Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?

trawas01 · May 2011

This state as well all you need are...

1. signed license
2. a witness
3. a justice of the peace or a clergyman to sign it

no vows required, which makes sense when you think about the fact that many people write their own ceremonies now and you don't have to include spoken vows as long as your officiant is willing to sign off on it.

As far as the original post, i feel like if your family is aware as to why your doing it and its really warranted then no one should be offended but I've been ripped apart of these boards before for that opinion. But you should be honest about it.

And as far as signing the marriage certificate after the ceremony not everyone does that. My cousin signed it in the courthouse a good week before her ceremony, posted the pics of it being signed on facebook and no one was aghast that they were legally married before they had their church ceremony.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:7066f3c0-fc40-403b-b68b-d5984c86592d">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]This state as well all you need are... 1. signed license 2. a witness 3. a justice of the peace or a clergyman to sign it no vows required, which makes sense when you think about the fact that many people write their own ceremonies now and you don't have to include spoken vows as long as your officiant is willing to sign off on it. As far as the original post, i feel like if your family is aware as to why your doing it and its really warranted then no one should be offended but I've been ripped apart of these boards before for that opinion. But you should be honest about it. And as far as signing the marriage certificate after the ceremony not everyone does that. My cousin signed it in the courthouse a good week before her ceremony, posted the pics of it being signed on facebook and no one was aghast that they were legally married before they had their church ceremony.
Posted by trawas01[/QUOTE]

Wrong. North Carline requires a ceremony/solemnization/consent. Vows are just consent.

nomadgrll · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:2bb3474c-1b1f-4981-97c3-b03525c0f520">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : solemnization/ceremony/vows same thing. You have to have a solemnization/ceremony/vows before you sign the license. Since you are doing it after, that might not make your marriage valid. Please talk to a lawyer. Edit: What State?
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Do you seriously think I am stupid or ignorant? I know the state law in which the requirements hold. I have talked not only the person who is marrying us but the county is which I get the license as well.

Also, consent would be signing the marriage certificate. Vows are apart of the ceremony-there is no law that states how long your ceremony has to be between when you sign the marriage certificate.

trawas01 · May 2011

General Provisions.

§ 51‑1. Requisites of marriage; solemnization.

A valid and sufficient marriage is created by the consent of a male and female person who may lawfully marry, presently to take each other as husband and wife, freely, seriously and plainly expressed by each in the presence of the other

I'm sorry, you need to give consent. So somewhere along the line you need to say you do, you agree, whatever, but no "vows" are required.

Bubbalub · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:b2a2344d-d10a-417b-8729-27efa2a305d9">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]General Provisions. § 51‑1. Requisites of marriage; solemnization. A valid and sufficient marriage is created by the consent of a male and female person who may lawfully marry, presently to take each other as husband and wife, freely, seriously and plainly expressed by each in the presence of the other I'm sorry, you need to give consent. So somewhere along the line you need to say you do, you agree, whatever, but no "vows" are required.
Posted by trawas01[/QUOTE]

Those are the equivalent of vows. You are swearing an oath. Also? Redhead knows her shiit. She's a lawyer.

redheadfsu · May 2011

I will not give you legal advice. But please look at case law. Marriages have been declared voidable for these reasons. Vows are just consent. There are no correct vows, but consent/vows must be given. She might be able to do that, but she needs to speak to a local lawyer. I would attack the validity of the marriage if someone told me no vows were exchanged. She needs to make sure it is legal. Because I have doubts.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:b2a2344d-d10a-417b-8729-27efa2a305d9">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, you need to give consent. So somewhere along the line you need to say you do, you agree, whatever, but no "vows" are required.
Posted by trawas01[/QUOTE]

"I do" is the vow.

OBX2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:7066f3c0-fc40-403b-b68b-d5984c86592d">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]This state as well all you need are... 1. signed license 2. a witness 3. a justice of the peace or a clergyman to sign it no vows required, which makes sense when you think about the fact that many people write their own ceremonies now and you don't have to include spoken vows as long as your officiant is willing to sign off on it. As far as the original post, i feel like if your family is aware as to why your doing it and its really warranted then no one should be offended but I've been ripped apart of these boards before for that opinion. But you should be honest about it. And as far as signing the marriage certificate after the ceremony not everyone does that. My cousin signed it in the courthouse a good week before her ceremony, posted the pics of it being signed on facebook and no one was aghast that they were legally married before they had their church ceremony.
Posted by trawas01[/QUOTE]

Ummmm no....I'm getting married in NC and you are incorrect on this one. You ARE required to share vows, etc.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:eedbded7-1e41-4a19-8257-0588aa14d5cb">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : Do you seriously think I am stupid or ignorant? I know the state law in which the requirements hold. I have talked not only the person who is marrying us but the county is which I get the license as well. Also, consent would be signing the marriage certificate. Vows are apart of the ceremony-there is no law that states how long your ceremony has to be between when you sign the marriage certificate.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

Are you sure? You have a case from your state that says so? If so fine. But don't assume. Just talk to a lawyer.

