NER - Consumption Bar

tanyamary627 · November 2012

Hi ladies, this is not E related but this is such an active board so I'm hoping you can help me out. My venue does not offer an open bar package w/ a set price pp, so we will be paying based on consumption. I'm trying to figure out approx how much to budget for the bar. I've looked at a few different sites/articles, and some are saying to estimate as much as 3 drinks for the first hour and 1 drink for every additional hour, which would be 7 drinks per person. Other info is saying to estimate 2.5 drinks per person. Our wedding will be held on a Saturday night and we are providing transportation back to the hotel. The guest list is a mix of older adults, 20-somethings, people who do not drink, and people who drink heavily. For any brides who have had consumption bars, what was your average # of drinks per person that was consumed? TIA!!

Peledreamsofrain · November 2012

We had quite the party at our reception, and the bill reached 1k by 10pm for 75. It really depends on your guests and what kind of crowd you have.

lyndausvi · November 2012

We didn't have a consumption bar.

Of course it depends on your crowd, but I think 2 drinks per hour for the first hours our and 1.5 for each addition hour is pretty safe. I find weddings have a good mix of light and heavy drinkers unlike if you were planning a frat party. So it tends to even out.

You might want to add an addition drink just to be safe.

SJM7538 · November 2012

What about instead of paying for the whole thing you take a portion of your wedding budget and just put it down on the bar? Just decide how much you want to spend and once it runs out it becomes cash bar at that point.

Thats what my fiance and I are doing. And a friend of mine did this a few years back. They put down $3000 and it lasted almost the entire night and they had a large guest list with a mixed crowd.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

My crowd drinks heavily. My family doesn't really drink, but I think our friends would make up for that swiftly. I would say most guys I know drink probably 2.5 drinks per hour, at least. The girls I know probably drink closer to 1.5. Does your venue allow shots? Shots can up the number of drinks considerably because you can do them so quickly. The last wedding I went to I literally don't remember because it was a Polish/Bulgarian event (uh, I assume that's typical in some capacity and I wasn't dragged into the twilight zone?), and the "wodka" shots were mandatory the way using wine to cheers at an Italian wedding would be. (There are photos of me asleep at the table. Not my finest moment.)

emeejeeayen · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:a23f4730-2f5f-469a-8b29-3fb477176ff6">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]What about instead of paying for the whole thing you take a portion of your wedding budget and just put it down on the bar? Just decide how much you want to spend and once it runs out it becomes cash bar at that point. Thats what my fiance and I are doing. And a friend of mine did this a few years back. They put down $3000 and it lasted almost the entire night and they had a large guest list with a mixed crowd.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't do this.</div>

beardownbchs · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:a23f4730-2f5f-469a-8b29-3fb477176ff6">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]What about instead of paying for the whole thing you take a portion of your wedding budget and just put it down on the bar? Just decide how much you want to spend and once it runs out it becomes cash bar at that point. Thats what my fiance and I are doing. And a friend of mine did this a few years back. They put down $3000 and it lasted almost the entire night and they had a large guest list with a mixed crowd.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

<div>No offense to you SJM, but I wouldn't advise doing this. Guests should never pay for anything at a wedding. Ever. I know this would not go over well with my crowd. Hell, we were all pretty pissed at last call at my brother's wedding a couple weeks ago (LOL). I would not be happy if all my drinks were free and then suddenly I had to pay. I don't even bring a purse to a lot of weddings.</div><div>
</div><div>I would grossly over-budget just so there's no sticker shock at the end of the night. </div>

lauralaur · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:a23f4730-2f5f-469a-8b29-3fb477176ff6">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]What about instead of paying for the whole thing you take a portion of your wedding budget and just put it down on the bar? Just decide how much you want to spend and once it runs out it becomes cash bar at that point. Thats what my fiance and I are doing. And a friend of mine did this a few years back. They put down $3000 and it lasted almost the entire night and they had a large guest list with a mixed crowd.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

I don't know about this, it kind of stinks when the drinks have been paid for all night and then suddenly you go to get a drink and get charged.

