Bachelor Party Woes

mocha beans · December 2009

Yeah, I woulda left that town already. Sounds like where I grew up, and I left as soon as I figured out I was going to go nowhere fast if I stayed there. I don't know if I'd wait for a house downpayment to make a move, I'd do the apt thing if it meant getting out a year or two sooner.

ootmother2 · December 2009

no comment

I'll be over at fisches if anybody needs me

BritandTyson · December 2009

Betrothed, we know almost everyone here who is around our age. Most of my friends moved on along time ago. I had moved on, but then came back when I met FI.

Of course, not every single one of our friends does drugs but the majority of his friends from High-School still do. I would love to meet new people who share our interests, but I honestly think we have to look elsewhere.

BritandTyson · December 2009

Yeah Mocha,

If they need him to start the job in Sask sooner, than we'll move whenever they need him there. I hope it's after the winter though, I don't think I'd like -20c!

betrothed123 · December 2009

I lived in the nearby city for a while and moved back here because I actually kind of preferred this type of life. I want to be in the country, but not quite this country. I'd prefer a town with more than 500 residents. When we buy a house we'll probably move about 10-15 minutes out of this town, but we'll always be nearby.

We have maybe 4 friends that actually live in our town. I'd rather be friendless than be friends with addicts who have no intention of bettering themselves.

Koopa17 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:f7ac1e6d-6db3-4d42-b9af-c2b6c09abbeb">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I lived in the nearby city for a while and moved back here because I actually kind of preferred this type of life. I want to be in the country, but not quite this country. I'd prefer a town with more than 500 residents. When we buy a house we'll probably move about 10-15 minutes out of this town, but we'll always be nearby. <strong>We have maybe 4 friends that actually live in our town. I'd rather be friendless than be friends with addicts who have no intention of bettering themselves.</strong>
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

Yes, I absolutely agree with this.

pumpkinpumpkin · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:d3383aa0-b2c8-4d77-bc47-ebf52115f078">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not a fan of most of his friends to be honest. We have close friends that are married and she and I were both really susprised to hear that he helped plan it. Is there someone that I should talk to about it? or just try to let it go? That night I'm having a slumber party with a few girlfriends so I guess I wouldn't be worrying all night...
Posted by BritandTyson[/QUOTE]

I ask you this...WHY will you be worried? Don't you trust your FH?

mocha beans · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:f7ac1e6d-6db3-4d42-b9af-c2b6c09abbeb">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd rather be friendless than be friends with addicts who have no intention of bettering themselves.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

This, exactly.

While I'm glad to have stayed in that town for a bit for the simple fact that I met FI there, I didn't give a second though to moving to a different city with him after 3 months of dating. Absolutely nothing to keep me there.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:700d4b7f-9456-4ffd-b378-4a5e32fd11f0">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I find it odd that you are more upset about the strippers than the (presumably illegal) drugs. For what it's worth, I am 90% sure FI's bach party will also involve all of those elements, as it will be taking place in Vegas. I trust him and thus don't mind, so I'm sorry I can't relate.
Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

I kinda want MY b-party in Vegas. It probably won't happen, but it would be a blast.

OP - it's ridiculous to get worked up about a bachelor party. Are you so insecure in your relationship that you think he'll bang a stripper? Seriously, that doesn't even come close to my list of fears in my relationship. If it were on the list it would be scenario 23,156.

Kati0105 · December 2009

I kinda want MY b-party in Vegas. It probably won't happen, but it would be a blast.

I'm doing mine in Vegas the same weekend as his but we're staying at different resorts so it won't technically be "joint." Mine will likely also involve a ton of booze and strippers.

ricksang · December 2009

Hmmm if the strippers are "in room" I'd be worried too.

mocha beans · December 2009

I wouldn't mind having a Vegas bachelorette party either. Not so much into the strippers, but I can have fun with it.

BritandTyson · December 2009

I'm just a worry wart I guess...

Betrothed I totally agree with you too! FI likes to be really social though...pluswe don't really hang out with his BM that much, he had moved away for a bit too. but he picked his GMs waaay too early.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

Chippendale's at the Rio, Kati!

Full disclosure: one of my FI's GMs used to deal, long, long before we met him. (To strippers, come to think of it...) Maybe FI's friends aren't bad people. They just are off-track. If you trust him not to do drugs, awesome. Hopefully he'll be a good influence on those guys.

Kati0105 · December 2009

Chippendale's at the Rio, Kati!

