How to un-ask...? (long)

september's bride · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:6081b927-6c83-426b-996d-219f0b3df59c">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]okay, seriously. This is getting obsurd. These personal attacks are completely unnecessary. If you don't agree with me, you don't need to reply. Or if you don't agree with me, you can simply say, "don't do it". There is no reason to call me a b*tch, or say that I'm a horrible person. You don't know me and if you did you wouldn't say that. So, can we please just drop this thread. I never realized how rude strangers can be.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

Or how crappy strangers can be to their friends.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:6081b927-6c83-426b-996d-219f0b3df59c">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]okay, seriously. This is getting obsurd. These personal attacks are completely unnecessary. If you don't agree with me, you don't need to reply. Or if you don't agree with me, you can simply say, "don't do it". There is no reason to call me a b*tch, or say that I'm a horrible person. You don't know me and if you did you wouldn't say that. So, can we please just drop this thread. I never realized how rude strangers can be.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

<div>I've never realized how horribly people can treat friends. </div><div>
</div><div>You should be ashamed of yourself for even considering this. What is wrong with you that you think it's ok to treat people this way?</div>

opalsky007 · March 2010

Okay. Then don't do it. But do use spellcheck.

jajph1974 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:6081b927-6c83-426b-996d-219f0b3df59c">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]okay, seriously. This is getting obsurd. These personal attacks are completely unnecessary. If you don't agree with me, you don't need to reply. Or if you don't agree with me, you can simply say, "don't do it". There is no reason to call me a b*tch, or say that I'm a horrible person. You don't know me and if you did you wouldn't say that. So, can we please just drop this thread. I never realized how rude strangers can be.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

I say screw it. Do what you want. One less friend won't matter to you, right?

Stackeye210 · March 2010

LOL - I never realized how rude someone could be to someone they called a friend. But whatever. Don't ask strangers if you don't want the truth.

btrflykate1230 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:6081b927-6c83-426b-996d-219f0b3df59c">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]okay, seriously. This is getting obsurd. These personal attacks are completely unnecessary.<strong> If you don't agree with me, you don't need to reply. </strong>Or if you don't agree with me, you can simply say, "don't do it". There is no reason to call me a b*tch, or say that I'm a horrible person. You don't know me and if you did you wouldn't say that. So, can we please just drop this thread. I never realized how rude strangers can be.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

<div>ABSURD, for one.</div><div>
Secondly, we DO need to tell you you're wrong, otherwise you'd go on your merry little way and hurt someone's feelings.</div>

mwhitson14 · March 2010

You never realized how rude strangers can be? What world have you been living in?

jasmineh7777 · March 2010

Strangers can be rude, and I'm sure it's hurtful.
However, it is not even a fraciton of how hurtful it would be to your friend for you to ask her to step down. People expect better treatment from their friends. Hoenstly, what makes you think this wouldn't be a hurtful thing to do? It really, really is.

Night_Sprite · March 2010

(absurd)

wcvsb3b5 · March 2010

Ok, you don't have to have even sides BUT if it's that important to you then have FI ask someone else to stand up for him. It would really hurt me if one of my friends asked me to step down as bm. It is a quick way to end a friendship and I wouldn't recommend doing it. You're better off adding than subtracting in this case..

karialex · March 2010

Sorry - typo. Sue me.

And I would really like to say that if any of the women who have responded actually wanted me to feel like crap... mission accomplished. I also have a lot less respect for people who are on the boards.

If you sincerely believe that you are doing my friend a favor by insulting me - calling me an idiot, b*tch, horrible person - and "trying to get you to not hurt your friend", this is really the wrong approach.

Thank you, and this is all that I have left for you guys to pick apart.

ThePinkSuperhero · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:93b38910-0b3a-4b19-b100-14ac17fd51dd">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry - typo. Sue me. And I would really like to say that if any of the women who have responded actually wanted me to feel like crap... mission accomplished. I also have a lot less respect for people who are on the boards. If you sincerely believe that you are doing my friend a favor by insulting me - calling me an idiot, b*tch, horrible person - and "trying to get you to not hurt your friend", this is really the wrong approach. Thank you, and this is all that I have left for you guys to pick apart.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

If we're awful people, why do you care what we have to say? I think you're feeling hurt because you realize that we are right- your idea to have a friend step down from your wedding party would be very mean.

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

I'm just trying to tell you you're going to the ruin friendship.

Do you still plan on asking her to step down??

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:93b38910-0b3a-4b19-b100-14ac17fd51dd">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry - typo. Sue me. And I would really like to say that if any of the women who have responded actually wanted me to feel like crap... mission accomplished. I also have a lot less respect for people who are on the boards. If you sincerely believe that you are doing my friend a favor by insulting me - calling me an idiot, b*tch, horrible person - and "trying to get you to not hurt your friend", this is really the wrong approach. Thank you, and this is all that I have left for you guys to pick apart.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

<div>Then take my advice. Go ahead and do it. Your friends deserve to see what kind of person you really are. </div><div>
</div><div>And just see what kind of names you get called. I assure you, b*tch will be one of the nice ones. </div>

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:93b38910-0b3a-4b19-b100-14ac17fd51dd">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry - typo. Sue me. And I would really like to say that if any of the women who have responded actually wanted me to feel like crap... mission accomplished. I also have a lot less respect for people who are on the boards. If you sincerely believe that you are doing my friend a favor by insulting me - calling me an idiot, b*tch, horrible person - and "trying to get you to not hurt your friend", this is really the wrong approach. Thank you, and this is all that I have left for you guys to pick apart.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

Just think how crappy you'll feel if you hurt your friend's feelings over $100 and an even wedding party. You could see about your FI adding another guy or just be open minded to the uneven sides. I'm very Type A and symmetrically minded myself and I had 2 BMs and my H had 1 GM and it didn't bother me a bit. It actually was my idea. ;-) GL!

september's bride · March 2010

The goal is not to make you feel like crap; it's to make you realize that you're about to do a crappy thing. You can't be objective right now and you seem to think that this is your only option. We disagree with you, and can't offer you a better way to kick a BM out of the wedding because of it. I'm sorry you don't like that, but you're getting unbiased, truthful advice from women who have gone through weddings and all the bullshit that comes with them.

