Something to do between wedding and reception?

cmelongrl223 · January 2010

Although we have not chosen a start time for wedding ceremony, my fiance and I were concerned about having too long of a gap between the ceremony and the reception, especially since we have quite a few out-of-town guests. Sometimes when you book a church, you are booking the "whole" church. We are having a mini reception in the social hall of the church after the ceremony...punch, cookies, etc. to hold our guests over until the cocktail hour starts at the reception. Our families think it's a good idea...especially since our reception is being held only 5 minutes away from the church. We didn't want our guests to have to go back to the hotel. Besides there would be waay too many people to invite them to my parents house or my fiance's house.

banana468 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:50443dfa-e7a9-41a6-8706-32d822329511">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Something to do between wedding and reception? : for people who may have gaps will probably no longer ask for advice if all is going to do have them be told their rude. again your missing the point of the post for ideas.
Posted by katiebabie1110[/QUOTE]

Plenty of people DID give ideas with what to do during the gap. I know I myself did.

The point is that the gap itself is rude to guests. Do you think that in the future, people should not be told that what they're planning is going to come off as rude?

Wouldn't you rather know in advance from plenty of unbiased people that you're about to offend your guests rather than actually offend them?

And what is your actual solution here? You've criticized posters but you've offered no actual advice on your part.

Katie829 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:cfe92d6a-f5d1-4395-9a25-1bcd4c0504f8">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Something to do between wedding and reception? : Plenty of people DID give ideas with what to do during the gap. I know I myself did. The point is that the gap itself is rude to guests. Do you think that in the future, people should not be told that what they're planning is going to come off as rude? Wouldn't you rather know in advance from plenty of unbiased people that you're about to offend your guests rather than actually offend them? And what is your actual solution here? You've criticized posters but you've offered no actual advice on your part.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

if you go back to my original post in which i state: I don't know what your guest are like, would they be open to games and fun things. Maybe a scavengar hunt or some kind of social event that included everyone. After your friends and family know eachother, not too hard to have a conversation. Good luck and hopefully some other posts may give you suggestions like you asked for.
I did give advice!

banana468 · January 2010

OK. Good point - you did give advice.

The issue is that the OP DOES need to host something in the interim. To create a gap with nothing hosted means that she's not taking care of their guests.

And some gaps aren't avoidable. But when you purposely have one, it's sending a rather ugly message.

aerinpegadrak · January 2010

If someone comes here asking for advice on how to remove their eyeballs and replace them with bubble gum, they're not going to get pointers on technique, they're going to get a bunch of people saying "That's a really bad idea." It's an open message board, it's not up to you to control how people respond.

cinderblock23 · January 2010

In my neck of the woods a gap between the ceremony and reception is very common. I think I've only gone to two weddings where there wasn't a gap.
I am having a two hour gap. All the guests who are staying at the hotel can go back and get ready for the reception (many times if you have a gap the guests will show up a little more casual for the church). My parents are going to be with me taking pictures, but they are opening up their house to anyone who wants to go. I believe they're going to have light food, etc. One of my aunt's will be at the house taking care of everything.
I do not think it's at all rude. The latest the church would have a ceremony is 2:00 PM. There is a 5:00 PM Mass and confession before Mass.

cinderblock23 · January 2010

Looking around at churches isn't usually an option. Most people get married in the church where they grew up.

cinderblock23 · January 2010

It's not just a Wisconsin thing. I'm from New Jersey and I've done it on many occassions.
When the ceremony is over we go to a bar and hang out until it's time for cocktail hour.

missmaryesq · January 2010

i concur with cinderblock23. the gap is sometimes unavoidable, especially when you are having a church ceremony. i have not yet formally set the precise time for my ceremony, but it's at a catholic church and the latest we can do it is 3pm; however my reception doesn't begin until 530pm. the ceremony will last only 30-40 minutes, so we can't do anything about the gap.

the majority of our guests will be coming from out of town, and will likely go back to the hotel and freshen up, and to catch the shuttles we'll be providing to get them to the reception. and we'll encourage the other guests to hang out there to kill time as well.

i don't think it's rude; it's simply a matter of logistics. nearly every wedding i've been to has had a gap of anywhere from 1-2.5 hours, and it's never been the end of the world. you figure it out and make it work, especially if it's your family member or friend and you care about being there for their most important day.

banana468 · January 2010

The thing is though, from the guest's point of view, sure you "deal".