Our bar came in around $2k, we had 96 people, many of whom do not drink (to the point where we opted for the consumption bar) and we were not supplying top shelf liquors, might have been a step below that. I couldn't tell you how many drinks people had though, just what I owed them at the end of the night.

SJM7538 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:35fd5140-180c-4b0d-9ee4-d20d1452b5a6">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER - Consumption Bar : No offense to you SJM, but I wouldn't advise doing this. Guests should never pay for anything at a wedding. Ever. I know this would not go over well with my crowd. Hell, we were all pretty pissed at last call at my brother's wedding a couple weeks ago (LOL). I would not be happy if all my drinks were free and then suddenly I had to pay. I don't even bring a purse to a lot of weddings. I would grossly over-budget just so there's no sticker shock at the end of the night.
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

None taken. I have to disagree though - not everyone can afford to a pay for liqour for their guests or blow a huge portion of their budget on open bar. My little sister had a pretty tight budget and quite a large guest list. She had a cash bar for anything that contained liquor - everything else was free. So it was really a choice for her guests whether or not they wanted to drink. Should she have cut down on her guest list and not had people there she cared about in order to pay for booze?

Almost every wedding I've ever been to has been cash bar. For some brides open bar is just not an option - so what were there other option be? A dry wedding?

Sorry the venue we are talking in makes this come off a little snippy but I'm not trying to be that way. What would your alternative suggestions be?

lauralaur · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:8553f265-8ca0-46e2-b73b-135359808c72">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER - Consumption Bar : None taken. I have to disagree though - not everyone can afford to a pay for liqour for their guests or blow a huge portion of their budget on open bar. My little sister had a pretty tight budget and quite a large guest list. She had a cash bar for anything that contained liquor - everything else was free. So it was really a choice for her guests whether or not they wanted to drink. Should she have cut down on her guest list and not had people there she cared about in order to pay for booze? Almost every wedding I've ever been to has been cash bar. For some brides open bar is just not an option - so what were there other option be? A dry wedding? Sorry the venue we are talking in makes this come off a little snippy but I'm not trying to be that way. What would your alternative suggestions be?
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

The options would be to cut down on the guest list, or cut back the budget for favors or other probably unnecessary items, or offer beer and wine only or have a dry wedding. In our case, H was worried about the bar tab so he called the venue and downgraded the bar prior to the wedding, I wasn't thrilled about it, but at least it was still an open bar. It's not right to ask guests to open their wallets at an event that you are hosting for them. At the very least I really wouldn't recommend capping the bar, I know I wouldn't be pleased if I went up to get a drink and suddenly had to pay.

beardownbchs · November 2012

No, not snippy at all. LOL we're allowed to have different opinions.

Honestly, if I couldn't afford a bar, I'd either do a dry wedding or only beer and wine. From what I have learned in my wedding research, a guest should never be asked to pay for anything. If the couple cannot afford something, then they shouldn't have it at their wedding. You wouldn't ask them to pay for their dinner if you couldn't afford that - you'd do heavy hors d'ourvres (or however the hell you spell it) later in the evening or something else instead, right?

I'm personally having a smaller guest list so we can afford to have great food and drink, but we don't have a huge circle of friends, just a lot of family we never see.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:8553f265-8ca0-46e2-b73b-135359808c72">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER - Consumption Bar : None taken. I have to disagree though - not everyone can afford to a pay for liqour for their guests or blow a huge portion of their budget on open bar. My little sister had a pretty tight budget and quite a large guest list. She had a cash bar for anything that contained liquor - everything else was free. So it was really a choice for her guests whether or not they wanted to drink. Should she have cut down on her guest list and not had people there she cared about in order to pay for booze? Almost every wedding I've ever been to has been cash bar. For some brides open bar is just not an option - so what were there other option be? A dry wedding? Sorry the venue we are talking in makes this come off a little snippy but I'm not trying to be that way. What would your alternative suggestions be?
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You host what you can afford. If you cannot afford alcohol, your guests should not be asked to pay for it. Sometimes beer/wine is less expensive. I'm typically very lenient as far as etiquette rules, but cash bars are just incredibly tacky and weird.

