Inviting Plus-Ones?

peaches85 · July 2010

How do you decide whether or not to give a guest a plus-one? Of course married and engaged couples will be invited together, but what about singles and people with girlfriends/boyfriends?

hcer0708 · July 2010

I was just having this conversation with my MOH. She thinks I shouldnt invite someone with a plus 1 unless they are married, engaged, or in a commited realtionship. Thats waht she did for her wedding. Im not sure what i am going to do yet.

Shand18 · July 2010

I'm inviting everyone with a plus one. I don't think everyone will end up bringing someone, but I'd like for them to have the option. It just seems like the nice thing to do. I was invited to a wedding once without a plus one, and I would have had a lot more fun if I was able to bring someone. There aren't a tremendous number of plus ones invited, so I can't see it affecting my guest totals too drastically.

Heather822 · July 2010

I know a lot of people feel strongly about both sides of this, but honestly in my very humble opinion, I think EVERYONE should be invited with a 'Plus One'.
I think its rude to discriminate guests, and personally if I was single, and NOT invited with a date, I probably would not even go.
What if people don't know many people other than the married couple? You certainly are not going to be able to entertain them the whole night... they should have the option of bringing a date to enjoy the evening with.
IMO, 'plus ones' are not a place to cut corners. If you are over budget, you should re-budget another area.
Again though... just my perspective.

SCGee · July 2010

We are doing the one year out rule. If someone is dating someone at the 1 year out from our wedding, they will get invited with that person, but if they start dating someone less than 1 year out, they won't be invited with that person. We just don't want 'just anyone' celebrating with us, and if we have never met the person, we don't want to have to pay for someone that isn't special to us.....

there doesn't seem to be an easy way around this one, but this is our approach to the situation....

teacup0618 · July 2010

We are inviting everyone with a plus one. Most people we know are not going to bring someone but at least it gives them the option.

clarereedy · July 2010

We invited everyone with a plus one. It added sixty or so people to the list, but we figure not everyone will bring a guest, but we wanted them to have the option.

kellykeady · July 2010

We also did the one year relationship plan. Although we did have some people that wouldn't know many people so we gave them a guest. This way they felt more comfortable. We are already getting the phone calls and text messages from people asking "can I bring someone?"....!

Reilly626 · July 2010

Its courteous to give the guest the option of bringing a guest!

hollyberry88 · July 2010

Fi and I looked at each person on an individual bases. Like, in one group of our friends, we are the 2nd to last couple to get married. There is 1 person in the group that is single and not seeing anyone. She is getting a plus one. But in another group of our friends, a good half of them are still single. There is enough of them who know each other so they will not be "alone." They are not getting a date. After that...if someone is married, engaged or in a long term relationship...then, of course, both were invited.

But...this works for us, and is what we chose to do.

kasabby · July 2010

We are basically inviting all of our friends with plus ones. The only ones that I am not doing this with is my cousins. My dad is one of eight and I have 18 first cousins. They run in age from 40 to 14. Basically with them, if they are not engaged or married then we are not inviting them with a guest. We feel our friends are different because they are all in their 30's. Most of them have SO but there are 3 or 4 that do not and they will be allowed to bring guests. It may not be the right way to do it but that is what we decided.

Karma01 · July 2010

We invited everyone with a date but not everyone ended up bringing someone

gibribuz · July 2010

We are inviting everyone with a plus one. Obviously not everyone will bring a guest but it is nice to give them the option.

Julephenia · July 2010

Serious relationship only rule. If you aren't in one, trust me, you will have mutual friends at the wedding.

It's not just a budgeting issue - if you are only in a casual relationship, I won't know who you are bringing, and I don't want people I don't know at my wedding. Period.

mariaNryan · July 2010

we are inviting everyone with a date........

jchristel · July 2010

We also invited everyone with a plus one. I didn't want to evaluate the seriousness of anyone's relationship nor did I want to pick and choose who could or couldn't bring a date. If someone feels comfortable bringing someone they've been dating for 3 weeks, so be it. I can't imagine anyone's guest taking away from our wedding- there will be lots of people there that I don't know- some of FI's work friends, some of my parents' cousins. People's dates will be the last thing I'm focused on that day.