But as a good host, your job is to ensure that they don't have to worry about "dealing". In a perfect world, there is no gap. OR, if you're stuck with one, you host something for them so that they don't have to 'deal' with that gap and instead they know that their hosts have taken the needs of their guests into consideration.

megk8oz · January 2010

To all the PPs that seem to think our issue is with the gap created by having a church ceremony: it's not. Many people have stated that they "get it" when it comes to that.

Everybody's beef is with the fact that part of (Again, if not all of, since the OP never specified) this gap is being intentionally created by the bride so she can go have fun with her WP on a trolley tour for 3 hours instead entertaining all of her guests. 3 hours is entirely too long, when at least some of the time can be shaved off if.

You don't need 3 hours just for BP/B&G pics, most girls here can tell you that most of their posed pics didn't take even 1 full hour. If you "need" 3 hours for pics, then you either got a crappy photographer or you have narcissism issues.

ElayneJC · January 2010

We are having a two hour gap. It is not my first choice, but the Catholic church we are marrying in will not do a later ceremony for us. The reception venue is about 20 minutes away, so I guess in some ways you could say it is closer to an hour and a half. I've actually been to three Catholic weddings this year and all had bigger gaps than that because of the church schedule. I was not engaged for any of them, and I can say as a guest I just got with other guests and we hung out. It really wasn't a huge deal. Nobody seemed at all put off. We all just enjoyed each other's company. These days, a lot of churches have a Saturday PM mass, making it impossible to do later ceremonies. If folks don't want to come to our ceremony because of that, I guess that is fine - after all, how would I really even know if they didn't? LOL. I certainly hope the schedule doesn't offend any of my guests, but I guess anything is possible. I suppose if they think it is so bad, they can decline our invitation. I think that would be a sad reason, but I guess you can't please all the people all the time.

flutgrl1 · January 2010

to someone who suggested people would change between events. your wedding is not a fashion show. I get dressed once. the next time I change it will be into my Pjs.

also I will not play games. I am an adult not a child. give me food and drink or let me go home. thank you.

bullentini · January 2010

Try having a photobooth and lots of snacks available. At my wedding, there will be a two hour gap due to pictures and such, and that is what I'm going with to occupy the guests' time. I'm also putting up an informal slideshow of pictures that will play near the bar area as another filler for time to anyone who cares to watch it.

Also, I'm making it very clear that dinner won't be served until 2 hours after the ceremony (6pm), so my guests can do what they please during that time.

banana468 · January 2010

A two hour gap due to pictures and such?

Unless you're having that as the cocktail hour, can you bring it to one?

ElayneJC · January 2010

I wasn't sure if the question was for me, but my two hour gap is just a matter of the church schedule and the reception place schedule. I guess what I mean to say is, if it was all just up to me, I would have my guests at cockatil hour while I did pictures, but the church is very strict about the ceremony times due to Sat night mass, so it is what it is. Plus, it isn't like it is some random church - it is actually the church we go to every Sunday, so switching that just to shave the gap time down doesn't seem right to me. I personally have never even been "miffed" by a gap, but I guess I can see how some people would be. I guess I would be miffed if I found out that the gap was totally avoidable. But in the past few weddings I've been to, I'd say we either took a nap at the hotel, had cocktails with other guests at a local place, and even in one case I changed from a church dress to a party dress. I agree that "no gap" is ideal, but I think you just do the best you can. Treat your guests to the best time you possibly can and at the end of the night they'll remember the amazing hospitality at your reception and forget about the gap. I'd hope anyway.

engagedvegan · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:344fd2f1-5887-49ba-9456-c806a8224662">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]...Taking pictures for a wedding is not like being out with your girlfriends and getting some stranger to snap a digital photo. The photos are extremely time consuming... But in the end you have to do what is right for you (and usually your families) May I remind most of you that this was a bride looking for ideas on how to entertain her guests during that gap (she isn't just saying screw them they can wait), not an opportunity for most of you to bash her decision.
Posted by felicia220[/QUOTE]

I thought the replies were harsh too. Not everyone is going to have the same schedule. It would be difficult if people are from out of town, yes and especially if the attire is formal...but that's what it looks like is trying to be worked out.
Another thing is..I think it's rude to just come to the reception. The main event is the WEDDING -that's the ceremony.
Good luck!

banana468 · January 2010

engagedvegan, I think most people DO think that it's rude to just go to the reception however if there is a huge gap, many people aren't going to get all dressed up with nowhere to go for hours on end. That doesn't make the guests' behavior appropriate but they also have to do what makes sense if they're not going to be at a hosted event.