</div>

SJM7538 · November 2012

All great points. I agree it stinks to have to pay for drinks at a wedding.

Maybe its different around here but I've never gone to a wedding and not brought cash with me. I go expecting to pay for my drinks and if its open bar then thats a bonus. I just see it as more of a choice to drink and its not something I should expect.

So my question on the beer and wine bar is this - what about your guests that don't drink beer or wine? I would be perfectly content drinking wine all night but my fiance does not drink beer and will have a glass of wine on occasion with dinner, but thats it. So what if he wants a mixed drink? Would it be considered rude to not offer him that option or make him pay for a mixed drink?

emeejeeayen · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:b99bba9a-0ea0-4764-b8c0-dfad86f1a19b">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]All great points. I agree it stinks to have to pay for drinks at a wedding. Maybe its different around here but I've never gone to a wedding and not brought cash with me. I go expecting to pay for my drinks and if its open bar then thats a bonus. I just see it as more of a choice to drink and its not something I should expect. So my question on the beer and wine bar is this - what about your guests that don't drink beer or wine? I would be perfectly content drinking wine all night but my fiance does not drink beer and will have a glass of wine on occasion with dinner, but thats it. So what if he wants a mixed drink? Would it be considered rude to not offer him that option or make him pay for a mixed drink?
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

<div>I would assume soft drinks or juice would be an option for him.</div><div>
</div><div>If you had friends over, would you ever say, "Hey do you want a cocktail?" and they'd say, "Yeah!" and you'd say, "Great! Gimme $7." It's just not a great situation. </div><div>
</div><div>On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with having a friend over and saying, "Hey do you want something to drink? I have water, juice, beer or wine - what would you prefer?" </div>

tanyamary627 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:a23f4730-2f5f-469a-8b29-3fb477176ff6">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]What about instead of paying for the whole thing you take a portion of your wedding budget and just put it down on the bar? Just decide how much you want to spend and once it runs out it becomes cash bar at that point. Thats what my fiance and I are doing. And a friend of mine did this a few years back. They put down $3000 and it lasted almost the entire night and they had a large guest list with a mixed crowd.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

SJM and I actually have the same venue! Having a cap is very common in our area, so is a cash bar. I went to 5 weddings this year; 1 was cash bar, 2 were capped limits, 1 was beer/wine, and 1 was hosted drinks during cocktail hour only. One of the capped bars turned to cash bar about 2 hours in, and the other lasted the whole night. I had to open my wallet at 3 of the 5 bars (and would have at the 4th if I wanted a mixed drink). Also, all of the bars had tip jars out, which I know was something that was brought up recently on the E board, and nothing that I would side eye. My FI always bring cash to a wedding if we want to drink since that's just how it typically is here.

We will likely place xx dollars down on the bar as well, but we want to calculate that budget based on the probable consumption amount. When we are close to reaching that number, the bartender will let us know and we can decide to keep it going past that. We want everyone to be able to drink all night, but also don't want to unexpectedly end up with a $10k bar tab.

tanyamary627 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:b99bba9a-0ea0-4764-b8c0-dfad86f1a19b">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]All great points. I agree it stinks to have to pay for drinks at a wedding. Maybe its different around here but I've never gone to a wedding and not brought cash with me. I go expecting to pay for my drinks and if its open bar then thats a bonus. I just see it as more of a choice to drink and its not something I should expect. So my question on the beer and wine bar is this - what about your guests that don't drink beer or wine? I would be perfectly content drinking wine all night but my fiance does not drink beer and will have a glass of wine on occasion with dinner, but thats it. <strong>So what if he wants a mixed drink? Would it be considered rude to not offer him that option or make him pay for a mixed drink?</strong>
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

Whenever this comes up, the concensus seems to be to not offer mixed drinks at all if the b&g aren't hosting them. But, I know my FI and his friends would rather pay to have a rum&coke, versus having the hosted beer, wine, soda, etc., and wouldn't find it rude of the b&g since they are offering some options.

