couple of different reasons but the primary one is that it's not about any of the adults in the scenario, it's about the baby. and as tash pointed out 9 is old enough to notice your father's absence. having your own family party with him is swwet of you but personally I'd like to see you remember that you're not competing with this woman, you're married to this guy, so you won. honest advice: quit putting your husband in the postion of having to choose between you and his children.

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:7920efa3-3f92-47b4-a294-27873e1783fc">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : Oh wow. She sounds crazy.
Posted by gmg75241[/QUOTE]

She is crazy my husband say it all the time!!! he says he has to respect her blah blah because she is crazy!

nursing2u · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:6126b7a4-c262-444b-b025-bcd15b054a24">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]karla is your question are you wrong for asking him not to go to his child's birthday party? really? yes girl, that's wrong. for a couple of different reasons but the primary one is that it's not about any of the adults in the scenario, it's about the baby. and as tash pointed out 9 is old enough to notice your father's absence. having your own family party with him is swwet of you but personally I'd like to see you remember that you're not competing with this woman, you're married to this guy, so you won. <strong><em> honest advice: quit putting your husband in the postion of having to choose between you and his children.
</em></strong>Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]
THIS!!!!! Stop fighting this woman... you are going to lose on this one... he has to be the one to handle this situation...

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:6126b7a4-c262-444b-b025-bcd15b054a24">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]karla is your question are you wrong for asking him not to go to his child's birthday party? really? yes girl, that's wrong. for a couple of different reasons but the primary one is that it's not about any of the adults in the scenario, it's about the baby. and as tash pointed out 9 is old enough to notice your father's absence. having your own family party with him is swwet of you but personally I'd like to see you remember that you're not competing with this woman, you're married to this guy, so you won. honest advice: quit putting your husband in the postion of having to choose between you and his children.
Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTEr

Thank You for your opinion it is appreciated. I am not making my husband choose but in all honesty in the 9 years of his life they only had a party together his first birthday. Now that we are married and she excluded me from everything (which is fine) but now she is doing the most! IT isnt my son so I cant make a big deal but his own mother should put him first.... This woman is running my house as it is....making my husband leave the house at 3 am just to bring her son home and to not have him be alone with me. But I will take your advice but I am sure she isnt thinking of her child and my husband even stated the only reason for this party is to exclude me! but thanks sweetie!

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:d823f134-28fd-42ed-ac3e-94a94e2b6c4d">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : THIS!!!!! Stop fighting this woman... you are going to lose on this one... he has to be the one to handle this situation...
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

I am not fighting her.... I just discussed this with my husband. We havent had words in almost
a year when she told my husband I shouldnt be involved with their son. Which I accepted...so its not like we go back and forth I just stated how I felt. Thanks

nursing2u · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:b281d5fb-1521-4d8a-8e64-e40b65272a23">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : [QUOTE]karla is your question are you wrong for asking him not to go to his child's birthday party? really? yes girl, that's wrong. for a couple of different reasons but the primary one is that it's not about any of the adults in the scenario, it's about the baby. and as tash pointed out 9 is old enough to notice your father's absence. having your own family party with him is swwet of you but personally I'd like to see you remember that you're not competing with this woman, you're married to this guy, so you won. honest advice: quit putting your husband in the postion of having to choose between you and his children. Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTEr Thank <strong><em>You for your opinion it is appreciated. I am not making my husband choose but in all honesty in the 9 years of his life they only had a party together his first birthday. Now that we are married and she excluded me from everything (which is fine) but now she is doing the most! IT isnt my son so I cant make a big deal but his own mother should put him first.... This woman is running my house as it is....making my husband leave the house at 3 am just to bring her son home and to not have him be alone with me. But I will take your advice but I am sure she isnt thinking of her child and my husband even stated the only reason for this party is to exclude me! but thanks sweetie!
</em></strong>Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

I can only be honest... I know that we are on this board to help each other with wedding stuff.. but life gets in the way sometimes..
I honestly wish you would PRAY on this... truthfully.. and I dont want to sound mean.. please dont take it that way... But... if this is how you feel.....you have a lot bigger issue to deal with than this birthday party... this needs to be resolved with tact and all parties need to be mature adults.. again.. this is just my opinion.. you seem like you are just hurting soo much even through your words..

kthowell · October 2012

I never talk bad about his mother or treat either of my step children different. SHe tells her son not to talk to me, ask me for anything , and not to be alone with me when he comes over. His dad is the only one he should commincate with.... I could have just went off on that alone but I accepted that... then it was me not coming to his activities...I accepted that too but I think things are getting very immature....I dont even say anything to her but when she see me she always says something smart to my husband.