That makes even MORE sense when they're just local enough to not need a hotel but too far from home to go back to do something. I've been in that boat and I spent the afternoon getting my clothing wrinkled in someone's home just stting around and waiting for the reception.

If they ARE hosting something in the gap, that's huge and often all that they need to do. But leaving guests on their own isn't appropriate or nice.

banana468 · January 2010

Felicia, why does the entire statement need to be quoted if the point you're making in one aspect is the only thing that needs to be referenced? It just adds to an already long post.

ceilidhsaunders · January 2010

I'm getting married in Paris in July. We have a 2 hour gap in between our reception and ceremony. Between the ceremony my to-be-husband and I are going to be getting pictures taken with the photographer around Paris. In the mean time, my wedding planner suggested that we book a van for our guests and hire a tour guide to show them around the city. I thought it was a great idea as it would keep our guests occupied and give them an insiders view into the city of Paris as we have our wedding day pictures taken.

The_Resa · January 2010

I know it's your wedding but a 3 hour gap between ceremony and reception is a really bad idea. Maybe you should do that stuff before the wedding, or at least some of it. Some people may not know their way around town and don't want to drive around, some poeple also may not be able to afford to go out and do things during that time. Also if you just have a long cocktail hour a lot of people are going to be really drunk when you show up for the reception!

I went to a wedding like this last month. I was really cold here in Ohio and we didnt know our way around the town so we just went to the reception venue. I was sooo bored and ended up wishing I had just missed the ceremony or not come at all.

trishann10 · January 2010

I would suggest looking into local entertainment. Maybe your guests could ride on a trolley as well and then afterwards you can have a cocktail hour for just an hour right before your ceremony starts. Guests will be able to mingle, eat, drink, find their table...

In addition, I've seen individuals use cigar rolling, photo booths, and other time taking favors.

I hope this helps! Best wishes!!

Ko's Queen · January 2010

trivia/interactive games w host, slideshows/memory presentations, arts/crafts, guestbook activities, guest appreciation ceremony, extended cocktail hour/open bar,

JHS16 · January 2010

If it's on a weekend, there is bound to be some sort of sports game on so you could rent a party room with a tv. Alternatively, you could show a short movie. I'm also having a 1.5 to 2 hour gap between our ceremony and reception, unfortunately due to capacity and venue schedules. However, we're lucky enough that our ceremony location is a garden conservatory, so we're giving free passes to all our guests for viewing of all the exhibits, including a rare butterfly exhibit, and providing a juice bar to kill some time before heading to cocktails a half mile away. Since the hotel is right next to our reception venue, we're also considering a party room.

My aunt and uncle invited guests to play croquet at their wedding, and I remember that being a fun time with no complaints from guests.

plainolmccarty · March 2010

WOW! I asked this a few months ago and forgot about it. I just now found it, and holy cow, I started some discusion! For those who are asking, here is the deal:

This was not my decision, "I'm going to make everyone wait forever so we can party!" No. Not at all how it was. We had issues with the reception hall letting us start earlier than 7, but it has been worked out.
Yes, it is a Catholic mass. They would not have the wedding after 2, so it will be over by 3:15. After the receiving line, most people will get out of the church parking lot by 4. We were able to talk to the hotel and get a cocktail hour from 5:30-6:30. So, the guests will only have to wait about an hour and a half, which isn't bad. The reception is at the ballroom at a hotel, and most OOT guests are staying there, so they can go back to their room and drink, freshen up, etc. IT guests will have no issues.
This gives us time to get good pictures. With 18 in our wedding party plus a flower girl, it might take a while to get good pictures, so we need ample time.
And I agree with the girls on here, in the midwest it is almost unheard of to NOT have a gap. When would we take pictures? Certainly NOT before. That's literally blasphemy here, to do it beforehand. How can you take wedding pictures when you're not married? And you CAN'T see each other before the wedding. That's just our traditional culture. I'm sorry if you East Coasters don't understand that.
Furthermore, I think it is rude to be pissed at someone for having a long gap. IT'S THEIR WEDDING DAY. They need to do what they need to do. Every situation is different. You can't judge them because of how long the gap is. THAT is rude. To start the reception off in a bad mood and leave early is ridiculous! I have been to countless weddings with a 2 hour + gap and it has never been a problem. I would hope that my guests would kind enough to come to the ceremony and reception both, and be happy to be there.