SJM7538 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:d256a37b-996a-49db-b01d-ae2e1e37a8e8">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER - Consumption Bar : <strong>SJM and I actually have the same venue! Having a cap is very common in our area, so is a cash bar.</strong> I went to 5 weddings this year; 1 was cash bar, 2 were capped limits, 1 was beer/wine, and 1 was hosted drinks during cocktail hour only. One of the capped bars turned to cash bar about 2 hours in, and the other lasted the whole night. I had to open my wallet at 3 of the 5 bars (and would have at the 4th if I wanted a mixed drink). Also, all of the bars had tip jars out, which I know was something that was brought up recently on the E board, and nothing that I would side eye. My FI always bring cash to a wedding if we want to drink since that's just how it typically is here. We will likely place xx dollars down on the bar as well, but we want to calculate that budget based on the probable consumption amount. When we are close to reaching that number, the bartender will let us know and we can decide to keep it going past that. <strong>We want everyone to be able to drink all night, but also don't want to unexpectedly end up with a $10k bar tab.
</strong>Posted by tanyamary627[/QUOTE]

Ha! How funny is that?? When are you getting married?

I think this maybe comes down to it being common in some regions but not others because I've averaged going to about two weddings a year for the past 5 years and only two have been open bar. They were all capped or cash bar - and around here I think people tend to ask when they get to the wedding. All the capped bars I've been to I asked and the bar tenders would tell me its open bar until the cash runs out.

I agree with the second bolded part as well. I think you're smart to try and calculate it out. My fiance and I are just going to save whatever extra money we can and put that down on the bar. It will probaly end up being a few thousand.

tanyamary627 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:4604e338-8829-45cd-900d-0c9fe68904dd">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER - Consumption Bar : Ha! How funny is that?? When are you getting married?
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

June 1, we chatted on the western MA board, but I just changed my avatar today! I will let you know after my wedding how much we consume!

SJM7538 · November 2012

Oh and emeejeeayen - your dog is adorable! dachsund??

SJM7538 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:831636ee-b0c2-463d-b4de-21b19c2ff202">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER - Consumption Bar : June 1, we chatted on the western MA board, but I just changed my avatar today! I will let you know after my wedding how much we consume!
Posted by tanyamary627[/QUOTE]

I may have been spending a lot of time on these boards lately so thats why I don't remember!

But I'm glad I don't feel crazy anymore for thinking a capped bar at a wedding is normal.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:1dc3d2af-36ce-4929-8d08-bb945c627253">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and emeejeeayen - your dog is adorable! dachsund??
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep! Her name is Wookie, and she solicits belly rubs from strangers. </div><div>
</div><div><img style="width:582px;height:388px;" class="spotlight" src="http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/310109_10100540548593089_318859_n.jpg" alt="" /></div>

RMcDougle · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:9fe71b3b-5d36-4211-9e9f-9f1f509d7086">Re: NER - Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NER - Consumption Bar : Whenever this comes up, the concensus seems to be to not offer mixed drinks at all if the b&g aren't hosting them. But, I know my FI and his friends would rather pay to have a rum&coke, versus having the hosted beer, wine, soda, etc., and wouldn't find it rude of the b&g since they are offering some options.
Posted by tanyamary627[/QUOTE]

I would ditto this. Based on my experience/area: If you can afford to purchase keg beer and offer hosted beer and soda but still have a cash bar for mixed drinks, I would consider that generous. At least this way you're offering some drinks to the guests, but if they wish to purchase something different they can! It's there choice to spend money if they want, but it's not necessary to in order to have a drink. So to have a capped $ would just be that much more generous, I think.