I think that actually might be on MOH's list, lol.

ricksang · December 2009

Ewww balls in the face y'all!

betrothed123 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:866497fc-fcfd-46d0-a6e5-8f554326c3b3">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]Chippendale's at the Rio, Kati!
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

If they're anything like the guys I saw in Buffalo (we went to a travelling Chippendale's show), just say no. They were horrible.

mwhitson14 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:f7ac1e6d-6db3-4d42-b9af-c2b6c09abbeb">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I lived in the nearby city for a while and moved back here because I actually kind of preferred this type of life. I want to be in the country, but not quite this country. I'd prefer a town with more than 500 residents. When we buy a house we'll probably move about 10-15 minutes out of this town, but we'll always be nearby. We have maybe 4 friends that actually live in our town. I'd rather be friendless than be friends with addicts who have no intention of bettering themselves.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

I think I love you!

Seriously OP, just because it's a small town is no reason to have to be friends with drug users and honestly, I wouldn't be marrying someone that is friends with drug users, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms that ain't none of my business. I've lived in a small town all my life and I love it here, but there are reasons I don't have that many close friends. I admit, I'm sorta picky about who I friend.

lilgina64 · December 2009

i went through a somewhat similar scenario in which Mr lil's friends wanted to throw a bag over his head, throw him in the back of a van and take him out.

they called me first to get me to help set it up and I flat out refused. If someone threw a bag over my head and tried to throw me in a van I'd fight for my life. I told them they were more than welcome to set up a night out at the bars if they got his approval on it (he HATED the idea of bachelor party and told me he didn't want one under any circumstances).

So I'm sorta concerned that they think kidnapping someone is ok. that's like the tip of iceberg in this case because there's no reason for them to be doing lines in the bathroom.

NuggetBrain · December 2009

Strippers that come to hotel rooms are completely different than strippers in strip clubs. So everybody yelling at her about being up in arms about her FI having strippers come to his hotel room should consider that. I love going to strip clubs and fully plan on Noodle going to one for his BP (and yeah, they pretty much beat the everloving crap out of the bachelor onstage) but if he was having them come to his hotel room, I'd have issues with that. If that somehow makes me an insecure overbearing wench, so be it.

Your FI is friends with a bunch of f*cktards. I'm sorry, but it doesn't speak highly of him that he continues to associate with them. Noodle has a good friend from high school that still does drugs, drinks, and pretty much acts like he's still about 19 years old even though we're all pushing 30. He no longer associates with him very much anymore. The same goes for his cousin, who he used to be joined at the hip with. You grow up, you move on. Refusal to do that would be a red flag for me.

Finally, male strippers = big ew. Sweaty ballsack and junk being flung into my face behind a barely there banana hammock, while I'm inhaling a mixture of too much Axe body spray and hair gel and possibly body oil = BIG EW.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

Yeah, how come the drugs are not a concern. When his friends get arrested for posession, you are going to have to bail him out. How many times have cops heard " but those aren't my _______".. how many times do they believe it.

Sounds like his friends want to go out andget shitfaced and high so they are using FI's B-party as the excuse to do so. HE needs to keep his boys in check and let them know his preferences. Maybe his is actually OK with all of this and just doesnt want to tell you...

betrothed123 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:cf395159-dedb-47c2-b46c-91406564ca5a">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]Strippers that come to hotel rooms are completely different than strippers in strip clubs. So everybody yelling at her about being up in arms about her FI having strippers come to his hotel room should consider that. I love going to strip clubs and fully plan on Noodle going to one for his BP (and yeah, they pretty much beat the everloving crap out of the bachelor onstage) but if he was having them come to his hotel room, I'd have issues with that. If that somehow makes me an insecure overbearing wench, so be it. Your FI is friends with a bunch of f*cktards. I'm sorry, but it doesn't speak highly of him that he continues to associate with them. Noodle has a good friend from high school that still does drugs, drinks, and pretty much acts like he's still about 19 years old even though we're all pushing 30. He no longer associates with him very much anymore. The same goes for his cousin, who he used to be joined at the hip with. You grow up, you move on. Refusal to do that would be a red flag for me. Finally, male strippers = big ew. Sweaty ballsack and junk being flung into my face behind a barely there banana hammock, while I'm inhaling a mixture of too much Axe body spray and hair gel and possibly body oil = BIG EW.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

Nugget,

I didn't see anyone here defend strippers in the hotel room, but OP still hasn't clarified that's what she meant there. Her OP was confusing a bit on that point, which I think is where the debate came in. She was asked to clarify and didn't.

I 100% agree with this post. You are judged by the company you keep (bad associations spoil useful habits and all that jazz). His unwillingness to separate from these people says a lot about him.

Oh yeah, and EWW male strippers.

Kati0105 · December 2009

Finally, male strippers = big ew. Sweaty ballsack and junk being flung into my face behind a barely there banana hammock, while I'm inhaling a mixture of too much Axe body spray and hair gel and possibly body oil = BIG EW.

I'm with you, Nugget. I'd take naked ladies over naked dudes any day.