Seriously, there are kids dying in war-torn countries and you're worrying about uneven sides and mean strangers? You need to give your head a shake and get some perspective.

jasmineh7777 · March 2010

Insults aside, I hope you realize that it is a bad idea, and will hurt your friend if not utterly destroy the friendship. I hope you come up with another solution. Adding another groomsmen isn't a bad idea at all.

wcvsb3b5 · March 2010

FWIW I think it will be easier to work out with an extra girl than an extra guy... Ya know, two girls with one guy looks fine, while two guys with one girl can look a little more wierd.. Not that it really matters but I thought it might help.. Please don't let uneven sides cause you to hurt your friend.

redheadfsu · March 2010

OP

These people just typed what your friends will be saying behind your back - if you actually ask her to step down to make even sides. If you asked me to step down b/c you wanted even sides, I would realize we were never friends to begin with & act accordingly.

janedoe1113a · March 2010

You should definitely ask your friend to step down. Even sides are 100% needed or your wedding is going to fail!

salt78 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:93b38910-0b3a-4b19-b100-14ac17fd51dd">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE] I also have a lot less respect for people who are on the boards.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

<div>That's cool. I think we already lost all respect for you when you said you were going to do your friend a favor by kicking her out of your wedding party.</div>

picoult81 · March 2010

[QUOTE]okay, seriously. This is getting obsurd. These personal attacks are completely unnecessary. If you don't agree with me, you don't need to reply. Or if you don't agree with me, you can simply say, "don't do it". There is no reason to call me a b*tch, or say that I'm a horrible person. You don't know me and if you did you wouldn't say that. So, can we please just drop this thread. I never realized how rude strangers can be.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

<u><font color="#ff0000">DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</font></u>

picoult81 · March 2010

I was once un-asked because I'm 5'6 and the groomsman I was going to be paired up with was 5'11. My "friend" actually told me she found someone taller than me to take my place. Needless to say, we do not speak much these days. At all, actually.

cdeshane · March 2010

"If you sincerely believe that you are doing my friend a favor by insulting me..."

First off it doesn't seem that you are too concerned for your friend. Second, even if your friend tells you she can't afford to be in your wedding doesn't mean she doesn't want to be in your wedding. I honestly would not remove anyone from your wedding party because she will see you choosing others above her. She will continue to think she has done something wrong and she will probably end the friendship anyway.

janedoe1113a · March 2010

Yup, if you unask her, you will not be friends much longer.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:93b38910-0b3a-4b19-b100-14ac17fd51dd">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry - typo. Sue me. And I would really like to say that if any of the women who have responded actually wanted me to feel like crap... mission accomplished. I also have a lot less respect for people who are on the boards. If you sincerely believe that you are doing my friend a favor by insulting me - calling me an idiot, b*tch, horrible person - and "trying to get you to not hurt your friend", this is really the wrong approach. Thank you, and this is all that I have left for you guys to pick apart.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]
hey, lookit the meanie trying to play victim.

nhelene · March 2010

[QUOTE] If you sincerely believe that you are doing my friend a favor by... "trying to get you to not hurt your friend", this is really the wrong approach.
Posted by karialex[/QUOTE]

Clearly.

AlexiaANDRobert · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:53c378ed-e20e-49c5-9495-166b5388ebc2">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I was once un-asked because I'm 5'6 and the groomsman I was going to be paired up with was 5'11. My "friend" actually told me she found someone taller than me to take my place. Needless to say, we do not speak much these days. At all, actually.
Posted by picoult81[/QUOTE]

This can't be real. I've heard of ridiculous things, but this is one of the most.

OP, just don't do it. It's hurtful and ridiculous.

Put yourself in her shoes. Even if you tell her it's financial, you already worked it out, so why would you take it back?

picoult81 · March 2010

It's real, unfortunately.

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-ask-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a18a5d4-7128-41a3-9e27-8edcc757aff8Post:f7344384-6ac7-48ea-8016-9aefca280ff9">Re: How to un-ask...? (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to un-ask...? (long) : See, here's the thing. We KNOW the situation, because 123543463423 brides come on here per week and ask the same thing, and every single one of them has a unique, special situation that makes it "okay" to hurt someone they're close to. As for the symmetry issue. You are wearing white, and your FI is, I assume, wearing the same thing or something similar to the GM. So if you have you in the middle, 4 girls in dresses on one side, 4 guys in tuxes (3 GM plus FI) on the other side, it's PERFECTLY SYMMETRIC. "Even numbers" wind up looking lopsided, not that it matters one.freaking.bit.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Far too late to this, but I totally agree with Opal.

I always like how pics look with 1 less guy...it just so happened that we had that, but it wasn't because it was how I liked it in pics.

How to un-ask...? (long)

Re: How to un-ask...? (long)

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