Danes983 · July 2010

We have the same feeling a Julephenia. I just think that when I invite you to m y wedding I invite you to have a good time. If you pick up a date off the street your are either going to be babysitting them all night or ignoring them. Serious relationships only rule. We have 2 exceptions meaning that they are friends of mine that dont really know too many people so they will get invited with a date. Also, if we get a bunch of no's and there is someone who really wanted to bring a date then we will extend the offer.

Lola Minnie · July 2010

We invited plus ones. Believe me, part of me didn't want to for a handful of guests but we felt it was the right thing to do. Luckily people didn't seem to bring guests unless they were in a relationship or brought a female friend MH knew

kwilkinson14 · July 2010

My FI and I started with only people who having been dating for more than a year rule. But then it started to get really blurry where some of our cousins would be asked with a guest while other ones wouldn't. It was just getting too complicated and we just invited everyone with a guest. We think that people who don't have anyone to bring won't just bring anyone with them.

demarcosjd · July 2010

We invited everyone with a plus one. Only 1 person ended up bringing someone and the rest came alone. They all thanked us for giving them the option. I just feel like its a nice gesture and it allows them to choose. I personally don't think its fair that you have to be with someone for a certain amount of time to be considered for a plus one. We wanted everyone to come to our wedding and have a great time. I always felt so bad for those people who come to a wedding alone and then a slow songs comes on and you see them all leave the dance floor because they have no one. It's almost like hey look at us celebrating our love but it's a reminder that you don't have anyone.

jaimelody · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_inviting-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:56c4d6cf-42f1-4184-94da-7cc8a2e81f7bPost:698b7ae1-10be-4661-bea8-3918bafc3d90">Re: Inviting Plus-Ones?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm inviting everyone with a plus one. I don't think everyone will end up bringing someone, but I'd like for them to have the option. It just seems like the nice thing to do. I was invited to a wedding once without a plus one, and I would have had a lot more fun if I was able to bring someone. Posted by Shand18[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. We invited everyone with a plus one. We had a LOT of guests with this option that responded no. When we looked at our totals, we had kind of depended on a lot of people saying yes for a guest if they were given that option which they didn't. So - as far as people taking advantage of bringing a guest, I didn't see that happening at all. I think as pp said it's nice to give the option if it'll make them feel more comfortable.

MissButters · July 2010

We did anyone about the age of 22 or over gets to bring a guest. In our guest list, anyone under that is invited with their family.

mrs.spunky1508 · July 2010

Everyone gets - and should get - a plus one. I feel very strongly about this. I've been the one not invited with a plus one as has DH - when we were in relationships, though not with each other - and it really sucked.
We had a couple that wasn't serious when we got married, or at least I didn't think so. It seemed like they were always on and off and wishy washy and guess what 2 years later, they're engaged. Basically, I think it's judging - wrongly and unnecessarily - if you make these sorts of decisions arbitrarily (together one year, if you know them, living together vs not). Not everyone will bring someone anyway. We invited about 20-25 people with plus ones and maybe half brought someone.
Also, if it is due to budget, cut something else. Your guests' comfort should be your top priority. I knew from the get-go that I had to find a place for $x pp b/c my guest list was say, 160 including all the plus ones and my budget was $y thousands.

JessicaLB2 · July 2010

I still can't decide what I'm going to do about this. I keep going back and forth. I'll probably use a combo of the one year rule and the group of friends rule (if a bunch of singles from the same circles are invited they can hang together). But I also keep thinking about how I was a BM in a wedding years ago, and I and some other BMs didn't get a +1 and some others did, even if they weren't in a serious relationship, and I was kind of offended even though I wasn't seeing anyone and wouldn't have brought someone and I was fine just hanging out with the rest of my single friends at the reception.

Ugh.

akmackay · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_inviting-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:56c4d6cf-42f1-4184-94da-7cc8a2e81f7bPost:599ce811-df33-46ce-a654-90ac507e3b09">Re: Inviting Plus-Ones?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing the one year out rule. If someone is dating someone at the 1 year out from our wedding, they will get invited with that person, but if they start dating someone less than 1 year out, they won't be invited with that person. We just don't want 'just anyone' celebrating with us, and if we have never met the person, we don't want to have to pay for someone that isn't special to us..... there doesn't seem to be an easy way around this one, but this is our approach to the situation....
Posted by SCGee[/QUOTE]

I've never heard of this and think it's absurd. So if someone is dating someone for 10 months at the time of your wedding, they aren't invited? That's a pretty serious relationship and I would be pissed if you said "well you weren't dating them at the one year mark". I think you need to rethink this- maybe if they have been together a few months at the time you send out invites or something.

