Need help translating brides intent

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

No more needs to be said about the OP. I came looking for advice and I did recieve advice. Thank you all in advance for not continuing the thread.

Atlossforwords · March 2013

No more needs to be said about the OP. I came looking for advice and I did recieve advice. Thank you all in advance for not continuing the thread.

misssunshine17 · March 2013

I only skimmed your post, because I didn't need to read the whole thing. This bride is crazy. If you feel inclined, sit her down and have a heart to heart (ie- under no circumstances will you change your hair color) and if she doesn't change, drop out of the wedding. Right now, like you said, you're her punching bag and not her friend. I heard once that weddings & funerals bring out the best and worst of people, and it's definitely the worst for her.

If it were me, I would end the friendship and drop out of the wedding.

Weezy56 · March 2013

Good for you for sticking up for yourself. This bride sounds like a jerk. All you have to say is "Due to your disrespectful behavior and the way you have spoken to me, I am no longer in your wedding party. This is not up for discussion". Refuse to speak with her anymore about it.

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

Thank you both for your help. My family has been wishy washy about what I should do so I thought "hey, I will ask people who are not in the direct situation". Thank you again and I truly appreciate this help from you. I wanted to be sure I wasn't being irrational and you both confirmed that I have the right to step down without feeling badly.

Salsera29 · March 2013

You are absolutely in the right. She is being an entitled bridezilla and a bad friend.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

She is a Bridezilla, and she has an MOHzilla, run as far as you can from the situation. Here's where she went wrong:

1.)Making you a 'temporary MOH' is insulting. Basically she just wanted to make sure that she had someone 'working on things' for her at all times, and transferred the title around to her best benefit. Aweful, nasty thing to do, and violates the 'honor' that the title is supposed to hold.

2.) The MOH should have talked to everyone about budget, and kept in touch at all times. It is NEVER ok to spend people's money without talking to them about it. It just doesn't work out well. And she should have NEVER thrown you under the bus for her mistake in not getting poeple's budgets, or keeping people in the loop.

3.) Freaking out at you about the dress. Uncool. You were holding up your end of the deal, and getting the dress in plenty of time. 7 months is way early. Totally inappropriate

4.) Expecting you to modify your body for her wedding. Immature, unrealistic, juvenile, horrific behavior at it's worst. NO excuse for that. None.

Don't talk to this girl anymore, she's a waste of time and carbon.

wittykitty14 · March 2013

I'm sorry you've had to deal with her, OP. When people are under a lot of stress (like brides), they may act of character and get carried away. Most of the time I would say to let it go and remember that she's your friend, and she needs you, because you're an important person in your life..... but forget that, she is treating you like dirt. Both her and the rest of the WP are being disrespectful, and as your friend, she should know better. Yeah, all brides have a "freak-out" moment or two, but that's not an excuse to be hurtful to people close to you. I'm so sorry this has happened. I try and forgive people, but there comes a point where so much unnecessary damage has been done, and enough is enough. I don't know what your relationship was like before her wedding planning, but from the sounds of it, I have a feeling that once the wedding is over and everything has calmed down, she's going to "forget" that she ever treated you like this, and want to keep going with your friendship like everything's fine. To me, being someone's "friend" is not worth being treated horribly. I would back out, but that's just me. Only you can decide. I'm glad you haven't given in to her demands! Keep it up! And please, let us know how it goes! Best of luck to you!

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

Hello everyone. Thank you for your kind words and support. Because of all of you I decided to talk to her formally and bow out. She stated this is not how friends treat each other at which time I responded back with the same especially where the rant she had was in play a couple nights ago. She had a hard time with it, kept asking me to reconsider and I decided it would be best to be a guest. Thank you all again for your support.

beardownbchs · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-translating-brides-intent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9066d211-1d5d-48f0-9ef1-352a138b194ePost:887a077e-dc59-4cc3-bce8-42a3bb6b7456">Re:Need help translating brides intent</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone. Thank you for your kind words and support. Because of all of you I decided to talk to her formally and bow out. She stated this is not how friends treat each other at which time I responded back with the same especially where the rant she had was in play a couple nights ago. She had a hard time with it, kept asking me to reconsider and I decided it would be best to be a guest. Thank you all again for your support.
Posted by Atlossforwords[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Good for you. This may be a blow to your friendship, but I think it'll be better than her bridezilla mindset driving a huge wedge between you for the next several months. Hopefully you guys will be able to get past this (might not be until after her wedding) but you really did the right thing, for yourself. </div><div>
</div><div>Congrats on having the bal...ovaries to stand up for yourself. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