OBX2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:eedbded7-1e41-4a19-8257-0588aa14d5cb">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : Do you seriously think I am stupid or ignorant? I know the state law in which the requirements hold. I have talked not only the person who is marrying us but the county is which I get the license as well. Also, consent would be signing the marriage certificate. Vows are apart of the ceremony-there is no law that states how long your ceremony has to be between when you sign the marriage certificate.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

You DO realize you are playing with fire here....right? Barking up THE wrong tree on this one. You should know your fellow Knotties before making such comments.

nomadgrll · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:5e214eb0-808f-412a-90f2-8cf9731e6d3a">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I will not give you legal advice. But please look at case law. Marriages have been declared voidable for these reasons. Vows are just consent . There are no correct vows, but consent/vows must be given . She might be able to do that, but she needs to speak to a local lawyer. I would attack the validity of the marriage if someone told me no vows were exchanged. She needs to make sure it is legal. Because I have doubts.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

I am saying vows-just not at the time I sign the paperwork. And I am giving consent when I sign the paperwork. It is legal, I've spoken with the county (that is how Wa state is-you file with the county). It is all legal-Oh and besides, in Wa there is "common-law marriage". So even if the legal marriage was invalid-we still would be considered married in the State's eyes because of how long we have lived together.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:1153bd60-b022-4f10-aea3-cadd5fa3e014">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : I am saying vows-just not at the time I sign the paperwork. And I am giving consent when I sign the paperwork. It is legal, I've spoken with the county (that is how Wa state is-you file with the county). It is all legal-Oh and besides, in Wa there is "common-law marriage". So even if the legal marriage was invalid-we still would be considered married in the State's eyes because of how long we have lived together.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

Fine. But FYI county clerks are not lawyers & can't give you legal advice. So just because the county told you, doesn't mean sh!t. Clerks tell people wrong all the time. They are not lawyers

At least you have common law (most states don't). But I would still look at case law as to consent/ceremony, if you refuse to speak to a lawyer.

nomadgrll · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:3a1e75cf-acb0-4542-8fd6-caae3cc01912">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : Fine. But FYI county clerks are not lawyers & can't give you legal advice. So just because the county told you, doesn't mean sh!t. Clerks tell people wrong all the time. They are not lawyers At least you have common law (most states don't). But I would still look at case law as to consent/ceremony, if you refuse to speak to a lawyer.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

I agree that speaking with a lawyer is a good idea in most cases if you don't know about marriage in your state. I have done my research to make sure all is legal and it is.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:93020e02-0ab2-497c-9124-f56b60fdf6ab">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : I agree that speaking with a lawyer is a good idea in most cases if you don't know about marriage in your state. I have done my research to make sure all is legal and it is.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

WA= Washington state?

Um...yeah no common-law, honey. Talk to a lawyer.

OBX2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:93020e02-0ab2-497c-9124-f56b60fdf6ab">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : I agree that speaking with a lawyer is a good idea in most cases if you don't know about marriage in your state. I have done my research to make sure all is legal and it is.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

Apparently not.

Again.....you are barking up the wrong tree on this one so please stop while you are ahead.

In case you still don't want to listen to Red on this one.....

"In the state of Washington, there has never been a recognized common law marriage. The only marriages that Washington does recognize are those which are created by state license, through either a wedding or civil ceremony, and later made a public record."

greeneke2 · May 2011

I generally think that lying to anyone about anything is a bad idea. Especially about being married. I'm excited for the day when I will be married and be able to call my FI my husband and I would really hate to call him my FI when he was my husband for a whole year.

covejack · May 2011

OP, you're seriously thinking of getting married a year before your ceremony and then asking your friends and family to attend a fake event? Without telling them? That's lying.

If you tell everyone, and then have the event, then you're not lying. Get it?

GoodLuckBear14 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:93020e02-0ab2-497c-9124-f56b60fdf6ab">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : I agree that speaking with a lawyer is a good idea in most cases if you don't know about marriage in your state. I have done my research to make sure all is legal and it is.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

You may not be right even if you've done your research. You have no idea how many clients I've had who tried handling their own cases thinking they were good because they'd researched the law. By the time some of them got to me they were FUBAR.

You're getting a second opinion from another lawyer: Talk to licensed legal counsel!!!! There's a damn good reason we spend three years in law school and then sit for the mental marathon from hell called the bar exam(s). Law is more complicated than it seems.

nycheryl · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:eedbded7-1e41-4a19-8257-0588aa14d5cb">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : Do you seriously think I am stupid or ignorant? I know the state law in which the requirements hold. I have talked not only the person who is marrying us but the county is which I get the license as well. Also, consent would be signing the marriage certificate. Vows are apart of the ceremony-there is no law that states how long your ceremony has to be between when you sign the marriage certificate.
Posted by nomadgrll[/QUOTE]

OMG, huge grammar pet peeve.

Apart = separate (adverb)

A part = one portion (noun)

mrshellem2012 · May 2011

I read this post and comments and i think some people are saying things that she did not even say was happening.
1) she didnt say who she was and was not telling
2) she didnt say she was having mommy and daddy pay for her vowl renewal
3) she really did not say anything about having a someone "fake" marry them.
I think she is going to have the big celebration in a year, obviously we all know she can not get married again while still married to the same guy, so its like a big reception party so what. Who knows maybe she will tell everyone about the marriage and invite them to celebrate.
IMO there is nothing wrong with what she said becasue she did not say everything about the situation.

To answer your question no I have not personally done this but i have heard of people having ceremony at JOP and saving up to have a big reception party.

mrshellem2012 · May 2011

Also am from WA we do not have common law recognition in this state

greeneke2 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:3ede8ac3-ec33-4dc6-ad15-0330b4c8055d">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I read this post and comments and i think some people are saying things that she did not even say was happening. 1) she didnt say who she was and was not telling 2) she didnt say she was having mommy and daddy pay for her vowl renewal 3) she really did not say anything about having a someone "fake" marry them. I think she is going to have the big celebration in a year, obviously we all know she can not get married again while still married to the same guy, so its like a big reception party so what. Who knows maybe she will tell everyone about the marriage and invite them to celebrate. IMO there is nothing wrong with what she said becasue she did not say everything about the situation. To answer your question no I have not personally done this but i have heard of people having ceremony at JOP and saving up to have a big reception party.
Posted by mrshellem2012[/QUOTE]

She said that she was not sure how people would feel about them doing a JOP so very few people would know that they did it. So, IMHO that is lying when you invite people to your vow renewal and have them believe that they are coming to your wedding...That is just my opinion though.

mrshellem2012 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:1a40a95f-603b-4bf9-8ecd-1cd39439b5f0">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : She said that she was not sure how people would feel about them doing a JOP so very few people would know that they did it. So, IMHO that is lying when you invite people to your vow renewal and have them believe that they are coming to your wedding...That is just my opinion though.
Posted by greeneke2[/QUOTE]

That is desietful(spelling) you are right. The point i was making in response to some replys who were stateing persons she was deceiving. That is just putting words in someones mouth as she did not specify who she told and who she did not. I am not leaning either way just stating my opinions that i have noticed is all.

greeneke2 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:37b4c15e-275e-4e96-b30f-3cbfa03a0349">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception? : That is desietful(spelling) you are right. The point i was making in response to some replys who were stateing persons she was deceiving. That is just putting words in someones mouth as she did not specify who she told and who she did not. I am not leaning either way just stating my opinions that i have noticed is all.
Posted by mrshellem2012[/QUOTE]

Sorry I read it fast, I thought you were saying that she didn't say that she wasn't planning on telling anyone!

ESquared423 · May 2011

I haven't read through any of the other replies because it's late and I'm SO OVER reading these type of posts.

Lying. Is. Wrong.
You are going to hurt your family and friends and burn some bridges.
Some of your relationships will never be the same.
You only get one wedding day. You sign those papers = you are married.

If you and your FI are dead set on getting married this month then do it but BE TOTALLY OPEN AND HONEST about it. Then have an anniversary party or a vow renewal (I think VR at the one year mark are a little ridiculous, but whatever floats your boat, at least it's better than a fake wedding) the following year. If you want the big, white wedding, then wait. Don't be selfish.

BreeBenson · May 2011

That's what my FI and I are doing. We're going to the Courthouse on July 25th, then later on after I get home from Basic Training we're having the ceremony. It's not as big a deal as everyone else is making it out to be. "Personal Reasons," could be one's such as mine and Coys. Do whatever you need to do in order to be happy.

BreeBenson · May 2011

That's how it is here in GA. No vows are required.

BreeBenson · May 2011

There is this thing called "Renewing Your Vows," and people do this all the time. So no, she wouldn't have to divorce him to "Re-Marry," him. Unless she so desires.

BreeBenson · May 2011

Right, and who cares what anyone else thinks about you two getting married. If it makes you and him happy and you two love each other, screw everyone else and their opinions. It's your life.

klynette84 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_anyone-else-legally-married-before-having-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a0be19b7-6cbd-42aa-96c0-121ffbce039cPost:ca6a8563-0789-45b3-be4a-9690fd12cc15">Re: Anyone else 'legally married' before having ceremony & reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]There is this thing called "Renewing Your Vows," and people do this all the time. So no, she wouldn't have to divorce him to "Re-Marry," him. Unless she so desires.
Posted by BreeBenson[/QUOTE]

renewing vows=/=re-marrying/marrying

If you get married or "sign the paperwork", you are getting married. If/when you have a ceremony after that, you are renewing our vows.

With having a non-religious ceremony performed by an officiant, FI and I had to do a lot of research and a lot of calling for legal advice in IL and NC. For both states (not sure about other states), there are certain words you MUST say for a marriage to be legal.

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