I invited everyone with a plus one- most decided not to bring anyone anyway. I went back and forth on it and we decided that we wanted everyone to be comfortable and have fun. If that meant bringing a friend, that was fine by us.

demarcosjd · July 2010

I agree with Allie. I think that rule is horrible. Who is to judge the time limit they have been with someone. For instance when I was younger I was invited to my cousins wedding alone. At the time I had only been dating my now husband for 5 months ( I guess 5 months wasn't good enough). I went to the wedding and yeah it was a good time but I would have had so much more fun if he was with me. Needless to say we are now married. So who are you to judge the time someone has been together or how "serious" it is?

ev4149 · July 2010

I'm inviting everyone with a plus one. I've been to weddings where I have known no one but the bride or groom, and it is just not fun. I want people to have the option to bring a friend, if they choose. I also think the one year rule is arbitrary. One of my best friends got engaged after 6 months. If I had gone by the one year rule, her (now) fiance wouldn't have gotten an invite. Seriousness depends on the couple, not on the time. Besides, I don't anticipate everyone bringing someone anyway.

mrs.spunky1508 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_inviting-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:56c4d6cf-42f1-4184-94da-7cc8a2e81f7bPost:046a497e-8424-4686-8791-01ab0081d039">Re: Inviting Plus-Ones?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm inviting everyone with a plus one. I've been to weddings where I have known no one but the bride or groom, and it is just not fun. I want people to have the option to bring a friend, if they choose. I also think the one year rule is arbitrary. <strong> One of my best friends got engaged after 6 months. If I had gone by the one year rule, her (now) fiance wouldn't have gotten an invite</strong>. Seriousness depends on the couple, not on the time. Besides, I don't anticipate everyone bringing someone anyway.
Posted by ev4149[/QUOTE]
Same with me and DH. See how dumb that rule is people?!?!

njpabzy · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_inviting-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:56c4d6cf-42f1-4184-94da-7cc8a2e81f7bPost:f29e454c-fa5b-47d1-87d6-939d847523ac">Re: Inviting Plus-Ones?</a>:
[QUOTE]We invited everyone with a plus one. Only 1 person ended up bringing someone and the rest came alone. They all thanked us for giving them the option. I just feel like its a nice gesture and it allows them to choose. I personally don't think its fair that you have to be with someone for a certain amount of time to be considered for a plus one. We wanted everyone to come to our wedding and have a great time. I always felt so bad for those people who come to a wedding alone and then a slow songs comes on and you see them all leave the dance floor because they have no one. It's almost like hey look at us celebrating our love but it's a reminder that you don't have anyone.
Posted by demarcosjd[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with above and PP about the 1 yr rule not being fair. - we are inviting everyone over 18 with a plus one - yes it added a tremendous amout to our guest list which is why we are not doing a traditional venue but for us sharing the day with all of our family and friends and all of our guests having fun and feeling welcome was more important then our location. I was invited once to a wedding without a plus one, I knew some people there but not a lot and it was a very sad wedding experience for me.

akmackay · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_inviting-plus-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:56c4d6cf-42f1-4184-94da-7cc8a2e81f7bPost:046a497e-8424-4686-8791-01ab0081d039">Re: Inviting Plus-Ones?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm inviting everyone with a plus one. I've been to weddings where I have known no one but the bride or groom, and it is just not fun. I want people to have the option to bring a friend, if they choose. I also think the one year rule is arbitrary. One of my best friends got engaged after 6 months. If I had gone by the one year rule, her (now) fiance wouldn't have gotten an invite. <strong> Seriousness depends on the couple, not on the time.</strong> Besides, I don't anticipate everyone bringing someone anyway.
Posted by ev4149[/QUOTE]

Exactly!

littledaisies · July 2010

I'm inviting guests with plus one except for my fiance's cousins. A lot of our guests are married, engaged or in a long term relationship so there aren't that many single guests. The only guests that do not have plus-ones are my fiance's cousins. He haw around 20 cousins that are all b/w the ages of 18-21 and away at college. Since they are all so close in age and all get along, we figured they would be okay without dates.

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