[Deleted User] · October 2012

don't want you to have the impression that I think your feelings aren't legitimate. she purposefully excludes you and that must be painful, but it's not the point i'm making. You're focused on what SHE does. she's crazy, she leaves me out, she does the most for he and I not to be left alone, she runs my house. I'm talking about you and your reaction Karla, she can't control what you don't allow her to and she has no power over what ever else you do. I don't think Mari meant you're literally fighting her. you're fighting the influence you think she has over your household. she didn't "make" him leave the house to bring the boy home, he chose to leave, he could've said i'll do it in the morning and unplugged the phone, really unless there's some court order involved, there wouldn'tve been any more to that. I hear you and your feelings are legitimate, but I also think that you're giving her way more credit than she's due.

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:b03cea4f-f43b-47a1-951d-14bbc11f2e0f">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : I can only be honest... I know that we are on this board to help each other with wedding stuff.. but life gets in the way sometimes.. I honestly wish you would PRAY on this... truthfully.. and I dont want to sound mean.. please dont take it that way... But... if this is how you feel.....you have a lot bigger issue to deal with than this birthday party... this needs to be resolved with tact and all parties need to be mature adults.. again.. this is just my opinion.. you seem like you are just hurting soo much even through your words..
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

I will be honest... me just accepting what she says does hurt me because the old me would have been straight off the hook! But as a wife I am trying to be patient and let them work it out without my two cents. I just think everytime I accept one thing her comes something else.ANd now its this party which I dont mind not attending but it just seems weird she always wants him to come without me....so it can just be them three....but then if I accept this then what is next

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:f9567f75-6831-4e6b-8c7f-ee2277b41acd">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]don't want you to have the impression that I think your feelings aren't legitimate. she purposefully excludes you and that must be painful, but it's not the point i'm making. You're focused on what SHE does. she's crazy, she leaves me out, she does the most for he and I not to be left alone, she runs my house. I'm talking about you and your reaction Karla, she can't control what you don't allow her to and she has no power over what ever else you do. I don't think Mari meant you're literally fighting her. you're fighting the influence you think she has over your household. she didn't "make" him leave the house to bring the boy home, he chose to leave, he could've said i'll do it in the morning and unplugged the phone, really unless there's some court order involved, there wouldn'tve been any more to that. I hear you and your feelings are legitimate, but I also think that you're giving her way more credit than she's due.
Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]

Thanks...and No my husband doesnt tell any of his bm no.....he respects their wishes to the fullest...which is nice....for a month he has to leave at 3 am to take his child home because of what she want. And I see what your saying but please expalin to me how to not let her run my house becuase if my son (hubby son) and him are following her demands???? I dont even speak on it really besides with my twin I just listen and take it all in....so I am being more open on here .....i dont even say anything about it....and trust me I know my husband needs to man up because he never puts his foot down! anyway thank ladies for letting me vent...

nursing2u · October 2012

Just what Sultry said... I absolutely didnt mean "physically fighting"... she has way too much power in YOUR HOUSE..
And you are saying that you have given in to all these actions and YOUR HUSBAND isnt doing anything to mend this situation...

This isn't for you the two of them to fix together.. YOU AND HIM ARE ONE!!!...(not yelling)...and this should be something or two deal with TOGETHER..

As long as he is on the fence about all of this and he admits to you that he knows she is doing this to spite you... That is the issue... and im sorry sweetie.. but he has to step up and be the HEAD OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD and fix this.. not with you not there..

I know we talked about his before and suggested that you be there with him... Because if you arent there.. you will NEVER know what is exactly going on... or what is being said by either party...

It is great that you have grown and you are not the person you use to be.. but that doesnt mean you let someone take your power and your control... and she has it and she knows it..

[Deleted User] · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:6478caad-9656-4e6b-a7cf-ef3644f010f6">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : Thanks...and No my husband doesnt tell any of his bm no.....he respects their wishes to the fullest...which is nice....for a month he has to leave at 3 am to take his child home because of what she want. And I see what your saying but <strong>please expalin to me how to not let her run my house</strong> becuase if my son (hubby son) and him are following her demands???? I dont even speak on it really besides with my twin I just listen and take it all in....so I am being more open on here .....i dont even say anything about it....and trust me I know my husband needs to man up because he never puts his foot down! anyway thank ladies for letting me vent...
Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]

it's situational. in the above example, he's getting out of bed at 3am to respond to a power struggle. if you've talked about it before then he knows what she's doing, his choices are very simple, respond to the nonsense and make you unhappy or don't respond and make her unhappy which is it gonna be? I'm not saying this impassively, I've been where you are, if he doesn't learn how to prioritize your relationship (this isn't the same as choosing between you and the kids I'm talking about choosing his future over his past), he'll get what he's always gotten, ask him if he'd like that any better.