And imo, this is a far better option than a dry wedding! I promise you, more people would be upset about a dry (evening) wedding reception than having to pay for some types of drinks.

allychase · November 2012

Ugh thank god I don't live in an area where its normal to completely break etiquette. Guests should never have to pay for something at a party. Ever, ever.... Ever. If you were charging for drinks at a BBQ that's totally unacceptable so I don't understand why people think its ok at weddings. And I HATE that BS line.. Not everyone can afford it. Uh, ok, so if I can't afford centerpieces with 4 dozen roses should I have a jar out on the table for everyone to help me pay because I wanted them to have something nice on their table but couldn't afford it? Or should the guests be handed a bill at the end of the night for the filet mignon because I couldn't afford it? Spin it however you want but cash bar is no exception. It's, you want to appear to have all the bells and whistles of a fun wedding but can't afford it so put the bill on your guests. Be the exception to the rule in your area, maybe others will follow suit and change the norm.

allychase · November 2012

Id also love to see how it plays out when at 10 pm all the sudden you have to pay for drinks and no one is aware. So your guest orders another drink, bartender says, Okay that's 7 dollars, and your guest has no money on them.. That's embarrassing. And this would always be the case if it were to happen to me because I don't carry cash in my wristlet when I go to weddings. I'd be pissed off and probably inclined to soon leave because I have to pay for something at a party I was invited to.

1mobags · November 2012

We are also putting 2k on the bar and then convert to cash bar. We are hosting wine with dinner. It's a tough call. Open bars in the Boston area are like $20pp per hour thats $100 per person for the reception just for drinks! Whether they are drinking alcohol or not. The wine is $12pp whether they drink it or not. I've only been to one open bar wedding the rest were cocktail only or cash. We figured if we paid by consumption we may get longer than the cocktail hour (2k)..... Tough call again but I'm finding some people don't take into consideration regional practices. A cash bar here is pretty much expected.

MyNameIsNot · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:5e8bdaa4-1fe4-4cdd-8541-025762a64c62">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Id also love to see how it plays out when at 10 pm all the sudden you have to pay for drinks and no one is aware. So your guest orders another drink, bartender says, Okay that's 7 dollars, and your guest has no money on them.. That's embarrassing. And this would always be the case if it were to happen to me because I don't carry cash in my wristlet when I go to weddings. I'd be pissed off and probably inclined to soon leave because I have to pay for something at a party I was invited to.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

<div>That happened to me at a wedding once. I didn't even have my purse with me. No one in my group had been rude enough to have a cash bar until then, so I didn't know what to think. Not only did I order a drink for myself, but I had volunteered to grap drinks for two other people (that I didn't know) who were sitting at our table. Luckily, an acquaintance happened to be close enough that he bailed me out and paid for the drinks. I paid him back, but I was too embarrassed by the whole situation to ask the others at our table for money. </div><div>
</div><div>Cash bars are rude, no matter where you are or who your friends are. It's a shame that so many people are so used to rude behavior that they excuse it. If you run out of money for the bar, close it. Asking your guests to pay for it is no better than asking them to pay for the centerpieces, the dinner or the DJ. If you can't afford it, you don't have it at your wedding. You don't ask your guests to pay for what you want but can't afford.</div>

SJM7538 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:979a5e3a-1679-4fd0-ac9e-889b91eb7efc">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh thank god I don't live in an area where its normal to completely break etiquette. Guests should never have to pay for something at a party. Ever, ever.... Ever. If you were charging for drinks at a BBQ that's totally unacceptable so I don't understand why people think its ok at weddings. <strong>And I HATE that BS line.. Not everyone can afford it. Uh, ok, so if I can't afford centerpieces with 4 dozen roses should I have a jar out on the table for everyone to help me pay because I wanted them to have something nice on their table but couldn't afford it? Or should the guests be handed a bill at the end of the night for the filet mignon because I couldn't afford it</strong>? Spin it however you want but cash bar is no exception. It's, you want to appear to have all the bells and whistles of a fun wedding but can't afford it so put the bill on your guests. Be the exception to the rule in your area, maybe others will follow suit and change the norm.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

This depends on the bride and the budget. All my center pieces are DIY and rather inexpensive. all the other decor my mom is paying for. So yes I will have center pieces - afforable ones but I still cant afford an open bar for all 200 of my guests. So what difference does that make? Cutting out center pieces and skipping favors doesn't make me so much richer that I can afford an open bar.