As far as the drugs go, I am probably more lenient with that than most of the girls here, but I still think the "try" not to do drugs comment is pretty sad. Some of FI's friends (and some of mine too actually) still do blow recreationally once in a blue moon and so I honestly wouldn't be shocked if some turns up in Vegas, but if they knew we didn't want it there they wouldn't need to "try" not to do it. And I don't even count pot as a drug, as many of our friends here have cards so that is almost guaranteed. If I had to guess I would assume neither of these is your BM's drug of choice though.

polichik · December 2009

I didn't read all of the responses, but I think it's strange when people say that your future husband's bachelor party has nothing to do with you. It's his behavior, and you both need to be accountable to each other. You don't have control over his actions, but I feel like any loving couple should respect each other's opinions and not put the other in a position of feeling uncomfortable.

If you're not comfortable with your FI at a strip club, I think that's perfectly fine. Although I certainly respect women who think that strip clubs are fine and dandy for their husbands, people who say you're insecure if you don't want your FI at one are being ridiculous. I don't get the sense that you're worried about FI being unfaithful, which would be a red flag. Every person is allowed to feel comfortable with some things and feel uncomfortable with others. As long as your FI respects where you're coming from and agrees that your limits are reasonable, there's not a problem.

If he wants to go and you throw a big hissy fit and throw down ultimatums, that's not good, but that's really an issue of how you communicate, not about strippers.

You're not crazy for feeling uncomfortable with the idea of your FI at a strip club. If he truly wants to go, however, you guys are going to have to find a middle ground. I think that "forbidding" your partner from doing something that's not dangerous or illegal is a bit ridiculous, but it's perfectly ok to let him know what you are and aren't comfortable with.

Perhaps I'm crazy, but I see no reason that men should have to mourn the end of their singlehood by behaving in a way that they would normally never behave. I definitely don't think it's wrong, but it just strikes me as strange for a non-stip-club guy to celebrate his marriage in such a way. Their future wives may be ok with it, but I don't think they should have to be.

FI and I are on the same page about not wanting to support an industry that objectifies women. Some women find it to be a rewarding career, but it's still about the commodification of the female body, which I can't get behind and FI thinks is degrading. I'm biased, since FI told his best man that he'd walk out if there were stippers at his party. They're going camping instead.

Sit down with your FI and talk with him. Scrap this whole girl power gagning up on the BM thing... That's not going to end well. Explain your concerns in a respectful way and see if you can find a middle ground. You shouldn't forbid him from doing something, but he shouldn't go ahead with something that will upset you.

polichik · December 2009

Wow, I wrote a novel.

But I just read the stuff about your FI's friends. I don't mean to judge, but I'd be looking pretty closely at your FI if I were you. People surround themselves with people who reflect who they are, to a certain extent.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelor-party-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41c3cd5f-dec2-4b78-b024-f2b6bdf591abPost:cfaa2efa-d84b-4553-97a1-ccd22f7989ea">Re: Bachelor Party Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]Finally, male strippers = big ew. Sweaty ballsack and junk being flung into my face behind a barely there banana hammock, while I'm inhaling a mixture of too much Axe body spray and hair gel and possibly body oil = BIG EW. I'm with you, Nugget. I'd take naked ladies over naked dudes any day. As far as the drugs go, I am probably more lenient with that than most of the girls here, but I still think the "try" not to do drugs comment is pretty sad. Some of FI's friends (and some of mine too actually) still do blow recreationally once in a blue moon and so I honestly wouldn't be shocked if some turns up in Vegas, but if they knew we didn't want it there they wouldn't need to "try" not to do it. And I don't even count pot as a drug, as many of our friends here have cards so that is almost guaranteed. If I had to guess I would assume neither of these is your BM's drug of choice though.
Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

This 100%. I also know my friends well enough that if they offered to get something and I said no (which I would), they'd respect me enough to not bring some and go off and do it by themselves. Because that would be sad.

And I didn't think that with the strip clubs, the friends were considering bringing pot. That might be one thing, but it doesn't really go along with a b-party.

wadingmoose · December 2009

You're on the Island. I'm not surprised.

I am, however, surprised that your FI has a job opportunity in the great flat land...

e_jakiela · December 2009

My FI and I have a rule, he can get a lap dance, and touch whatever he wants, but no sticking things into anywhere... no BJs, sex or handys... luckily for me, he saw a video of some bachelorette party where the girls had a male stripper and he walked from one to another and shoved his junk in their faces and all of them, included the bride blew him.. since that video my FI decided we can make the rules. I can have a stipper and touch and dance and whatever, but no sticking things into anywhere...

Our Best Man had his Bachelor party in Atlantic city and the stripper was standing on the handles of the chairs and throwing her ass on his knees, she almost broke his bones, and in the end stole the $900 of cash he had in his pocket.... you may worry all you want, but in the end, it may end up being one of those nights he will never forget because he will wish he was with you rather than there.

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