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:ee46e844-b171-469d-9f9d-a3980ce07215">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]Just what Sultry said... I absolutely didnt mean "physically fighting"... she has way too much power in YOUR HOUSE.. And you are saying that you have given in to all these actions and YOUR HUSBAND isnt doing anything to mend this situation... This isn't for you the two of them to fix together.. YOU AND HIM ARE ONE!!!...(not yelling)...and this should be something or two deal with TOGETHER.. As long as he is on the fence about all of this and he admits to you that he knows she is doing this to spite you... That is the issue... and im sorry sweetie.. but he has to step up and be the HEAD OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD and fix this.. not with you not there.. I know we talked about his before and suggested that you be there with him... Because if you arent there.. you will NEVER know what is exactly going on... or what is being said by either party... It is great that you have grown and you are not the person you use to be.. but that doesnt mean you let someone take your power and your control... and she has it and she knows it..
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

LOL I know you didnt mean actually fighting....

From my understanding she thinks I dont care (her sister is kind of in my circle of friends) so I thought by me not speaking on it or making a big deal would speak volumes. I guess not.... guess I will continue to just stay in my lane and let them raise their child. I have a wonderful relationship with my step daughter so I guess thats a blessing and her mother isnt a problem at all!

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:4b415ac2-1571-4bc4-8546-cf51fde1fc0f">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : it's situational. in the above example, he's getting out of bed at 3am to respond to a power struggle. if you've talked about it before then he knows what she's doing, his choices are very simple, respond to the nonsense and make you unhappy or don't respond and make her unhappy which is it gonna be? I'm not saying this impassively, I've been where you are, if he doesn't learn how to prioritize your relationship (this isn't the same as choosing between you and the kids I'm talking about choosing his future over his past), he'll get what he's always gotten, ask him if he'd like that any better.
Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]

Agreed but I dont complain to him about the hoops he has to jump thru because I dont want to cause more stress on him. I know he hates drama so i just try to be a good listerner and be postive when I discuss that situation. He has always walked on egg shells with this bm because she is "crazy". My sis in law and mother in law warned me about her awhile ago. ughhh I only spoke to her once so idk......

nursing2u · October 2012

I have been through this as well.. not due to kids.. but (i will share a lil with you).. as I said before me and FI were married before and we have kids.. we got divorced.. and a lot of the issues had to do with his family and it was always divided.. meaning I wasnt welcome and he had to choose between me and them.. And for a long time I would talk about it and complain and then I finally said "fine you go without me".. well after yrs of this and it turned into other issues with our relationship... we got divorced.. and then after we both went our separate ways and GREW UP and realized the things that were wrong in our relationship (COMMUNICATION)... NOW.. us back together it's better than ever, but we had to learn from our mistakes.. and realizing the error in or past marriage..

that isn't a problem now because for one.. I spoke up.. two... he realized he was just sitting on the fence with things.. and three..he put US first.. and finally they (his mother) realized and it works..
nothing will get better if you just go with the status quo... I know it's hard and tough.. and it takes time.. this is no overnight thing here... BUT it has to start or else it will never change

CreoleBride30 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:30a267d7-1906-4992-a243-191f6682634c">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been through this as well.. not due to kids.. but (i will share a lil with you).. as I said before me and FI were married before and we have kids.. we got divorced.. and a lot of the issues had to do with his family and it was always divided.. meaning I wasnt welcome and he had to choose between me and them.. And for a long time I would talk about it and complain and then I finally said "fine you go without me".. well after yrs of this and it turned into other issues with our relationship... we got divorced.. and then after we both went our separate ways and GREW UP and realized the things that were wrong in our relationship (COMMUNICATION)... NOW.. us back together it's better than ever, but we had to learn from our mistakes.. and realizing the error in or past marriage.. that isn't a problem now because for one.. I spoke up.. two... he realized he was just sitting on the fence with things.. and three..he put US first.. and finally they (his mother) realized and it works.. nothing will get better if you just go with the status quo... I know it's hard and tough.. and it takes time.. this is no overnight thing here... BUT it has to start or else it will never change
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>All of this! You have to communicate what your issues are. You don't want to put stress on him, but you are stressing yourself out and it's putting stress on the relationship. This issue which goes way deeper than just a birthday party, needs to be discussed, communicated, prayed about and finalized. Not overnight, but you definitely need to discuss these issues and put them on the table.
</div><div>
</div><div>You are being a good wife by communicating! Not being passive about something so important. Being passive about it isn't going to get you anywhere. </div><div>
</div><div>Cha</div>