</div>

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

Thank you. I ALMOST, but won't because that would be inappropriate, wanted to show her exactly WHAT her behavior means in the sense of these responses. This is because she insists she's in the right with everything and absolutely fine in her method of thinking since the other two in the WP say she's fine in her thoughts. It is what it is. I know if our friendship continues she will loom this over my head about how I wasn't there for her but at the same time no one deserves this treatment ever.

steign · March 2013

$1,100 for a shower and bachelorette party? I would have bowed out a long time ago. I'm really sorry your "friend" is putting you through this.

kerbohl · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-translating-brides-intent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9066d211-1d5d-48f0-9ef1-352a138b194ePost:d59d474a-7b72-43df-a553-a413b79f82cc">Re: Need help translating brides intent</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry you've had to deal with her, OP. <strong>When people are under a lot of stress (like brides), they may act of character and get carried away</strong>. Most of the time I would say to let it go and remember that she's your friend, and she needs you, because you're an important person in your life..... but forget that, she is treating you like dirt. Both her and the rest of the WP are being disrespectful, and as your friend, she should know better. Yeah, all brides have a "freak-out" moment or two, but that's not an excuse to be hurtful to people close to you. I'm so sorry this has happened. I try and forgive people, but there comes a point where so much unnecessary damage has been done, and enough is enough. I don't know what your relationship was like before her wedding planning, but from the sounds of it, I have a feeling that once the wedding is over and everything has calmed down, she's going to "forget" that she ever treated you like this, and want to keep going with your friendship like everything's fine. To me, being someone's "friend" is not worth being treated horribly. I would back out, but that's just me. Only you can decide. I'm glad you haven't given in to her demands! Keep it up! And please, let us know how it goes! Best of luck to you!
Posted by wittykitty14[/QUOTE]

I agree that yes, people do act different under stress, but yes, this is completely unreasonable. I have a bridesmaid that currently has purple hair. My wedding colours are blue. I could not care less that she has purple hair, and I will not be asking her to change it. If she likes it, that is how it should be. The fact that OP natural hair colour wasn't good enough (and was insulted) is very sad, and should not have been said. We can't blame it on stress - this bride is just a piece of work.

erinlin25 · March 2013

She is a bad friend and crazy bridezilla. Step in to be MOH because her other slave moved too far to help her!? No way; die your NATURAL hair, No way; prioritize her wedding over your personal finances--absolutely not. I do not blame you for stepping down. Good for you for sticking up for yourself. I hope this girl realizes she is a HORRIBLE friend.

I really just do not see why brides get so stressed out!? they stress themselves out because they are crazy bridezilla making ridiculous demands and get upset when no one wants to gravel at their feet.

You are better off without this so called "friend."

myankee_21 · March 2013

PLEASE, PEOPLE STOP READIG RESPONDING TO THIS POST!! I am the MOH the poster is referring to and she has stretched the truth far beyond its means. H, I am sorry you feel something wrong has been done to you but lying doesn't help anyone, it just wastes their time. You should have to apologize to anyone who read your excessively long lies.

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

Thank you all again. Unfortunately the issue of me stepping down amongst other things has ended our entire "friendship". I'm sad to see her go but everything happens for a reason. Your support in this was wonderful and I wish you all the best in your lives. Thank you

Knottie_22386056 · March 2013

So I am the "bridezilla" this post is refering to, first off she didn't put a dime into the wedding so I have no idea where the $1,100 comes in to play, I even paid for her daughters flower girl dress(which she just pulled she daughter not only from the wedding put also from my daycare). She says she doesn't have the money to pay for it. She was NEVER EVER my MOH, temp or otherwise, how could she be if she isn't part of any planning as she say she isn't. My MOH hasn't even started planning the BP yet as it's in July or August so of course she doesn't know the price tag! It was my suggestion to have it in LA, as I wanted to do something that doesn't involve naked men of drinkingas I don't aprrove of either. As I told the "no long BM" that basically it was going to be set up as you spend whatever you were comfortable spending, ie you want to just go to the beach and window shop then that is what you budge it for. As for the BS, the only thing planned so far is the date, there's no time yet! She was asked if she could pitch in for a photographer , she wasn't told that was all she was doing, we justed needed to asap so we book it. As for the dress, it's $155.00, with the discount, taxes and shipping it comes out to $148.18, which by the way we have been shopping for a dress since August, we decided on a dress in January. Plenty of time to save, especially since she spends $7 on a pack of cigarettes and smokes that pack in one day, not to mention her going to bars every weekend.The store we are going thru orders all the dresses at once so they are all from the same dye lot, everyone else is waiting for her to get measured and paid for so their dresses can get ordered. It takes 4 months for them to be shipped back to us, which means we'll get them in the end of July, which gives us two months to shop for shoes (as we all disagree of what color they should be, so we decided we would wait til we got the dresses and g from there) and get alterations done. I and the rest of the wedding part would like the dresses asap, as it's one less thing to worry about. She even went in and looked/ tried on the dress but refused to be measured and wouldn't give a reason. I spoke to her multiple times about when she was planning on getting herself measured, she invaided the question every time. My MOH does NOT have black and purple hair, I asked that everyone looks their best, it's my wedding and I would do the same for them. I don't think it's unreasonable for the wedding party to look their best after all it's that way they wear tuxes and dresses? She never once mentioned the hair issue to me about how upset it made her instead she talked about it with everyone else. Her hair looks horrible, she doesn't donate her hair to locks of love and on top of that they accept dyed hair. I even said she could wear a wig if she wanted to. For the record, when I got engaged she said I had plenty of time to change my mind! Beyond all that she has decided to pull out of the wedding and cut ties from me and I say thank goodness!