SJM7538 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:5e8bdaa4-1fe4-4cdd-8541-025762a64c62">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Id also love to see how it plays out when at 10 pm all the sudden you have to pay for drinks and no one is aware. So your guest orders another drink, bartender says, Okay that's 7 dollars, and your guest has no money on them.. That's embarrassing. And this would always be the case if it were to happen to me because I don't carry cash in my wristlet when I go to weddings. <strong>I'd be pissed off and probably inclined to soon leave because I have to pay for something at a party I was invited to.</strong>
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

So are you saying that if you had a close friend who was getting married and you had to pay for a drink you would up and leave her wedding because you couldnt have an alcoholic beverage for free? I'd be pretty hurt if I found out this was the reasons a guest left my wedding.

And as others have said, cash and capped bars are common in our area. So I go to a wedding with cash and if not most places take plastic now a days. I expect to pay for a drin,k and if I don't have to, then great, the bartender will most likely advise me that it will turn to cash at some point.

dtbluv · November 2012

I have never been to a cash bar wedding.
When I had a round of friends get married just out of school, all the weddings were beer and wine only (one had the WP hint that bringing flasks would be a fantastic idea). As I've gotten older I've noticed people switching to beer, wine, and signature cocktail or open bar, but nobody has ever done a cash bar.

If you're worred about budget just do a beer and wine event, add a signature cocktail if you feel like it. Or just break down and do an open bar.

emeejeeayen · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:f0abed39-6f6f-4500-9ed4-b68d45314e91">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : This depends on the bride and the budget. All my center pieces are DIY and rather inexpensive. all the other decor my mom is paying for. So yes I will have center pieces - afforable ones but I still cant afford an open bar for all 200 of my guests. So what difference does that make? Cutting out center pieces and skipping favors doesn't make me so much richer that I can afford an open bar.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

<div>I guess my issue with it is, IDK, let's pretend you're having a dinner party for 8 people.</div><div>
</div><div>You want to look like the excellent, snazzy hostess so you go buy salmon or filet minon, really expensive red wine, etc. Everyone is loving the food, having a blast. But it was too expensive for your budget - would you then ask them to pay up? </div><div>
</div><div>A wedding reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your wedding vows, so they really should be taken care of that day and not be asked to open up their wallets.</div><div>
</div><div>I do see it both ways - honestly, I'd rather pay for a drink at a wedding than be sober - but I would sooner cut all flowers, decorations, etc, before having a cash bar. I think cash bars are fine for corporate events, but this is a wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>You host what you can afford. </div>

1mobags · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ner-consumption-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:846f4fc4-ea39-4f18-aea6-8d79a6efdba2Post:153624e1-c4cc-4b3a-a60b-024188bfc310">Re:NER Consumption Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:NER Consumption Bar : So are you saying that if you had a close friend who was getting married and you had to pay for a drink you would up and leave her wedding because you couldnt have an alcoholic beverage for free? I'd be pretty hurt if I found out this was the reasons a guest left my wedding. And as others have said, cash and capped bars are common in our area. So I go to a wedding with cash and if not most places take plastic now a days. I expect to pay for a drin,k and if I don't have to, then great, the bartender will most likely advise me that it will turn to cash at some point.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

I'm backing you up here because when I was debating doing the open bar for two hours people actually told me not to waste my money because they always expect to pay. People that are calling you rude are amazingly rude themselves. This is why I try to stay off this board. Regional differences are huge. Should I not invite my family to my wedding because our immediate families are 100 people. Isn't limiting their drinks rude? Open bar for my family would be ten thousand dollars. It's Boston not Idaho.

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