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:30a267d7-1906-4992-a243-191f6682634c">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been through this as well.. not due to kids.. but (i will share a lil with you).. as I said before me and FI were married before and we have kids.. we got divorced.. and a lot of the issues had to do with his family and it was always divided.. meaning I wasnt welcome and he had to choose between me and them.. And for a long time I would talk about it and complain and then I finally said "fine you go without me".. well after yrs of this and it turned into other issues with our relationship... we got divorced.. and then after we both went our separate ways and GREW UP and realized the things that were wrong in our relationship (COMMUNICATION)... NOW.. us back together it's better than ever, but we had to learn from our mistakes.. and realizing the error in or past marriage.. that isn't a problem now because for one.. I spoke up.. two... he realized he was just sitting on the fence with things.. and three..he put US first.. and finally they (his mother) realized and it works.. nothing will get better if you just go with the status quo... I know it's hard and tough.. and it takes time.. this is no overnight thing here... BUT it has to start or else it will never change
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]

My friend has a very similar situation and she said the same exact thing...

Thanks so much... I just dont know what exactly to do.... do I ignore it like I been doing? Do i talk to my husband? Do i not commnicate with her son??? I am just like I dont want to be divided at all but I dont want to be like always around and in the way. I know my daughter father respects my husband because I set the grounds for that from the beginning.

kthowell · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:207246ef-5293-45cf-ac6c-999a72ac4990">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : All of this! You have to communicate what your issues are. You don't want to put stress on him, but you are stressing yourself out and it's putting stress on the relationship. This issue which goes way deeper than just a birthday party, needs to be discussed, communicated, prayed about and finalized. Not overnight, but you definitely need to discuss these issues and put them on the table. You are being a good wife by communicating! Not being passive about something so important. Being passive about it isn't going to get you anywhere. Cha
Posted by CreoleBride30[/QUOTE]

Thanks

CreoleBride30 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:1d66fce2-0c9e-4ae1-8aa1-5f1cd426c1ed">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SMH ugghhh advice ... : My friend has a very similar situation and she said the same exact thing... Thanks so much... I just dont know what exactly to do.... do I ignore it like I been doing? Do i talk to my husband? Do i not commnicate with her son??? I am just like I dont want to be divided at all but I dont want to be like always around and in the way.<strong> I know my daughter father respects my husband because I set the grounds for that from the beginning.</strong>
Posted by kthowell[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>And this is what your husband should have done as well. It's not too late for him to get it together. Communicate, communicate, communicate. We loose out on so much because we don't do this or avoid it. Praying for you
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</div><div>Cha</div>

nursing2u · October 2012

you should NEVER feel like youre "in the way"... I cant tell you what to do.. but think of what has happened soo far...

when you dont discuss it with your husband.. what has been the outcome.. You have to decide what YOU WANT.. and how you want this to turn out..

I knew what I didnt want.. and through trial and error.. I figured out what was best for "MARIONNE"..

I know what I may feel or what some other people may feel through our past experiences and what we would tell you to do... but I dont think that's gonna help.. You need to know in your heart and spirit what you are doing is right for you... HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR FUTURE TO BE WITH YOUR HUSBAND.. and your combined family?? that's the question..

This is that grown up..big girl panty moment.... I know it's not easy!!!!

CreoleBride30 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_smh-ugghhh-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:437843c6-e852-4b5d-848c-5cf0db289df7Post:20467f65-ffaf-4ff6-a357-2f3d2e429255">Re: SMH ugghhh advice ...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong><u>you should NEVER feel like youre "in the way"... I cant tell you what to do.. but think of what has happened soo far... when you dont discuss it with your husband.. what has been the outcome.. You have to decide what YOU WANT.. and how you want this to turn out.. I knew what I didnt want.. and through trial and error.. I figured out what was best for "MARIONNE".. I know what I may feel or what some other people may feel through our past experiences and what we would tell you to do... but I dont think that's gonna help.. You need to know in your heart and spirit what you are doing is right for you... HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR FUTURE TO BE WITH YOUR HUSBAND.. and your combined family?? that's the question.. This is that grown up..big girl panty moment.... I know it's not easy!!!!</u></strong>
Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>LITERALLY....ALL OF THIS!</div><div>
</div><div>Cha

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