You should try not judging people when you only know one verision of the story (there are always at least two).

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

This isn't the place to continue your rant about how awful you think I am. No i did not cut ties with you. i stated you had time to change your mind for obvious reasons but I'm not going to air the dirty laundry. yes i declined to get fitted right then and there because of a personal reason. Yes I was told all that was needed was money for a photographer because the planning had already been done from what the email said. No you did not say I could wear a wig. No you did not tell me the other dresses were ready to be ordered you told me the exact opposite until yesterday. Yes I said the dress would get done heck or high water. Yes you did state you didn't know the involvement of your MOH after she moved and wanted to know if I would be willing to picking up where she left off If your communication became sparse. Yes you did state that if you didn't make her MOH she would stop being friends with you. Yes I saved 1100, that was then used on a bill when i didn't receive contact from the other and the rest to help the family. Yes I do donate my hair. Yes you said the MOH is PLANNING on dying her hair black and purple please read the OP carefully. I came here to get much needed help. Kept to the facts of what was going on and if you look into what the advice is, most was about the hair which I already told you a remedy. Please stop it's all done and over with. They were only trying to help me in a time I was trying to figure out your signals and intent in your mindset. Thank you everyone again. To the bride I do wish you the very best out of your wedding and in life.

Knottie_22386056 · March 2013

First off I asked if it was something that could be done, if she didn't want to do anything to her hair I suggested a wig. It's funny because thru everything I've had to deal with this person every single person I know and have talked to them about the wedding said that I was being too nice and letting her walk all over me. She never once came to me about her hair or anything else for that matter. How was I to know her feelings?All of this started because she refused to buy the dam dress. As I stated she was being rude to not me but my other BMs.I asked her several times when she had the money and time to get the dress taken care of, she never answered me. I was raised with the believe that when you make a commitment you keep it. She knew over 6 months ago she needed to save money. Like I said none of you know the whole story you only have her lies. You are judging me when you don't know anything about me.

Knottie_22386056 · March 2013

I'm sorry when you say yes I would like to be a BM, it's your job to make sure you have money to pay for the dress. By the way she asked if she need to cover up her tattoo, get her nails done and tan, I said no thats up to you, the only thing I care about it is your hair. She said are you sure, I don't mind. So she has no problem altering her body in other ways, but she couldn't talk to me about her hair. Yet It's funny it's none of my buisness what she spends her money on yet here you are talking about a situation that you know nothing about and it's none if your buisness. She couldn't handle being a mature person and coming to talk to me about any of this.She made her join and it's done. You think anything you like about me, you don't know anything about me except for one horrible immature persons point of veiw which is comlpetely filled with lies. There is nothing else that needs to be said.

Knottie_22386056 · March 2013

I'm so glad you are all participating in being internet bullies. How proud you must be of yourselves. I was raised with the concept that you don't judge people when you don't know them, you don't insult them or join in when other people are. You step in and defend the creature that is being attacked.

beardownbchs · March 2013

Woooooooooooah bridezilla!!! Your "friend" came here for advice and we gave it to her. From everything I can see - now from both sides - she deserves better friends and you're out of your mind. We knew what she told us and you sounded crazy so we told her so. Now you're here and confirming that you're crazy and I will tell you so. Get over yourself.

And OP, again, good for you. You're better off without these nutsos.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

Mpierce, I hope one day you wake up and realize what a horrible person you're being to your friends. And I hope you do so before you lose them all. I've read your side of the story, and all you did was validate all the nasty things you've done to her. Your marriage will start on broken relationships and hateful words, and you could have stopped it at any time. But you chose not to. Material things and hair were more important to you than friendships. I hope that wig you are fixated on so much can help you when life gets rough, because you are chasing away friends over it.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-translating-brides-intent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9066d211-1d5d-48f0-9ef1-352a138b194ePost:1f691d53-3b8f-4703-a20c-03007b6af5df">Re:Need help translating brides intent</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so glad you are all participating in being internet bullies. How proud you must be of yourselves. I was raised with the concept that you don't judge people when you don't know them, you don't insult them or join in when other people are. You step in and defend the creature that is being attacked.
Posted by mpierce27[/QUOTE]
<div>Who is bullying? People responded to information provided by your friend, and then ONE person responded to you, and you're saying everyone who responded bullied you? You're right. There usually ARE 2 (sometimes actually 3) sides to every story. What did you expect people here to do? Hear the first version and then wait to respond on the off chance the bride would come along and give her version? What a ridiculous expectation. </div>

NYCMercedes · March 2013

OP, you are so, so better off without this crazy bride and her crazy MOH in your life.

Weezy56 · March 2013

Mpierce, you are one big bag of cray cray.

Knottie_22386056 · March 2013

Wow you all miss the whole point, regardless of all of your feelings she had told me in front of the rest of the WP that she was completely fine with whatever I wanted to do, the whole thing was because she refused to buy the dress. So instead of her holding up her end of the agreement I have to tell the rest of my WP that they don't get to get their dresses they have to wait for her. Calling people names is being a bully. As for the shoes is was the bridesmaids who couldn't agree on what color, I just wanted it to be the same. Frankly none of you know me or my MOH. Yet you feel completely comfortable calling us names, perhaps you should look at your self before you pass judgements on anyone. If she actually cared about or my wedding she would have come and spoken to me not posted this in full of leis, if you have to lie then you obviously know you were in the wrong.

SlothGoals · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-help-translating-brides-intent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9066d211-1d5d-48f0-9ef1-352a138b194ePost:4574df82-32f9-43de-ba57-4f8f9aa74f07">Re:Need help translating brides intent</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow you all miss the whole point, regardless of all of your feelings she had told me in front of the rest of the WP that she was completely fine with whatever I wanted to do, the whole thing was because she refused to buy the dress. So instead of her holding up her end of the agreement I have to tell the rest of my WP that they don't get to get their dresses they have to wait for her. <strong>Calling people names is being a bully.</strong> As for the shoes is was the bridesmaids who couldn't agree on what color, I just wanted it to be the same. Frankly none of you know me or my MOH. Yet you feel completely comfortable calling us names, perhaps you should look at your self before you pass judgements on anyone. If she actually cared about or my wedding she would have come and spoken to me not posted this in full of leis, if you have to lie then you obviously know you were in the wrong.
Posted by mpierce27[/QUOTE]

<div>I didn't feel like jumping into this until now.</div><div>
</div><div>The bolded is completely false. Bullying is consistent, habitual, targeted, abuse. No one here had bullied you. They may not have used the nicest language, but you're an internet stranger who has come in here guns a blazin' and proved that you're asking wayy too much of your BMs.</div><div>
</div><div>Obvisouly stories have more than one side, but how on earth do you expect anyone to speak towards anything but what the OP said? Guh, I sincerely hope you get a clue and realized that while maybe OP has been in the wrong in a few places, so have you.</div>

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

I didn't refuse to buy the dress and was led to believe I had a bit of time. I stated I would buy the dress, gave you the date I was going in and purchasing. I was told one of the others hasn't ordered yet and you gave me the cut off date, the date I was going in was a week prior to it. I did come to you when you asked for my opinion on something, tried to work certain things out. I needed help on interpretation after the blow out so I came here to people I knew could possibly help which they did. They made it easier to read between the lines and to salvage what friendship was left and to rebuild, the best thing I could think of was to bow out. I never said I wasn't going to be there for you. I very much was still going to be there. This has gone on enough. All these ladies were doing was trying to help me. There was nothing malicious driving me to ask for help. And yes there was a date for the shower already from what you stated to me in person it was June. Unfortunately the friendship has ended and we need to squash this and move on with our lives. You have a wonderful family started and a wedding to plan. I wish you the best to all of it.

Knottie_22386056 · March 2013

First of call name calling is a type of bullying, ask a counselor, teacher or parent! You all are attacking me for no reason, you don't even know me! If she actually wanted advice there wouldn't have been name calling or any attacking. She wouldn't have sent me this link to read all the horrible thing you all are saying about me. She chose to post this pile of lies then to actually talk to me. If her hair was that big of a deal we could have done a french twist or something to hide her tips. She didn't come to me about anything. Everytime I asked her about her getting the dress she had an excuse as to why she couldn't do it. The only I asked of any of my WP is to purchase the dress and shoes! Why don't you all practice the good ole saying "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all"

Knottie_22386056 · March 2013

Frankly the fact that anyone feels they have a right or place to judge me, attack me without knowing me speaks volumes as to what kind of people you are. I'm sorry that you all feel you have the right to treat a perfect stranger this way. Trying taking your own advice treat people the way you want to be treated.

Need help translating brides intent

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