Thanks everyone!

banana468 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:c420636f-2043-469d-8022-a528e699f930">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm sorry if you East Coasters don't understand that. Furthermore, I think it is rude to be pissed at someone for having a long gap. IT'S THEIR WEDDING DAY. They need to do what they need to do. Every situation is different. You can't judge them because of how long the gap is. THAT is rude. To start the reception off in a bad mood and leave early is ridiculous! I have been to countless weddings with a 2 hour + gap and it has never been a problem. I would hope that my guests would kind enough to come to the ceremony and reception both, and be happy to be there. Thanks everyone!
Posted by plainolmccarty[/QUOTE]

This has NOTHING to do with the coast. I'll judge you as a guest if you're rude to me. It may be your wedding but there's no day that it's acceptable to be rude to others.

Ever.

MeaghanandMichael · March 2010

ATTENTION EVERY ONE: If your reception venue will not move up their times to accommodate your mass schedule, you need to find another reception. I know that may make some of you spin off the planet in wonder, but it really can and should be done.

And Banana has been nothing but completely candid and classy with her responses. Just because she is holding the mirror of self righteous wedding nonsense to your face does not mean she is wrong or mean. You can not subject your guests to a gap and remain a caring and gracious hostess. You must find another way to plan your day.

But I am a big bad east coaster with a manners stick up my butt. What do I know.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:694ec282-2dc1-49a0-b1be-d4f82254235d">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]ATTENTION EVERY ONE: If your reception venue will not move up their times to accommodate your mass schedule, you need to find another reception. I know that may make some of you spin off the planet in wonder, but it really can and should be done.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Gaps are rude. All these pages of justifications, and it is still nothing but selfish and rude.</div><div>
</div><div>If you don't care enough about your guests to treat them right, you shouldn't be inviting them to your wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm shocked at how many selfish brides would have their guests sit around and wait, because "it's my day!!!" People who behave this way are what's wrong with this country.</div>

elfitzpa · March 2010

I went to 2 weddings with long gaps a couple years ago. One couple left us to our own devices up in Burlington but mentioned a few local places to visit (Ben & Jerry's, Magic Hat, etc.) over the weekend, so we went to the brewery in our dresses in between. The other couple got married along the coast in Mass and the guests got taken on a really nice bus tour of the surrounding waterfront towns, complete with a stop at a really old pub. Both were fun ways to spend the downtime.

Lasairiona · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_something-between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fbfcd005-fa0a-45a2-ba93-27eb6a89b92ePost:9bacaf8b-dd21-43d7-808d-6c5bc7ddb176">Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I went to 2 weddings with long gaps a couple years ago. One couple left us to our own devices up in Burlington but mentioned a few local places to visit (Ben & Jerry's, Magic Hat, etc.) over the weekend, so we went to the brewery in our dresses in between. The other couple got married along the coast in Mass and the guests got taken on a really nice bus tour of the surrounding waterfront towns, complete with a stop at a really old pub. Both were fun ways to spend the downtime.
Posted by elfitzpa[/QUOTE]
In the first situation, leaving you to your own devices for any period of time was wrong on their part and highly offensive. The second situation you described mentions the couple providing entertainment. While it's still not ideal because there should never be any justifiable reason for a gap of any length, at least they were making sure that you had something to do and not leaving you to entertain yourselves. There is a world of difference between the two. Nearly everyone who has posted above advocating a gap is also advocating the first situation where guests are left on their own to kill time, which is unacceptable.

Something to do between wedding and reception?

Re: Something to do between wedding and reception?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards