fiance cant afford ring!?!!!

SarahPLiz · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fiance-cant-afford-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:0f3c518d-fdc3-499a-91b2-64d27553c7aaPost:0d66bbf8-9127-40ef-ba06-3d9a146d7a9e">Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!! : It also depends on how much the ring costs. Where they stand financially compared to this purchase depends on the amount of the purchase. If we're talking two or three thousand dollars or less, then that says one thing about FI's cash flow. However, if we're talking ten or twelve thousand, that says something very different.
Posted by ms_teach[/QUOTE]

I think that even if we are talking $10-$12K, cash in the bank, that if that's all you have and you have no credit, you really should not be extending yourself 2x what you have saved on a piece of jewelry. You may need that savings for something else down the road.

Someone spending everything they have on an engagement ring with nothing left in the bank tells me that they are not a responsible saver or a responsibile spender. Both of those things are bad for a marriage as they create stress.

amlaplante · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fiance-cant-afford-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0f3c518d-fdc3-499a-91b2-64d27553c7aaPost:7632e659-2c29-4182-aada-2ab6e3b48f64">Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!! : Not necessarily. My BF is just shy of 21 and has a very good credit score, yet he still won't be able to afford the ring I like for a while.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]
He may have a good credit score, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has a lot of credit history. For example, if you can have only a $500 limit credit card. Of course you will have a great credit score, but you still don't have a lot of credit history. I can't imagine at 20 that he has a lot of credit history.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fiance-cant-afford-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0f3c518d-fdc3-499a-91b2-64d27553c7aaPost:b9aa9ad4-59d5-4926-b555-8d4a48477e22">Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!! : He may have a good credit score, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has a lot of credit history. For example, if you can have only a $500 limit credit card. Of course you will have a great credit score, but you still don't have a lot of credit history. I can't imagine at 20 that he has a lot of credit history.
Posted by amlaplante[/QUOTE]

True, but I know his card is more than a $500 limit. He's had this card for almost two years. Not a long stretch by any means, but it's something.

opalsky007 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fiance-cant-afford-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0f3c518d-fdc3-499a-91b2-64d27553c7aaPost:f906cc91-6c01-4c16-80b5-9ed8d63615fc">Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!! : Someone with $25k cash in the bank would get approved for a high interest credit line at a jewelry store pretty easily; so I very much doubt that's their issue. Sounds like even if they are emotionally ready to get married, there are some other things that need to be stabilized first. <strong>Unless he buries his cash in a coffee can in the back yard, very few people that are older than 18 don't have any credit these days.</strong>
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

I didn't get a CC until I was 22. I was also really lucky to get through college without loans, and saved the rest of my earnings. I literally had no credit history until I got that CC--and I only got that card for the purpose of building a history. Not saying this is the norm, just that it can happen.

marinabreeze · July 2010

I agree with ms_teach and some of the subsequent posters. Too much information is missing to say for sure if it's an issue with the guy not being in a financial place for marriage or if it's just a ridiculously expensive ring.

I do think that having a line of credit is helpful, but part of financial responsibility is buying what you can afford and not living beyond your means. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't do that. My FI has good credit, but he saved up and paid cash for my e-ring. It's not super expensive compared to what some people pay for rings, but it still was a good amount, and it's a beautiful classic-style e-ring that's totally my style. I would've been pretty upset if he went into debt for the ring, even with good credit...I don't think it's worth it.

That said, considering that your FI did save something, why not choose a ring that he can afford? The ring symbolizes his commitment to marrying you, so the ring is a symbol of that. Does he really need to go into debt for that?

ETA: Vegasgroom...I can see your argument to some degree. However, there's more to credit history than what's in the bank, and if there is no credit history, a jewelry store would be hesitant to extend a loan to him. Besides, if all of the hypothetical $25,000 is going towards the ring and the loan is to add to it, that means zero in the bank once the purchase is completed. The sense I get is that the OP's FI is a "trust fund baby" (asking mom and dad, using his grandma's inheritance money), so prior to this he may not have considered needing credit. I also wonder, if that's the case, if he is actually self-sufficient in terms of having gainful employment (which is also considered in creditworthiness). If he's not, then that might have also been a factor in the jeweler's decision not to extend credit to him.

goheels05 · July 2010

Credit cards aren't the only way to build credit. You also get it from having a cell phone in your name, getting approved for an apartment, rent to own stuff from Aaron's (not that I recommend that), and having student loans in your name, even when they aren't yet due. So unless your parents are paying for everything you do while you are college-age, it's not unreasonable to expect one to have credit at that 22, and if your parents are paying for everything, you should have no problem getting a credit card, using it responsibly for necessities, and paying it in full every month.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

If he has no savings (not even enough to buy the ring he wants) how on earth will you afford a wedding? And if he's overstretching himself to buy this ring, I don't even want to think of what he'll commit to for the reception.

Or, you know, how will he deal with emergencies, like a job loss, or a medical bill, or a vet bill or a wrecked car? It seems silly to apend ALL his savings and then some on a piece of jewelry when there are much more important things he could need it for. Especially since he doesn't have a credit card or line of credit to fall back on. I don't normally judge other people's financial choices, but come on.

opalsky007 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fiance-cant-afford-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0f3c518d-fdc3-499a-91b2-64d27553c7aaPost:89cb7f8f-8da7-4d48-ad0f-406f8f462e0a">Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Credit cards aren't the only way to build credit. You also get it from having a cell phone in your name, getting approved for an apartment, rent to own stuff from Aaron's (not that I recommend that), and having student loans in your name, even when they aren't yet due. So unless your parents are paying for everything you do while you are college-age, it's not unreasonable to expect one to have credit at that 22, and if your parents are paying for everything, you should have no problem getting a credit card, using it responsibly for necessities, and paying it in full every month.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

I paid for a cell phone out of my checking account, so there's that. But I lived in the basement of my church all through college, and worked and went to school on scholarship. I paid for the things I needed myself, using debit cards or cash.

I suppose it's not unreasonable to expect someone to have a credit history by age 22, but I just...didn't. Before that age, I never understood the value in having a history, when I could pay all of my bills out of pocket easily.

goheels05 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fiance-cant-afford-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0f3c518d-fdc3-499a-91b2-64d27553c7aaPost:f87f6cc3-ea4b-4e5d-8865-17d7c7d9d3c1">Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!! : I paid for a cell phone out of my checking account, so there's that. [/QUOTE]
It still counts as "good credit" even though it's not really credit (paid for in cash/check). It goes on your report in a favorable way and if it's all you have, some lenders will still give you credit based on it.

[QUOTE]But I lived in the basement of my church all through college, and worked and went to school on scholarship. I paid for the things I needed myself, using debit cards or cash. I suppose it's not unreasonable to expect someone to have a credit history by age 22, but I just...didn't. <strong>Before that age, I never understood the value in having a history, when I could pay all of my bills out of pocket easily.</strong>
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

Yeah, definitely no shame in that.

opalsky007 · July 2010

Cool, good to know. I'm still kind of new to all of this, but am realizing that after I finish school, a car loan and home loan aren't that far off.

goheels05 · July 2010

I was just talking to LilGina about life insurance and how there should be a book you get when you graduate high school or college that teaches you about stuff like banking, money market accounts, credit cards, loans, mortgages, life insurance, etc, because you never learn any of that in school. Of course, those know-it-all teenagers would never read it.

My minister is talking to the church youth group coordinator about having me come teach a crash course in personal finances for young adults. I'm really excited about it.

opalsky007 · July 2010

I think that sounds awesome, and I wish I'd had something like that when I was younger. You'd be a great teacher.

When I graduated from college, Dad handed me a book on investing so that I could "take care of myself". We've always been big on saving, but I just didn't have a darn clue about credit. I knew it could be dangerous, and just figured I'd stay away from it altogether for as long as I could.

JenO24 · July 2010

I'd like to debunk a myth...
Getting married does not link your credits together.
It only happens when there are joint accounts.

lisarose7 · July 2010

For most of our engagement, my ring was an $8 CZ from Kohls. FI kept talking about buying a real one but it was more important to both of us that he pay off some of his debt first. 3 months before the wedding, we bought my e-ring and both our wedding bands at the same time...which ended up saving us money since they gave us a discount for buying all 3 at once. Don't worry about the ring. You should be more worried that your BF has no credit.

katiewhompus · July 2010

In Response to Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!:
[QUOTE]I was just talking to LilGina about life insurance and how there should be a book you get when you graduate high school or college that teaches you about stuff like banking, money market accounts, credit cards, loans, mortgages, life insurance, etc, because you never learn any of that in school. Of course, those know-it-all teenagers would never read it. My minister is talking to the church youth group coordinator about having me come teach a crash course in personal finances for young adults. I'm really excited about it.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Amen to that! I got my first credit card and first cell phone when I was 18 and went to college. I understand a 20 year old not having credit, but I also think it could make things more financially stressful for the OP. I don't know if it's area related, but every apartment I have lived in required a credit check and you would be denied for bad or insufficient credit.

OP - I would suggest looking at different places for a ring that the two of you can afford at this time. I understand the male view of wanting to do it all himself, but he also needs to understand that when you are married the two of you will be dealing with finances together, and there is no harm or shame in you helping to fund the ring, especially if you are adamant about getting that ring.

leayn · July 2010

Here is a list of suggestions you can try if you see fit:

Choose a ring you can afford with what he already has saved for it
Tie a string around your finger until he has the money for the diamond size you seem to require
Wait to get engaged until he can get approved for credit cards since you're probably just going to need more stuff once you're married
Don't get a ring and be happy that you're engaged

Being engaged is not about getting a ring. Enjoy this time with him without one.

Schroeder246 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fiance-cant-afford-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0f3c518d-fdc3-499a-91b2-64d27553c7aaPost:9d4513b8-f516-4d0a-a18e-585f936c09ca">Re: fiance cant afford ring!?!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I was just talking to LilGina about life insurance and how <strong>there should be a book you get when you graduate high school or college that teaches you about stuff like banking, money market accounts, credit cards, loans, mortgages, life insurance, etc, because you never learn any of that in school. </strong>Of course, those know-it-all teenagers would never read it. My minister is talking to the church youth group coordinator about having me come teach a crash course in personal finances for young adults. I'm really excited about it.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>There totally is! My mom got it for me when I graduated from college:</div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.amazon.com/My-Own-Two-Feet-Personal/dp/1598691244/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278989042&sr=8-1" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/My-Own-Two-Feet-Personal/dp/1598691244/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278989042&sr=8-1</a></div><div>
</div><div>It's awesome, covers everything, and is really accessible.</div><div>
</div><div>Plus, it's written by two female CPAs, and they stress how important it is to establish yourSELF financially before you enter into any sort of joint financial situation. I got my sister a copy when she graduated this past May.</div>

pooh8402 · July 2010

either get a cheap ring from Walmart, or don't wear a ring. a $$$$$ ring is not necessary for engagement.

tonyscutieest09 · July 2010

A wedding in itself is expensive, why start your lives in so much debt that all you do is fight? I have told my FI several times that I don't want a ring that he can't afford, like several other people stated you can always upgrade later!

It's super selfish to expect him to buy something he can't afford.

fiance cant afford ring!?!!!

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